KaiRayRayKai Productions
by konfizkate91
Summary: Some homemade videos that two REALLY bored bladers can make in their spare time. Swearing Flames welcome. NOT YAOI. My third comeback!
1. number 83

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own: Beyblade, Candid Camera, PBS, Elmo, Sawgwa the Chinese Siamese Cat, and Scotties Kleenex.(for ch.1 at least) konfizkate91 does own KaiRayRayKai Productions

Video camera is filming Kai who is not aware that he is being filmed by Ray. Tyson is seen running back and forth on the roof and screaming.

Kai,laughing insanely, screams "Look at that bitch run!!"

"Kai, I know this hard for you, but, smile! You re on Candid Camera!" Ray says.

"Oh good, you got the camera. Hello! This is KaiRayRayKai Production number 83..." Kai starts.

"I hate you Kai!!!" screams Tyson.

"I'm Kai and this is Ray filming."

Ray turns the camera to himself and screams "OH MY GOD, I M RAY!" and turns back to Kai.

"Good job, genius." Kai remarks.

Max and Kenny come running outside.

"Holy crap, Kai what did you do this time?" questions Max.

"Oh sure, blame me becuz I m the one who doesn t like him."

"Well, yeah," says Kenny.

"Will you get on with it!?" Ray gets impatient.

"Oh yeah! Well, while Tyson was sleeping, I put him on the roof, which was hard to do since he eats so bloody much and he weighs more than I do! Anyway, before that, Ray and I watched three weeks of PBS for kids to find out the coldest day would be. We found out from Elmo that today would be the hottest. So we decided to change our plans and to eat crackers cuz we were damn hungry after watching a three hour marathon of Ray s ancestors, and dude are they ugly!" explains Kai.

"Hey, that was 'Sawgwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat'...oops. I got it."

"Is that when and why you punched Kai s arm?" asks Max who is eating crackers.

"No, there was a bug on his arm, and I crushed that multi-legged bastard silly!" exclaims Ray.

"Oh, a bird! Maybe it can get me off!" Tyson jumps toward bird but falls back on the roof. "Oww!"

Ray turns the camera toward himself and says "The reason why Tyson is running and screaming in pain is becuz, after Kai and I found out about today being 40 degrees, we taped aluminum foil to the roof. And at 40 degrees that foil can get pretty hot. And he woke up to this."

"But why the hell would you do this? Is there something seriously wrong with you!?" screams Kenny.

"Naw, just really bored," answers Ray calmly.

"You could have just trained, you jackass!" Kenny shrieks.

"No, that s way too boring. I m superior to Tyson and ... hey, are you mocking my ... Kai what s the word I m looking for?"

"Talent?" Kai guesses.

"Yeah, my talent?!"

"You have no talent!!! Just me! I build the blades and all you guys ever do is just yell at them!"

"Why doesn't he just jump off the roof?" suggests Max.

Kai runs up to Max and punches him. Then covers his mouth. "Sshhh, he hasn t thought of that!"

"Mmph mmn hmp monhf?" was Max s muffled sentence.

Kai takes his hand away. "Wha?"

"Why did you have to punch me?"

"...dunno, I was caught up in the moment."

Hilary comes outside and stares for a few minutes at Tyson running and screaming.

"Kenny, what the fuck is happening? Are Ray and Kai doing another production?" she asks.

"Yep. And once again they re going to bribe me into doing sound FX for them."

"Did I need to know that?"

Kenny pops an anti-depressant into his mouth "No, not really. Gross, these taste like shit!"

"You didn t have to spit it at me, you hobbit!!"

Cracks are heard from the roof and Tyson s screaming becomes louder and more frantic.

"Ray, I didn t plan this. What s going on?" Kai asks a little worried that something went wrong.

"I planned it. I put small firecrackers under the foil. I guess they re only popping now."

"Sweet! You re brilliant! You re sadistic!"

Kai and Ray do secret hand shake that is invisible to the naked eye cuz it s secret, right? Anyway, a firecracker pops under Tyson s foot causing him to lose balance and falls of the roof and is knocked out when he hits the ground,

"Aw, damn. Our fun is over. Kai, I wanna cry." Ray complains.

"It s okay, man. Be soft. Be strong. Well, not the soft part," Kai says as he holds out a box of Scotties Kleenex.

Ray pretends to cry. "Wwaaaaaa (takes breath) aaaa I m done."

"Good. I couldn t take it anymore."

"Dude, it was like four seconds."

"Let s try this again, Ray. I couldn t..."

"Okay, okay."

"So, what do you plan on doing, now?" asks Max.

"They re probably going to kick him or something," says Kenny.

"Or throw him in the middle of a highway," guesses Hilary.

"They re all great ideas, but we stick to our plans and those aren t our plans so we re done. Let s wrap this up," says Ray.

"Yeah. Well, later folks. Hoped you enjoyed our torturing of Tyson. Tune in next time for another KaiRayRayKai Production. I m Kai ..."

Ray turns the camera towards himself, "OH MY GOD and I M RAY!" and turns the camera back to Kai.

"... yeah, well, later!"

p.s. remember flames are welcome


	2. number 58

Thanks to all who reviewed me, They were greatly appreciated. Mention you're favorite parts so konfizkate91 can work on it. Thanks once again!!!

Disclaimer: i don't own Beyblade.

Kai and Ray are in a closet. Ray is holding up a flashlight to his face so that he can be seen.

Ray whispers "Hey, everyone. This KaiRayRayKai Production number 58. I'm everyone's favorite half-cat half-human, Ray."

Kai turns camera around "I'm everyone's favorite bad boy Kai." and turns back to Ray.

Ray says "And today is, yep, you guessed it, Tyson's birthday. And Kai and I got him something special. Now, we're gonna get out of this closet, which I don't know why we're in."

"Secrecy, dude, secrecy!"

"Sshhh! Whatever, let's go."

They leave the closet and leave the house to go outside.

"The surprise should be here, soon." Ray says with his hands on his sides.

"Do you want to tell us about it?"

"Fuck, Kai! Did you hear me? 'Surprise' means you don't know until it's in your face."

"Hey guys, whatta ya doin'?" says Max out of nowhere.

Ray screams a high-pitched girly scream "Aahhh! Max, you scared...um...that...poor defenseless...bug! Kai, zoom up on that frightened poor defenseless bug!"

Kai zooms up on bug on the porch. "Dude, I think it's dead. You screamed like a school-girl."

"Max you scared it to de...oh, that's it!" Ray goes up toward Kai.

"What, your gonna hit me?!" Kai challenges.

"Yeah, man (Jamaican style) want a cookie?"

"Sure, cool."

"So what's the surprise?" asks Max as he takes and eats the cookie that should have gone to Kai.

Kai sniffles and makes an adorable Kai face. "You took my cookie!!!" and he starts crying, drops the camera, and has a tantrum which is caught on tape.

Max coughs up his half eaten cookie. "Here Kai, you son of a bitch."

"Fuck you, I don't want that!" and he punches Max.

"Get out of my face, Max. You disgust me. You make me ashamed to know you." Ray growls at him.

"Oookay" Max says as he goes away. He goes inside to the rest of the gang. "Guys, I think Kai and Ray have been drinking again."

"We don't drink!" yells Ray.

"Is it Kai's Russian vodka?" guesses Tyson.

"Or Ray's Chinese sake?" asks Hilary.

"Or some other alcohol that they've grown fond of?" assumes Kenny.

" You fucking birds, we don't drink!!" Ray screams again in their defence.

"Dunno, but they're scarier than ever." answers Max.

"Are they coming in for cake?" asks Tyson.

"B'oh. I think they said something about a surprise." Max sits down on the dojo floor.

Tyson, Kenny and Hilary shout at once "Oh no!"

Back outside...

"Ray, is that a fire truck?"

"Ye-yeah."

"Dude, do you ever wonder if, at night, when you look up at a star, if someone else is looking up at that same star? Someone far away from you?"

"Well, actually Kai, you don't have to wait 'till night to look up at a star. Stars are in the sky 24/7, 365 days a year, even on leap years. You just can't see them becuz that selfish son of a bitch sun is just too damn bright. Speaking of which, there's a guy coming toward us from the truck."

"... forget I told you anything." Kai says as they go toward the truck.

The guy from the truck says "Hi, I'm Francis. Where can I find Roy and Karl?"

"Um, Ray and Kai, dude. And that's us." says Ray.

"Great. You got fire-fighter fiendish Frank. He LOVES to boogie with the boys!"

"He better stay away from us, cuz we have enough fan-girls. He has a girlfriend. I need one." warns Kai.

"I warned him already. He's here for Tyson's birthday, right?"

"Yep." answers Ray.

"Good sign here and he'll be ready."

After signing, a man dressed in trousers comes from the truck with a short hose.

Ray gets very disgusted at this. "Oh, gross, dude, he has a hose! Aahhh!!" he starts running around in circles with Kai following him with the camera.

"Dude, stop, you're making me dizzy!"

"'Kay." Ray stops all of a sudden, causing Kai to run into him and fall backwards and filming the sky, but Ray comes into the picture. "Sorry."

"Whatever. Fiendish Frank (shudders) come with us." Kai says. walking to the house.

"Okie dokie, artichokie!" Fiendish Frank answers with excitment.

Ray says to Kai and the camera " Let's "chokie" him"

"Let him dance first."

Inside, they're playing Tyson's 2nd favorite game : cards.

"Hit me." says Hilary.

"Hey, baby, wanna go to my room?" Tyson tries to push his birthday luck.

"Gross, I said 'hit me' not 'hit on me'!"

"But it's my birthday! Pweez? (puppy eyes)

"Nnooo! You pig!"

"Fine. You probably wouldn't be any good, anyway." Tyson crosses his arms.

"Fuck you, Tyson."

"No,no. Fuck you."

"Gasp!"

Doors burst open.

"Guys, Kai and I went through lots of trouble, but we got Tyson a special surprise. Meet (shudders) fire-fighter fiendish Frank!"

"Hello, everybooody! Where's the birthday-boy?" screams Frank.

"Oh shit!" Tyson yells back.

"It's a male striper!" realizes Kenny.

"There you are!" Frank pulls off pants and starts dancing in underwear and swinging his hose around.

"Aaahhhhh!" Tyson runs around house.

"Oh, a feisty one, huh? I love tag."

"Ray, please, take the camera." says Kai weakly.

"What for?"

"I really (gags) gotta throw up."pushes camera to Ray and runs to bathroom where Ray follows him.

"It's okay, Kai. Get it outta ya. Goood boy!"

"Ohh" Kai keeps moaning and groaning.

Tyson and Frank pass by washroom and Ray, knowing his duty, follows him. Tyson runs into the dojo and is trapped.

"Nnooo!" screams Tyson, seeing that he's trapped.

"Got you now!" says Frank.

"I hate you!" says Tyson to Ray standing in the doorway.

" Who?" asks Ray.

" Both of you!"

" Who's "both of you"?"

" Ray and Kai!"

" Who are they? "In the meantime, Frank is getting closer to Tyson.

"Aahhh!" yells Tyson........again.

Films fiendish Frank pulling off Tyson's shirt. Kai, just coming in, runs back to throw up. Max goes to Kai's aid.

" Kai! Are you alright?!"

" (groans) I'll give you one guess, smartie" and punches him.

" Oh, glad I could help. Always a pleasure."

" Well, that's all folks. Tyson got his big surprise, and he's lovin' it." says Ray to the camera.

" Heeeeeeeelllpp!" can be heard from Tyson.

"Till next time! I'm Ray. I gotta see how Kai's doing. Kai! Can you say bye?"

"(coughs and turns to camera) Bye-bye. Love you all. (gags) I'm Kai (turns to vomit)"

"Oh boy, later folks." Ray says to the camera before leaving.

**artemis347: **i will try to update faster, but my comp was screwed up 4 a while. im glad u luv my fic, and Tyson torture is my hobbie!! i hate him so unbelieveingly much...thanx 4 reviewing!

**Darkie The Neko:** yeah, i did have more chapters. it was removed twice. this is the 3rd time i put it up. thanx 4 the review, i hope 2 hear from u again!

**kaieshaikai:**i thought it was crap too when they removed it. they even blocked me from creating a story for a week. this happened twice. thanx 4 the review!

**Wah-Keetcha:** yes, this already got posted. i had 2 do it again b-cuz removed it for being in script format. i happy u luv my fic, theres lotz more 2 come, so keep reviewing! and thanx 4 ur first one!

**TheMindIsATerribleThingToTaste:** 1987, huh? how about 2389? i'd like 2 c what it would look like! i'm sorry u have to read all the old chapters all over again. but thanx for reviewing!

**Forfirithonasugerhigh:** if u weren't happy when they took it off, imagine wat i felt! i wouldn't wish it on any author. review every chapter, huh? fine with me! thanx!

**Shakon:** everything they do in my fic will be out of supreme bordum! i see Kai and Ray as the hidden pests of the Bladebreakers, and im taking them out of their shell, baby! thanx 4 reviewing, i hope 2 hear from u again!

**Jouka no kou: **im glad u like my story! i don't even have to try to be funny and ppl think im hilarious. if you thought ch.1 was funny, u'll piss your pants in upcoming chapters! thanx 4 reviewing!

**Dranzen:** Elmo is my best childhood memory. i love him so. so u thought it was funny? keep reading and see how crazy Kai and Ray can be on a good day! thanx 4 the review!

**Lil Tanuki:** isn't it great when evil and beautiful go 2gether at once?! thats what the fic is all about. Kai enjoys torturing Tyson alot, yes. when u c him leaning against the wall in his sexy trademark pose u can b sure he's thinking about how to traumatize Tyson.....either that or pie... but more often Tyson torture...anyway thanx 4 reviewing and i hope 2 hear from you again!

**minijkitty:** i'm happy 2 hear u laughed through the whole thing. i read it soo many times i dont even giggle anymore, and i really dont find it funny. u love my fic? good 2 hear! i feel the love! and i will write more! u have no idea how many ideas i have. so i take it u'll be eternally grateful and u r now my slave! MUAHAHAHA! anyway, thanx 4 reviewing and i hope 2 hear from u again!


	3. number 79

Thanks to all who reviewed! You guys seem to love us!!! do you feel the love tonight?You all think I m hilarious!!! this isn's really Tyson torture, but Hilary torture, just as good, right? Right!

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade.

Kai is checking out lingerie and Ray is filming his back. Quiet murmuring can be heard from Kai.

"Hilary, I found him! I think that red one would look good on you, Kai." Ray jokes.

" Fuck you, dickhead. I think my fist would look good in your face." defends Kai.

" Red what? Can I take off the blind fold, now? And I don't think a leash is necessary." Hilary says moving her arms in random directions.

" Yes it is. Now, stay here and don't move. Ray attaches the leash to a rack. Ray and Kai walk off to a different section.

"Hey, why is the name Hilroy on the leash?" asks Hilary.

" Kai you stupid...hey, you're peeking!" Ray turns toward her.

"Um, no I'm not (puts down blind fold) And are we in some kind of sex shop?"

" Okay, NOW you're peeking!"

" Forget her, Ray. We have a mission to accomplish."

" Right. Speak to me."

" Hello everyone. Ray and I are on location at, like Hilary revealed before, a sex shop. Tyson's granddog asked us to pick up few items at the grocery store. We got lost and ended up here to, um, ask for directions."

Ray turns and zooms outside to reveal a grocery store across the street. "Kai, I found it."

"Okay, you found me, you found the store, it's time to retire, Sherlock."

" Tell them about our new toys."

" Oh yeah. We got miniature cameras that match our hair color from a catalog. We will be using them on missions that are top secret, like this one. Ray is wearing his black one. They even take pictures. They were pretty cheap."

"Dude, they were $3000 each!"

" Your point?" Kai gives a confused look.

" Never mind. You're so fucking rich it doesn't even matter anymore."

"It never did. When we have to zoom in or out he pretends to scratch his head. Today's goal is to get Hilary in the lingerie, freeze the picture on computer and send it to the following: Tyson, Mr.Dickinson, a few magazine editors and a newspaper. And our pleasure and amusement will come from seeing her in humiliation. Let's get to it. KaiRayRayKai Production number 79 is underway."

They go back to Hilary and remove the blind fold, always making sure that Ray gets everything.

" I was right. You losers and men alike don't know how to take directions."

" She called us men!!" Kai and Ray exclaim at the same time.

" I also called you losers."

"That...doesn't matter." Ray says slowly.

" Just try on the fucking lingerie!" orders Kai.

" Hell, no! Is that why we're here? Wait, where's your camera?" she looks at Kai and Ray and then around the shop.

" No, it's not why we're here." says Ray, laughing a little on the inside,

"We don't have a camera. We're too stupid to afford one. (Ray scratches head) We never have cameras with us, ever, ever, ever! Ever, ever, ever, ever!" Kai goes on about not having a camera.

"We just heard of a beauty contest and they need a picture and we brought you here since you're so pretty and we want to enter cuz we think you stand a chance and believe yu'll make us proud!" Ray lies.

"Really?"

"Really really." Kai plays along.

"You bullshitters!!"

"Fine. The truth is that we already sent in a picture of you and you were chosen and they wanna see you in different outfits, starting with this one. We wanted it to be a surprise." fake, forced out tear rolls down Ray's cheek.

"You guys are lying,but okay, just in case.

Kai gives an grin toward camera.

"Why are you grinning at Ray?" asks Hilary.

"Um, I'm not. There's a really hot chick there. Fuck, she just left."

"Whatever. I'm gonna go choose one, now."

"Sure, go ahead. We can help you if you want, since we kinda know what the contest is looking for." Ray suggests.

"I guess it would be helpful."

After spending half an hour trying to choose...

"Hello! It's a pink see-through net, you pervs!"

"Not my fault. They like bright colors and something that shows a daring attitude. This is perfect." laughing insanely on the inside, Kai makes up his story.

"Forget it! I am NOT a porn star!"

"Yet, you don't seem to mind stripping for Tyson." says Ray innocently.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean!?"

"We have proof of it!(whips out picture) Ha!" Ray holds the pic to Hilary's face.

"gasp)(in very angry voice) You went to the zoo WITHOUT ME?!"

"Huh? (turns picture around. Tyson is seen looking very scared in elephant den with Kai and Ray laughing and pointing at Tyson from outside the elephant den) Wait, wrong picture. (flips through many pictures) Aha! This one." Ray knows for sure he has the right picture, and waits for her expression.

"(gasp) How did you get that?"

"Let's just say we had help from a little birdie." Kai tries to sound mysterious.

"Dranzer?" she guesses.

"Kenny." he corrects her.

"Oh yeah, I remember he broke his arm that day." she giggles at the memory.

" Yeah-huh! Anyway, we are willing to make a deal." Ray says full of pride.

"Oh, no. Another crazy deal." she braced herself.

"Fuck you. We won't tell anyone about this won't show it to anybody, even rip it, if you just try that on, even if you don't send it to the contest." was Ray's offer.

" Grrrrr. Fine"(shake hands with both boys)

While walking toward changing rooms.

"Ray?"

"Yeah?"

"I feel like I'm forgetting something. Like my day isn't complete."

"Weird."

"And my fingers keep forming at fist and it keeps twitching."

"Hmm..."

"I'll be in here, guys." she says disappearing behind a corner.

"Kay. Crap, it's bothering me!"

"Calm down."

"Oh my God!!" she screams.

They rush to see what's wrong to reveal...

"Aha! That's what's wrong! I didn't punch Max, yet!"

"Is that Miriam?" questions Ray.

"Fuck, I came here to get away from you psychos!" Max almost shouts.

Max is in boxers and Miriam is in lingerie pushed up against a wall by Max.

"Now, Maxy, you die!!!"

"Aahhh! Noo!"gets punched by Kai.

"I...I feel better, now. I feel fulfilled and eternally...eternally fucking corny."

"Yeah, I thought so, too." agrees Ray.

"Oh, my aching face. You'd think I'd be used to it by now."

"Oh, Maxy. Don't worry. You'll be fine. I'll still fuck you." Miriam says, trying to comfort Max.

"What!?" Kai, Ray and Hilary say together.

"Um...I meant...I'm outta here." she throws coat over herself and takes off.

"No, wait. I was so close!" crys Max.

"My number is in your boxers!"(leaves)

"(checks) Hm...so it is."

"Did she just steal that lingerie or am I the only one that noticed that she ran off with it?" asks Ray, not really wanting to know what the answer would be.

"Nah, it's hers." explains Max.

"Duuuude. Leave before I punch you, again."

"Eek!"runs out fast.

"Now, you can try on your lovely dress."

"Fuck you, Kai. I don't even wanna put it on, anymore."

"Remember what's at stake. So put on the fucking net!" Kai points to the changing rooms.

Hilary sighs, puts on the lingerie and comes out"Are you pervs happy, now?!"

Kai giggles. "Sure. Ray, now!"

Ray takes picture with new and improved camera "Run!"

"Oh my fucking God! I hate you guys!"

"Isn't Hilary HIL-A-RY-ous?" puns Ray.

"That was so cliche, not to mention gay."

"Yeah, I know. Oh no, Grandpa's stuff!"

Three days later...

A quite furious Mr.Dickinson interupts the Bladebreakers' practice.

"Hilary! What is the meaning of this!?" he screams as he shows her the pic.

"No way! You got that? Kai, Ray how could you?"

"Lemme see! Hey, I got this, too. I thought I was the only one. What did you send it to Mr.D for? That's kinda gross." says Tyson.

"It wasn't me! It was your no good captain and half-human! Look they're filming right now!"

Ray stops licking hand"Hey! Kai's trying his best!"

"Worry about yourself, Ray." Kai says noticing Ray's extra-feline behavior.

"Hil, they film everything within their camera's zoom in and out range." Tyson tries to reason with her.

"Can I get an answer before tomorrow?" Mr. D asks impatiently.

Just then, a group of reporters and journalists and even a cameraman with a news anchor run toward Hilary asking questions and holding up the picture that Ray took and even taking some of their own.

"Raaaaaaay! Kaaaaaaai! I'm gonna kill you!"

"Well, our goal has been accomplished..." starts Kai.

"That was your goal!?!" she screams.

"Hahaha (sigh) yeah. Till next time. I'm your favorite commi from Russia."

Ray to camera"And I'm our favorite commi from China."back to Kai.

Kai makes peace/victory sign "Peace out!"


	4. number 100

Thank you to all my fans! If there is one thing I'm not missing it's love and admiration. Enjoy this one.

Kenny is seen in a cage, sleeping, with an arm with a red armguard (obviously Kai's) poking him with a stick and giggling.

" Kai, stop that." says Ray.

" Aww." he turns to Ray in a chef 's hat and an apron.

Ray with French accent. "Hello! Dis iz KaiRayRayKai Pro-duke-sion num-bear one hun-dread. I am...(drops accent) acting pretty gay actually."

" For real, man. I was close to tears."

"Anyway, I'm Ray."

Kai to camera in similar accent "And I'm Kai, still actingz gay." back to Ray.

" Fuck you, man. Anyway, as you can see, Kai used his creative face-painting talent to paint gay, curly mustaches on us."

" Any idiot could do it."

" Since you do it everyday, you are the #1 idiot!" full of pride.

" Do you really wanna get hurt?" full of .....anger.

" No, actually. Like I mentioned before, this is the 100th video we do, and WE RE HAVING A BARBECUE!!! Thing is, we don t have a barbecue."

" Steal it from the house next door, genius."

" No Kai. I'm sure Grandpa has one."

After finding Grandpa...

" Hey, Grandpa? Do you have a barbecue around here?" asks Ray.

" Sure thing, dawg! Hang here for a second." he leaves.

" If he calls me a fucking dog one more time..."

" Chill."

" He called me a dog 15 times this week. It s only Tuesday."

" There there."

" Why does it seem like you don t really care?"

" Dude, I never care."

" Here ya go, homeboys!"

" Thanx."says Kai.

Returning to the Kenny-in-a-cage...

" Hm. Our elf woke up." annouces Ray.

" What the fuck!? Get me out!" Kenny starts to freak out.

" Ray, care to explain?"

" Suuure. Kenny is our human sacrifice to the great, powerful, almighty (getting excited as he speaks) most awesome, omniscient, all-knowing god of...stupidneness...in other words, the god Kai and I made up who mystically sends us the ideas of what to do with our next production."

" Damn straight! All hail the great Hupolitis!"

" What the fuck did I do to deserve this?" wonders Kenny.

" If you ll just follow me I ll show you what we re cooking." Ray says to the camera.

They walk over to a table covered with a towel.

" Behold! (removes towel to reveal items) First up, winders, also known as ripcords, old, new, and broken. These should come out crunchy!" Ray smiles.

" Nnooooooooooooooooooo!" Kenny screams.

" I think Kenny is trying to tell you something." Kai tells Ray.

" How d you get that idea?"

" Well, he is screaming like a freaking 5-year old girl."

" That still doesn t explain how you got that idea."

" ...you're right. Let s move on."

" Mother fuckers." mumers Kenny.

" Next we have Tyson s cap. He won't notice it s gone cuz he's currently making out with Max I mean Hilary..." Ray tries to make Tyson and Max sound gay (which they aren't)

" Dude, are you trying to tell us something, like Max and Tyson are gay?"

" Possibly. But I won't know, cuz I can't give off hints of Tyson being gay."

" Isn't Max with Miriam?"

" Possibly. I've been sworn to secrecy."

" What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Let's just move on."

" Yes, let's."

" We have Max's broken gold chain, aluminum foil, my bandana...oh crap, I want that (takes it back) I tried to steal Kai's scarf, but to no avail, Max's Batman, Spiderman, and Superman underwear, one of Kenny s ties..."

" Nnooooo!" he screams again.

" Tyson s leather gloves...KAI!!"

Kai's arm is seen playing with toy cars." Vrooom, vroom! Oooom! Screech! Crash!"

" Fuck, Kai!! Stop it!"

" No." he pretends to cry.

Ray sighs. "Yes, toy cars, and last but not least, Dizzi!"

" OOH MY GOOOO(chokes)OOOD! You can t! Dizzi, I love you! You don t know what you mean to me!"

" Shut up." threatens Kai. "You re in there for a reason, besides being our guinea pig and human sacrifice; to scare you into not screaming."

" So let s start cooking!" Ray says jumping up and down.

" I finally get to have my homemade Kenny burgers!!!"

" Fuck no!" defends Kenny.

" Fuck yes!" says Kai.

" Fuck no." he tries again.

"FUUUCK YEEESS!"

" Fuck you, both." Ray says.

" Kay. We ll put the winders, Tyson s cap and gloves, and Max s chain and underwear first." says Kai.

After placing them nicely on the grill...

" Why the fuck isn t it working?!" screams Ray.

" Because we didn t fucking turn it on."

" How the fuck do you do that?!"

" I have no fucking clue but I have an idea. DRANZER!! FIRE ARROW!"

" My master is a fucking idiot, but okay." thinks Dranzer as he fires at the grill.

" Oh yeah, you're sooo cool." mocks Ray.

" It's fucking working, no!?"

Max, Tyson, and Hilary run outside to see why Kai summoned Dranzer.

" What's going on? Kenny? What are you doing in there?" questions Tyson.

Kenny is too busy crying to answer.

" Ray? Kai? What the fuck have you guys been smoking?!" yells Max.

" MAX!" crys Kai, obviously happy to see his personal punching-bag. He drops the camera and runs toward Max, jumps him and starts punching him. All is caught on tape. "How you doing, buddy?! (punch) How you doing, buddy?! (punch) How you doing, buddy?! (punch) How you doing, buddy?! (punch)"

" Fuck, STOP!!!" Max trys to protect himself.

" (gasp) Attitude, huh? I LL LEARN YOU!!!" Kai removes his scarf and starts choking Max with it. "DIE!" He is pulled off two minutes later. "Hope that teaches you a lesson, Maxy." He picks up the camera and goes over to the grill. "How is the stuff looking, Ray?"

" Hm...good I guess."

The winders were all melted and burnt. Tyson's stuff was unrecognizable along with Max's underwear, but his chain was holding on.

" Change the chain for two toy cars and Kenny's tie." recommends Kai.

"Sweet fucking mother of God, they re barbecuing your stuff, guys!" warns Hilary.

"Nnooo!" scream Tyson and Max as they run to the grill.

"Liar. Those look like unearthly 3D shapes." says Tyson.

"Yeah, really. Just looking at them make me nauseous." gags Max.

"Guys, say hello to former Tyson s cap and gloves, former Max s underwear, and former winders!" Ray says as he picks up a piece of winder and brings it over to Kenny. "Eat."

" Have you fucking lost it?! I'm not eating that shit!"

" I never fucking had it. Now eat."

Kai comes over and threatens Kenny with his scarf. "Remember what I did to Max?" turns to Max hanging on a clothes line.

" How'd you do that so quickly?" questions Ray.

"...Idunno. Anyway, eat."

Kenny whimpers and takes a bite. "That s fucking disgusting! What did you put!? (throws up)"

"We both spat on it and put BBQ sauce...5 years out of date. And that wasn t the answer I was looking for." Ray says as Kai holds up his threatening scarf.

"Crunchy?" guesses Kenny.

" There we go. Let s dump everything else on the grill." Ray goes toward Kai who is at the barbecue.

"Way ahead of you, man." Everything is already on the grill, minus Dizzi."I'm gonna keep this."

"Nnooo! You can t. I need my porno." mummbles Kenny.

"What?!" exclaims Ray.

"I, uh, don't know." Kenny tries to hide what he said.

"Hey, dude, he s right. Check it out." Kai holds up Dizzi and shows the screen to Ray.

"Holy crap! It 's Mariah! And...Tyson? What the fuck!?"

"I remember getting drunk on New Year s Eve. It must have been then, since that s when every-single-one gets together." explains Tyson slowly, trying to ensure he won't get killed.

"Im gonna kill you!!!" Ray chases Tyson around. "Aaaaarrrrrggghh!"

"Heeeellp!"

Kai is still looking at pictures "Duuuuuude. These are sweet! (to camera) Well, Tyson is gonna get killed by Ray, Max is still hanging from a clothesline, Hilary is hitting her head against random solid objects, and Im checking out porn. Everyone is happy! Now, Kenny, say something smart before I take your computer away forever."

Kenny thinks"Save a plant, eat a vegetarian."

"Good enough. Im Kai...(looks for Ray) RAY!"

Ray stops for a second"Im Ray. Goodnight! DIE, TYSON! (runs after him)"

"I love this happy family!" says Kai with a happy childish smile to the camera before he closes it.


	5. number 25

Hello all my worshippers...I mean...fans. Get this, I m updating at school. Is that disgusting or what!? Anyhoo, a few reviewers have talked about this chapter being really good, so enjoy! Hope you like hockey!!!

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade or the NHL (National Hockey League)

Kai is yelling at a hockey net and launches his blade at it after throwing down his hockey stick.

" Dude, he has serious issues. Kai, ever think about anger management!?" suggests Ray.

Kai runs to the camera "Did you see what that net did?! I shot that mother-fucking puck at it and it should have gone in!!"

" But what happened?"

" It hit the fucking crossbar. I m gonna count it as a goal." Kai says calmly.

" Uh-huh. And how many goals have you scored that way, today?"

" I dunno. Like twenty...seven maybe? Anyway, I'm Kai, but I ll be NHL player Alexei Kovalev."

Ray to camera "I'm Ray, but for today NHL player Ray Bourque." and back to Kai.

" He's retired." explains Kai.

" Hey, you got your Russian player, there's no Chinese player, so I got the next best thing; a player with my name!"

" Anyway, it's a bright sunny day and we're challenging the girls to a hockey game."

Three minutes later...

" Tyson, Max, we re challenging you to a hockey game!" shouts Kai.

" Sounds like fun. Tyson?" offers Max.

" Yeah, fun if you wanna die today!" retorts Tyson.

" Tyson, I feel offended." complains Ray.

" You offended my partner in crime!!" Kai punches Max.

" What the fuck!? I didn't say anything!"

" Whatever." Kai brushes it off.

" Are we gonna play or not?" Ray get impatient.

" Yeah, sure." Tyson gives in.

Three minutes later...

" First we need some rules." says Max.

" Of course! First, hurting Max in any way is all right." says Kai happily.

" Fuck you." Max growls.

" Yay!" Tyson tackles Max to the ground.

" I'm on your fucking team, you stoner!"

"Sorry."

Ray continues "There will be one forward and one goalie. Since I'm filming, I'll be the goalie and Kai is the forward."

" Are you crazy!? shouts Tyson "I'll get slaughtered out there if Kai's a forward. Not to mention Max getting the puck fired at him."

Kai really doesn't care. "Tough. If you get a penalty, the penalty box is five minutes of non-stop Hilary chatter. Since Ray and I are not from around here we get diplomat immunity, thus not getting penalties."

" Of course." was Max's sarcastic remark.

" Yes, of course." Kai punches Tyson.

" HOLY SHIT!!! It wasn t (gets punched) me..."

" Spoke too soon, Maxy. Every time I score it s worth 5 and when you score it s worth 0.5." explains Kai.

" That's fucking bullshit!!" screams Tyson.

" Everything is bullshit, but we're not complaining!" comments Ray "Just put on the fucking equipment."

" What does that have to do with anything?" asks Max.

" Well, you see, it s like this...." Kai punches Max.

" We should get you brass knuckles." suggests Ray.

" We don't wanna kill Max, we just wanna show him who's boss." Kai reminds him.

"You're a big bully." Max insults Kai.

" Max (deep breathe) (puts free hand on shoulder) everyone's gotta be something. (steps back)" was all Ray could think of doing.

" Max, you can call me whatever you want, but I am not a bully. Put on the equipment."

Ray and Max put on the goalie equipment and take their goalie sticks while Tyson and Kai put on helmets and take normal sticks.

" Maybe I won t get as hurt with the equipment." hopes Max.

Kai snickers "You wish, pretty boy."

" Who's our referee!" asks Tyson.

" Kai and I! Isn't this a great hockey game?!"

" Max, we're destined to lose."

" Yeah, I figured as much."

"I m going to ignore that. Face-off!" yells Ray/

Ray and Max take their place in the nets and Tyson and Kai go in middle for the face-off.

"This is gonna be sweet!" remarks Ray.

"Tyson, I m gonna make you wish you never screwed around with Carlos."

"Carlos? Why him?"

"Cuz by screwing around with him, you met me."

".....riiiight."

The game starts. Kai hits Tyson's leg with his stick. While Tyson drops his stick and holds his leg, Kai checks him, causing him to fall, takes the puck and charges at Max. He knocks over Max and scores.

"Yes! Five points to nothing!" Kai celebrates.

"Fuck. You." growls Max before getting punched and knocked over.

"You just don t learn, do you!?" remarks Kai.

"You can t learn anything from you!"(gets punched)

"That was the wrong thing to say."

"I suggest shutting up." says Ray.

"Yeah, but...it's goalie interference." Max tries to reason with Ray and Kai.

"Just shut the fuck up!!" Tyson screams.

"Let's continue." says Ray in a sickening happy voice.

Ten minutes later...

"It s only been ten minutes. It s 200-0..." Tyson complains.

"SCORE!!!" Kai announces.

Tyson continues. "205-0 now. Technically 41-0. I've been tripped, roughed, cross-checked, fenced though it should be boarded, checked, kicked, slashed, hooked, held, high-sticked, he stole my stick, my goalie was interfered with, we're both in the penalty box and Hilary won't shut up for another 10 minutes."

" ... and what the fuck is up with the ton of equipment on you and Ray? Are you playing football or hockey? From what I can see, it s hockey so you don t need all that crap..." she says.

" SCORE!!! 210-0, bitch!" Kai celebrates.

" And why do you guys suck so much? Kai and Ray are awesome but you keep getting penalties! That s not the way to play! You need to make a strategy, a plan, and follow through! You understand what I m saying? I m sure Kenny and Grandpa would tell you the same thing! Playing hockey is just like Beyblading, you guys. You gotta practice, practice, practice and never quit!"

Tyson & Max shout" Shuuut uuuupp!!

" No. I m getting paid for this, so I can talk as much as I want!"

" SCORE!!! That s 215-0, baby! Woo-hoo!!" Kai rubs it in.

" I can t take this anymore!" says Max as he throws his goalie stick at Kai.

Kai stops and death glares Max, bringing his thumb across his neck.

" I m in for it big time." mummbles Max.

" Now where was I? Oh yeah..." Hilary goes on.

" Kai, I m bored." says Ray. He is sitting cross-legged in his net.

" No kidding. Well, you did choose the retired hockey player. He wasnt even a goaltender.

" Screw that. Take them out of the penalty box. I wanna see what happens if he gets passed you." complains Ray.

" Whatever. Tyson, Max, get out. Ray s bored."

" So the game s over?" hopes Max.

" Are you fucking insane?!" questions Ray "Of course not. I wanna actually goaltend, that s all."

" You mean I really get to take a shot?!" Tyson asks, making sure he s hearing right.

" I guess so." says Ray.

" ...I m speechless."

" That s because you aren t supposed to talk when you take a shot, asshole." insults Kai.

" I know that."

He goes to the middle with the puck while Ray gets up and ready to goaltend for once in 15 minutes. Tyson starts moving the puck. Ray watches carefully while whispering the play-by-play to himself.

Ray whispers "Tyson touches the puck for the first time since the beginning of the game. He s standing for longer than 5 seconds without being viciously attacked by Kai. I really have to piss. Badly. Tyson winds up for the shot. Is that Kai s stick directly over Tyson s head?"

Tyson upon hearing Ray, stops and turns around to Kai holding up his stick directly over his head.

" ...fine." pouts Kai as he puts down his stick.

Ray starts again "Tyson winds up again. I reeeeeally gotta whiz. He takes a shot and...Ha! Safe." He holds up the puck in his glove.

" Nnooo! My first ever shot in the game and Ray goes and saves it." cries Tyson.

" All with a full bladder and a camera in one hand!" mentions Ray to make Tyson look really bad.

Hilary looks at her watch "Kai! It s been 20 minutes!"

" Good. First period is over! It s now the first intermission!" annouces Kai.

" First period?" questions Max with a sound of despair in his voice.

" Yeah. You live under a fucking rock, Max? There s three 20 minute periods in a hockey game and a 20 minute intermission between each one, thus 2 intermissions." Ray exlpains.

" ...YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN TWO MORE TIMES!?!" screams Tyson.

Ray & Kai answer "Yep."

" Nnnoooooo!"

" Thanks, Hilary. Call me again in 20 minutes." orders Kai.

" Sure thing."

Two intermissions and periods later...

" Kai! The third period is over. 20 minutes are up." Hilary annouces to Kai.

" Yes! I get a shut out!" celebrates Ray.

" How about overtime?" asks Max.

Kai punches Max "You aren t bright, are you? You expect to beat 705-0 in 10 minutes of overtime?"

Ray tries to reason with Max "In other words, at least 142 goals to beat us in 10 minutes. That s at least 15 goals a minute. Wait...HOLY FUCK!!! I forgot! When you guys score it s worth 0.5! You have to score (spends some time on calculator) 10 times more goals than we did! So, 1410 goals in 10 minutes? 141 goals a minute? 2.35 goals a second? Against Kai?! Good luck!"

" Kai, you re pretty good. How d you learn to play hockey like that?" compliments Tyson.

Kai slaps him across the face "Hello?! I grew up on a chunk of ice, a.k.a. Russia. I naturally learnt how to skate and play around with a stick and piece of rubber. Let s end this."

Ray agrees "Yeah."

" Well, we showed them who s boss (points at himself) And that s my cue to exit."

" And me? What about me?" complains Ray.

" Yeah, what about you?" questions Kai.

"Fuck you!"

" Fine. Ray s a great goaltender. Here, have a rat." Kai says as he throws a live rat at Ray.

" I don t eat fucking rats."

" Whatever. My Alexei Kovalev character is over. I m Kai."

Ray says to the camera "I m no longer Ray Bourque. I m just Ray." and back to Kai.

" Hehe. Ray Pork!" giggles Kai.

" I m gonna kill you!"

" Excuse me, while I get killed by Ray Porc. Bye! Oh, hold on. It s KaiRayRayKai Production #25."

LOOKY HERE: If there are any questions about the hockey terminology in the story, feel free to ask! There are NO stupid questions.

ryogas-baby-gurl: i already have a lot of chapters written out, so i cant just add Tala out of nowhere, but he plans to make an appearencem dont worry. thanks ofr the great review!

artemis347: the numbers are all mixed up because i find it makes it more intersting. to see what they did a few vids before and what they did 20 vids after. besides, do u think i really kniow what they did in their very first video? id be at a loss and i would have to think a lot. anyway, thanks for reviewing and i hope to hear some more from u! ps. in case u havent notices, Kai does all the iodd numbered vids and Ray all the even numbered. and they take turns


	6. number 62

Hello everyone. Well, here's another one for you guys. Good for those who, like me have the need for speed or like driving games or driving in general or going to learn to drive.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, Ring Pops, or Porsche.

Ray is running around his new car, hugging and kissing it occasionally and telling it how nice it looks. Finally, he climbs onto the roof and lies down on his back.

" I just wanna lie here, forever," Ray sighs.

"Are you finished proclaiming your everlasting love to your car?" Kai asks impatiently.

"Almost. Just one more thing," he answers. He pulls out a Ring Pop, unwraps it, and holds it toward front of car.

"Hey, that s mine! I mean, look, it's blue," Kai realizes.

Ray, ignoring Kai, asks "Car, will you marry me? I bought this really expensive sapphire ring for you."

"Fifty cents." Kai sighs. He then fakes a girly voice "Nnooooo. You've cheated on me."

"Huh? With whom?" Ray decides to play Kai's little game of 'talk to the car'.

"Um...with...the blond one you live with. And then there's the small one with the glasses. And not to mention the really annoying one with the cap." Kai answers, all with a fake girly voice.

O.O Ray knew he should've expected it, seeing it's Kai and all."You gotta be kidding me. Okay, I get the point Kai." He jumps back on car roof and sits facing the camera but staring at the car. "Hi. Welcome to another KaiRayRayKai Production. Its...what? Number 62? Yeah, that s it." He begins sucking on Kai's Ring Pop. "I'm Ray with my sexy new car, Car."

Kai, not even looking towards the camera, answers, "I'm a very angry Kai watching someone eat MY Ring Pop." He goes up to Ray and takes back his candy. To the camera, he smiles childishly and says "Now I'm happy!" and turns back to Ray.

"What a baby!" Ray complains.

"Yep. And I'm proud!" Kai defends.

"Don't worry, Car. I'll protect you from that stupid dipshit." Ray says as he runs his hand over the car roof, softly.

"Tell us about the car."

"This is a beautiful, pitch-black Porsche, and its all fucking mine!" Ray yells with his hands in the air.

"Can you drive?" Kai asks, a bit uneasy.

"No." was Ray's confident answer.

"Where'd you get it?"

"Well, I went back to the village..."

"The one that's 1000 miles from the middle of nowhere?"

Ray sighs and answers "Yes Kai. Anyway, they were all happy to see me and there was a big dinner with all 39 inhabitants and they all gave me money and Lee tried to steal it..."

"So you stole it." Kai concluded.

"NO...maybe...yes."

"Is that a multiple choice?"

"No, asshole. I did steal it."

"And the keys?"

"Well, you see..."

"Stole 'em?" Kai concluded, again.

"Yeah."

"From whom? When? Where? And why? But we already know what, and why is pretty obvious. So...we ll bother with just the first three."

"From the big house down the street, yesterday, and here, or rather down there." Ray explains as he points down the street.

Kai zooms in on big house and says "I think you mean car dealership."

"Shut up. Let's take it for a ride."

They get in the front seats, Ray in the driver s seat and Kai the passenger's.

"You sure you know what you're doing? I mean, you said you can't drive." Kai wanted to make sure he would live for a while longer.

"How hard can it be?"

"Very hard if you come from a place where the closest thing to technology is...what? A blender? A bucket? Indoor plumbing?"

"Oh shit, that was soo funny, I nearly pissed my pants! Remind me to laugh later, kay?" Ray's quick answer was smothered and dripping in sarcasm.

"Fine, just drive."

Ray starts the car and shifts the gear to drive.

"Impressive." Kai comments with a nod.

"You know how you're good at being quiet? Do it!"

"Someone's got a stick up his ass."

Ray drives down the street in a not so straight line, but gets it later.

"I got the hang of it." Ray announces proudly.

"Yeah, if you happen to be cross-eyed. You ran through, like, eight stop signs."

"Say what, now? Stop signs?" Ray asked with genuine confusion.

"RAY, STOP! THERE'S KIDS IN THE STREET!!"

"Nah, those are small trees."

"IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING STREET!?! WAKE THE FUCK UP!!"

"Hmm...good point." He brakes suddenly, completely unfazed, and says to kids "You can go now, if you want."

"They have the right of way, bitch."

"First stop signs, and now kids have the right of way. What about older people?"

"No, pedestrians have the right of way. All people who are walking."

"Oooohhh! Gottchya! Let's turn."

"Oh fuck. I'm gonna die. I'm too young to die."

"Ah, chill." He turns and nearly hits another car. "Close one. That wasn't so bad."

"...I can now say I had a near-death experience."

"You're so retarded. What's this do?" Ray pulls a lever and the wipers go on "AHH! The car's mad at me! It spat at me." Ray tried to shield himself from the washer fluid that was not coming in.

"You're HOPELESS!" Kai exclaims, then he gets a bright idea. "Ray, if you're so good, try parking."

Ray gets worried. "What? No...I wanna um...drive some more."

"Just try. Or maybe you're afraid, that's completely understandable seeing you're afraid of a car washing the windshield which is done all the time..."

"Shut up! I'll park."

Ray finds a parking spot on the street, but Kai recommends he doesn't.

"Why not?" The spot seemed perfectly fine to Ray.

"There's a fucking fire hydrant. You're not allowed."

"The hydrant's gonna attack my car?"

"No moron..."

"Then let's do it. I'm gonna leave after I do it. Damn, I went too far. I gotta do the turn of the block."

Kai can't believe what he's hearing. "You stupid...there's no insult to describe you. Just shift the gear into reverse. You can go backwards."

"A backward driving car!? In-fucking-credible!! I love this car!" he says while hugging the steering wheel.

"I must've done something wrong in life to get stuck with an idiot like you. Reverse already!"

Ray shifts to reverse and goes the wrong way backing up...many, many, many, many times.

"Holy shit. This is hard. You do it."

"Are you crazy? I'm filming. And I told you to park. I already know how."

"Well, show me."

"Fine, take this." Kai gives the camera to Ray and they run around the car to switch seats. "Watch and learn, moron." Kai looks behind and drives the car in reverse into the parking spot with ease. "Simple enough?"

Ray was truely amazed. "Oh my God! You did it so easily. That's fucking hard. You...that's it!"

"What?"

"You're a magician and you never told me."

"I don't BELIEVE this." Kai takes back the camera and they switch place again. "Let's go back. Turn the steering wheel that way and press the gas slowly." Ray does so. "Kay, turn the other way."

"Wow! I'm out! And on the way home! I think..."

"It's the other way! Do a U-turn."

"I'm not a fucking miracle-worker, Kai!"

Afterward, while going toward Tyson's house...

"Kai, zoom up and check if Tyson and company are there."

Kai zooms up with his camera. "Yep. Thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Depends. You thinking about choking Hilary with your bare hands?" Ray asks excitedly.

"...No, I'm thinking we scare them by pretending to drive and hit them. We stop at the last minute."

"Sounds good." Ray speeds up and honks at Tyson and company.

"Holy crap! It's Ray in a car!" shouts Kenny.

"Does anyone else seem to think he's gonna hit us?" Tyson wonders out loud.

"RUN!!!" Max orders, worried about evrybody's safety and lives.

"Damn, they're running." complains Kai.

Ray sticks his head out the window and yells "STOP MOVING!! WE'RE TRYING TO HIT YOU!!!"

"Asshole. Yeah, that's exactly how it works, Ray!!" Hilary answers back.

Ray looks to the camera innocently and says "I hope so."

"Down here!" Tyson directs them into a dead-end. "Nnooo! The dead-end should be a block from here!"

"We are soooo screwed..." Kenny whines.

Ray turns in dead-end and corners them.

"Nice knowing you all." Max says, thinking they would be his last words.

"It's been a slice, Maxy." Kai says evilly.

"Why aren't you, like, attacking him or something?" Ray asks.

"Why do you think he's awake, out of bed? He woke up to my fist, or rather my fist woke him up." Kai explains with a monotone voice.

"That pretty much bites."

"Are they gonna kill us or not?" Tyson almost shouts.

"You're really looking forward to that?!" yells Hilary.

"Tyson's screwed up royally in the head." Max tells her the obvious.

"Everyone in. We're going back." says Kai, stepping out of the car.

"We've been spared. Let's go." Hilary runs to the car.

"I wouldn t say that." Kai directs it to Hilary.

"Why? You're gonna kill us at home?" Kenny asks.

"No." Kai shakes his head. "Ray's driving us home. As the poor soul who's been riding with him, I recommend not celebrating until you're safely out of the car."

"That doesn't sound too good." moans Max.

Kai's voice was dripping with sarcasm "Reeeally? What gave it away, Maxy, Waxy, Taxy? I meant for it to sound like a fucking walk in the park" Kai punches him, " Loser."

Ray honks and screams "Let's go already. I gotta pee." Everyone enters the car.

"Wow! Is this a Porsche?" asks Kenny truly amazed.

"No." Ray answers flatly as he starts driving home.

"But that's the Porsche sign. On the steering wheel." Tyson trys to reason with Ray.

"No."

Max whispers to Tyson "Watch this. Ray, is the car black?"

"No."

"See, he's just being stupid." Max giggles.

"You're going down, little blond man." Ray growls.

"Are you referring to Max or the blond guy in the street?" asks Kai calmly.

"SHIT!" Ray brakes and turns to face the camera. "Let's end it now before we all die."

"Coming from the driver, I'd rather walk." Hilary trys to open her door, but Ray locks all doors. "Crap. Just great." was her complaint.

"Guys, did you know that Kai's a magician?!" exclaims Ray.

"Ray! Hurry up." Kai had had enough stupidity for one day.

"Right. Well, I'm loving my new toy and I've decided to not return it to the dealership. With lots of love that I really don't feel for whoever watches this, I'm Ray."

Kai turns the camera to the passengers in the back. "You guys know the drill. One by one tell me your names. Left to right."

"Oh, um. I'm Kenny."

"I'm Tyson, the greatest Bey..."

"I said name, not life story." Kai almost screams.

"I'm Max."

"And I'm Hilary."

"And I'm Kai." he says to the camea. "Between you and me, camera, those four are fucking amateurs."

The four in the back yell, "Fuck you, Kai!"

"RAY, THAT'S A FUCKING RED LIGHT!! STOP!" Kai yells ignoring the insult that came from the back.

"Yeah, like I'm gonna obey some colorful lights on a pole." he answers flatly.

"YOU HAVE TO BY LAW!! LAAAW!!!" Kenny screeches in his high-pitched voice.

"Yeah, like I'm gonna obey the law." was Ray's last line before Kai stopped recording.


	7. number 49

Hello fellow readers. How goes it? (how are u in other words) Guess what this is? If you said it s the first brand new chapter that nobody but the author has read, then you were right!!! Enjoy!

Sorry it took so long, I've been deprived of a computer for a while.

Kai s back is to the camera because he is putting fresh bread on the shelves.

" Hey, Kai." greets Ray.

" Shut up." answers Kai as he turns to Ray "Go home."

" No. They kicked me out. So tell me what you re doing." he says, laughing softly to himself.

Kai smiles evilly. "I m working at a bakery."

Ray laughs loudly and rolls on the floor "Kai working! What a joke!"

Kai hisses "Dude, get off the floor. I was supposed to clean it this morning, but I didnt. I tricked my boss into thinking he was only seeing dirt. I got the girls working here to agree with me, since they think I m so hot and drop dead sexy."

Ray stops rolling and sits up. "But I could pretend to be laughing and as I roll, I would be cleaning it for you."

" I m tempted to agree with that, but your clothes are white and my boss will notice that, oh, for some unknown reason, there s dirt on your fucking clothes when you got up from laughing. No biggie. Get the fuck off the floor!"

Ray gets up quickly and says to the camera "I m Ray, and I m a dirty animal. Grrr!" and turns to Kai.

" Yeah, quite literally. I m Kai, but in here, I ve been demoted to Hiwatari. KaiRayRayKai Production number 49, and this is my first job. I work in a goddamn bakery. It smells really good. I asked Max..."

" Threatened Max." corrects Ray.

" Shut up. Asked Max if I could get a job at his dad s shop, and he said, quote, never in a million years, not if you were the last person or blader on Earth, unquote."

" Punched him?"

" Yeah. And then some. Hehe!" Kai laughs at the memories.

" So, what do you do here?"

"Um, initially, I was supposed to make the dough, but that plan was trashed when I recommended putting gummy bears, gum, sour worms, real worms, pieces of eraser, candy wrappers, and spit in the dough for extra flavor."

" And now?"

" Now, I take the customers orders and put bread and cookies out."

" Kai? Taking orders? No fucking way."

" You just wait." threatens Kai.

" Can you bake me a cake? Please?"

" Now, why the fuck would I want to bake you a cake? Especially when I don t know how to bake a cake in the first place. I m fired if I take one step in the kitchen. I was warned. (smiles proudly) They made me take off my scarf."

" Why?"

" I threatened someone with it. I said I would choke them to death. They pissed me off."

" I won t ask how."

A customer walks in.

" I ll go look at cookies. And film you taking an...ORDER!" Ray leaves, but still films Kai.

" Hello, can I help you?" Kai says politely.

Ray to camera "What a laugh. Kai wants to help." to Kai.

" Hi, I ll have..." the customer starts.

" SHUT UP!" Kai screams "You ll have what I give you without a fuss, got it!?" he leaves.

" Excuse me?! What kind of bullshit is this? Come back here, you punk!"

Kai comes back "I m giving you this slice of cheese I dropped on the floor. (holds up paper with dirty slice of cheese) I m punching it up at 30 dollars. How s that? Seems fair."

The customer is very mad. "Listen, I ve been coming here my whole life, and I ve never been treated this badly! I wanna see your boss, mister."

" Your story is very touching. I don t give a fuck! 35 dollars, for upsetting me."

Ray whispers "Holy shit, Kai, you asshole. You re gonna get yourself fired. (holding in laughter)"

" I m leaving. I know the owner personally. You re in big trouble." the customer says as he leaves.

" Yeah, I m shaking in my fucking shoes! (Ray comes back) Moron. Ordering me around."

Ray laughs uncontrollably " That s your job. People tell you what they want, you get it, they pay you and leave. It s not hard. And you wanted Max to get you a job. Were you going to kill the amateur bladers or something?"

" That was the idea, yes. Wow, look at her. She s hot!"

They see a teen girl and a small boy.

" Kai, close your mouth!" Ray orders.

" Huh? Oh, yeah. Go away! I have to be nice, now."

" Yes, sir. (leaves) This is gonna be good! Hehe."

" Hello, can I help you?" Kai asks very politely.

" Hi, can I have eight soft buns?" asks the hot chick.

" Of course! (gets them) Anything else?"

" A-fucking-mazing!" whispers Ray in awe.

" Yeah, one pound of ham and two of cheese?"

" Sure. (does it) Anything else?" asks Kai as he smiles.

Hot chick smiles back "No, that s all. Thanks." she gives him a flirty look.

" That s $4.95, please. Hey, how about a cookie for the kid with you?" suggests Kai.

Hot chick freaks out. "No no no no no! You can t!"

" Don t worry, it s alright. I ll pay for it. Here you go, champ."

Hot chick takes cookie away. "Are you fucking insane!?"

" Wha? I m trying to be nice, give him a cookie! What s your problem?" shouts Kai.

Ray grunts over his friend shouting at her "Fuck. You fucked up, Kai. Fucking fucked up, fuck."

Hot chick explains "My brother has diabetes! He can t eat sugary stuff, you sadistic bastard! (pays) Keep the change. (leaves)"

Ray comes back. "Hilarious. How were you supposed to know?"

" My question exactly."

" HIWATARI!!!" his boss yells.

" It s Satan." Kai jokes. "Yes?"

" Why aren t you wearing your hair net?"

" I am."

" No you are not. Wear it. I don t care if your hair doesn t fit. Make it fit."

" The net keeps breaking." Kai complains as he puts one on.

" And stay away - " the boss starts.

" ...from the kitchen. I know...(boss leaves) psycho. I swear, I m gonna kill him in his sleep."

" You look so queer!" Ray says laughing " I have an idea. (whispers) He ll have a heart attack."

" That s pretty funny. Do it!"

Ray pulls off the thing that holds his ponytail together. His hair is loose and all over the place. He gives Kai the camera and tells him to follow him wherever he goes.

" You look like a fucking beast." Kai comments. "Boss! I have someone who wants to work here."

Boss walks in. "Holy cow! It s Bigfoot. Saskwatch as the Canadians say. He s hairier than I imagined!"

" No, this is my friend, Ray. He has long hair."

" I wanna work here!" Ray exclaims. He jumps over the counter. "Can I look around?" Ray runs around, causing hair to fly around. "Wow! Fresh cookies! Man, my head is itchy. (scratches head, causing 5 foot hair and dandruff to fall on cookies) Aahhh! It s driving me crazy!!" He runs around scratching his head. Hair, long part and bangs, is everywhere"

" My boss is gonna rip him apart. He s a hair freak." says Kai.

Boss screams. "Nnoooo! What s wrong with you!? Are you insane? Did you skip your pills this morning? Get away from my food and employees, you walking hairball! Hiwatari, you are sooo fired..."

" No, I didn t do anything! He jumped over. I didn t let him in." Kai tries to reason with his boss.

" I don t care! Your pet bear is destroying my food. Get out of my sight. Bring cousin It with you."

Ray comes in looking like a fountain of hair. "I m gonna like it here. Lots of places to run around. Fucking itchy hair!" he scratches more.

" Aarrrrgh!! Leeeave! Don t ever come back!" Kai s boss is going crazy.

Kai gives in. "Fine. (takes off hair net and uniform) Fuck you, Satan! Let s go, Ray." they both leave. "I was only hired yesterday. I wasn t supposed to get fired till tomorrow, when he s really fed up with me. I worked there for a total of eight hours. Eight!"

" Chillax. I know what will make you feel better." chirps Ray.

The tape stops suddenly and starts again, revealing Kai beating up Max in Tyson s backyard.

" I told you to get me a place at your dad s shop. I could ve lasted longer, there."

" My dad doesn t even like you." confessed Max.

Kai screams "Shut up!" as he picks up Max.

" Hey, put me down, jerk!"

" Shut. Up." Kai orders again. He puts him in a garbage can, head first. "Hope you like wet garbage, Maxy."

" I never did anything to you!" Max yells from inside the garbage can.

Kai pushes can over and rolls it to pond in Tyson s yard. Max is screaming.

" Once again, SHUT UP!!!" Kai pushes him into pond.

" You re so cruel." says Ray.

" Never mind that. Get your hair under control. I think Hilary s scared. Anyway, thanks for sharing this special day with me. I m Hiwa- I mean Kai."

Ray to camera "I m Bigfoot, Saskwatch, cousin It, a bear, a hairball, and Ray!" to Kai. "I wanna do a shampoo commercial! It s my dreeeam!!!"

" I d like to do a lawn mower commercial with that hair. Bye, everyone. Ray, who the hell watches this? We talk as if someone will watch this."

"Dunno. It s funny, though!"

FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER: For the next chapter, Ray and Kai want to hear from, yep, YOU!! Send in your questions to them and they ll answer them. Anything, from their productions, to a crush you have, to a math problem, to something that s been on your mind, to their opinions on certain topics to anything amazingly stupid! You can have both of them answer or you can request one of them in specific. They re giving you a few days. Also, vote for who u want as your host : Lee from the White Tigers, Kane from the Psykicks, Miriam from the Saint Shields, or Tala from the Demolition Boys. Have your questions and votes in by September 30, it's a Thrusday. Make your questions addressed to Kai and Ray, not to the author. That is what e-mail is for!!

And lets not have a thousand questions on why Kai likes to hurt Max. I ll have it answered as a default question. BE ORIGINAL!!!


	8. number 66

Thanks for the questions! Oh, and thanks for sending in questions and not any comment for the chapter itself. I need to ask the guys the questions so wait a bit for that, also, i think if i put it up it will get deleted again, so any suggestions for wat to do will be nice. thanks **Acronym and Verb** for telling me!! And thanks for all ur reviews!!

Disclaimer: I don t own Beyblade or eBay.

Ray is standing in the middle of a yard. Bags of soil, pots, and various flowers surround him.

" Is it on? (Kai: Yes!) Okay, hi. I m Ray and I m having lots of fun with Kai here..."

Kai to camera "That s me! I m Kai. He s talking about me. (to Ray)"

" We re in this garden that Kai picked randomly on a street I chose randomly. We re gonna do some landscaping for whoever lives here. We got soil, pots, flowers, vegetables, the works."

" And some mini explosives I bought on eBay."

" You promised no more eBay!" Ray reminds him.

" I never said I wouldn't get Max to go on eBay for me. I m gonna plant them in the ground and when I sneak here tonight, I ll bring the camera and film as I blow them up with a remote control and watch the people pull a piss-fit." Kai reveals his evil plan.

" ...that, I have to see. Let s get started. I was thinking we pull up some grass. Like lots of random sized and shaped patches in random places."

Kai agrees. "Yeah sure. Then we could put, like, stupid things to replace the grass. Bury a radio about halfway vertically, a rake, a bed of toothbrushes, wood. Hey, we dig a hole somewhere and instead of water we mix some nasty shit and use that!"

" Fucking brilliant! If only there was a way to blend metal...hmmm..."

" Why blend? Anyway, start pulling grass."

They split up and start cutting and pulling out grass with gardening tools. After 20 min., the yard is a disaster.

" It looks like a war took place here. The only thing missing are bodies." says Kai

" Like this?" Ray lies down near a large patch of earth and crossed his eyes and sticks out his tongue.....apparently, he should look dead.

"Yeah...sort of. (Ray gets up) What now?"

" Spray paint, of course! I got all the colors, even pink. Make random scribbles on the grass, fence, plants, anything. Try to use other colors besides blue." warns Ray.

After 5 min...

" Now it looks like a vandalized battlefield. I m holding in a shitload of laughter." Kai suggests.

" Hey!" says a mysterious voice.

They turn to see an old lady walking toward them.

" What do you punks think you re doing?!" she screams.

" I ll take care of this." says Kai. "Hi grandma! It s me, Max."

" Maxy? Why, what a surprise. I thought you were coming later." chirps grandma happily.

" Well, I wanted to surprise you with a pretty garden." Kai continues with his game.

" Okay, I ll go inside. But why do you look like that team captain of yours?"

" Oh, Grandma, your eyes are playing tricks, again."

" Must be. Call me when you re done. " she leaves.

Ray is rolling in the dirt with laughter "She fell for it! I have to confess something. I chose this street in the hopes of you choosing her house."

" I chose this house knowing Max was coming today and aware of her vision problems." Kai adds. "She probably thinks the paint is flowers and birds."

" Haha haha haha...flowers and birds. Let s dig the hole."

They get shovels and start digging.

Kai wonders out loud "How deep?"

" Depends on what we put. Instead of some kinda liquid, we could make a garbage pit." answers Ray. "We ll get the neighbors garbage and dump it into our hole."

" That s good. How deep, bitch?"

" My height? Or yours? A rake?" suggests Ray.

Kai answers "My height. I m the tallest of all the above mentioned. We can fit more garbage that way. Then you."

" Fuck you. Dig."

They dig a hole about Kai s height, but they have to make sure...

" I m not going in the hole! How the fuck will I get back out?! I use your hair as a rope?" screams Kai.

" No, retard. A ladder. It s over there."

Kai sighs "Fine. (jumps in hole) Yeah, it s fine. Gross, worms. And roots. The soil is mushy. Get me out! I m afraid of closed spaces."

Ray brings the ladder and Kai climbs out. "Let s go get some neighbors garbage. We ll bring a wheelbarrow each."

They walk down the street and collect garbage from garbage cans.

" Talk about invasion of privacy. You d think we re stalking these people by stealing their garbage." Kai comments.

" You say stealing, I say relieving them of their garbage."

After filling the hole with garbage...

" Oh, fuck, what a stench! I m staying far away from our pit." Ray backs up.

" Is now a good time to tell you I m feeling nauseous?" questions Kai.

" Don t throw up on me. In the pit is the place."

" I think I ll live. Let s deal with the pots and flowers."

They mix soil and flowers together and throw it everywhere. They break the pots and throw the pieces in different places in the garden. But they leave some pots unharmed. they mix the soil and flowers together and put it in the pots and place them in the garden.

" Where are you putting your explosives?" asks Ray.

" I lost the courage to put one in the garbage pit. I put a few in the patches of earth. There s two pots with an explosive each. I wanna make a hole in the back door and drop one in, meaning there won t be a door when I m through."

" Yeah! Do it!" They go over and break a hole small enough to fit a mini-bomb and drop one in. It falls to the bottom of the inside of the door. "Kai, you retard, you re gonna hurt someone one day. Oh wait...scratch that. You ve been hurting Max since the regionals, before we were formed."

" Yeah. If I grow up, I wanna be a bully." jokes Kai.

" I m sorry, did you say _if_ you grow up?"

"Yup. Let s throw these decorative garden rocks around. NOT AT THE WINDOWS!!!"

" Oops. You throw rocks, I ll throw the vegetables around."

" Chop some up, first."

After throwing rocks and vegetables and planting the rest of Kai s explosives...

" Now it looks like a vandalized battlefield with a local garbage dump and a vegetable stand everywhere you go. And that reek, aww!" Ray blocks his nose.

" Not to mention danger lurks around every flowerpot. We still need to put the radio and toothbrushes in the ground."

" Where we going to get them?"

" I don t know about this _we_ stuff, but _you_ can go look for some in the garbage pit."

" NO FUCKING WAY, SLUT!!!"

" Slut? Where did that come from?"

" What did you psychos do to my grandmother s yard?!?"

They turn to see a horrified Max and calm grandma.

Grandma tries to reason with Max. "Max, you told me you were going to make a pretty garden for me. Don t you remember?"

" ...WHAT?! Kai! Ray! You tricked her into thinking you re me? I m gonna kill you!"

" No, Maxy. You mustn t kill." warns grandma.

" They destroyed your yard! Put your glasses on!"

Grandma puts glasses on "Aaaahhhhhh!! You fucking pricks! What the fuck did you do to my property?! (faints)"

" Grandma!"

" So, Max, you like it? We tried out best." says Ray.

" What the fuck is that smell? Oh, man. It can only be Kai." Max says backing away from the smell.

" Enjoy your last two minutes alive, Maxy." Kai jumps Max, dropping the camera, and starts beating him. Ray picks up camera and films.

" Kai, you missed his right cheek."

" I m right-handed. I m using my right. My left isn t so strong. Look." Kai punches with left.

" Mother fucker!" shouts Max.

" I guess it does hurt." Kai drags Max to door and drags pots with explosives near Max.

Ray warns. "You re gonna kill him, that way. Put everything a meter away from him in a circle."

" Fine." He takes back the camera and follows Ray s advice. But realizes "Max looks stoned."

Max is groaning. "Everything...hurts...so much...can t...move..."

" Shut up, Tate. Like fireworks?" questions Kai.

"...fire what now?"

" Fireworks" Ray repeats "but made of earth. I think you hit him too hard."

" Earthworks...hehe!"

Kai really doesn t care. "Whatever." He detonates the explosives. Max freaks out like a schoolgirl. Earth shoots up 8 feet in the air and door explodes.

Max spits out some high-pitched screaming. "OH MY GOD!!! THE EARTH IS MAD AT ME! I M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!" and he runs away from the house.

Kai and Ray roll around in the dirt and are choking back on fits of bitter laughter for 10 min.

" Wooo! Okay, we ve done our...job! (laughs) I m the number one guy you don t want in your garden, Ray."

Kai to camera. "I m the boss of that guy you don t want in your garden even if your life depended on it, Kai." to Ray, still laughing.

" I m crying and my stomach hurts from laughing! Reminds me of the White Tigers back home. We fucked up many gardens. Lee and I always took a piss in the flowerbeds. (wipes away tears) (sigh) Hope you enjoyed KaiRayRayKai Production number 66."

" We re not done. That fucking fence is going down!"

" Oh yeah. DRIGER!"

" DRANZER!"

They take down the fence.

" Now, four neighbors share one big happy piece of destroyed vandalized land." chirps Ray.

" Why do you have to make everything sound so bad?! At least they have land. They re lucky."

" I ll say! Ciao!"

While neighbors complain about stupid punk-ass teens and a very disturbing smell, Kai and Ray run like the wind.


	9. number 93

An important note at the end concerning your questions awaits you.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 doesn t own Beyblade.

Kai is standing with a man and a child and the child s mother. They are surrounded by rows of apple trees. Kai shakes the kid s hand and walks to Ray.

" Stupid kid. Next time, Ray, take the blame for what you do." scolds Kai.

" Hey, you whipped the apple at the kid s head, not me."

" _You_ stole his apples. He took them back. _You_ threw the first apple and missed. I was just helping. I m Kai. I just got told off by some kid s mom for whipping an apple at her kid. Ray started it."

Ray to camera "He thinks I, Ray, the goody two shoes, stared it." back to Kai.

" Goody two shoes, my ass! We re in the countryside, about an hour and a half from Tyson s place. We re apple-picking today. Ray found it hard, so he stole a kid s basket."

" Fuck off! That s not true. He had a lot, and I thought it wasn t fair." Ray whines.

" There are over 5000 apple trees here. There s plenty for everyone. We didn t even start, yet."

" Let s commence KaiRayRayKai Production number 93 and pick some apples. I think we lost our group."

" Fuck."

Back with their group...

" Everyone, I m Jeff. I ll be your supervisor today. Any problems you might have should be reported to me. Pick apples from the trees with the red ribbons around the trunk, only."

Ray asks "Why?"

Jeff answers "Because that s my group color. My groups can only pick from those trees."

Kai asks "Why?"

" Because there are other groups. The trees are evenly distributed among supervisors."

Ray asks "Why?"

"...you two are getting very annoying."

Kai asks "Why?"

" Because you keep asking why to everything I say."

Ray asks "Why?"

" I dunno why! You guys answer that! You re the ones asking why!"

Kai asks "Why?"

" JUST GO PICK APPLES!! Don t you dare say-"

Kai & Ray ask "Why?"

" Arrrggghhhh!!" Jeff runs in circles, screaming, and faints.

" What a rude, dumb fuck." mummbles Ray.

While picking apples...

" KAI! You pick the apples. It s called apple-picking...NOT TEAR THE BRANCH OFF!"

Kai holds a branch with several apples hanging from it that he pulled off the apple tree, looking very innocent.

" RAY! I don t give a flying fuck." He lets go of the branch and proceeds to pull on another one.

" It doesn t even have a red ribbon on it." Ray realizes "It s green. Get away from...I see it s too late."

"Yeah. I got two branches, now! One more."

Ray grabs his scarf and starts pulling him away.

" No! No more branches."

Kai slips his scarf over his head, removing it, and runs toward the same tree, screaming crazily.

" AAAARRRGGHHH! AHHH! YOU RE MINE, TREE!"

He jumps and holds onto a branch, pulls himself up, and climbs to a high branch. He hangs from his arms and does small jumps and movements to break the branch...and succeeds.

" I...am the king...of apple-picking." Kai holds his arms up in celebraton of his victory and speaks slowly.

" YOU RE THE KING OF ASSHOLES, THAT S WHAT YOU ARE!!"

" Apple-picking." Kai insists, taking back his scarf.

" Assholes."

" Whatever. Let s pick more."

" No, I ll pick, you watch. What are you gonna do with those?" Ray asks, points at 3 branches on the ground.

Kai thinks. "I dunno. Bring em home. I can use them on Max and Tyson."

Ray to camera "I predict Kai needing help in the future." goes back to Kai, turning in circles swinging a branch.

Kai exclaims "Weeeeee!"

" Stop that! You look crazy."

An hour later...

Jeff goes to the center of his group. "Time for group discussion. Who wants to share their apple-picking experience? Yes, with the face paint."

Kai says "Yeah, um, I kinda accidentally pulled off whole branches off a tree."

" ...you what?! You mean there s now a tree missing some branches?" questions Jeff.

" Yeah, three branches." Kai informs.

" Why would you do that?!"

" Well, the first one was intentional and my friend here was like 'what did you do that for, asshole!' We were walking away and the tree attacked me and called me names so I retaliated. The third one was pulled off for the hell of it, for fun."

" YOU PSYCHO!"

Ray adds "Just so you know, there wasn t a red ribbon on it. It was green."

" Nnoooo! Were you two dropped on the head as babies?!"

Ray fakes an offended look. "Stop making fun of me. That happens to be my case."

Kai smiles. "I m just naturally stupid."

Jeff begs to differ. "Nothing about either of you is natural."

After some calming down...

" Any questions before we continue? Yes, the crazy one with the extremely long hair." Jeff points to Ray.

" I m having trouble finding the oranges. Where are they?"

"...are you kidding? Are you really this stupid? This is an apple orchard. There aren t any oranges."

" How about pears? I like pears!" says Kai.

" No. Just. Apples. Got it?"

" How about ham? Ham grows on trees, right?" wonders Ray.

" Noo! Apples only! Stupid sadistic psycho-bitches! Leave this orchard and never come

back!" Jeff starts chasing them and Kai and Ray start running away.

After 10 min...

" We lost him. I think we traumatized him." says Ray.

" Think? I know. For sure." Kai looks around to see if anyone is within hearing range "You know what? This place is pretty far."

" So?"

" I don t feel like coming back here again for fucking apples."

" So?"

" Soo...let s bring home a tree! We ll pull it out, load it on that pick-up truck there, and I ll drive us back to Tyson s to plant it in his yard." suggests Kai happily.

" On one condition." Kai stares blankly at the camera. "It has to be a red ribbon tree."

They find a tree full of apples and begin pulling out the tree using shovels and their blades.

" Just make Dranzer burn the fucking earth and grass around it." says Ray.

" Just make Driger tear the fucking earth and grass apart." argues Kai.

They finally get it on the truck and they start driving...only to be spotted by Jeff.

" What are you fucking jerks doing, now?!" he screams.

" Drive, I ll handle him." Ray sticks his head out of the window. "We re taking a souvenir home! Look, it has a red ribbon!"

" I don t believe this! Why do you have a camera, anyway? You re too stupid to work it!" insults Jeff.

Ray screams "Fuck you! It s my friend s first time, we have to remember it!" Kai is heard laughing.

" It better be his last! Get back!" Jeff starts to run after them.

" Smell ya later, mother fucker!" says Ray as Kai speeds up, ending the fight between Jeff and Ray.

At Tyson s...

Tyson goes up to Ray and Kai followed by Max, Kenny, and Hilary. "Um, Ray? Kai? I don t mean to interupt, but...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

" Planting a tree." Ray answers casually.

" Why?" asks Max.

Kai tries to reason with them. "It s an apple tree! It s special!"

Kenny whines "But you ruined half the yard!"

Ray says "I noticed that. We re done."

Hilary complains "It looks crooked."

Kenny adds "It s tilting a whole 45 degrees to the right. It s very crooked."

Kai gets a little pissy. "Why do you have to complain about everything I do? Kai, the tree s crooked. Kai, you re walking around the house without pants, again. Kai, why are you gluing feathers to the wall?"

Max answers "Because everything you do is stupid and pointless and can only be thought up by someone with brain damage."

Kai remembers "I brought something special for you, Maxy. Just let me say bye to the camera. I m Kai! Adios!" He goes to the pick-up truck and pulls out the branches he broke off the tree. He screams "Aaaahhhhh!" as he charges Max.

" OH SHIT!" Max starts running, but is hit by Kai s branch. Kai throws apples at Max, then Max gets punched. "Everything is spinning!"

Kai turns to everyone else "Anyone else wanna try and –"

Kenny, Tyson & Hilary interupt "Nope!"

" Good."

Ray to camera. "I m Ray. I feel like making apple pie." to Kai, staring at the sky.

" Mmmmmm...pie." He starts drooling thinking about pie.

" Now that...is disturbing." Ray says.

VERY IMPORTANT: Well, maybe not important, but plz read anyway. As you all know, this fanfic has been deleted twice already. Putting up ch.9 – which I like to call Hotline – I m afraid would get it deleted a third time, and I m not exactly going for a world record, here. To read ch.9/Hotline, search for the story Hilary s Ordeal written by myself and read the first review, which should be written by myself, (whether it's a signed review or not, it will say konfizkate91) to get further instructions to read ch.9 of KaiRayRayKai Productions. Read the fic if you want, I don t care. But the main idea is to read the review by konfizkate91. Sorry for the inconvenience.

konfizkate91

ps. You ll be able to read the answers to your questions, just remember to review the apple-picking and the answers seperatly, please.


	10. number 106

I really don't know if you guys read the answer to all your questions, but if you did please tell me, because I have been going through Hell these past days because nobody sent a review or anything ot tell me. On with the chapter! Enjoy! MUAHAH!

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade.

Ray stands in front of a store with people walking in and out. People walking out are carrying grocery bags.

Ray complains "Dude, I can t pull this carriage out."

" Just kick the mother fucker! There."

" Yay! I got a carriage. Hullo! Kai and I are skipping practice today becuz we were extremely bored, seeing that we re better than Tyson and Max. We were hungry and found nothing to eat. Nothing! I know we live with Tyson, but it was disturbing. He even ate the spices. Curry, parsley, saffron, paprika, everything. Now, we re shopping!"

" Shopping is such a teenage girl word. We re doing the groceries."

" Whatever. Kai is wearing his gray mini camera in his hair, so we won t see him in KaiRayRayKai Production number 106."

Kai replies flatly "All hell will break loose. I m sure. I ll be pushing the carriage. I won t be seen, but I can be heard. Let s go inside."

Ray jumps into the carriage and sits down.

" What the fuck?!" Kai exclaims.

" Just push. I ll come out, occasionally."

Getting strange looks from strangers, they go inside and smile at whoever looks at them the wrong way.

" Haven t they ever seen a person sit in a carriage before?" wonders Ray.

" That person is usually two years old, dumbass. You need your diaper changed, by the way?" mocks Kai.

" Fuck off. Look, fruits and vegetables. (jumps out) Let s go choose some."

" Like anyone s gonna eat them. Just get, like, apples and oranges."

" I like bananas!"

" What-the fuck-ever."

They start looking for the right fruits.

" This one?" asks Kai.

" No, there s a bruise, there."

Kai pitches it over his shoulder, and doesn t know it hit an older woman, who just moves away.

" This looks good." says Ray.

" It s cut here."

Ray whips it behind him and it lands on the floor. This goes on for a long time.

Ray gets frustrated. "These fruits are crap! We need tomatoes."

" Go get them." Kai still pitching fruit over his shoulder. "Damn, no more apples. Even the oranges are gone."

Ray starts throwing tomatoes behind him. They splatter when they hit the ground or someone, so in 5 min., everyone is out of the fruit and vegetables section.

" Where d everyone go?" Ray says.

" Away." answers Kai "Jump in, we re moving on." Ray jumps in.

Going down the aisles, Ray is grabbing everything.

" Fuck, you re like a little kid." Kai scolds.

" Aw, lighten up."

" You need to brighten up. We don t need this shit. Put it back."

" Fine. Look, pudding!" Ray grabs the pudding.

" I am really hungry. Let s have some." Kai agrees.

" One problem. (pause) Spoons?"

" Use your fingers, wuss. They were invented before utensils."

" Sounds logical."

They start eating chocolate pudding with their fingers.

" Stolen, un-purchased pudding taste sooo good." Ray says between fingerfuls of pudding.

" Your optimism sickens me. Why do you have to ruin everything?"

" I didn t ruin anything. Keep pushing me."

He pushes the carriage along with Ray inside as they eat pudding.

" Pass me the aerosol." orders Ray.

" What for?" Kai asks as he passes the aerosol.

" In case someone bothers me."

" Just don t spray it in my face. I ll slaughter you. I see flour. Thinking what I m thinking?"

" Yeah. Pink and green really don t go together."

"...what?! You re thinking about matching colors?" questions Kai.

" Aren t you?" Ray says casually.

" No, cuz, see, I have a life and all, so...yeah. Ever make a snow angel?"

" I made a snowman. Does it count?"

" Not the same thing. You lie down in the snow and move your arms and legs side to side to make an angel."

" And you re re-living childhood memories while grocery shopping because....?"

" I feel like ripping your face off, right now! Look, flour. When everyone leaves this aisle, we make flour-angels!"

" Ooohhhh! Okay. (jumps out) I get it."

When everyone leaves the aisle, they open several bags of flour and spread the contents all over the floor.

" Like this." says Kai.

The picture goes from Ray to the lights on the ceiling for a few seconds and back to Ray. It then goes to the flour on the floor with an image of an angel in it.

Ray stands there in awe. "Wow! That s ingenious. You should patent this."

" I didn t invent it, asshole. Where did you make a snowman if you don t know what a snow angel is?"

" On a drawing program on Dizzi. I drew it. It was the snowman from Hell!"

" It s a SNOWman. He would melt in Hell."

" I thought of that later. I m gonna make one, now."

Kai films Ray lying in the flour on his back and making a snow angel.

" There s flour all over my hair and clothes." Ray whines like a three-year-old.

" I didn t even realize that. And my shirt is black." Kai tries to look at the back of his shirt, but, of course, can t.

" My top is white, I don t care, but my hair is black. Fuck. I ll never do a flour angel, again!" Ray pretends to cry.

" That was the plan, pinprick. Next aisle." Ray jumps in cart.

" Stop, take some juice." Ray points to the juice.

" Big or small?"

" Both." he takes a big one and starts drinking from it. Kai follows suit.

" All we really have are some apples and oranges. Everything else we either ate, drank, or used already." Kai notices.

" And aerosol." Ray adds.

" Yeah, but you plan on using it."

" Cereal!!" he grabs a box, opens it, and throws handfuls of cereal everywhere.

" Hey, it s kinda like confetti." says Kai.

" I m so glad I m not the janitor of this place."

" Same here."

After throwing various cereals on the ground, they go and actually choose and buy stuff, only they took three times the amount you would normally take.

Ray yells "I m buried in food! And eating half of it."

" Sshhhh! A little louder, why don t you?"

" Cuz then everyone will hear me."

" Can you not detect sarcasm? You know what, just shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up."

" Look Mom, it s Kai and Ray from the Bladebreakers!" says a little boy voice.

Ray makes a worried and scared face toward the camera "My worst fear come true. A six-year-old recognizes our faces when I can t even remember the last time I took a shit."

" You are so sad, it s depressing, really. I even told you –"

" Can I have your autographs?! Can I hang out with you?! Can I join your team?! I m pretty good! Where are Tyson, Kenny, and Max?" the kid rants on.

" In order, the answers to your questions are as follows : no, no, no, and at home rotting." Ray answers.

The kid wonders out loud "Rotting?"

Kai explains to the kid "Well, yeah, you know they re made of cheese, right? And cheese doesn t last forever."

" I guess not. Why can t I have your autographs?"

Ray says "You could use them against us in ways we can t think of, either becuz it s too cruel or it s not possible."

" You guys are being real jerks! You two are the coolest, my favorites. I look up to you."

Kai asks "Can you read?"

" Yeah."

" I ll give you my autograph if you go in a freezer and read what I write on your hand to whoever passes by until your mom comes."

" Mine too." Ray offers.

" Okay." Kai writes a message on his hand.

" Now go." Ray orders.

The kid jumps into a freezer. Then the first person stops and looks at him, confused, and the kid reads off his hand.

" Hello, fellow grocery shopper. I (pause) am God (pause) stuck in a freezer. Can you get me out and help me find my rebellious son and the soup section? I seem to smell quite a bit lately."

The shopper rolls his eyes and walks away. Ray and Kai are laughing hysterically.

" Where d you come up with that?" asks Ray.

" I always wanted to say it, but I never got the chance. I thought it up in the shower, where I do all of my best thinking."

After two more shoppers, the kid s mom comes by.

" Get your ass outta there, Danny!"

Danny runs to Ray and Kai. " Autographs, please!"

" Yeah, here you go." Kai hands him a paper with their names.

" Ring-o-cheese and Smell-o-rama?" questions the kid.

" Yup! Bye kid!" Ray says as they leave quickly.

" Shit!" cries Danny.

Ray comes back without being in the carriage. " Don t swear." he sprays him with areosol and runs back.

After getting all they wanted...

" That s $406.82. Amazing, a store record." says the cashier in amazment.

" Here ya go!" chirps Kai.

" Wow! You have money!"

" Duh, I paid you didn t I? Of course I have money. Who the fuck hired you?"

" What I meant was –"

" Shut up and pack our food." Ray orders.

" Don t let those punks leave!" screams what seems to be the manager.

" Eep! Gotta go!" they run with their food in their carriage.

At Tyson s...

" You skipped practice to buy food?!" shreiks Kenny.

" I am eternally grateful, but why is the pudding –"

" Shut up." Ray interupts Tyson.

" Cool, I ll have –" Max starts.

" You ll have nothing, Tate! I paid for it!" Kai screams back at him.

" Oh. My. God. $306.82! You re insane!" yells Hilary.

" Noooo, I m Kai."

" Well, duh!" retorts Max.

" Don t you dare give me fucking attitude! (punches him) I m your captain (punch) and I demand (punch) respect! (punch)"

" Now, put everything away! Before I start punching." Ray leaves with Kai "That s our grocery experience. I d say it was nothing out of the ordinary."

" I agree, completely."

" I m Ray."

Kai takes camera out of his hair and says to the camera "I m Kai. I made an appearance, yay!" to Ray.

" Of course, it had to be a production." sighs Hilary.

" Duh! Bye fellow retards!" Ray finishes off the Production.


	11. Halloween

Happy Halloween!

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, Pepsi, or the Care Bears.

Ray stands in the middle of an aisle. There's razors and deodorant on one side and medicine on the other.

Ray waves. "Yo! Kai and me are buying stuff for the trick-or-treaters tonight. It's Halloween, my favorite day of the entire year. I'm Ray."

Kai says to camera "I'm Kai, this is our Halloween special. (to Ray) So what are we gonna get for the sons-of-bitches tonight?"

" I'm all for deodorant sticks. Kids really smell like shit these days. Should we get Avalanche Rush or Lighnting Strike?"

" Are you serious? 1) they both smell like something died and 2) hundreds of kids are gonna come to Tyson's place, so I really don't feel like wasting money on 3 dollar sticks of clay."

" Fine, smartass, what do you think we should get them?"

" Follow me." Kai leads them to another aisle. "Condoms. Kids get hornier at younger ages, every fucking year. Plus, for the same price of one deodorant stick, you get six condoms."

Ray smacks his own forehead "How much fucking crack did you take this morning?!"

" Not enough, apparently. You think I'm crazy."

" I know you're crazy. They're six to ten year-old kids, not sex criminals in the making!"

" Not yet, anyway. Soon, they will be."

" Tyson suggested candy."

" Kai suggests condoms. Kai also suggests crucifying Tyson to his kitchen wall."

" Shut up. Let's just get the candy."

After getting candy...

Ray screams "No way!"

Cashier gets worried that she did something wrong "What's wrong?"

Ray continues "What the Hell? That's way too much. I can't afford that!"

" Sir, it's only $18."

Kai agrees "Really, man. I'll pay, how's that?"

Ray argues back "Don't you dare pay, Kai, that's way too much for anybody to pay for fucking candy! I'm protesting!"

Ray goes outside and starts screaming at random passer-bys about the price of candy.

Kai mumbles "What an asshole. Here." he pays.

" Thanks. Will he be okay?" She points at Ray getting beaten by police officers.

" Yeah, he'll be fine. Everytime we buy stuff, he finds a new way of getting me to pay when he promises to." He leaves "Please, leave him alone, he's a special needs child!"

Camera stops and starts with Kai going through someone's closet.

Ray says "Thanks for bailing me out, dude."

" Whatever. Just tell me next time you don't wanna pay or can't pay."

" It's not like that, at all. $18 for three fucking bags of candy? Give me a break. And what are you looking for in Tyson s closet?"

Kai answers "My costume."

Ray doubts it. "You put your costume in Tyson's closet?"

" No. Tyson's clothes is my costume."

" Why?"

" I wanted something really terrifying and scary this year. So I decided to steal Tyson's clothes since Tyson's the scariest fucking being in the world."

" You had no other ideas?"

" A cheerleader, but I couldn't fit into the mini-skirt."

Ray celebrates "Thank God!"

" Fuck you. I got Tyson's stuff. Leave the room."

2 min. later...

Kai is heard from behind a closed door "I'm not coming out!"

Ray shouts back "It was your choice, so get your ass out here!"

" Noooo! I look really queer!"

" Get out before I break down this fucking door!"

" No!"

" Why are you screaming at my bedroom door as if it s gonna answer you?"

Ray turns to see Tyson and answers "Kai is in there."

Tyson gets angry "What?! Get out, fucking idiot! (opens door) Why are you wearing my clothes!?"

" It's my scary costume!" chirps Kai.

" Change back and get out!"

Ray pushes by Tyson "Let me see." Kai is in Tyson's blue jeans and yellow T-shirt and red jacket and holding his cap in his hand "That's really ugly."

" My costume is ugly, I know. But it's having the effect I wanted."

Tyson screams "Get out of my clothes!"

2 min. later...

Kai pouts "Now I have no costume."

" Not to sound gay, but you look so much better, now." says Ray.

" Not to sound conceited, but I know!"

Kenny walks by them.

Kai spits out "You're a piece if crap, Kenny."

Kenny grumbles and walks away.

Ray wonders "What was that for?"

Kai gets all excited "I have this new way of thinking: if you tell someone enough times 'you re a piece of crap', then they'll believe that they're a piece of crap. So I'm making the Chief believe he's a piece of crap."

" You're so stupid."

" Actually, it's smart."

Camera stops and starts again showing a chess game, and Ray upset. Kai moves a piece.

Kai chuckles "Checkmate, asshole. 25-0."

Ray goes crazy "FUCK YOU!" He whips chess pieces on the floor.

Max asks "What the fuck is your problem?"

Ray growls back "Nobody asked for your consolation, Tate!"

Doorbell rings.

Tyson calls out "Can someone get that?"

Ray takes charge "I'm on it." Ray starts for the door followed by Kai. They walk by Kenny.

Kai says "You're a piece of crap, Kenny. Nothing more, nothing less."

Kenny moves away, hiding behind his laptop.

Ray answers the door.

Ray screams very loudly "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!"

Kai laughs "Trick-or-treaters, man."

A witch warns "Watch your mouth, mister."

Ray gets mean with the little kids "What do you want?"

A pirate answers "Let's see. It's Halloween, so candy."

" What kind of bullshit is this? You disrespectful punks came here for fucking candy? You can't just show up once a year to everyone's house just for candy when you don't even know their names!"

Tyson yells "Just give them the fucking candy, Ray!"

" Never! Prepare to die, incompetent punks!"

He runs after them outside Tyson's house and Kai follows with the camera. Finally, they leave.

" And stay away, assholes!"

Kai catches up "You're the asshole. We even went to buy candy for them."

Ray smiles "Technically, we went for deodorant and condoms."

Hilary stomps outside and to Kai and Ray. "You two are staying away from the door, got it?"

Kai reasons with her "I didn't do anything."

" I don't care." She leaves.

Kai sighs "I swear, she's such a slut."

" Hey, let's make a haunted house out of Tyson s house. We'll play eerie music and dress like vampires and make the house look dark and dangerous and we'll lead the kids through and give candy at the end."

Kai corrects him "It's already haunted, just lead them through."

Ray thinks. "You have a point there."

Kenny comes outside for air.

Kai calls out "Kenny, you're a piece of crap."

Kenny retreats back into the house.

Ray defends Kenny. "Will you leave him alone?"

" Fuck you. Gather some kids together."

Camera stops and begins showing Kai in front of a pack of about 20 kids.

Kai announces "And this is where Hilary the Whore killed her victims, Tyson, Max, and Kenny." He is pointing into dojo.

" Ooooouuuuuuu." The kids are impressed.

Kai continues with his history lesson. "Sometimes, their ghosts come back to get revenge on Hilary the Whore, who lives forever because she is supported by Satan and his minions."

Kids sigh "Aaaaahhh!" They're in awe.

Ray is giggling as softly as he can.

Kai says "Let's see if we can find them. To the living room!"

He leads the kids to the living room where everyone else is. All 20 kids come in the room.

Hilary screeches "What the Hell?! What do you think you're doing?"

Kai gasps. "It's Hilary the Whore! And the ghosts of Tyson, Max, and Kenny!"

Kids scream.

Kai remembers "Kenny, you're a piece of crap. Worthless."

Kenny bites back tears.

" You called me a whore?" Hilary asks Kai.

" No. Hilary the Whore. I made you a legendary sex offender!" he chirps.

Max speaks up. "You've gone way too far, Kai."

Kai pushes Max. "What are you gonna do? Huh, tough guy? You're gonna lecture me on what's right and wrong?"

" Just give the kids some candy and get rid of them, or else."

Kai challenges "Or else what? Hilary's gonna scream at me? Again? Well, guess what. I've grown immune to her high-pitched voice! Scream all you want, bitch, I can't hear you, anymore!"

Kids get bored "Can we have our candy?"

Ray also gets fed up. "Stupid faggot kids! All you care about are your sugar-highs! I oughta –"

Kai interupts "What's that, Maxy?"

Max is confused. cuz he didn't say anything. "What? I didn't – (Kai punches him) What the fuck?"

Hilary yells "What was that for?!"

Kai answers "For looking at me funny." He shoves Max into a wall.

Kids get excited and start screaming. Max and Kai start pushing, shoving, and wrestling. Kai has the advantage.

Hilary orders "Stop it! You guys are gonna break something!"

Ray chants "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Hilary grumbles "What did I just say, Ray?"

Ray recites exactly what he heard Hilary say "Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah."

"You guys get me so mad! Get these kids out!"

Ray obeys "Yes, sir. Get outta here, mother-fuckers! Show s over! Don t make me stab you!"

Kids run away, screaming. Kai and Max are still wrestling.

Tyson wonders "Why does Max even bother trying to put up a fight? Kai's too much of a savage animal for Max to beat."

Hilary screams "You make me sick. Stop fighting!"

Kai gives in "Fine." He pushes Max down, puts his foot on his chest, and steps over him, putting pressure on Max's chest.

Max wails in pain. "SHIT, what's wrong with you?!"

Kai ignores Max "Why do you always have to chase the kids away, Ray? I wanted them to watch me pummel Max."

Ray argues back "Like those kids meant anything to you."

Camera stops again and shows Ray looking under a bed when it starts again. He crawls under the bed so only his legs can be seen.

Kai asks "Did you find it?"

Ray's muffled voice comes from under the bed. "Yeah, I just can't pull it out. Push from the other side as I pull."

Kai pushes and Ray pulls and they manage to pull a big plastic bin from under the bed.

Kai complains "That shit smells nasty." He fans air in front of him.

Ray agrees. "Seriously. (gags) The smell makes me (gags) nauseous. (steps back) Aw, dude."

"Explain what it is."

"Right. We've been mixing this stuff since August, so we would have enough for Halloween. We prepared oatmeal and blended it with brocoli, Pepsi, and microwaved nacho cheese. We plan on whipping this poison at trick-or-treaters. Go get the salad spoons."

"I have them, already."

Ray points upwards. "To the roof!"

Kenny peaks in the room.

"What's that smell?"

Kai looks over at Kenny. "Last time I checked, Kenny, pieces of crap don't talk."

Kenny frowns and leaves. Camera stops. It starts again showing Ray lying on the roof on his stomach. The sky is a dark blue.

Ray says "Why aren't any sugar-crazed kids coming?"

Kai figures "Word probably got around that a couple of crazy Russians and Chinese live here and torture kids who trick-or-treat here."

Ray looks at the camera "Fuck you, man. (looks in front over roof) Look, some kids are coming."

They grab their large salad spoons and scoop some of their mixture from the plastic bin.

Ray whispers "Ready...aim...fire!"

They launch their goo just as Hilary comes outside to hand out candy. Hilary screams her high-pitched girly scream.

Hilary questions "What the Hell is going on?"

Kai whispers "Throw more."

Ray and Kai bombard the kids and Hilary with their disgusting guck, and eventually, the kids run away, without receiving candy. Hilary finds Kai and Ray on the roof.

Ray calls to her "Hey, Hilary! Wanna harrass kids with some mystery-goo?"

"After being covered in it, NO! Get down, you immature jerks!"

Kai groans "Yes, Mommy."

Hilary answers dryly "Believe me, Kai, if I was your mother, you would be up for adoption right about now."

Ray defends his crazy friend. "No he wouldn't, because it would be your duty and destiny to love him as your son."

Kai exclaims "I love you, Mommy!" with his arms open.

"No, it would be my curse to love him and my duty to put him up for adoption. And –"

Camera stops before Hilary can continue. It starts showing Kai pouring the remainder of his poison on someone's bed and stuff.

Ray says "Tyson s gonna kill you."

Kai begs to differ. "Tyson wouldn't stand a chance against me. Hilary has a better chance at inflicting pain on me."

"Now that has to make Tyson feel good about himself."

"Damn straight." They leave the room. "What time is it?"

"Ten thirty (10:30) Wanna watch that horror flick we picked up?"

"Hell yeah! All six of us."

Max happens to walk by. "What's that about a horror flick? You guys rented something?"

Ray explains "Actually, this movie's so good, we stole Tyson's money and bought it for him."

Kai gives a small warning "It's pretty horrifying, so I'm not pressuring you to watch it. I just really wanna see you pee your pants."

Max answers flatly "I can handle a horror movie."

They get everyone together around the T.V. set.

Ray announces "Does everyone have a hiding-buddy?"

Tyson asks "A what, now?"

"Hiding-buddy. Someone you can hide behind when you think you're about to scream."

Hilary asks "It's really that scary?"

Kai answers "Beyond your wildest imagination."

"I don't have a buddy."

Kai puts his hand up. "My armpit is willing to be your buddy!"

"I'll pass."

Ray comments "You're sick, man."

"I try to be nice, but everyone –"

Max orders "Start the movie!"

Kai and Ray sit down and start the movie. Kai pauses.

"Before we start-Kenny, some farmer called, he wants his piece of crap for his crops." and plays.

Hilary argues "That was mean!"

Kai reminds Hilary "Nobody asked you for an evaluation."

The movie starts. It's...it's...

Tyson hollers "Care Bears?! What the fuck?!"

Ray wonders innocently "What? 'Care Bears: The Movie' is really scary."

Kai joins in. "I dunno about you, but it's the scariest film I've ever seen."

" I hid behind the couch the whole time."

"Care Bears: The Movie? You guys are so burnt!" informs Hilary.

Ray shouts "OH MY GOD! THEY'RE SHARING!"

Max moans. "Oh, please. I have better things to do, like counting bed-bugs on Tyson's bed."

Tyson glares at Max. "Fuck you, Max. I'm going to bed! (goes to his room) Aahhh! What the fuck!"

Kai calls out to Tyson by his new name. "Yeah, Asshole? I might've done something to your room. I recommend not opening your door. OH MY GOD! THEY'RE BEING KIND! Make it go away!"

Hilary says "You guys are beyond any form of help."

Everyone leaves, leaving Kai and Ray to scream stupid things. They laugh and stop the movie.

Ray sighs "That was crazy. We still have all the candy we bought."

Kai grabs some wrapped candy. "Beautiful, I want some. I'm Kai. That was our KaiRayRayKai Halloween."

Ray to camera. "I'm Ray. See you next week or Halloween."

Kai complains "I hate fucking nuts in chocolate." and he starts spitting out chocolate.

Ray directs the camera to Kai still spitting. "All you ever do is fucking complain."

Yet, the camera stops again and starts showing Ray in the dark, outside.

Ray whispers "I know it's supposed to be finished, but Kai and I forgot to do some trick-or-treating of our own."

Kai moans to the camera "He woke me up 5 minutes ago to do this. It's, like, two thirty (2:30) in the morning, and every sane person is asleep." He turns back to Ray.

"Shut up and follow me." He leads Kai to a house that is entirely dark. He rings the door bell three times. A few minutes later, someone opens the door.

" What the Hell do you want?" comes the question.

Ray says in his normal voice "Trick-or-treat, prick. Give me some fucking candy."

"GET OUTTA HERE!" Ray and Kai run and the owner of the house follows them.

Kai looks at the camera. "I am soo gonna kill this stupid asshole. One: for waking me up, two: for waking me up for this! This Production is so over..."

The camera stops for the final time.

**To some reviewers who asked me a certain question:**

Where do I come up with this stuff? Honestly, I have to tell you, it isn't all that hard. I live this comedians, being a crazy one, myself. So whenever we joke around I get new ideas. Coming up with ideas for me is like it is breathing for you! It comes naturally. And no, it isn't stuff I wanted to do during my short lifetime and never got to do so I wrote it down. Who does that? I am not making asses of Kai and Ray (someone said that) I'm simply...Idunno, showing you how they truely are from my point of view when they're not being the loyal house-pet and anti-social loner.

Rei's#1gurl, I didn't get your e-mail, so try again, and I wanna talk to you concerning your request.

With lots of love! Bye!


	12. number 87

My mommy stopped bringing me to the beach becuz I can t play nice with the sharks!

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 doesn t own Beyblade, Hasbro, or Lord of the Rings.

Kai's back is to the camera. He's facing a cement wall and his hands can't be seen. He's wearing swimming trunks.

Ray to camera "That's really hilarious. I'm Ray, sneaking up on Kai, and I'm trying to see what he's doing. I have a suspicion, but I gotta make sure. (goes up to Kai) Hey Kai. What are you doing?"

Kai answers without looking up at him or the camera "Marking my territory." He steps to the right.

"Dude, that 'K' looks like an 'R'."

" Whatever. People will still get the idea. (he moves to the right again) One more letter."

" That 'A' looks almost like an '8'."

" Shut up. I'm trying to concentrate. There." He moves to the right and turns to Ray. "Asshole! You filmed me pissing my name in the sand?!"

" If that's what you were doing, yeah. Your 'I' looks like a real 'I'."

" You pervert! I'll have your ass, mother fucker!"

The camera stops before Kai can charge Ray. It comes back to Kai covered in sand and breathing a little heavily and angry.

Ray says between gasps of air "You didn't have to attack me, you fucking animal. It's not like I got your nuts in the picture."

" I don't care. Come take a look!" They go over to where Kai wrote his name. "Aren't I talented?"

" Now piss out Hiwatari." Ray orders as he zooms on the letters.

" Are you crazy? I can't make that much piss. I'm Kai. Today, the Bladebreakers and Hilary are at the beach. Tyson and Max are in the water, Kenny and Hilary are conversing, I was taking a fancy leak, and Ray was spying. Cuz he's gay. So very gay."

" I wasn't spying. I was checking up on you."

" You really didn't have to. I can piss standing up just fine alone, thanks. It's KaiRayRayKai Production #87, and we're gonna make some random peoples trip to the beach a living hell. What are you laughing at?"

" You're in shorts! What a fucking joke! And you're really pale, so you're out of place here at the beach."

" Wow, you really are gay. You're observing my clothes and skin color. Wanna check out my ass, too?!" mocks Kai.

" Shut the fuck up! Why are you jumping?"

" The sand is burning my feet."

" Wear sandals."

" Nooooo, cuz then I'll be gay, like you."

" I'm. Not. GAY!" Some people turn to look at him as he yells this.

" Let's find some kids to play with. And try not to molest them, Ray."

" I'm not even going to bother with you, anymore."

They walk down the beach and find some kids making a sandcastle.

" And I thought making a man out of balls of snow was stupid. They're making a house out of sand. Let's help them!" chirps Kai.

" Sure. Hi guys! Smile for the camera!"

Kids smile and wave at camera.

Kai asks "What are your names?"

" Mikey."

" Hannah."

" Judy."

" Really? You're Judy? A blond woman named Judy raped me." informs Kai.

" What?! Max's mom would never touch you!" Ray defends.

Judy asks "What does that mean?"

Ray answers "You'll learn when you're older."

Hannah says "We're making a sandcastle. Wanna help?"

Kai says "Sounds good."

Mikey asks "What are your names?"

" I'm Kai, this is Ray. He's gay!"

" Drop it, Kai! You know I'm not!"

Mikey wonders "So, you like boys? Eww!"

Ray screams "NOO!! I DON'T!"

Mikey says casually "Okay. Whatever you say, mister."

Kai asks "Do you guys beyblade?"

Judy says "A bit. Do you?"

" Yeah, we're pretty good. Wanna see?"

All 3 "Yeah!"

Ray whispers to Kai "Trash the castle at the word rip?"

" Exactly. 3...2...1..."

" LET IT RIP! DRIGER!"

" DRANZER!"

They destroy the kids castle. They stand with shocked faces. And then, they started to cry.

" I suggest running. Kai? Where –"

Kai is heard from far away "Hurry up! Don't suggest it, do it!" continues running

They go back to where Hilary and Kenny are.

Hilary asks "Where'd you guys go?"

Kai points "Down there."

Kenny interogates "To do what?"

Ray gets pissy "What, you want our life story?"

" No, I'm just curious."

Kai says "We went to play with some kids."

" We better check on those kids, Kenny." says Hilary.

" We're not monsters, c mon."

Kenny answers back "You're worse, you're Kai and Ray."

They leave to see the kids and Kai and Ray take their seats.

Ray complains "I'm hungry. Anything we didn't eat, yet?"

" No. I have an idea, though."

Ten min. later...

Tyson comes up to them from the water "Guys, why did you make a fire?"

Ray answers "We're cold."

" We're at the beach. We wouldn't have come if it was cold, today." reasons Max.

Tyson asks again "So what are you doing?"

" We're hungry," Kai says "so we're cooking some seaweed we got from the water."

" Your stupidity never ceases to amaze me." says Max.

Kai pretends to be amazed "Those are some big words for you, Maxy. (punch) Wanna teach me? I can't not talk English so goodly. Ray, what's it say when you go this? (punches Max)"

" Punching."

Max says "I'm going far from you, therefore in the water."

Kai threatens "I'll drown you!"

" Just leave him alone." Tyson defends him.

" His mom raped me." Kai informs casually.

" I don't even want to know how you came to that." Max goes in the water followed by Tyson.

Ray informs "The seaweed is on fire."

Kai doesn't care much "Oh well. Guess we can't have any."

" I saved some."

Kai tastes"..........(gags)"

" And?"

" THAT'S DISGUSTING!! AAHHH! GROSS! FUCKING...SHIT! (spits) NEVER! AGAIN!"

" Why do you always have to create a scene?"

" Create a scene?! I'm gonna take that fucking ponytail of yours and choke you with it!"

" So violent."

" According to the gay guy, maybe."

Hilary and Kenny come back.

Hilary questions "You wrecked their sandcastle?! How could you?"

" The evil little leprechaun in my head made me do it. And it was Driger, not me."

Kenny screeches "You used your blades as a tool for the destruction of a child's pass-time activity?"

Kai says "No, to destroy a sand house."

"That's what I meant."

" Then yeah."

Hilary yells "You guys are such jerks!"

A few hours later...

" I'm bored. I'm glad Hilary decided to shut up." chirps Ray.

" Same here. I could've fallen asleep." yawns Kai.

" Let's just leave."

" I don't want to leave. Let's find a way to stay longer. (they think) I got it. Where's Kenny?"

" In the water."

" We'll bury Dizzi. He won't leave without her."

" Yeah, okay! Where is she?"

They find Dizzi and dig a hole.

Dizzi asks "What are you guys doing?"

Ray answers happily "Burying you."

" Are you crazy? Kenny's gonna...well actually, you ll kill him before he kills you, but you get the idea!"

Kai answers "Yeah, I get it. He's gonna scream at us for hours in his high-pitched annoying girl voice."

" Just remember who builds your blade parts." she argues.

Ray corners her "The nice people at Hasbro. I'm eternally grateful."

" No, dickweed, me and Kenny. Bury him, instead."

" Good idea."

They dig a hole big enough for Kenny and pull him out of the water.

" What the fuck?! Leave me alone! Tyson! Max! Help!" Kenny squeels.

Ray says "I told the guys and Hilary there was a mini-tournament and ice cream on the other end of the beach. They're long gone!"

They shove Kenny in the hole and cover him in sand, leaving only his head out.

" I'm finding it hard to breath!" chokes Kenny.

Kai cheers "C'mon, Kenny, you can do it! You can breath!"

" I said it's hard, not I can't."

Ray whipsers "Dude, come here. (they walk away a bit) I'm gonna whiz my name across Kenny's bed of sand."

" I knew you liked him! You fucking perv, you!"

" No. I need some distraction, though. We could put a towel over Kenny's head but what about other people? And you have to take the camera."

" We have two huge beach umbrellas, what more do you want?" he says as he takes the camera.

Ray sighs "Fine, fine. Whatever."

They put a towel over Kenny's head and place the umbrellas.

Kenny argues "Hey!"

Kai orders "Shut up, Frodo."

Ray pisses his name in the sand. It stretches from Kenny's feet to his shoulders.

" Done!" he removes the towel and umbrellas. Ray takes the camera.

"Why would you write your name on...why does it smell like piss?" Kenny gets worried.

"One question at a time, please." says Kai.

"It is piss!" sings Ray.

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!! YOU PISSED ON ME?!"

"Your name came out neat. Mine looks like crap. You practice, don't you?" Kai teases.

"No, Kai, I have a life."

"DON'T YOU IGNORE ME!!"

"There. Was. No. ICE CREAM!" Tyson can be heard a mile away.

"Shouldn't you be more disappointed that there wasn't a tournament?" Max tries to reason.

"NOO!"

"He needs help. Where's the Chief?" questions Hilary.

Max answers " With Ray and...oh no. With the demonic duo!"

Kai greets "Hey guys."

"Where's Kenny?" demands Hilary.

"I dunno. On the moon?" answers Kai.

"Spill it. What did you do?"

"You really wanna know?! Fine, I ATE HIM!"

"I'm here. Ray pissed on me." Kenny sighs.

"I pissed on the sand, Chief. There's a difference."

"You animal! You pissed on him?! Where? I wanna see." says Tyson.

"I whizzed my name in the SAND! Not ON HIM! Over here. We buried him, first."

"Well done. It's very neatly done."

"I'm sorry, but are they talking about a talent for peeing letters in sand neatly?" wonders Max out loud.

"Yeah. Sad, isn't it? But you can t blame them. Ray's gay. Hey that rhymes! Look, it's Gay Ray!" mocks Kai.

"I'm not gay, you dumb fuck! You're gay!"

"I can't be. Judy raped me."

"My mom wouldn't touch you, you fucking prick! I can't believe you would even think that!" Max defends his mother.

"Can I get out of the sand? I can't take the strong smell of Ray's urine anymore." Kenny whines.

"But you'll ruin my name. I worked hard on it." Ray complains.

"I really don't need to hear all this." says Hilary.

Kai breaks out in hysterics. He falls on his back, holding his stomach and rolling side to side in the sand.

"Woo! Okay, she really doesn't need to hear this. I'll go in the water with you, kay? While they speak of urinating."

"Thanks, Kai."

In the water...

"No, you don't eat the shells, Kai! You keep them. Take it out of your mouth!"

They splash trying either to keep it or take it out of his mouth.

Ray to camera"What an asshole. Well, that was our beach day. Hopefully, Kai got some color. I'm (points to name in sand)"

"Get. Me. OUT!!" Kenny screams.

"I gotta take some pictures, first." says Max.

Ray to Kai "KAI!! I'm ending this!"

Kai takes shell out of mouth and holds it over Hilary, since he s taller"I'm Kai! This shell tastes good." he puts the shell back in his mouth.

"Kai, you stupid bitch, give it to me!" Hilary orders.

"For the record, I'm not gay. This is Kai's name in the sand, shown for the last time." he shows Kai's name.

Tyson suggests "Kai needs some peeing practice."


	13. number 72

Here comes the bride, something about being dressed in white.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 doesn't own Beyblade, Space Invaders, or Kirby.

Ray is in a gray sweat suit. He jogs into Tyson's backyard, all sweaty, and starts doing push-ups.

Kai speaks up, making his presence known "It's about time you got back."

Ray stops and stands up." I was only out for a few hours. Why are you all dressed up? Wow, look, a tie and suit and everything. Let me film that."

Ray takes the camera and gets a shot of Kai. He's dressed in a black suit.

"Our little boy's all grown up. (sniff)"

"Alright, fuckface, that's enough. I'm Kai. (takes camera) What's today?"

"Oh, wait! I know this. Duh, Saturday?" he answers sarcastically.

"Yes, but what's happening today?"

"Who did you kill? We're probably going to their funeral."

"NO! Dude, you smell. Aw, you're a sweat factory." Kai steps back.

"Fuck you. I'm Ray. And I'm confused."

"Three words. Mr. Dickinson's nephew."

"Oh shit! He's getting married today."

"Excellent work. Remember what number this is?"

Ray announces proudly "KaiRayRayKai Production #72! We're going to a wedding. Mr.D's nephew, Nicholas, invited us. Mr.D, knowing Kai and I do videos, asked us personally not to tape anything or bring our camera. Nicholas asked us to do a video of screw-ups during the wedding."

Kai to camera "Since weddings always go smoothly, we're gonna fuck it up ourselves. (to Ray) Dude, if you don't shower, I'm hosing you down."

Ray smiles evilly before the camera stops. It starts again showing Ray, still in the sweat suit, in the shower, with the water running over him.

"Not what I had in mind, but if it suits your fancy. Why do I have to stay? I feel pretty gay."

"You are gay! (turns off water and steps out) Do I smell pretty now?"

"Not pretty, but better. Get dressed."

Ray takes his pants off.

"Not in front of me!" yells Kai.

"I'm ready!" Ray turns in circles in place a few times.

"You're going to a wedding in a wet sweatshirt and boxers. And wet hair." Kai confirms.

"Yes. And running , let's go."

They go outside, where everyone else is waiting. Max, Tyson, and Kenny are all in suits and Hilary is in a light blue dress.

Hilary hollers "Oh, Hell no! You guys are not screwing up this wedding with your productions. Ray, get dressed."

"I am dressed. I'm not naked. I'd rather go naked, but I don't feel like getting a lecture from you." Ray admits.

"Go put on something decent! Kai did." Hilary tries to set an example.

Ray chuckles "Kai is not dressed decent. He isn't wearing underwear. I am! See?" He pulls up his sweater to show his boxers.

Max slaps his forehead "I officially know too much."

Kai hits Max on the back of the head. "Max, I'm warning you now, do not piss me off, mother fucker, cuz it would be a shame to get blood on that suit of yours."

"I never piss you off, Kai. You're just a big baby who punches me becuz you have no life."

Hilary goes up to Kai and pulls his tie so their faces are an inch apart. Kai moves the camera aside and Ray takes it and films.

Hilary growls in his face "Kai, I swear on my own head, if you fuck up this wedding, I will make you wish you never met me."

"That's impossible." Kai answers with a sly grin.

"Why?"

"I already wish I never met you. You can make me wish that I never met you even more, though."

Hilary screams "Then so be it!" and lets go of his tie.

Kai takes the camera back and directs it to Hilary "What do you care, anyway?"

Hilary gets all dreamy "Weddings are special and magical. Two people who love each other agree to live the rest of their lives, together. (sigh)"

Ray chirps "I heard 1 out of 3 marriages don't work out!"

"Shut up! Get dressed." she orders.

"Yes sir!" Ray salutes and runs inside.

Kenny does some math "That means about 33 percent of marriages end up in divorce or something?"

Tyson comments "That's scary. Hey Hilary, out of myself, Max, and Kenny, which of us would end up in a screwed up marriage?"

"Shut the fuck up, Tyson!"

Ray returns "I'm ready! Happy?"

"Very. Let's go. Mr.D is here with our ride." she points elsewhere.

The camera zooms on the limo and stops. It starts again with everyone looking at the camera expressionless. No smiles, no frowns. Kai turns the camera from Max to Tyson, Hilary, Kenny and Ray. No expression!

Kai says "What a happy bunch." and stops the camera.

It starts again in the church.

Ray is in awe. "Wow. It's big and empty."

Hilary says "Ray, I'm sitting between you and Kai."

Ray pretends to feel offended "Why? It's not like we're gonna start making out or anything."

Hilary's eys widen "...that's a very disturbing image."

Kai goes the extra mile "That was disgusting, Ray. I should castrate you, right here, right now, in front of everyone."

Ray says "I like my nuts where they are, thanks. I was joking, idiots. I'd never kiss Kai. Why are you sitting between us? You like us, don't you?!"

"So I can stop both of you from doing something stupid. These people love each other, guys."

Kai agrees "Yeah, we know. They're agreeing to grow old and wrinkly and oily and grumpy and short and ugly and hard of hearing and crazy together."

"You're a real asshole, Kai."

Kai says " So I've been told."

Tyson whispers "It's gonna start soon. Sit down."

Kai and Ray rush to sit together, pissing off Hilary.

"Do anything stupid I'll castrate you both. With my bare hands." she sits down next to Kai.

Kai argues back "Hell no! You wouldn't want to do that. It hurts. Not to mention all the blood..."

Half an hour later...

Ray whispers "I am sooo bored. I'll go crazy."

Kai whispers back "Here. (hands video game) Amuse yourself." and he starts playing with his.

"Cooool!"

The video games' volume is full blast, so everyone hears stupid little squeaky video game sounds.

Kai yells "Fucking Space Invader, get your ass over here!"

Ray screams "Kirby, you fucking walking bubble gum ball! Do something other than look like you're always jerking off!"

Priest comes over "Please stop, before I throw you out. (takes video games away) Like baseball?"

Kai & Ray answer "No."

" Now, you will. That's strike one. Two more, and you're out. Understand?" the priest says.

Ray answers "Yes."

Hilary growls "I can't believe this. You brought video games to a wedding?!"

Kai chuckles "No, you were just imaging what just happened."

Ray whispers "Two more chances. Yay!"

Later on...

Kai and Ray start snoring really loudly and are pretending to sleep. Ray has his head leaning back with his mouth open while Kai's head hangs down. The priest comes, again.

" Excuse me, gentlemen, but you are being very rude. We can tell you're faking."

They wake up at once at the same time.

Kai slaps his lap "Well that sucks. I'll get a shot of everyone." he stands up and gets a shot of everyone in the church "Great. You guys could at least smile." he sits down.

" One more chance." the priest goes back to the front.

Hilary pinches Kai's arm "You are so embarrassing!"

Near the end...

Priest announces "If anyone thinks these two shouldn't marry, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Hilary gets worried "Oh no!"

Kai and Ray stand up at the same time.

Kai & Ray shout "OBJECTION!"

Kai screams "That's my mom!"

Ray says "That's my grandmother!"

Kai continues "Her boobs are too big to be real!"

" She has only one leg!" Ray goes on.

" She's a man!" Kai.

"She hit on me before the wedding!" Ray.

" I saw her making out with the best man!" Kai.

" She told the bride's maid how she fucked the best man!" Ray.

Mr.Dickinson wails "You can't take those two anywhere!"

Priest gets angry "Get out, now! Before God curses you, forever! You may now kiss the bride."

Ray jumps at the oppurtunity "You don' have to tell me twice! She's hot!"

Outside...

Kai questions "Only one leg, Ray? What the fuck?!"

Ray argues back "She's a man? Her boobs are fake? Come on! You need stupid reasons."

"You need reasons that make sense. If she's your grandmother, how old is your mom?"

"Well, the bride's 28, I'm 15, 13 years apart...that's really retarded. And impossible. You said she was your mom. That makes us related, somehow."

Kai does some 'family math', "It makes me your uncle or your father."

"Gross." Ray shudders.

At the reception hall...

Max tries calming Hilary down "Hilary, you've been telling them off for six hours. I think they get it."

Ray cries "Yes, we do, now shut up, please?!"

Kai adds "Before I whip this camera in your face."

Hilary dares "You wouldn't."

Kai dares back "Wanna bet?"

Tyson, Max & Kenny decide "My money's on Kai."

Hilary is discouraged "Thanks a lot guys. Really."

Ray chirps "No problem. Look, a cake as tall as Kenny!"

Kenny says dryly "Very funny."

":I know." admits Ray "I'm gonna slice it."

Tyson asks "How?"

Ray smirks "Driger."

Hilary screams "Ray, no!"

Ray laughs "What's that, Hilary? You want me to hurry up with slicing that mother fucker of a cake? Sure! DRIGER!"

Driger's only thought is "CAKE!!"

Cake goes flying on everyone.

Kai wipes cake off his face like everyone else in the room as he says "You screwed up big time."

Ray addresses the pissed off guests "To make up for the cake, I'll sing a song while my uncle/father here plays guitar!" he points a hand at Kai.

" I' m not your uncle/father. And I can't play guitar."

" Improvise."

They go on stage and Kai makes an unbearable racket, causing everyone to block their ears. Ray starts singing. Kai films the audience and Ray.

Ray starts "Yeah...so I guess you're married, now, huh? Well that's great. Hope you have a great life. And, um, I'm sorry about the cake. But the food is pretty good so far, so...yeah, keep it coming! Hope your kids don't come out ugly!"

They get off stage. The groom comes to them.

" I didn't say you could fuck up my wedding, I said make a humorous video! I'll KILL YOU!"

Hilary screeches "Me too!"

Max says "You should be ashamed."

Kai walks quickly to Max "I told you (punches Max) not to piss (punch) me off (punch) fuckbag!"

Bride screams "Aaaahhhhh!" and faints.

" I'm Ray."

Kai wonders "You're ending it, now?"

" Yeah, before I die."

To camera "I'm Kai. (to angry people) Can't we talk this out? Like civilized human beings?"

Hilary hisses "Not this time."

Ray yelps "Eek! Run!"

Reisgurl, JUST GIVE ME UR DAMN EMAIL ADDRESS! Why isn't is on ur bio? And, no, I didn't change my email. Make sure ur typing it right. (there's an underscore and 91 at the end)

Acronym and Verb: I dunno how seashells tasts. U gotta ask Kai, he's the psycho who tried. Kai: Seashells rok my sox! They don't really have a flavor, it tastes like a very smooooth rock, and a bit salty, but they rok, nonetheless!

My secret angel: I already have a carnival/circus idea in mind, I just have to right it.

minijkitty: It's not like Kai is leaving with her in a romantic way, it's in a being-a-brat way!

Thanx to all the readers, reviewers, and non-reviewers!


	14. number 35

Only you can prevent forest fires!

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade.

Kai is screaming at a heap of material on the ground. He is surrounded by trees, bushes, and dirt. A lake is seen behind some trees.

Kai screams "Stupid mother-fucking tent! Why do you hate me?! Aahhh! (starts jumping up and down on it while screaming) Everything I attempt fails!"

Ray asks calmly "Still trying to put up the tent?"

"YES! It's fucking annoying! Like Tyson!"

Tyson passes by "Kai, will you stop yelling? You sound like a kangaroo who's dying and in heat at the same time. It's really disturbing."

" I will not be silenced!" Kai keeps jumping.

Kenny says "I kinda liked him better when he never spoke a word to us and was serious."

Max adds "And when he didn't punch me everyday. I nearly choked on my cereal this morning becuz of him. He bitch slapped my face."

Kai points at Max "Don't blame me when you're the one who can't chew properly. I'm Kai. The Bladebreakers are camping, today. And tonight. And tomorrow!"

Hilary says "Great, these two days will be great. They're filming! I should break that camera."

Ray to camera "I'm Ray, and ready to hurt Hilary if she doesn't shut up! (to Kai jumping and screaming) In case you haven't noticed, Kai, that's not helping."

Kai stops jumping "Oh."

Hilary is shocked "What do you mean 'oh'? You really thought going crazy over it would make it stay up?"

Kai asks "Are you going to bitch me these next two days? Cuz I get enough of that at Tyson's place."

" If you act stupid, yes." she answers.

" Well you just ruined my two days of being in the middle of nowhere. Before I argue more- (to camera) KaiRayRayKai Production #35. (to Hilary) Please, go on in your quest of making my life miserable. Proceed with fulfilling your day."

" Shut the fuck up." she goes away.

Ray celebrates "Yay! She left! Want help with that?"

Kai pouts "No, I want you to do it for me."

" Maybe if you had poles, it wouldn't fall."

" Are you serious? It needs poles? What kind of shit tent is this?"

" They all need poles, asshole. Where are yours?"

" I dunno, Ray. Keeping track of poles isn t my thing. Breaking them is."

" You broke them?"

" I tried."

" They're made of metal, fuckface."

" That's why I said 'I tried' and not 'I did', smartass."

" So where are they, now?"

Kai gives a childish smile "I threw them in the lake."

"You really expected to build a tent with out poles?"

" I didn't think they were necessary."

" Go get them."

" Fuck. But I threw them far. In the middle." Kai points.

" I really don't give a shit! You want a tent to sleep in, tonight?!"

" ....not really."

After finding and retrieving the poles...

Kai complains "That water is disgusting."

Ray gives his opinion "It looks clean. Not perfect, but clean."

" But it tastes nasty." Kai spits.

" You're not supposed to drink the lake water!"

" Forget that, make my tent." Kai orders.

" You make it. You're a big boy, I'm assuming."

" Physically, not mentally."

Ray thinks for a moment "Huh?"

" I have the mental capacity of a newborn."

" Okay, now you're insulting babies?"

" Oh, that was low. Like below the belt, low."

" Just build your tent."

20 min. later...

Ray says in an annoyed voice "Kai, stop crying. I'm serious, now. Get up."

Max comes by "Why is the retard crying? No more war paint?"

" Cuz he's stupid. He's frustrated cuz he can't build a tent."

" And you were assuming he could? I can't tell which of you is stupider."

Kai growls "You're going down."

Max asks "Me or the tent?"

" Both of you. You first!" Kai starts jumping on tent material and screaming again "Aaahhhhh!"

Hilary comes in "Will you stop it, asshole!? I've been watching you, and –"

Kai looks at her "Why would you watch me? Am I that interesting?"

" Not interesting, but stupid! You don't build a tent throwing the material over yourself and flailing your arms around until you trip over your own feet and fall!"

Kai crosses his arms "You have your ways and I have mine! So leave me alone, whore. Go work another corner."

Tyson says " 'Kay, we're done."

Kai freaks out "Done what? What's going on? Oh shit, the sky is falling, isn t it? I hope you're happy, Hilary."

Hilary answers "Actually, I am. I distracted you long enough for Max and Tyson to build the tent for you. Now I don't have to see you act like the incompetent idiot you are."

" I was talking to you for less than 20 seconds. They couldn't-" he turns to see his tent up"...oh wow. It's beautiful."

" Now, please, put some pants on." begs Hilary.

Ray focuses the camera on everything below Kai's waist. He has boxers on, but no pants. He brings all of Kai's body into the picture again.

Kai says "I'm going swimming in the lake. I don't need any! (jumps into lake) Nobody drinks this water!"

Max says dryly "Oh yeah, cuz it looks really appealing. I'm gonna drink it all."

Later on...

Tyson complains "Can we make a fire, now? I'm hungry."

Kenny retorts "What a surprise. You're hungry."

" What's to eat?" asks Max.

Kenny answers "We have the stuff for s'mores, hot dogs, and the fish Kai was punching out becuz he thought it bit him. He says it's edible."

Max wonders "He kept it? What an idiot. Ray, get the camera out of my face, please. Where's Kai, by the way?"

Ray informs "He's making a fire."

Tyson looks around "I don't see him."

Ray says casually " He's doing it in his tent."

Hilary hears this "You're kidding. You have to be. Right? Right?!"

Kai screams "DRANZER! FLAME SABER!" from inside his tent.

Hilary is appalled "I don't believe it! He's actually doing it. Asshole!"

She goes into his tent and picks up his blade before it can attack the pile of sticks in the middle. Ray comes in behind her.

Hilary screams "Are you insane?!"

Kai wonders "No. Are you?"

" NO! I'm not the one starting a fire in my tent!"

" I know. I am." Kai stays calm all the while.

"Your tent could've caught fire and then where would you sleep?"

"In your tent."

"I don't think so. I wouldn't share my tent with someone who is in need of a asylum as much as you do."

"Who said anything about sharing? I'd kick you out. Like a gentleman."

" Why do I bother talking to you?"

" I wonder that everyday. 'Why does she talk to me? I'm not really listening, yet she continues. She's really annoying. Our conversations are never pleasant, but she talks to me anyway. Do these pants make my ass look big?' "

Hilary's mouth opens and eyes widen ".....I'm leaving you, now." she leaves, but Ray stays.

Tyson comes to Hilary "What did he tell you? I couldn't hear him."

" I just got royally burned by an anti-social loner. I wanna be alone." goes into her tent.

In Kai's tent...

Ray says "You are so mean to her."

Kai responds "She asked for it. She still has my Dranzer."

"You can get it back and apologize at the same time."

" No. I'm hungry."

They go outside and see that they're struggling to start a fire.

Kenny says "Kai, you were making a fire with Dranzer before. Maybe you could-"

" That slut took it from me. She still has it."

Kenny suggests "Apologize and get it back."

" I'm convinced you and Ray were separated at birth. I'm not saying sorry. Have a lighter. Have three lighters. Hell, have seven lighters." Kai throws 7 lighters.

" Why do you have so many lighters?" Max asks Kai.

" In case I lose one. Or five."

Later that night, during story-telling...

Tyson goes "Then, when I opened the fridge, I found...A THREE-MONTH-OLD TUNA CASSEROLE! Smelling like death."

Kai screams "Aaahhhhh!" he runs into his tent "MOMMY!"

" Okay, I get it. It wasn't scary. Or funny. Ease up on the sarcasm."

Kai comes back "Pass me another marshmallow, Maxy, please."

" No." Max says.

Kai stands up immediately "What did you say?"

" I said no. You make them all sticky, then throw it in my hair. Or in my face."

" Don't tell me what I do. I know what I do. Now, give me a FUCKING MARSHMALLOW! I can't believe they're actually called 'Fucking Marshmallows.'"

Tyson corrects him "They're called funky marshmallows, Kai. Have a whole bag."

Kai puts one over the fire until it's almost brown. He takes it and smothers it all over Max's face.

" That burns, retard! Ow! Have you lost it? Did you ever have it?!" Kai punches him "How mature."

Hilary says "I'm going to sleep. Night."

Everyone "Night."

" I'm going, too." agrees Kenny.

Tyson & Max get up "Same here."

Ray says "I'll stay up a bit."

Kai takes another marshmallow "Yeah."

When they leave...

Ray says "You're planning something evil."

Kai keeps looking at his marshmallow over the fire "I know."

" What is it?"

" I'm debating over stealing all their clothes, and I mean ALL, including what they're wearing now, and hiding them somewhere deep in the forest, or throwing them in the water when they're fast asleep." Kai's treat catches fire and he steps on it.

" Why not both? Rape them, hide their clothes, and throw them in the water nearly naked."

" I'm not raping them, moron. I'm...WE're...removing their clothes. There's no sexual contact involved."

" Whatever. Or, we remove their clothes and fit two in a sleeping bag. We're gonna end up with a gay pair, but whatever. It's all good!"

" I'm not touching Hilary. You could do it." Kai forewarns.

" Like Hell! We'll both do it."

" Tyson and Max together. It's a must. Good thing they sleep like fucking babies."

" I'm gonna feel so gay, removing a guy's clothes."

" I'll do it, you big baby. Get my and your sleeping bag ready."

While Ray gets the sleeping bags, Kai starts taking off the others' clothes.

5 min. later...

Kai says again "I'm not touching her, you do it."

Ray argues again "I'm not touching her, you do it."

" I'm not...screw this. Just do it. I did the others."

" We'll just leave her be."

" Fine. Hold on, find my blade."

" I found something else. Like a journal. Holy crap, she's rambling on about Max, here."

" Let me see! Crap, that's gross. She's talking about you on this page. She says you're really sexy."

" No fucking way. (takes book) That's really wrong. She's talking about you, too! She likes us all."

" I'm so keeping this. I could blackmail her with it if I happen to be in that situation." Kai takes it.

" I found your blade."

" Don't worry, Dranzer, the slut won't harass you, anymore."

They proceed with putting two people in a bag. But then...

Ray gets an idea "I got another idea. We'll put the bags in a canoe and make it float in the lake."

" Brilliant. And then we'll watch as they have a fucking heart attack."

They let the canoes float in the water and go to sleep. The camera stops and starts again with a freaking out Kai in the picture. It's 8 am.

Ray is heard yawning "What's your problem?"

" The fucking canoes are gone. I have no idea where they are."

Ray zooms in and out on the lake.

" Well, no wonder, they drifted away. You expected them to stay in place?"

" Maybe. I am in such shit, it's not even funny."

At 3 p.m....

Hilary's voice "KAAAAAAAAAAII!!!"

" No fucking way." Kai starts laughing.

Max wonders "What's so funny?"

Ray is in awe. "How'd you get back? Where'd you end up?"

Tyson explains "When we woke up, some bears were smelling us. Hilary screamed, of course, and the bears tore the bags apart, which we couldn't do. Then they started chasing us."

Kenny continues "We started running and a forest ranger got us away from the bears and drove us back here. Why the hell is he still laughing!?"

Ray guesses "He was freaking out before, so seeing you must be a relief to him."

" I'm laughing cuz they actually got back!" he manages to say.

Max demands "Where are our clothes?"

Ray says "In my tent."

Tyson asks "Was anyone else oddly turned on by that experience?"

Max gets pissy "You were turned on by that?! You disgusting prick!"

Kai realizes "It's a brand new day! Time to punch Maxy." starts chasing Max.

Hilary's exhausted "I'm going to sleep in my tent, and hopefully, when I wake up, things will run normally." she leaves.

Ray to camera "Well, strangely enough they're back in one piece. I'm Ray." he turns to Kai, who's punching out Max "Kai, he's unconscious. We have a rule. No punching anyone when they're knocked out, remember?"

Kai looks up at him "Shut up. He's awake. (fakes Max's voice) I'm Max and I want Kai to punch me. SUGAR!"

" No Kai."

" Fine. I'm Kai. And I m gonna throw Max in the water, like so." Kai drags Max into the water "If he drowns, it's not my fault. Now, I'm gonna eat, cuz I'm starving. Good-bye. That raccoon looks tasty. Let's eat it!" He starts chasing the raccoon into the forest, but finds something better "Hey, look, a bear. It looks tasty. Let's eat it!"

" Kai, no!" Ray runs.

Camera stops before Ray could stop Kai from trying to kill a bear.

------------------------------

Reisgurl: If you check ur review for chap.13, u'll see that u only gave me part of your email! What site do I email u at? (ex. hotmail, yahoo, etc.)


	15. number 68

Home is where the heart is…unless you're a robot, therefore you have no heart and you don't exactly have a home.  
I apologize for the delay, I had some technical difficulties, and writer's block isn't one of them. I had 4 chapters in store for you guys before deleted them all for some reason. On with the chapter.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade.

Max is seen sleeping. The person filming is creeping up to him. A voice is heard giggling in the background.

Ray whispers,"Kai, hurry up."

"Sshhh! Don't push me."

Ray aruges back,"Don't you shh me, boy. I'll shh your ass."

Kai turns to Ray. "How's that possible? Yeah, put your face to my ass, Ray, and say shh."

"C'mon."

Kai turns back to Max and punches him three hard times in the face before he wakes up.

Max is startled and looks around for his attacker."What the fuck?!"

Kai orders,"Run!"

The camera stops. It starts again showing a group of kids all on top of each other. Kai goes up to them.

Kai says,"Alright, get off him. He has a little chore to do called breathing."

A kid reasons,"But he's my hero!"

"I wouldn't give a shit even if you were his siamese twin. Get off him."

All the kids back up to reveal Ray sprawled on the ground, breathing heavily.

Ray gasps,"Air!"

Kai asks,"Friends of yours?"

Ray answers, "I don't know even one of those fuckers. (sits up) I'm Ray. I just got tackled and knocked down by 30 kids from my village, which is where we are, in China."

Kai turns the camera slowly in circles.

"I think we have the wrong place. There's nothing but trees and mountains."

"How do you explain the kids, asshole?"

Kai shruggs."I dunno. Forest demons, I guess."

"Very funny. It's KaiRayRayKai Production #68."

Kai to camera. "I'm Kai. We're supposed to return to Ray's village for a visit and the idiot got lost on the way to his own house. (to Ray who's standing up)"

"We're not lost! Those kids jumped me cuz they recognized me."

"They were trying to eat you, Ray. You come from a savage tribe who eats people. Admit it!"

"No, Kai. That's fucking ridiculous. Look, down there. (points) That's where I come from."

Kai zooms in on the houses that Ray is pointing at, then back to Ray.

"They're all forest demons. Fucking people-eating forest demons."

"Very nice theory, but no. Come."

They go down a small hill and start walking by houses and people. Some wave and say hi to Ray.

Kai 'realises',"They recognize you as one of their kind. The demon kind."

Ray hisses,"Drop it, Kai. It's getting really annoying. And people can hear you."

Kai challenges,"What are they going to do? Eat me?"

"Shut up."

"I feel out of place. And it's not cuz I'm not a demon."

Ray sighs. "Why, then? Not that I care, but why?"

"Everything is so old fashioned. It feels like a blast from the past. I'm the only modern thing."

"Do me a favor. Stop! Talking!"

"Will do. I don't want the demons to be angered."

Ray slaps his forehead."Why do I try?"

"I dunno. Maybe-"

"That was a rhetorical question. You weren't supposed to answer."

10 min. later…

Ray explains."This is my place."

Kai asks,"Your place? Or your prison cell?"

"Shut up! Why did I bring you?!"

"Because-"

"Don't answer."Ray knocks on the door and calls out,"Ma? Are you home? Pa?"

"Ma? What are you, like Italian? Thought you were Chinese."

"I am, imbecile."

Door opens to reveal…

Ma! "RAYMONDO! (big hug) How are you, my boy!" Ray's face can hardly be seen.

Kai to camera. "Raymondo? I swear, he will never hear, ever hear the end of it, I will torture him forever…(to Ray)"

Ray gets out of her hug, alive."I'm happy to see you, too, Ma. Hey, I want you to meet-"

Ma backs away."Holy crap, what happened to your face? It's all blue. Are you sick? Raymondo, stay away from him. He's a Paparazzi, with is camera."

Kai brings on the sarcasim."I feel warm and fuzzy all over. What a great welcoming."

Ray exclaims,"Ma, no! This is Kai, my team captain. He paints his face. We're just filming some footage of the village. Kai, this is my mom."

Kai greets,"Hey."

"Oh, sorry. Raymondo, can't you find normal friends who don't paint their face?"

Ray sighs. "He's the only one. We're gonna leave our stuff here and look for the White Tigers, kay?"

"Sure! Come in boys."

Looking for the White Tigers…

Kai is quite talkative all the way."I can tell your mom likes me, a lot. I mean, she was worried that I was sick. She's really nice."

Ray growls,"Zip it, moron."

Kai goes on."She even assumed I had a great job! A Paparazzi."

"Okay, I get it. It wasn't the greatest introduction. I m sorry."

"It wasn't your fault. It was your nice demon-mom who realized I wasn't a demon and-"

"Stop it! We're not demons! This is the White Tigers hangout. Hopefully they're here."

Ray knocks the door and a slot opens.

???: Um, duh, wait…uh…password?

Ray laughs."Hey Gary! It's me, Ray. The password is (whispers)"

Gary answers,"Um, okay. (he opens the door) Ray! And Kai! Kai?"

Kai says,"Yeah, it's me. You got it right the first time."

"Yeah, but Gary wondering why you here."

"Ray wanted me to come."

Lee comes outside."Ray? What a surprise. What brings…Kai?"

"Yes, everyone, I came! Stop looking at me like it's the first time you saw me!"

"Whatever. What brings you here?"

Ray explains,"I'm visiting."

Mariah comes outside and asks,"Not staying?"

Ray excliams,"Hey Mariah! (kiss) No, not staying."

Mariah wonders,"Why is Kai here?"

"Why not? I can't come?" As if to prove the answer to the question is no, he zooms in on Ray and Mariah and says,"Kiss again, guys. Hot and heavy."

Kevin says,"I think he came to see you, Mariah."

Kai 'agrees'."Yeah, cuz I think she's really hot and I can't get enough of her. Shut up, midget!"

Ray greets,"Kevin! How you doing, buddy?"

"Great. It's good to see you, again."

Kai comments,"Reunions make me wanna cry. (sniff)"

Lee gives a confused face. This is Kai, right? "….yeah. We were just about to train, but I guess we could skip one day for an old friend."

Kai pretends to get bashful."Aww, you really don't have to."

"I meant Ray, asshole."

Kai shouts,"FINE! I'll just run away, forever! Everyone hates-"

Ray interupts."Nobody hates you."

"Your mom does."

Gary says,"Gary hungry."

Kevin admits a terrible truth."Oh. No. What. Are. We. Going. To. Do. This. Has. Never. Happened. Before."

Kai jumps up and down waving his hand."Oh, I know! Whenever Tyson's hungry, we feed him!"

Kevin retorts,"No shit, Sherlock. Did Watson help you or did you figure it out by yourself?"

"By myself!" Starts jumping up & down in celebration.

Mariah mutters,"Good work. I see you're improving everyday. (claps softly)"

Kai answers,"You bet. I finished learning my ABCs yesterday. Man, that was fucking hard. A, B, E, S…"

Lee is convinced that this isn't really Kai."…..I'm really scared."

Ray answers,"You get used to his sarcastic comebacks."

Kai is still going on."G, R, T, B, L, C, Y…"

Mariah mentions,"He said B twice."

Ray explains,"I know. Sometimes he says a letter six times when the alphabet-of-the-minute is 11 letters long."

Kevin growls,"You haven't killed him, yet?"

"No. He has good ideas when we're bored. We film them, too. Hence his camera."

Kai gets excited at the word camera."Camera! K-Y-P-H-S-B spells camera! Yay!"

10 min. later, in the hangout…

Ray explains to Kai,"If you really wanna have fun, just talk to Gary. He can't pick up any sarcasm. I feel really smart when I speak with him."

Kai sets his facts straight."So he's a complete idiot. Totally incompetent."

"Yeah. Watch."

They go and sit with Gary, who's coloring.

Ray says,"Hey Gary."

Gary answers,"Um, doo-dee, hiya Ray."

"What'd you do yesterday?"

Gary thinks."I forgot."

"You forgot? It was only yesterday. You forgot everything?"

Gary starts giggling. "Gary remembers playing with Daddy's pigs. They went 'oink oink'! Kai is rolling on the floor."

Kai is laughing uncontrollably and holing his stomach.

Kai screams,"It hurts! (laughs) It hurts sooo much! (laughs)"

Ray covers up."Ignore him. (takes camera)(to Gary) What else did you do?"

"Dum, Gary sat on a pig and it went 'oiiiiiiiinkieees'!"

Kai laughs even harder.

Gary notices,"Kai's crying. Are you sad, Kai? You're crying."

Kai yells, "I'm okay! (keeps laughing and lets tears flow)"

Ray wonders,"Is the pig okay?"

"Daddy says the pig is sleeping, forever. He broke 5 legs."

Kai tries gasping for air.

Ray holds in his laughter."But a pig only has 4 legs."

"Oh. Gary was all dirty after playtime."

"Oh. Did you wash, after?"

"Mommy washed me. I'm finished my picture, Ray!"

He holds up a paper with scribbles of red, green, purple, and orange in different places.

Ray pretends to like it."Wow, what is it?"

"Duh, I forgot what I was trying to draw."

Kai screams,"I can't breath! (laughing)"

"Gary thinks it's Mariah screaming at Lee."

"Oh wow. Go show it to them. They're outside."

"Yeah! Gary go show pretty picture!"

He gets up to go out the door, but he walks into the wall. The door is 5 cm from where Gary ended up. Kai laughs even harder.

Ray chuckles."Gary, you okay?"

"Duh, Gary missed. Gary try, again."

"You missed the door? Try to your right."

"Yay! Gary outside! (runs to find Lee)"

Ray turns to Kai."Kai, are you okay? Can you breath?"

Kai between laughs, "No! I can't breath!"

10 min. later…

Kai stands up."Woo! That felt good."

Ray stops dozing off."You stopped! Great. Doesn't he make you feel smart?"

"I feel like a fucking genius! You weren't laughing. HOW!? WHY!?"

"Well, I'm kinda used to it."

"Why is he so stupid?"

"God doesn't even know. Neither does Allah or Buddha. (gives Kai camera) He's a lost case."

Mariah comes in, angry."I heard you making fun of Gary, Ray."

"I wasn't making fun of him. I was trying to have a conversation with him."

Kai adds,"He sat on a pig yesterday. I think he's making fun of himself by telling us about it with pride."

Mariah orders,"You stay out of this!"

"Ray, she's going all demon on me."

Mariah wonders,"Demon!? What the fuck?"

"Ray says you're a demon when you're mad."

"What?! Don t believe him, Mariah! I'd never say that about you." Ray is sooo gonna kill Kai...

"You called me a demon?"

Kai to camera. "This is gonna be good. (to Ray and Mariah)"

"Come on, babe, I'd never-"

"I'll kill you! Aargh! (chases Ray)"

Later on…

Ray grumbles,"I can't believe you did that to me. She slaps hard, lunatic."

Kai smiles."What are friends for?"

"Not doing what you did, you back-stabbing bastard."

Ma calls out,"Dinner!"

Ray grins."Hope you're hungry."

They go to the kitchen, and Kai gawks at the food that Ray's mom probably made for the entire American, British, and Russian armies.

"Holy shit! You have, like, 20 siblings?"

Which reminds Ray.."No. An older brother, Ryan, and that's all. I have-"

Ryan comes in."Hey man! Who's your friend? He looks…nice."

"Hey, I'm Kai. (shakes hand) You must be Ryan."

Ray whispers, "I have to warn you, he's gay." He pulls Kai away and toward his father.

Kai whispers back,"You hate him that much? Do much you call him gay?"

"For real! Look, he's checking you out."

Kai notices how Ryan is looking at him.

"I'm flattered, but straight."

"Hey Pa, this is Kai, my team captain."

Pa answers,"I don't care about him, I'm glad to see you." He's not helping, at all. Ryan comes to Ray, Kai, and Pa.

"I'm glad to see both of you. And I'm glad you brought a friend. I've seen him on T.V., but this is even better. You look taller and more built. Better looking."

Kai is now convinced Ray's bro is, in fact,gay. Ray brings him in to the family room. "…(to Ray) Is he trying to flirt with me?"

"So you noticed. He has your picture and posters of you plastered over his walls. He's obsessed."

"So why would you bring me if you knew he has fantasies about me? Are you mad at me?"

"I only found out today. When I went in to say hi. If I knew, you wouldn't be here."

Kai paces back and forth."I'm too young to die."

"You're not gonna die, asshole. He just likes you."

Kai stops in front of Ray and focuses on him."What's the difference? I don t believe this. There's a guy in the next room who's into me. Why'd it have to be your brother? How long did you know he was gay?"

"Oh, about, when I was 7 and he was 10 and he tried to kiss me. Around then…..don't look at me like that!"

The camera stops. It starts again showing Kai cowering in a corner.

Ray says,"What's wrong, moron? It's rude to run from the dinner table when you're over at someone's house."

Kai growls harshly, "I don't give a shit. If your brother grabs my groin one more time I'll make his face part of a fucking wall, permanently! I'll go back if I change place. He's right next to me."

"That bad, huh? Tell him you have a boyfriend, already."

"Hell no! I'll say I have a girlfriend."

"Do so, and he'll kill you and hunt her down. Then again, tell him you have a guy, and he'll beat the crap out of him."

Kai thinks. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. I've seen him do it. It's really ugly." Ray shudders at the bloody and violent memories of Ryan beating the living crap out of people almost twice his size.

"I have an idea. I tell him I'm with Max, and he'll beat the crap out of Max. Perfect!"

"You won't be jealous that a gay guy's doing your job?"

"No. I'll find it funny that a gay guy's pummeling Max."

"Go for it."

Camera stops and starts showing Max and Tyson training. Kenny and Hilary are there, too. Ray comes in the picture.

Ray announces,"Hey guys! I want you to meet my older bro, Ryan."

"Hey, there. I'm Tyson."

"I'm Kenny. Call me the Chief."

"My name's Hilary. Nice to meet you, Ryan."

"How's it going? I'm Max."

"So you're Max, huh?"Ryan starts circling Max.

"Umm, yeah. That's what I said."

"I like your hair."

"Cool, thanks. It's a real mess, today."

"Too bad I'm gonna have to ruin it, though."

"Why?"

Ryan pushes Max from the front, but Max supports himself with is foot and doesn't fall.

"Hey, what's your problem?"

Tyson warns, "Careful, Max."

Ryan says,"You stole my true love from me. And now, I'm gonna rip you apart, limb by limb. (punches Max)"

Max figures,"This has gotta be Kai's doing."

"No, this is all your doing. You're dating Kai, and he's mine! I'm willing to fight for him, are you?" The Challenge!

"You think I'm going out with…Kai?! No way! You're gay? You could have him, if you want. I'm straight."

Kai cries out dramatically, "Max, how could you!?"

Tyson, Kenny, & Hilary. "Oh brother."

Ryan tackles Max to the ground and starts hitting him.

Kai to camera. "Well, I, once again, make a very dismal situation a good one. My goal is accomplished. Maxy is getting his beating. In the afternoon, he'll get one from me. I'm Kai. Oh, and, don't forget not to upset the man-eating demons in Ray's village. (to Ray)"

Ray sighs and shakes head. "I don't believe you. Why haven't you been locked away forever, yet? Anyway, I'm Ray, not a demon."

Kai remembers."Liar. You're Raymondo! Everyone! Ray's full name is Raymondo!"

Tyson attention is pulled away from Max's brutal beating."Now, that's pretty funny. (sings) Raymoooondo, Raymoooondo, Raymondo!"

"Shut up! Prepare to be stabbed!"

Camera stops before Ray can stab anyone.


	16. number 69

Think of this chapter as a part 2 for the last chapter. Hope your memories are good enough.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade or The Powerpuff Girls.

A large house with several floors is seen. The roof is covered with snow and the front yard is covered in snow as well. And guess what…it's snowing. Kai comes into the picture wearing a winter coat.

Ray is shivering as he speaks,so the camera shakes a bit and he stutters."So…very…cold. Fingers numb. Nuts becoming too frozen and heavy to hold up."

"Oh, shut up. It's not that cold. This is a good day. I'm Kai, and this is my house."

Ray to camera. "I'm cold. (Kai: Retard) And I'm Ray. Kai was jealous that we visited my hometown, so he wanted to come here. (to Kai)"

"Not jealous. Just an urge to bother some people working for me, even when I'm not present, overwhelmed me when I met your kind mother. How's Ryan?" Kai puts some emphasis on Ryan's name.

"Shut up."

"So as you can see, my house is huge. It's got seven floors, five of which are totally, completely, absolutely useless. Plus a basement, where I dwell."

"Cuz he's afraid of human contact. He's a vampire."

"See, we have something sort of in common. You're a demon and I'm a vampire. We're both from the Underworld!"

"If you say so. (rolls eyes)"

Kai thinks about what number this is."It's KaiRayRayKai Production #69, and we're in Russia. Let's approach my overgrown cottage and get arrested by the guards."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. (pause) Yes I am. Let's move. (turns and walks)"

"Let's not." He follows Kai anyway since he know a house equals heat.

Sure enough, when they get to the gate, ten guards grab them and restrain them.

Ray shouts,"Kai, you asshole, make them stop!"

Kai starts screaming at them in Russian, really loud, and they let them go and leave.

Ray asks,"What'd you tell them?"

Kai gives a sly grin in return."Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Let's see, in order, I first called them incompetent shit-eating glue-sniffing assholes, then told them to fuck off, then I told them I was Kai Hiwatari-"

"I understood that part; you said it in English."

"It sounds the same in any language, asshole. Anyhoo, then I said that if they didn't let us go, I would send you to hunt down and harass and rape their families, one by one."

"Maybe I shouldn't have asked."

"That's only the beginning-"

"No, that's enough. Say no more. Can we go inside?"

"Yeah, let's go."

They go through the gate and open the door and enter.

Ray sighs in relief. "Ahhhh, heeeeeat."

"Be quiet. My slaves should be here, soon."

"Slaves, Kai, or servants?"

"With everyone except me they're servants. To me, they're slaves."

"Why?"

Kai smiles cheerfully. "I'm the only one who uses a whip!"

Servant comes in."Hello, Master Kai, what a-"

Kai yells,"Shut the fuck up! You know how long we've been waiting here?!"

"Umm, 15 seconds, sir?"

"Close, 8! What the fuck is slowing you down?"

"But, sir-"

"ENOUGH OF YOUR EXCUSES!!"

Kai goes to a nearby closet and pulls out a whip. He screams and chases the servant. He comes back a few minutes later dragging his servant on the floor. He takes the back of his head and shoves his face into a wall, lets him drop, and goes back to Ray.

Kai grumbles,"Fucking slacker."

Ray chuckles, despite the fact Kai just beat his servant."You cruel, sadistic, foul-smelling animal. The interior of your house is really nice."

"Thanks. So was yours."

"Shut up. Where're your parents?"

"Who the fuck knows? Let's check the postcard box. Follow me." They start walking.

"The what?"

Kai repeats,"Postcard box. My parents send one, like, every two weeks, thinking I live here, to tell me where they're enjoying themselves without me."

"Your family has issues."

"You're telling me?"

They arrive at the postcard box.

"So, where are they?" Ray asks.

"According to the most recent one, Kenya, Africa. Two weeks ago, Venezuela. A week before that, India." Kai replies after examining the most recent cards.

"Do I really wanna know why?"

"No. Let's read. 'Dear Kai, We arrived in Kenya only to see that we aren't used to the heat. We plan on blowing up 3 buses and 15 cars. Bye for now, Mom and Dad.' I can feel the love."

"So can I. (Ray goes to a window and films outside) Ah, Russia, the number one spot to come to for a proper frostbite. Why do I know that hair from somewhere?"

Kai comes over to Ray. "Because that's Tala, genius."

"What's he doing here?"

Kai shrugs."Trying to sneak in."

"Why did your response sound so casual and carefree?"

"He does it all the time. He has no life. Leave your stuff in my room and we'll meet him, outside."

They go to Kai's room in the basement and drop their bags. Ray yelps and jumps back.

Kai asks camly,"What's your problem?"

Ray looks at him stupidly."You mean you don t notice your bag MOVING AND MAKING NOISE!?"

"Well, no duh, Max is in there."

"…..Max. In the bag. Are you CRAZY?"

"No. You think I would leave for a few days to Russia knowing I wouldn't have Max to slap around, everyday? Are YOU crazy?"

"Max let you pack him? You actually forced him into a bag and had him put onto a plane with the cargo and flown across many countries to here and he was turning on that thing with other luggage and we picked him up and dumped him here?" Ray doubts everything even as he says it, but nows it's probably true. Kai _is_ insane.

Kai's simple answer is,"I didn't force him."

"Oh yeah. He CHOSE to go into a bag when asked by none other than Kai, the retard who hurts him everyday. I'm not buying it."

"No really! He chose to come. I gave him a choice. Either go in the bag or I cut his throat with the really sharp knife I was holding to his neck at that particular moment in time. I swore to him I would do it."

"You threatened his life!? You're fucking stupid! Get him out!"

"What for? He stopped moving. (points at still bag)"

"Because it means he's unconscious! He needs air, fuckbag!"

"What a party pooper."

He goes to his bag and opens it and pulls out Max and lies him on the floor. He's sleeping and has tape over his mouth and his hands and feet are tied together.

Rayhits the back ofKai's head."And you expect me to believe it was his choice to come."

"Shut the fuck up, please. Pretty please? Great. Let's see Tala outside. Leave Blondie here."

"You go. One: it's really cold outside. Two: Max needs-"

"Max needs to stop being such a fucking mama's-boy! Hurry your ass up, Ray!"

The camera stops and starts showing Tala from behind from a distance looking around a corner outside Kai's house. Ray zooms out and Kai comes in the picture and whispers.

"Listen, and listen carefully, cuz I'm only gonna fucking say this once. I am gonna charge that mother-fucker and shove his face so far in the snow that fucking archaeologists won't be able to find him a thousand fucking years from now."

Kai turns around, runs, and tackles Tala from behind to the snow and pushes the back of his head forward so his face is in the snow. Ray runs to them to get a better shot. Tala is flailing his arms around in hopes of hitting Kai.

Kai screams,"Eat snow, Balchov! Make sure it isn't yellow, asshole!"

3 min. later…

Ray says,"I think that's enough."

Kai's also bored."Me too."

He let's go and Tala shoots his head up to gasp for air, almost crashing the back of his head to Kai's face.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, you demented psycho! Fuck, man." Tala puts his hands on his ears to warm them.

Kai chirps,"I'm just happy to see you."

"Like Hell. I can't feel my face. Ray? How you doing?"

Ray answers,"Not great. It's really cold. I'm freezing."

"You can't be serious. This is a good day."

"So I heard."

Kai interupts and speaks to Tala."Moron, what did I tell you?"

"About sneaking in? Sorry, I forgot."

Ray mocks,"You forgot about not being allowed to break into someone's house?"

Kai corrects him."He forgot the right way to sneak in from."

Ray thinks about that."You told him how to sneak in?"

Tala says out of nowhere,"Nice camera!"

Kai says,"Thanks. Anyway, remember past the gate and to the left of the house behind the bushes?"

"That's it!" Tala runs to find the bushes while Kai and a very confused Ray follow.

Ray wonders,"You showed him a way to break in?"

"Duh. You think I'm gonna leave my employees in charge of the house? Alone? I don't trust them. Tala comes everyday to watch them. At least he should, but since he forgot I don't think he's been here in a while."

"Why don't you give him something like a key?"

Kai explains,"That would work, but they would take it away because they know he doesn't live here. He tries not to be seen. That's why if he's caught and thrown out he can sneak back in."

"I like the way your mind works out impossible scenarios."

Kai gives Ray the middle finger. "Screw you, bitch."

Tala calls out,"You guys coming or not?"

They go through a tunnel.

Kai looks side to side and asks Tala,"Dude, do you, like, decorate the walls of the tunnel?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"As long as I'm going back and forth in this thing I might as well make it interesting and worth while."

Ray gets to the point Kai is trying to get at."Do you by any chance buy porn mags?"

"Yeah. How'd you know?" Tala answers quite shamelessly.

"The walls, retard."

"Well, there's also bands and movies and video games."

Kai adds,"Yeah, like, one every ten meters."

At the end they arrive at Kai s room, but…

Ray notices,"Dude, Max is missing."

Kai hisses,"Fuck! Tate, if you're in here, say so!"

Tala wonders,"The blond one, right?"

Kai gets hopefull."Yes. You saw him?"

"No. Just wanted to confirm."

Ray concludes,"He must be wandering around the house."

Tala is 'proud' of Ray's logic."Wow, you're smart. Why didn't I figure out that if he wasn't in this particular room he would be somewhere else in the house? I must've taken too much crack this morning. Or maybe-"

"Shut up."

Kai groans,"I don't feel like looking for him."

Ray adds,"Me neither."

Tala finishes off."Same here."

Kai says,"But I REALLY wanna hit him."

"We'll do some armor painting to calm you down." says Tala.

Ray questions,"Armor painting?"

Kai sighs,"Good idea."

He goes in his closet and pulls out some paint, paint brushes, and pallets. He squeezes paint onto the pallets and gives one each to Tala and Ray along with a brush.

Ray asks,"What's armor painting? (they go in the hall) No way! Are you serious?!"

Tala says,"I see you caught on. We paint the armor suits lining every floor in Hiwatari's space station."

Kai repeats,"Space station?"

"My point being it's huge."

"I always wanted to be an astronaut!"

"I'm so sure."

Ray asks,"You paint these often?"

Kai explains,"Yeah, but people keep washing them. Start painting."

They choose armor suits and start painting them in different colors and in different patterns. Or clothing rather.

Ray looks at Kai's soldier."Kai, is it just me, or does your soldier have an outfit and hair and face features similar to Max's? Though he doesn't dress like that anymore."

He comes closer to Kai to get a full shot. The soldier has a green T-shirt with orange overalls with blond hair painted on. The helmet is a peach color to resemble skin with freckles. The boots are now painted green.

Kai says,"No, it's just you."

Ray hisses,"What an asshole."

"Yeah, Max is an asshole."

Tala says,"He meant you, Kai."

"Well, thank you, Captain Obvious!"

"No problem, Lieutenant Son of a Bitch!"

Ray chants,"Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Tala says,"I don't think so. Keep painting."

Kai says,"Mine is done. I'm moving on."

Ray to camera. "This will take a while."

He stops the camera and turns it back on two hours later. Kai and Tala have spots of paint on their clothes and faces.

Kai starts,"So, it's been two hours and we finished every single soldier on this floor."

Tala interupts,"Who you talking to?"

"Huh?"

"You're talking to the camera, so who's gonna watch this that you're giving a play-by-play?"

"No one really. Here we have my Max statue. Next to it, I painted Max bleeding from his mouth, then Max with a black eye, Max with a cast on his arm, Max with a hole in his stomach revealing his internal organs-"

Ray makes a long story short."Anything not concerning Max?"

"No."

Tala says,"I painted a shitload of clowns."

Ray goes down his row."I have a variety of masterpieces. I have a bikini-babe, a prisoner, an ape, a tie-dye statue, a robot-"

Tala says,"They already look like robots, jackass."

"That's why that one was the easiest to do! Look, a hockey player!"

Kai remembers,"Now, for our bang-boom ceremony."

Tala remembers, too."My favorite part."

Ray knows nothing."Bang-boom ceremony?"

"We choose some armor and throw it down the stairs."

"I'm assuming the bang-boom is the sound it makes."

"Excellent work! We'll choose one each."

"I choose my original Max."

"I choose my depressed and suicidal clown."

Ray has a harder time, though."I choose my fairy."

They drag their armor to the stairs in the main hall and they find…

Max! "Kai! I'm gonna kill you! Where am I?!"

"You're in Moscow, Russia. My house. Is it pretty?"

"It's fucking confusing. Somehow the roof is connected to the basement and third floor at the same time by one staircase consisting of five steps."

"Please stop explaining my own house to me, I live here after all. I know it inside out."

"What're those?"

"Armor. Look, I made this one look like you!"

Max retorts sarcastically, "I'm flattered. Hey, I don't dress like that, anymore!"

Ray says,"I guess he didn't come by choice."

Kai sighs."I said he chose to go in the bag. I never said I told him where he would end up."

Max starts running up the stairs.

Tala orders,"Now!"

Everyone gives their soldier a push and watch them crash/bounce/roll/tumble down toward Max.

Max cries,"FUCK!" and starts running down, but is hit by Ray's fairy.

Ray laughs."My fairy is so violent."

Tala jumps up and down."Let's do it, again!"

Kai says,"Wait. (runs to Max) Argh! (punches Max, who's lying helpless on the floor, multiple times) Don't you EVER wander around without telling me again! You have any idea how strong the urge gets to punch you when you're nowhere to be found?! I guess not, idiot."

"Ohhhh." Max groans weakly.

"Let's eat!"

Ray agrees."I'm starving."

Tala realises,"I see a full meal in front of me. (points at Max) I say we flambé the fucking Powerpuff Girl!"

Kai says,"We're not gonna eat him. Let's tie him to that chandelier, up there."

30 min. later…

Tala cries,"We dropped the loser a thousand times, he's not responding."

Ray adds,"But he's breathing. We'll leave him."

Kai turns to Tala."Fine. Where're the other Demolition Boys?"

Tala grins."I killed them in their sleep."

"…I don't wanna know whether you're joking or not. Anyway, I'm Kai. If ever you wanna stop by, go ahead. We've got lots of booze!"

"Seriously? I never found it." admits Tala.

"You tried?"

"Duuuuuh!"

Ray to camera. "I'm Ray. I'm gonna try to limit Kai to a certain amount of booze. (to Kai and Tala)"

"Oh! Me too! Me too!"

"Fine."

"I'm Tala, and I'm gonna set that pretty blond head on fire when I get the chance!"

Kai says,"Riiiiight. Ciao amigos!"

Tala starts complaining,"Okay, you just mixed Italian and Spanish. It's just not right."

"Shut up, I'll mix whatever I want!" Kai notices his dog, a black Laborador, trotting towards him."Ray, meet my dog, Chiko. HERE CHIKO!

Tala remembers his history with this dog and why he stopped sneaking into Kai's house."That fucking mutt who always humps me?! Go away! Aaahhhh! That's disgusting! Shoo!" He tries to run, but Chiko is...attached to him.

Kai laughs."Good boy, Chiko."

Raylaughs and agrees."Good boy, Chiko."

---------------------------------

I wanted it to be a surprise, but ppl keep asking me, and the answer is yes, there will be a Christmas chapter. There's two parts, so look out for both, probably on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Bye everyone!


	17. number 54

Thanks to all the reviewers and people who keep reading but don't review! I'm glad this is doing so well. By the way, I don't mind that people tell me to update soon, but don't tell me to update faster. They're all scheduled to make their appearence in good time.

**Some things in this chapter may offend some people. **That's my only warning, so don't get mad.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, 7UP, PlayBoy or PlayGirl, or ReMax (real estate agents)

A large house with 3 floors is in the picture. It then moves to the left to show the side of Ray's face, who's in awe with his jaw dropped.

Ray comments slowly,"What a house."

Kai answers,"It's shit compared to mine."

Ray looks at the camera. "You think your stuff is so much better than everyone else's."

"No. I just think I'm better than everyone else, regardless of what they own."

"There's a name for people like you. It's 'prick'."

"It should be 'Kai'. Or 'Superior One'."

Ray turns to face the camera. "Whatever. I'm Ray. This is Mr.Dickinson's house. I see he lives well for a fat old shit who's really bad at doing his job."

"You're telling me? (to camera) I'm Kai, you can call me God. This is KaiRayRayKai Production #54. We're paying Mr.D a visit." He smiles childishly and turns to Ray.

"I got my backpack of supplies. (sports off backpack) Let's commence operation Drive-Mr.D-Insane!"

Kai stops him."Wo! Why does your bag look lighter than mine? I'm fucking dying, here."

"Mine _is_ lighter! I thought you were superior."

Kai hesitates as he thinks of an answer."I am. I'm just also superior in laziness."

"Hurry up."

They go up to Mr.Dickinson's door and ring about 30 times.

Kai slaps Ray's arm."That's enough, Ray. He may be hard of hearing, but his servants aren't."

Ray reasons,"We are trying to drive him crazy."

"Point taken."

Mr.D opens the door.

Mr.D gets worried. "Hello, there…boys. Can I help you?"

Kai screams, "Hey, Stanley, how you doin ?! I'm great! Can we come in?!"

Ray hollers, "Really, we can!? Thanks!"

They rough their way around Mr.D, and enter his house. From their bags, they take out hand-held paint-guns.

Mr.D demands,"What is the meaning of this? Go home!"

Ray turns to him."I don't like it at Tyson's. It smells too much like shit and old vegetables. No offence, Mr.Dickinson!"

Mr.D is appalled."Ray! How dare you!"

Kai defends Ray."He said no offence. Sheesh!"

Mr.D turns to Kai."Kai! Leave now!"

Ray runs up a flight of stairs and Kai turns the camera to follow his trip upwards. He stands on the railing when he gets to the top.

Mr.D orders,"Raymond Kon, you get down this instant."

Ray says,"Look at me!"

He jumps off the railing and wraps his arms and legs around the chandalier and swings back and forth. Kai laughs uncontrollably.

Mr.D yells,"Kai Hiwatari! Stop laughing, collect your teammate, and leave!"

Kai answers,"Not for a few hours."

Ray fires his paint-gun at the ceiling and higher parts of the walls. He delibrately fires a mere inch from Mr.Dickinson's feet. He's still swinging.

Ray announces,"Man, I'm fucking good!"

Mr.D is furious. "Stop this at once! I can press charges against you!"

Kai adds,"But you won't, because it didn't work last time. Or last time before that. Or before that!"

Ray finishes off Mr.D's empty threat."In other words, you're screwed."

Mr.D asks,"Why are you still up there?"

Ray answers matter-of-factly,"Because I haven't come down, yet, Sir!"

Kai says, "You should've known that, Stanley. Get down, asshole." He then fires his paint-gun at the chandalier.

"Oh, is that a challenge, fuckface?" Ray fires back at the floor in front of Kai, who doesn't even blink.

"You bet, mother-fucker."

Mr.D orders,"Please, stop the vulgar language."

Ray gasps."Is my swearing bothering you? I am soo fucking sorry."

"RAY!"

Ray lets go and lands on his ass.

Ray grumbles,"Shit! (stands up) Bring it on!"

Kai fires and hits Ray's leg, and Ray doubles over in pain, and screams.

Kai spits out,"One-nothing for me, bitch."

Mr.D screams,"KAI! Both of you, put those guns away and leave!"

Ray says,"Ow. I can't walk. Guess I gotta stay here."He fires at Kai's wrist, so he drops the camera.

Kai hollers,"Fucking shit! Retard, not my filming hand, I told you! It kills! (picks it up)"

"I forgot. Come catch me, pinprick!"

They chase after each other through the living room, and fire paint at the sofas, big screen T.V., lamps, which they break, carpet, windows, curtains, pictures, walls, ceiling, and plants. They manage to hit everything but each other. Mr.D screams at them the whole time.

Mr.D exclaims his question,"Oh my God! Why do I sponsor you and your team?"

Kai answers 'truthfully',"Because you like adolescent boys. Adolescent boys excite Stanley."

"That's atrocious!"

Ray adds,"And true! I'm hungry."

Kai says,"To the kitchen!"

They fire and run to the kitchen, Mr.Dickinson trying to keep up. When Ray arrives to the kitchen, the first thing he does is fire repeatedly at a window until it breaks, which takes 5 shots.

Mr.D yells at Ray,"What is your problem with that window, boy?! You break it everytime you come here!"

Ray growls in his face,"It shouldn't be there. It bothers me."

Kai fires at everything else.

Mr.D gets in front of Kai."Stop that! Take whatever food you want, but –"

Kai interupts,"Sweet!"

They go through the pantry and fridge and throw everything over their shoulders and around the room. Kai happens to find 7UP.

"What is wrong with you two? Your teammates are perfectly sane and never do this!" Mr.D cries.

Ray explains,"That's because they dunno how to have fun."

Ray argues with Mr.D to buy time while Kai shakes the 7UP repeatedly. He then pushes passed Ray and aims the openning at Mr.D when he sees it's about to explode. Mr.D gets drenched in sticky 7UP.

Mr.D screams, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Kai!"

They stare at him with their jaws dropped. Mr.D just swore!

Kai and Ray turn to face each other, slowly."Ray, I have that on tape. You know what that means?"

"Oh yeah! Someone else we can blackmail or bribe."

Mr.D defends his dignity."Don't you dare. Give that camera to me."

Kai spits,"Like Hell, old man."

"Kai! Give me the camera."

Ray whispers loudly."Kai! Give me the camera!"

Kai announces,"It's mine!"And throws empty bottle at Mr.D's head.

Mr.D looks at him stupidly."Now was that really necessary?"

"It seemed to be at the moment."

Ray remembers."Dude, upstairs."

So does Kai. "Oh yeah."

And so does Mr.D. "Oh no! You can forget going upstairs!"

Ray whines,"But I have a good memory. So good I remember my own birth. Everyone was running around screaming 'Oh my God! It's alive!' "

Kai concludes,"So you were a reject from day one."

"Shut up. Point being, I can't forget. Sorry."

They tackle Mr.Dickinson and run up the stairs Ray went up before. They turn right and run two doors down and run into a large bedroom and lock the door behind them.

Ray to camera. "This is Stanley's room. Big bed, big window, bathroom over here, big dresser, nice carpet, nice awards and pictures on nice walls, very clean, yadda yadda yadda. We're about to make him look like the dirtiest, most perverted old man you've ever come across."

They take their backpacks off, get their supplies, and set to work. Meanwhile, not caught on tape, Mr.Dickinson is still lying on the floor from when they tackled him in the kitchen. He's shaking at the horror that are Ray and Kai. There's only one thing to do. He gets up and calls Tyson's place.

"Hello?"

"M-Max? It's Mr.Dickinson."

"Oh, hey Sir! How's everything?"

"Terrible! Kai and Ray are here! Again!"

"Idiots! What have they done? So far, I mean."

"This is no laughing matter! Come here and get rid of them!"

"Alright, Sir, we'll be right there. (hangs up) Guys, we have a problem. Kai and Ray are –"

Tyson says,"Demonic, I know."

"Even worse, at Mr.Dickinson's house."

Kenny asks,"That's who just called?"

"Yeah. He sounded really stressed out."

Hilary sighs."Let's go before Mr.Dickinson considers suicide."

Back on camera…

Kai says,"Those should go on the floor."

Ray argues,"No, the videos go on the floor, magazines on the bed."

"Where do I pin these pictures up?"

"The wall, moron."

"Everyone puts them there. I'm putting these on the bed posts."

"Go ahead."

"Done."

"Okay. So here, on the bed, we have some porn mags, PlayBoy and PlayGirl. Kai and I are convinced Stan is into little children and teenage boys, as well as adult erotic dancers."

"So we got some pictures. (goes over to bed post) Pictures of Tyson, Max, Hilary, some random three-year-olds, a dog –"

Ray wonders,"A dog?"

"I think he harrasses animals, too. Here on the floor, porn vids. Naked women and men. Some lesbian action in this one."

"He likes lesbians, too?!"

Kai cheerfully chirps,"He's very open-minded!"

"Anyways, and some posters of bikini-chicks and hot, steamy, hunky guys in underwear and/or bathing suits, and Tyson's Britney Spears poster."

"He will not be happy you took it from him."

"I don't give a shit. Once I tell him it was for a good cause, he'll understand."

"Uh-huh. Let's proceed with making him looks lika an alcoholic as well. Pass me emply bottles of vodka and-"

"Wait. You hear that? Outside."

Kai goes over to the window and sees Tyson, Max, Kenny, and Hilary. They're standing outside and calling out to Kai and Ray. Mr.D comes outside and starts talking to them.

Kai says,"The lard-bucket called Tyson and company."

"What a fucking loser. (comes to the window) Shit, they spotted us. What now?"

Kai shrugs."Wave. (they wave at the people outside)(Kai zooms in on Hilary who seems to be screaming) Hilary doesn't seem to appreciate our friendly gesture."

"What do you expect? She's a royal bitch."

"She puts royal bitches to shame, Ray, we've gone through this, already."

"Yes yes, I know."

"What the fuck do we do, now?"

Bright idea from Ray. "You know what, I think I'm gonna moon them."

"You aren't bright. Revealing your ass to Stan will only provoke him to harrass someone down there. Besides, he'll have you off the team so fast –"

"And if he does, I'll be sending him death threats so fast –"

"Just don't moon them."

"But I wanna."

"You must be the only guy I know who wants to reveal his ass to Hilary and not want to get paid big time for it."

Ray realises two things. "That's true. You must be my good brain."

Kai corrects him."Probably your only brain."

"Sweet mother of Jesus!"

"Yeah, I think her name was Mary."

"Jackass, they called the police."

"Fuck off! (looks outside to see two cop cars) Shit. Must our visits always end in getting arrested?"

"Didn't happen last time. Holy shit! They're leaving!"

"Stanley doesn't look happy. They must've realised we come once a month."

"We should come more often."

Kai slaps his forehead."Shit! I'm stupid!"

"Well, I could've told you that."

"Shut up. I have an idea. (picks up phone and dials) Hello, ReMax? My name is Kai, I have a house I wanna put on the market."

Ray bursts out laughing. "Brilliant!"

"Hold on one second, please? (on hold) Ray, shut up, before I sell you with the house."

Ray answes harshly,"I'm a human being, not a fucking piece of furniture."

"So, act like one. (on the phone) Yes, sorry…About the house? Well, it's got three floors, a kitchen, dining room, 4 bathrooms, a big family room, plenty of bedrooms, and a lot of land on the front and back…I think it's worth, about, $150,000 (Ray: That's all?)…Too little? Well, I'm trying to sell as soon as possible, so I'm cutting my price in half…Sure, get back to me. My name again is Kai Hiwatari. You are? Ivan. Call me at 479-5822. Bye." And he hangs up.

Ray comments,"You're so polite."

Kai shrugs. "When I want to be."

"It makes me wanna hurl." Ray says angrily.

"I know. Anyway, I gave him the number to Tyson's cell which mysteriously went missing and ended up in my possession."

"Why are you charging so little?"

"If I ask for a lot, nobody's gonna want it."

"You're really gonna sell it? Stanley's gonna take it off the market and kill you."

"He won't kill me. He made me captain because I'm his favorite out of all of us five, so he's gonna want me around a while longer."

"That is so wrong on so many levels. Hey, they're coming in. Let's meet them half-way."

They leave the room and go to the enterance as Mr.Dickinson and company comes in.

Kai cries,"Maxy!" and runs to Max.

Max grumbles,"Fuck." and steps back.

Mr.D turns to Max."Max! I never would've thought you had such a filthy mouth."

Kai whines,"It gets worse, Sir. Yesterday, he called me a mother-fucking cock-sucking pigeon."

Mr.D orders,"Kai, you watch your tongue!"

Kai thinks about that with a confused expression and everyone sighs as they know exactly what he's gonna do."Okay." He turns the camera toward himself and sticks his tongue out and crosses his eyes to look at it. "Thith ith weert. Canf I shtopth?" (This is weird. Can I stop?)

Hilary says,"Don't be stupid."

Kai stops what he's doing and films Hilary. "Only if you stop being a slut."

Mr.D orders,"Enough! Leave now!"

Ray grabs their attention."I gotta show you guys something."

Tyson asks,"What did you do?"

"I went into Mr.D's room and discovered his true self. Come."

They go up to his room and see everything that Ray and Kai put there.

Max says,"This is pretty sick. You guys need to find something to do with your useless and pointless lives, before someone kills you for doing something stupid."

Kai looks at Max daringly."So you think we did this?"

"Yeah. Not only do I think so, I know so."

"Ray, hold the camera. (Ray takes camera) Say your prayers, Tate."

He picks up some videos from the floor and throws them at Max's head and knees. While Max holds his bleeding nose, Kai pushes him into a wall, then throws him on the floor, where he starts punching him out. It takes 5 minutes for Tyson, Hilary, Kenny, Mr.Dickinson, and even Ray to take him off Max.

Tyson's attention is pulled elsewhere."Is that my Britney Spears poster? Mine's missing."

Hilary screams,"That's yours?!"

The camera stops. When it starts, Kai is talking on the cell he stole from Tyson in a park.

"Yes, I know. The man living there now has a rotten attitude and isn't exactly all there mentally, if you catch my drift. Can you try to sell it without putting up a sign?…Thank you, so much, Ivan. (hangs up) I can't believe my plan worked."

Ray asks,"He's gonna sell it? That's insane. So is Stan, apparently."

"I see you caught my drift. Ivan says when he arrived at the house, it was a total mess, and Mr.D went psycho on him. Started yelling."

"Did Max really call you a mother-fucking cock-sucking pigeon?"

Kai sighs."He called me a moron. (cell rings) Hello?…Already? That's great…Yes…Okay, just call an asylum to take him away…It's been great doing business with you. (hangs up) It's sold already! Stanley's going to an asylum! (laughs)"

"Bullshit! Now he's really gonna kill you."

"He can try. I'm Kai, and I just sold my sponsor's house. Now that's retarded."

Ray to camera. "I'm Ray. I didn't do much."

Kai muses,"Story of your life, huh? Not doing much."

"Fuck you." Turns camera to Kai.

Kai answers harshly,"Go fuck yourself!"

"Oh that's it! You're going down!"

Kai jokes,"If I go down, you won't go on top of me, will you?"

Ray gets the perfect answer."Mr.Dickinson will."

Kai looks at him blankly for a few seconds, then turns around and walks away.

Ray calls out to him."Dude, I was kidding! C'mon."


	18. Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas! This is a 2-part chapter. Today is Christmas Eve and tomorrow will be Christmas. Sorry for that, it's just together they're really long. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, or the For Dummies books.

The picture focuses on Ray standing in the kitchen. To his right is the table. He's holding his hands together in front of him.

Ray recites,"Twas the day before before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even (points to his right) THAT MOUSE!"

Camera turns to show Kenny sitting at the table untangling Christmas lights, with Hilary's help.

Kenny says flatly,"Haha."

Hilary asks, "What the Hell is wrong with you two? You've been calling Kenny a mouse all month."

Kai replies,"He smells like one, that's why."

"And you happened to have smelled a mouse because…?"

"Just because. (turns back to Ray)"

Ray continues,"Not even (points to his left) THAT MOUSE!"

Camera turns other way, toward the floor, and a mouse is spotted running past Kai's feet, but Kai follows the mouse as it runs…slowly.

Kai grumbles,"Get back here, stupid mother-fucker."

Ray comments, "Talk about a high speed chase."

Hilary looks over and sees the mouse running on the floor.

And she screams, if course. "Aaahhhh! Raaat! Eek! Kai, get rid of it! Kill it! (runs out of kitchen)"

Kenny retorts,"You guys are so stupid."

Kai answers back,"And you are?" Then realising what he just said,"No no, wait, don't answer!"

"Exactly. I'm done here." Kenny leaves, bringing thelights.

"You almost got burnt by Kenny. I'm Ray."

"I know. (to camera) I'm Kai. (to Ray)"

"This is our KaiRayRayKai Christmas. Which is weird, because Tyson doesn't usually celebrate Christmas. Apparently, Max came up with the bright idea."

"Damn Americans." Kaishakes hisfist in front of the camera.

Ray corrects him."Christians, actually."

Kai tries it again."Damn Christians. What are they doing with lights, anyway?"

"I think they're decorating a tree, or something. I don't usually do this."

"They wait till December to decorate a freaking tree? Just do it whenever you want."

"Yeah sure. Hey, let's decorate a tree! Does that sound sane to you?"

"That's not the point."

"I know, but still. Let's go supervise."

Kaifigures,"Aren't we the ones who usually need supervising?"

"Fuck off."

They go into the family room, where everyone else is getting ready to decorate the tree. Hilary comes up to Kai.

She asks him, "Did you kill that fucking rodent?"

"No, I don't plan to. It's my new pet, Koji."

"Where is it?"

Kai thinks, then smiles. "Good question!"

"You don't know where it is? You lost a mouse? You're so stupid!"

"At least it's not a threat to my life, as it seems to be with you."

"Shut up and find that…AAHHH! Ray, don't touch that! Put it down and stomp on it!"

Ray reasons,"It's just a mouse. Where's it's cage?"

Kai explains,"My mouse does not have a cage and never will. It's not an animal."

Everyone is thinking the same thing, but Tyson voices their thoughts. "Well, actually, Kai –"

"Shut up. I meant it's not a savage beast." Kai interupts.

Hilary says,"Rat. Savage beast. What's the difference?!"

Hilary has a way of playing into Kai's hands. "Well, Hilary, I thought the differences between my pet mouse and you would be obvious, but since they aren't –"

Hilary gasps. "You're such a prick!"

Max muses,"Watch these two end up married, someday."

Kai answers,"Like Hell, Tate. I'll have a sex change before that happens. Speaking of which, when is your schedueled for, Max?"

"You need to get a life."

"And you need to tell me when you're having the fucking operation so I can throw you an 'It's-About-Fucking-Time' party."

Ray says,"This is so good. Quit filming me, I need to get this."

Ray takes the camera from Kai and goes back and forth from Max to Kai as they argue.

Max starts,"Tell you what, Kai, right after you get yours I'll go for mine. Deal?"

Kai begs to differ."No no, Max, I insist, ladies first."

"Then, what the Hell are you waiting for?"

"You, of course. I know women can get very impatient, so I'm letting you go first. Tell you what, I'll even buy your first mini-skirt and make-up kit."

Everyone starts laughing, except for Max and Kai, since Max is being insulted and Kai came up with the joke himself.

"You think you're so cool, making fun of me." Max goes on.

"Not at all. I think I'm right, though. I also thik I'm being a nice guy, buying some new stuff for the new you!" admits Kai.

More laughter from the friends who should be defending Max.

Ray speaks up."Kai, your pet is chewing on my thumb. And it's bleeding."

Kai answers,"Just give it to Hilary. I'm busy."

Hilary stepsback."Don't you dare, Ray! I'll kill you!"

Ray reasons,"But he's a nice mouse."

"She." says Kai.

"Huh?"

"It's a she, not a he."

"But Koji is a he name." Ray reminds Kai.

"I know. It suits her, though."

"Oh, okay. But she's a nice mouse."

Hilary hisses,"I don't care. I hate mice."

Tyson chuckles,"Don't tell me you hate yourself, Hil."

Kai almost yells,"Hey, who said my discussion with Max can stop?"

Max questions,"Discussion? More like an unrestricted insult war."

"What the fuck is your point?"

"As a participant in this so-called discussion, I declare it over."Maxstarts walking away.

"Oh no, you don't."

Kai pulls the lights from Kenny's hands and walks quickly to Max and, while holding the lights in both hands, brings the wire over Max's head from behind to front and starts choking him with the lights. While Ray bursts out laughing, having trouble keeping the camera straight, Max struggles to breathe and coughs. Tyson runs up to Kai and starts choking him with his scarf, so now Kai is coughing. Ray laughs harder as Hilary tries to stop Tyson and Kai from choking their respective victims and Kenny tries pulling the wire of Christmas lights away from Kai. It's complete chaos.

Ray laughs,"It's one big choking circle! Is it just me or do Max and Kai look a bit tired and weak?"

Just then, Kai lets go and both Max and Kai pass out.

Tyson says,"Well, that's not good." andkicks Max's foot.

Ray hits him."No fucking shit, moron, what was your first clue?!"

"When they fell on the floor."

Kenny suggests,"I think they need CPR."

Everyone, including Ray and the camera, looks at Hilary.

Hilary stares at them, not catching their drift. "…no way. When one wakes up, he'll see me doing it to the other."

Kenny asks,"That's your only concern?"

"No. Kai's my major concern. Who knows how he's gonna take it when he wakes up and feels my mouth against his."

Ray coes,"C'mon, Hilary. I know you wanna put you mouth to his and then press on his chest."

"You're so perverted, Ray. Fine, but no laughing or anything. Max first. I don't want Kai watching me do this to Max later."

She leans down to Max and starts her CPR. Tyson starts giggling.

She screams, "Get him outta here, now!!"

Ray kicks Tyson's ankle.

Tyson whimpers,"Fuck!" andhops out of family room. Hilary continues.

Kenny asks Ray,"Why do you and Kai always resort to violence?"

"I dunno. It's new for me. I guess Kai is rubbing off on me."

Hilary announces,"Max is coming to. Max? Are you alright?"

Max's response is,"Mmmmmm…"

Hilary says,"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Seven? No, eleven."

"Actually, two. Take him somewhere while I revive Kai. (Kenny leaves with Max) I was hoping you would go with Max so you wouldn't film me doing this to Kai."

Ray orders,"Tough. Get to work."

She takes a deep breath and starts on Kai.

10 min. later…

Ray is getting impatient;Kai still hasn'twoken up."Don't tell me Tyson killed him."

Hilary says,"No, he's coming to. About time, too. Kai, say something."

Kai obeys."What the fuck?"

Ray laughs, "Good enough!"

Kai sits up. "What are you doing? CPR?"

Hilary answers,"Yes, acutally. You've been out for about 15 minutes."

"You've been doing freaking CPR for 15 minutes?"

"More or less."

"Skank. She's making out with guys even in their sleep. (stands up) Bet she made out with Max, too. Little whore. Maxy! We're not done! (walks off in search of Max)"

Ray focuses on Hilary. "That had to hurt your feelings."

"It did. I hate him so much. I hope he burns in Hell for all of eternity when he dies. (sobs) And I hope he dies soon." Shehugs Ray and cries.

"Aww, Hilary. It's okay. He's stupid, you know that."

Camera stops and begins showing Kai drinking water.

Ray is heard scolding him."You're a really stupid, incompetent, inconsiderate bastard. You practically tore her apart."

Kai sighs."I know. I feel bad, now. I'm gonna apologize, later."

"Now!"

Kenny comes in.

"Guys, we can't get the star on top. Can you help us?" he asks.

Kai replies,"Yeah sure."

They go to the tree where everyone else is, and where Max is lying down on a sofa.

Kai goes to Hilary."Hilary, I'm sorry about before. I was being a real asshole."

"Wow, Kai apologizing. There is such thing as a miracle. I forgive you, now can you get the star on top? You_are_ the tallest."

"I think I can manage." Kai says with anevil grin.

Kai takes the star, backs up a few steps, runs, and jumps the tree, taking it down.

Hilary screams,"KAI!"

Kai, slowly getting off the tree, rubbing theback of his head, says,"I hit my head. Fuck, man."

Tape cuts to Ray in a book store.

Ray starts,"It's rolling? 'Kay, Max says something else about Christmas is we exchange gifts. Me and Kai are shopping for presents. Any ideas, dude? By the way, Max calls today Christmas Eve."

"Yeah. Since we live with dummies, we'll get them each a 'For Dummies' book. And a pencil."

"Sounds good."

After finding the 'For Dummies' section…

Kai calls out toRay,"I found the perfect one for Kenny."

"What? 'Growing for Dummies'?"

"Even better. 'Computers for Dummies'."

"Perfect! Check it out. 'German for Dummies'. I say for Hilary."

"Yeah. And 'Table Manners for Dummies' for Tyson."

Ray wonders,"And Max?"

"I dunno. Self-defence?" Kai points at the book he mentioned.

"Would be a good idea. Or something really stupid and random. (points) 'Applying Make-up for Dummies'."

"Amazing. I wanna get Tyson some g-strings."

Ray sticks out his tongue in disgust."You're disgusting."

"But they have them on sale across the street. Ten for 3 bucks!"

Film cuts to Ray wrapping books in old newspaper sheets. He's laughing as he does it and Kai can also be heard laughing. At one point, Kai puts down the camera on the table and starts hitting the table and laughing.

Ray tells him while laughing,"Stop, you're gonna break the fucking table! (laughs) It's not that funny, asshole!"

"Wanna see what is?"

"Sure."

Kai picks up the camera and Ray follows him to a closet. From it, he takes out a box, the size of a box you buy a board game in, but a hole, in the rectangular shape of the box, 2 inches from the border, is cut into it.

Ray wonders,"How is this funny? It looks like someone's desparate attempt to get a life."

Kai explains,"I'm gonna wrap this in wrapping paper, or newspaper, along with the lid, and I'm gonna give my present for Max with it."

Ray serves somesarcasm."Right, you do that, tell me how it goes for you."

"You think it won't work. That's alright, you dunno my entire plan. On Christmas morning, you'll see what I'm gonna do."

"You're gonna take a massive shit?"

Kai plays along."Nooo, I'm castrating you, remember?"

Ray catches on to his game."Oh yeah. All the way. I remember setting the appointment."

"Gooood. This is getting really long."

"We'll call this one the KaiRayRayKai Christmas Eve-and-day-before-that. We'll do Christmas tomorrow. I'm Ray."

Kai to camera. "I'm Kai, and we'll see you tomorrow."


	19. Christmas

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or whatever you celebrate. **Any Nazi praise is not for real, it's meant to be a joke, so don't take it seriously, I'm not a Nazi.**

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, the For Dummies books, does notbelong to any Nazi party or club, Lindsay Lohan, Simple Plan, Bon Jovi, or the Goldfish jingle.

Kai is holding up his pet mouse Koji in front of the camera, smiling, and brings it over to where Max is sleeping. He pulls back his covers and puts Koji in Max's pants and puts the covers back. At first Max smiles and Kai gives a horrified look.

Kai whispers, "That's my mouse, dammit."

Ray whispers back,"What can I say? She's a sexy mouse."

Just as Kai shoots up his middle finger, Max wakes up, screaming and tossing.

"Holy fucking shit! What the fuck just bit my nuts?! Ahh, the pain! (pulls out Koji and notices Kai and Ray pulling fits of laughter) Real cute, asshole."

Kai, still laughing, takes Koji and leaves Max.

Ray says,"That was so great! I thought the was gonna cry. Or manage a school-girl scream."

Kai, ignoring Ray, mutters, "Don't worry, Koji, you'll never have to go in Max's pants, again. And you didn't have to bite his poor excuse for testicles. (to Ray) If a fricking mouse turns Max on, I can't even begin to imagine what else does."

"That's a really disturbing thought. (to camera) I'm Ray. It's Christmas morning, thus it's our KaiRayRayKai Christmas. (to Kai)"

"I'm Kai, you all know Koji. We're gonna wake up Tyson, Hilary, and Kenny. For the record, it's four in the morning."

He goes over to Hilary and makes Koji scamper under her covers, but she doesn't budge.

Kai decides,"We'll come back when we hear insane yelling. She better not roll over and kill her. Check this out."

From his pocket, he takes out a string with a rock hanging from it.

Ray sighs."You must be really bored these days. First the box with the hole and now this petrified piece of shit on a string. One stupid creation after another."

"But they all have a point, a purpose."

Ray points at the string."You're putting someone to sleep?"

"On the contrary. I'm waking someone up. To Tyson's room."

They enter Tyson's room to see him tangled in his covers and snoring loudly.

Kai whispers,"Yes, he's lying on his back."

He holds up the string and drops it into Tyson's mouth and he instantly wakes up and starts coughing. Kai places his hand on Tyson's mouth to keep it closed for a while. When he removes his hand, Tyson pulls the rock-on-a-string out of his mouth and gasps for air. Ray finds it funny.

Kai spits,"Merry fucking Christmas."

Tyson hisses,"What's wrong with you?!"

"That's for choking me two days ago."

"You only get revenge now? It's not like you to delay something like that."

"But it is like me to wait for the perfect moment. Last but not least, Kenny."

They find Kenny fast asleep.

Ray realizes,"Everytime I see this kid sleep, I'm reminded of the commercials with the kid sleeping because he took some medicine. Or the commercials with the babies running around in diapers. Or without diapers."

Kai stops him."You watch too much T.V."

"How you gonna wake him up?"

"Like so."

He removes Kenny's blankets, grabs his ankles, and pulls him up. So now, Kenny is hanging upside down and is at Kai's mercy.

"Holy shit, man." Ray covers his mouth so he doesn't laugh too hard.

"That's right. He's that light. He's sooo small."

Kenny mumbles,"Please out me down."

Ray greets,"Morning, Chief."

Kenny wonders why Ray is standing on the ceiling."Oh my God, I'm upside down! Kai, stop it! Put me down!"

Instead of placing down Kenny as requested, Kai shifts Kenny's position, so now he's holding him bridal style, or like a baby.

"PUT ME DOWN! " Kenny starts moving around, struggling.

"Calm down, and I'll put you down."

Kai carries Kenny to the kitchen and puts Kenny in the sink. Ray doesn't know why, but he finds it hilarious and bursts out laughing.

Ray laughs,"Kenny fits in a fucking goddamn sink! (laughs) I can't even fit my entire arm without feeling some discomfort!"

Kai agrees,"That's pretty crazy. I didn't think he would fit. (loud shouting is heard) Good morning, Hilary."

They hurry to Hilary's sleeping area, and find her kicking her matress.

Ray tells Kai,"Kai, Koji's probably there."

"Koji! (stops Hilary's kicking and finds Koji, unharmed) It's okay." Kai consoles Koji.

Hilary says,"She'll be okay, but you won't!"

"Is that a threat?"

"It's a promise!"

"An empty one?"

Hilary is getting fed up."No!"

"Alright. I can use a challenge. Good luck, and may the best man win."

Ray reminds him,"Dude, between the two of you, you're the closest thing to a man."

"What an idiot, that's why I'm gonna win. That's my point. And why am I only close to a man?"

Hilary shrieks,"It's 4:30 in the morning?! Now, I'm really gonna kill you!"

Kenny from far away, "Get me out of this sink! It's leaking all over me!"

Ray calls out,"It's leaking, or are you peeing?"

Hilary questions,"Kenny's in a sink?!"

Camera cuts to Christmas tree, full of presents, and Ray placing cards on some of them.

Ray gets up."That's all of them. Where's your box with the hole?"

"In hiding, and will come out when the time is right."

"Whatever. So, now it's 9:30, everyone is up and angry at me and Kai. After breakfast, we're gonna open these gifts. Can you please explain to me what you plan to do with that useless box?" Ray can't take the waiting and wondering anymore.

"I guess I can use a rehearsal. Come."

Camera cuts to Ray and Kai. The box with the hole is between them and wrapped nicely with a bow on top.

Kai explains,"This is going to Maxy. I'm gonna pretend it's very heavy and I'm gonna struggle to hold it up. (he grabs the box with both hands and lifts it up slowly and grunts) Then, I'll tell him it's really heavy and he has to take the lid off while I hold it up for him. So, take the lid off, Ray."

Ray gasps then smiles. "I get it now! When he removes the lid, you're going to punch him through the hole you cut out. That's amazing."

"Ain't it? (takes camera) Are you convinced, now, that whatever I do has a purpose?"

"Yeah, like leaving the Bladebreakers for the Demolition Boys a few years ago? And more recently, BEGA?"

"You're one to talk. In the middle of the Asian tounament you were gonna leave us for a team you already abandonned in the past."

Kai's hit a soft spot, so Ray argues back, "I didn't abandon them. I left to expand my horizons, you know that, Kai."

"Expand your horizons, my ass!"

Before they can fight, Tyson comes in.

"Guys, we're opening the presents, now. I guess you wanna film it. And open yours as well."

Ray calms down a bit."Yeah. We're not done, Hiwatari."

"Don't believe it for a second, Kon." Kai adds.

At the tree with everyone else…

Tyson announces,"Guys, Kai and Ray are calling each other by their last names, so don't agitate them more than they already are."

Hilary admits,"I don't get it."

Max tells her,"They only call each other by their last names when they're mad at each other."

Ray orders,"Okay, stop studying us and tear some paper."

Kenny offers,"Mine first, guys. They're all stacked up there."

The guys take their respective box and open them.

Tyson exclaims,"That's so awesome, Chief! New launchers and attack rings. Kai, wanna try them out?"

Kai answers,"Later. I'll let you feel good about yourself for a while longer."

Kenny says,"Here's yours, Hilary."

"Thanks, Kenny. (opens gift) Wow! It's a beautiful watch, Chief. Open my gifts, guys. (hands them out)"

After Kai opens his he sneers, "Aha ha. 'Anger Management for Dummies'. Very cute."

"I thought so."

Tyson and Max look at Hilary, surprised and worried, but nobody notices.

Ray almost shouts,"You actually found a swastika headband! Now I can finally get rid of this stupid yin-yang. (changes headband) I'm a Nazi! Hail Hitler!"

Tyson questions,"Socks?! What gives, Hilary!?"

"I can smell yours from across the street. It isn't healthy wearing the same pair everyday."

"But these are my lucky socks. They're the socks I won my first regional qualifier in. And the Asian, American, and Russian tournaments. And the Saint Shields and Zeo. And the Barthez Battalion and Blitzkrieg Boys."

Ray turns to Kai, unsure whether he's still mad at him."Blitzkrieg is German, by the way, not Russian."

Kai answers,"Fuck you. You think I didn't know that? My team was stupid. So, Tyson, you've been wearing those same socks for about three or four years, now?"

"Yep. Never washed them, since, either."

"You're disgusting."

Max asks,"A drawing kit, Hil?"

"You have a talent, Max. I see you doodle."

Kai adds,"Yeah, a talent for being gay."

"Don't start."

Ray can't help it anymore. He exclaims,"Hail Hitler! Long live Germany and the Third Reich." (1)

Kai tells him,"Okay, cool it Himmler." (2)

Kenny says,"Lindsay Lohan's CD 'Speak'! Thanks Hilary!"

Rayasks,"Lohan? You're so queer, Hitler would have you killed so brutally –"

Hilary says,"Stop it! Who's next?"

"Me," says Max,"but before Kai opens his, I need a head start."

"Why?" Kai opens Max's gift. "What the fuck?!"

Ray asks,"What is it?"

"Another fucking 'Anger Management for Dummies!' (everyone but Tyson laughs) Oh, you find it funny? Tyson, you're not laughing. I wonder why."

"Can I get a head start with Max?" Tyson backs away.

"Please, no. (opens Tyson's)" Fucking 'Anger Management for Dummies'! It's funny once, people."

"Now would be a good time to use one of those three, dude."

"A wise guy, huh? Let's see how smart you are after a beating!"

Tyson yells,"Help!"

Camera cuts to Tyson holding an icepack to his cheek. Then turns to Ray opening a gift from Max.

Ray says, "Cool, a bonzai tree. Judging from the size and new caretaker, it'll die in less than a week."

Max grumbles,"Well, I feel stupid, now. And I feel bad."

"Good for you!"

"Great sweater, Max, thanks." Kenny says.

Kai shakes his head."There's always a sweater involved with gift-related holidays."

Max hands out some gifts."These are for Hilary and Tyson."

"Oh my God, Bon Jovi! He's so hot! And I love his music." Hilary announces.

Tyson says, still in some pain,"Simple Plan! Cool!"

Ray says,"Punk is bad for the ears and mind."

"Shut up. It's so cool."

"You see? All you keep saying is 'cool'. Kai and I teamed up to get gifts and make cards."

Max remembers."That' s what I forgot, cards!"

Kai says,"It doesn't matter. Read the cards, first."

Max reads to himself. "You have to ruin everything, don't you, Kai."

"Hey, I worked hard on that poem. A whole 2 minutes to my life, per card."

Tyson chuckles,"Yeah, it shows. It's a freaking commercial song:

Here's our jingle for Goldfish,  
Yes, baked and not fried Goldfish.  
The yummy snack  
That smiles back,  
Until you bite their heads off.  
Oh, look, the fish are swimming,  
Now look, the winner's grinning.  
Did you know they're made of real cheese,  
Even though they look like fishies?  
The snack,  
That smiles back, Goldfish!"

"You got a commercial song? You're lucky, here's what I got:

Fuck you Max,  
For being you there should be a tax  
I beat you when you answer back,  
Cuz being gay for you is a knack  
So burn in Hell you idiotic prick,  
Oh by the way,  
You probably don't even have a dick." (3)Max recites his card.

Kai adds,"It's called 'Ode to Max'. And tell your mom to stop writing me love letters."

"She'd never write a love letter to you!"

"I have about ten of them as evidence."

"You probably wrote them."

"I don't swing that way, Tate. I don't write love letters to myself and sign them Judy. Just open the damn presents."

"Applying Make-up for Dummies?!"

"We never did finish our debate two days ago."

"Kai, you've applied more make-up in your 16 years of life than I ever will in a thousand years."

"Okay, 1: I wasn't painting my face when I was shitting in my pants, 2: At least little fuzzy animals in my pants don't turn me on."

Max blushes.

Tyson questions,"Can you elaborate on that?"

Ray asks,"Oh, Maxy didn't tell you about him and Koji? They were getting it on this morning, until she bit him."

"How exactly were they 'getting it on' and where did she bite him?"

Max growls,"Tyson, shut up, before I hurt you, too."

Hilary asks,"We're talking about Kai's rat, right?"

Kai screams, "It's a mouse!"

Ray explains,"Koji was in Max's pants this morning, so she bit his balls, but before she did, Maxy smiled in his sleep with satisfaction."

Kai orders more than he asks,"Will you stop making my mouse sound like a whore?"

"It's a mouse, how can it be a whore, fuckbag? Come on, tell me."

Hilary opens her gift." 'German for Dummies'? What are you guys smoking?"

Ray answers,"I'm sticking with tobacco until I get bored. Aren't you German, Hilary?"

"No, asshole. Where'd you get that?"

"You look German. (smiles)"

"I do not!"

Tyson speaks up."Very funny. Table manners. In case you haven't noticed, I've been improving on this subject."

Ray muses,"In your table manners or being a dummy?"

Tyson has no comeback."…why do I always get screwed over?"

Kai answers,"Cuz you're a dummy, you don't think."

Kenny adds,"Neither do you. 'Computers for Dummies'? I'm neither computer-stupid, nor a dummy."

Tyson holds up his second gift from Kai and Ray."Aww, cool! A pencil! A green one!"

"Yeah, I thought that would amuse you." Kai admits.

Camera cuts to Ray taking cookies out of the oven.

Kai orders,"Gimme one."

"Fuck off. They're still hot. And I have to set some restrictions." Ray puts down the tray.

"You stupid prick."

"It's for a good cause. These Christmas trees have lots of alcohol in them, so avoid them."

"What kind?"

"A potent mix of Brandy and Sambuca."

"What the Hell is Sambuca?"

"The most disgusting Italian shit you'll ever taste. It's so wrong on so many levels."

"No Tequilla? You disappoint me."

"I know, there's no more. (puts cookies in basket) So eat the candy canes only. I'll leave them here."

"Whatever. Listen, you know that caroling shit? Well, I got some lyrics, and they're pretty gay. Check this out. 'Jingle bells, jingle bells, Jingle all the way! Oh how fun it is to ride, In a one horse open sleigh, Hey! Jingle -' Dude are you crying?"

Ray hides from the camera."Huh? No, um (sniff) there's something in my eye. (sob) Why is it so gay?! (sobs more)(tear falls)"

Kai to camera. "Jingle Bells is so gay, that Ray is crying. Ray doesn't cry, people! He just doesn't, he's Ray! (to Ray)"

"It's so gay!" shouts Ray.

Max comes in. "Ray, what's wrong? You never cry!"

"Jingle Bells! It's so gay!"

"No way, man. It's my favorite Christmas carol."

Ray puts on his demonic voice."Drop dead and burn in Hell, Tate! (punches Max repeatedly)"

Kai says,"What a turn of events. Ray punching out the mama's-boy instead of me. I am so pissed. I want in."

He starts kicking Max's knees, ankles, arms, etc., while Ray continues to punch him. Max cries out in pain. After a few minutes of taping this cruel and unusual punishment, it cuts to Kai on the roof. Ray turns the camera slowly to get the view, and back to Kai. Everyone's screaming at them.

Kai starts,"Alright, so we changed the lyrics to Jingle Bells, and we decided to Christmas carol. Ready?"

"On three. One…two…three."

Kai & Ray start singing/screaming:

"What the fuck, what the fuck,  
What the fuck's up with these bells?!  
If they don't stop jingling,  
I'll shove them up your, ohh  
Hey! What the fuck, what the fuck  
What the fuck's up with these bells?!  
Oh, what fun it would be to shove,  
To shove them up your, ohh, Hey!" (3)

This goes on for a while, until the others voices become louder than Ray and Kai's, so they get down.

Hilary yells at them."What the Hell is wrong with you guys?! People could press charges for disturbing the peace!"

Kai turns to Max."Max, I have a present for you."

"Don't ignore me!"

Max tells him,"I don't want it."

Kai says,"You don't have a choice."

Camera cuts to Kai picking up the box slowly, and grunting.

"Max, take off the lid while I hold it."

Max removes the lid, and Kai launches his fist through the hole for an uppercut to Max's jaw, causing him to bite his tongue, so blood gushes from his mouth and the camera stops.

Ray is handing Kai a gift when the picture comes back.

Ray says,"I got this for you."

"Awesome, a hockey stick." Kai takes it, still in the paper.

"You didn't open it, yet, prick."

"It's the shape of a hockey stick, Ray, I'm not stupid. Here's your gift."

"It's the stop sign at the corner of Tyson's street I always wanted to steal! Thanks a lot. So what do you plan to do with your 'Dummies' books?"

"Burn them for warmth. (to camera) Merry Christmas to you all. I'm Kai. (to Ray)"

"I'm Ray, and we'll see you, pretty camera, on New Years'."

"Stop flirting with the camera, it's gross."

"Fuck you. Hold on. (bends down and gets up) Here's Koji. (puts Koji's face to camera lens)"

Kai coes,"Hey there, girl. Want some alcoholic cookies?"

Ray puts his new swastika headband to camera lens. "Hail Hitler and Germany!"

------------------------------------------------

(2) Heinrich Himmler was a leader in the Nazi party, and led the SS, which stands for _SchutzStaffel_, or 'protection squad'. They were originally the bodyguards of Hitler and other leaders in the Nazi party. Itwas an elite force of50,000 men, who were ruthless and fiercely loyal to Hitler. So, go back and see what Kai just said about Ray!

(1) Third Reich (Raik) For Hitler, the coming topower of the Nazis marked the beginning of the Third Reich, an empire that he claimed would last a thousand years. Ray is one hard core Nazi!

(3) I redid the Jingle Bells song myself, so please, if you want to use it, please ask me first, I reallydon't mind as long as you tell me first,and make sure I get a bit of credit. And you can forget using my 'Ode to Max', even if you ask me.

So that's it! Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah, or whatever, and I might do a New Years! Hoped you learned some history at the same time!


	20. New Years

Have yourselves a happy New Year! Or if you celebrate the Chinese New Year, then I hope you will eventually have a happy New Year. Again, Nazi praise is all in good fun.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade

The picture focuses on a clock that reads 9:30. After a few seconds, it turns and focuses on Ray, in his new swastika headband instead of his yin-yang one.

"I'm Ray. Long live Hitler and Germany and the Third Reich and the superior Aryan race and the power of the Nazis!"

Kai reminds him,"Dude, it's getting old."

"I know, but it makes me feel strong, powerful –"

"Stupid, ignorant, bored, in need of a life and/or hobby, you get my drift."

"Yeah, you're saying I'm stupid and should get a life outside being a Nazi."

"Good. (to camera) I'm Kai, tonight is New Years. We're expecting guests, and I really don't feel like seeing them, but I'm in no position to oppose Tyson's decision, cuz he lives in this dump, he decides what to do with it, not me. (to Ray) Can we get back to what's important? Please, before she comes?"

"Oh, right, that. Let's go."

They go outside to Tyson's backyard, where they managed to get a table there. Papers cover the table, making it seem like the sheets are floating, since the table can't be seen.

Kai explains,"Since Judy is coming with the All Starz tonight, I'm gonna make her look bad in front of Max, and she won't suspect it was our doing, since she's so blond. I mean, like, bottle-blond stupid."

Ray continues,"We collected letters with her writing, so we know what it looks like, and we're putting my forging skills to good use. The love letters Kai claimed to have received from Judy are coming into exsistence. What comes after she says she can't imagine life without you?"

"Uh, I dunno, try she thinks about me and fantasizes life together, and the children we would raise, and Max being the oldest one and taking care of all the younger ones. And owning a house together. And the beautiful wedding she dreams of."

"Are you some kind of romantic on the inside? Or really a woman, a lonely woman? Were you a girl sometime before you met us?"

"No, dude. These nuts have always been there, from the very beginning."

Ray writes down what Kai dictated in a fancier way, while looking back and forth from his letter to actual Judy-written letters to see what words and letters should look like. Kai watches in silence, knowing Ray needs it to concentrate on the difficult task he is performing.

Ray puts down his pen."Done, check it out. 'Dear Kai, I know it's only been a month since I've written to you, but it feels like an eternity, because you haven't written back. My heart sinks lower every passing day that a letter from you doesn't arrive. I feel I cannot live without you. I often dream of our eventual marriage, and I picture what life would be like, watching our childern play together, happily. And of course, Max will be there, being the eldest and their guardian. I imagine our house together, beautifully decorated, with a feeling of welcome and warmth. Kai, I long to see you and hold you. Until that day comes, all I can do is wish and dream, and tell you I love you. Sincerely, with love, Judy.' "

Kai snickers,"Now who's the woman? That was amazing! Does it actually look like her writing?"

"Compare and be convinced. (holds his letter and Judy's actual letter to the camera) And, what do you think?"

"I think it was actually her who wrote it. It's identical, perfect! You've really mastered forging peoples writing styles. How about signatures?"

"Easy as pie."

Kai gets excited."What kind of pie? Damn, I'm hungry, now."

"Shit, I have to cook!"

Camera cuts to Ray in the kitchen, gathering ingredients, then realizing Kai is watching.

"What are you doing? Get out of here."

Kai answers,"I wanna help."

"You wanna help? (Kai nods) Then do what you're best at doing in a kitchen: nothing."

"Fuck off, I can boil water! You need any boiled water?"

"No, and everytime you boil water, it comes out green for some reason."

"Okay, that's complete bullshit, but fine. How about macaroni and cheese? Everyone loves mac & cheese and I know how to follow the instructions on the side of the box."

Ray groans,"People don't want mac & cheese on New Years, asshole."

"How do you know? You did a survey?"

"Just don't fucking touch anything."

Ray starts to chop onions, the quick Chinese way, and someone feels like he's showing off.

"What a bitch, Ray."

Ray stops chopping and turns to Kai."What the Hell! Leave me alone."

"You think you're so cool chopping those onions really fast, or to make you understand better, Blitzkrieg-ing your way through the onion, like it's Poland."

"Okay, using Nazi language to get stupid ideas through to me was really low. And if you think you can do better at chopping this shit up, feel free to try."

"Don't mind if I do, prick. Hold the camera, please."

Ray takes the camera. "Wash your hands first, pig."

While Kai mummers something about being called a pig, he washes his hands and picks up the big, sharp knife that Ray was using to chop before, and just snaps.

"AAAHHHHH!" Kai chops random slices into the onion, so it's destroyed and it looks demented.

Ray freaks out. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?! Give that to me! (ducks as Kai swings over him) On second thought, just put it down, please."

Kai starts screaming louder and cuts different things with his new toy. The cupboard doors, pantry door, counter, several parts of the walls, the fridge, table, chairs, and stove now all have large gashes in them. Ray runs out as fast as he can, and tapes Kai from 3 meters away from the doorway, who is running back and forth with a large knife and screaming and chopping.

Ray wonders aloud,"What the Hell did I do to deserve this? Must've been forging Judy's writing just now. But I've forged about a hundred peoples' writing. Must be something else. (silent pause) It's quiet. Too quiet, too soon. Kai?"

"Yes, Raymond?" Kai answers softly.

"Is your psychotic fit over?"

"Yes, Raymond, it's over. You can safely come in."

"Slide me the knife first. (Kai obeys, and the knife coming sliding on the floor toward him, and stops at his feet. He picks it up, and enters the kitchen, to find everything cut) What the Hell is wrong with you?"

Kai figures,"I skipped my pills this morning."

"If you were actually on pills, dude, I would believe you. (bell rings) Get that while I do things properly and get this place cleaned up a bit."

Kai goes to answer the door, and Ray picks up some onions and other items off the floor, still holding the camera. He hears the door open and, unfortunately, hears Kai's greeting.

"Hello, demon-folk! Please come in, but spare our lives."

Ray goes to the enterance to see the White Tigers and remembers that Kai believes they're man-eating demons, and goes on the defence.

"Fuck, Kai! Get outta here! Clean up your mess! (Kai pouts and leaves) Sorry, guys, Kai just snapped before and totally wrecked Tyson's kitchen."

Lee asks,"Is it reparable?"

"I really doubt it. I learned something, just now, never to let Kai hold a –"

Mariah screams,"Knife! Kai's holding a knife, Ray!"

He turns around and sees that Kai got his tool of destruction back.

Ray says calmly and slowly,"Kai, chill, and give me knife."

Kai says, "Guys, watch me chop onions!" He throws onions on the floor and is about to chop them, but Ray and Lee grab his arm, and push him down to the floor.

Lee growls,"I don't think so, psycho."

Kai orders,"What gives? Let go."

Ray argues,"Let go of the knife, Kai." Kai drops it after rolling his eyes and moaning. "Mariah, take it please, and bring it to the kitchen, just promise you won't scream when you see what Kai did to it."

"I'm afraid I can't make any promises there." She brings the knife to the kitchen. "What the fuck? This isn't Kai's doing, it's more like a bear in heat possessed by some demon!"

Ray calls back,"There's really no difference between the two." Ray and Lee let go of Kai and he stands up.

Kai fakes his laugh."Ha. Aha ha. Ha ha ha. Ho, ho ho. Oh, man, you crack me up, Ray. You're just so cute with your comparisons."

Tala comes through the open door. "Hello! How cute, onions on the floor. Now I really don't want to eat whatever it is you were planning to make."

Ray sighs,"Very funny. Captain Shithead, here, decided to look smart in front of guests."

Kai says,"Shut up. Where are the other Demolition Boys?"

Tala lifts one eyebrow."Didn't we go through this already, last time you visited? I killed them in their sleep."

"I didn't think you meant it."

"I did. Anyway, I brought the cousin of mine you think is so hot."

Kai hisses,"Yeah, say it louder, idiot, so she can hear."

"She's looking at something outside."

A girl comes in, wearing tight black jeans and a tight red T-shirt. She has black hair coming down a bit passed her shoulder. She's got green eyes and purple eye-shadow, exactly as Kai remembers her.

"Hey guys! Sorry, something grabbed my attention outside. I'm Afti. (shakes hands with White Tigers) Hey Kai. Long time no see."

"Yeah. You haven't changed."

"Fuck you, you keep getting taller, I'm a fucking shrimp here! I take that as a fricking insult, asshole."

"I can never do anything right, can I Afti?"

Kevin asks,"Can I ask if Afti is short for something?"

She answers, "Oh, sure. My full first name is Aftongmoschloffendin."

"…come again."

"Just call me Afti."

"Can do!"

Mariah asks, kind of angrily, "Ray, what did you do with your beautiful yin-yang headband?"

"Oh, I changed it for my new swastika headband. Hail Hitler."

"I made that headband for you, Ray, you promised you would never take it off, you son of a bitch!" She leaves, pouting.

Camera stops and begins showing Max opening the door to the All Starz and, more importantly, Judy.

"Hey Mom!" Max greets her with a hug.

"Maxy! It's been so long."

"I saw you six months ago."

"But it feels longer."

The rest of the bladers come to greet them. After a few hellos…

Kai walks up to her, sheepishly."So, Judy, I've been receiving all your letters."

Max remembers Christmas."Oh, God, no. Kai don't do this. You're only going to embarrass youself."

Judy questions,"What letters, Kai?"

"The love letters you've been sending me. Don't tell me you've forgotten about them."

"I'm afraid I have, Kai, can you show me one?"

"I can show you several."

Max gets worried. If Kai actually shows a letter to everyone there, he'll be horrified. His mother is writing love letters to his team captain? How screwed up is that? She's, like, twenty-something years older than him. And it's not like his parents are divorced, they just work in different countries. And of all people to cheat with, it had to be Kai, 16 years old, a psycho, and his teammate. How can he ever look at him the same way again?

"Okay, then. Can you read one?"

Emily intervenes."Judy, I don't think he should. Maybe you should read to yourself."

"You know I concentrate better when I hear information aloud, Emily. It's no different, now."

Michael adds,"Acutally, it is. Your dignity is on the line, here. Wake up, woman!"

Max yells,"Don't talk to my mom like that!"

Kai holds up a letter."Excuse me, I would like to read now. 'Dear Kai, I had the most amazing dream a few nights ago. I was lost in a forest and all of a sudden there you were, my knight in shining armor, come to rescue me. We looked deep into each other's eyes, and it was instant love, Kai, and we…we (deep breath) made love. I woke up feeling like the happiest and luckiest woman alive to be in love with someone like you. I long to (deep breath) caress your strong body and touch your soft lips. Until that day, my love. Sincerely, Judy.' "

Everyone at this point feels like throwing up. Except for Max. He feels like dying. And Kai feels his teenage innocence has been violated, and sees and hears Max's dad come in and greet everyone.

"I am going to get the biggest beating ever." He hands letter to Ray and leaves.

"Let me see that sheet, now!" Emily pulls it away. "I won't believe for a second that Judy actually wrote this! (analyzes letter)…unless it has her handwriting. Oh my God, Judy how could you!?"

Judy takes the letter and studies it. "Oh my, this is definatly my handwriting, no mistake about it. I just can't remember writing it. I can't even remember having this dream."

Max adds,"I really hope not, Mom. Maybe Kai wrote it himself."

"Oh, no, it couldn't have been, he is the one who received them and did you see how hard it was for him to finish it? The poor boy, who knows what he can be going through right now?"

Max's dad takes and reads the letter, his jaw dropping and his eyes widening with every passing line. Before he can say anything the camera stops and begins focused on the same clock from the beginning reading 10:45. All the girls, Hilary, Afti, Mariah, Emily, Miriam, Salima, Queen, Mathilda, Julia, and MingMing, who are being hit on by Enrique, come into the picture, being filmed by Kai.

Kai jokes, "Hey, check it out, it's Whores Incorporated."

All the girls start yelling at him different things, and the camera starts from another clock reading 11:45. Everyone has finished eating and Afti, Kai, and Ray are seen sitting in a circle, in which Tala is part of, filming.

Afti asks,"What the Hell was that soap opera about, back there, Kai?"

"Well, see, on Christmas, I kinda told Max to tell his mom to stop writing me love letters, and since she was coming today, I felt I should back it up. So, Ray and I gathered some letters writen by Judy, herself, and we wrote two love letters a day after Christmas until now, and today, we wrote 3, so we have quite a few, and all of them are really disturbing."

Tala adds his question."How come the writing is identical to hers?"

Ray answers,"I forged her writing style. Aren't I good?"

Afti shows she's impressed."I'll say." But it doesn't last long."Fuck, I'm bored, what can we do for fricking (looks at watch) fifteen minutes.Let's get everyone drunk! And we can get it on tape!"

Ray recites,"Been there, done that, seen the sights, bought the crappy T-shirt, hit on the chicks."

"You're a busy guy. Not to mention bitchy and sarcastic! What the fuck is up your ass?"

Tala soothes his cousin."Calm down, Afti. They get people drunk so often they can do it with their eyes closed and people can tell when they're going to strike again."

"Well, we better think of something before I go crazy and eat one of you! Apparently you boys always think of something to do."

"That's why we have a camera out, Afti, we're filming New Years and all it's screw-ups." says Kai.

"So think of something else."

Ray gets a not-so-good idea."Holy shit, I got it, but you're gonna kill me. Kai, you flirt with Judy."

Kai swings at him, but Ray ducks again."Have you fucking officially lost it? I don't like her, Ray, and I definantly don't love her, despite what some assholes out there might think."

Afti whines,"That would be so cool! You go up to her and say that you've been thinking about what she wrote and you're willing to accept your romantic fate."

"Yeah, one problem, genius, I'm not into older women! I'm not a perv, either!"

"(cough)LIAR(cough)"

"Oh you're just too cute, Tala."

Ray asks, "Does someone get the impression that someone is missing?"

Afti answers,"Is there something totally wrong with you? The Demolition Boys aren't here because –"

"Not them, someone else."

"Oh, oh, wrong move, bitch, how DARE you interupt a lady. I am soo gonna bust your ass!"

"Wo, chillax, yo! I was just saying someone is missing, that's all, I'm sorry."

"You better fucking be. So, Kai, when are you gonna hit on that blond woman?"

"I am not going to hit on her! It's Judy, fuck-dammit! I don't swing that way!"

Tala turns the camera to the door as it opens.

Tyson grins at Kai."Oh, Kai? Someone is here to see you."

Ryan comes through the door, smiling. "Hey, there, Kai. I haven't seen you in a while. Hey, have you been working out?"

A look of pure horror takes over Kai's face, and his eyes look hurt. Not Ryan, anyone but him. The last thing he needs is his crush to see him getting hit on by a guy.

"Hey bro! I thought someone was missing in action." Ray high-5s Ryan.

"I kinda missed my plane. Hey, who's this?"

"Oh. We haven't met, I'm Tala. This is my cousin, Afti."

Afti waves."So, you're Ray's brother? I don't really see a resemblance, besides the black hair."

"Most people don't, that's okay. But, yes, we share mother and father. Just the two of us."

Ray gives Kai a look that says 'Go now, while we're buying time', and Kai gets it, and creeps slowly toward the door, but to no avail. Ryan spots him.

Ryan calls after him."Oh, Kai, where are you going?"

Kai covers up."I thought I heard someone call me."

"I didn't hear anything, and I have very good hearing."

"Well, so do I, and I heard someone say, 'Kai get your ass over here'."

"I don't blame them, Kai, you have a very nice ass."

"Oh…..I'll take it as a compliment." Kai stares down at the floor.

Afti and Tala get the picture right away. Poor Kai is the love of a guy, and he happens to be Ray's brother. Afti feels she has to do something, but what? She can't pull the attention of a gay guy away from his love if she's a girl, and she has no intention of becoming a guy anytime soon. She gets a plan, and she hopes Kai will forgive her.

Afti coes,"Kai-hon, will you come with me to get a drink?"

_'Okay, she's never called me hon before, but I see a plan in the making'._ "Yeah, sure, I'm coming."

When they leave, the camera stops. Off camera…

Kai repeats sweetly,"Kai-hon?"

Afti reasons, "I'm trying to get you away from the gay dude who adores you and this is the thanks I get?"

"So, it's that obvious?"

"Quite, and I felt bad, so whatever may happen tonight I'm sorry in advance."

"Whatever. Just don't rape me."

"Oh, you're so funny."

"No, really, I have the rape story against Judy."

"Why do you hate her?"

Kai jokes,"See, I have this thing against blonds –"

"Good thing I'm not blond."

"Be happy."

Max passes by."Kai, I wanna talk to you."

"Fuck off!"

Kai beats the crap out of Max in 2 minutes flat, and Tala and Ray come in, disappointed.

Tala says,"You could've waited until we had the camera rolling."

Kai offers,"I can do it again."

"Please." Ray starts rolling.

"I just beat the crap out of Maxy, and I have to do it again, because freaking Dodo and Didi here are stupid and irresponsible. (beats Max again) Let's go."

Ryan's back! "I love a strong fighting man."

Kai has to settle this once and for all."Ryan, I don't know how to say this but, I don't….don't like…"

"What? Is it my hair? I can fix it. It's my clothes, isn't it?"

"MEN, Ryan, I don't like men! They're good and all, but I don't want to have a romantic relationship with them! I prefer dating chicks!"

"You've been leading me on this whole time?"

"Dude, I leaded you nowhere. I leaded you to Max and told you I was currently with him so you could masacre him. You leaded yourself on."

"You lied to me!"

"No shit, moron!"

"You lie, you sounded so devastated when he denied you."

"Guess I'm a pretty good actor."

"Well, if you aren't taken, there's no reason I can't try to win you."

Afti sees the fear in Kai's eyes, as much as he's trying to hide it, and sees the fear in Tala and Ray's eyes. She marches to Kai and plants a kiss on the mouth. Tala and Ray can't believe it and Ryan stares and leaves, moping, after a few seconds of seeing his love kiss a girl. When the kiss ends…

Kai says shyly,"I guess I owe you one?"

"You owe me a relationship, _hon."_

"Sure, I guess I'm willing."

Tala claps his hands. "Congratulations! And check it out, it's midnight. Hello 2005!"

"Hey, a new day, a new beating! Maxy! Oh, hold on. I'm Kai, and that was KaiRayRayKai New Years. And this is my girlfriend, Afti, or Aftongmoschloffendin."

"Fuck you, Hiwatari."

He kisses her and searches for Max.

Ray to camera. "I'm Ray, and I kinda have to console my brother, now. (to Tala and Afti)"

"I'm Afti, not that hideous name I was cursed with."

"I'm the best living being in the world, Tala, and I need to find the best living chick to have the best living children."

Ray notices,"You sound like a Nazi."

"I know. And I want your swastika headband."

"Another Nazi! Like me!"

------------------------

'Kay, guys I hope you enjoyed that. There won't be one for a while, maybe three weeks or something. I have exams. Eek! Wish me luck! If you need a laugh, read your fav previous chap.

>> 


	21. number 77

After I wrote this chapter, I got sick. Very, very sick.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, Dimetapp, Tempra, or Kleenex.

The picture focuses on Ray, who's standing in front of a closed door.

"Hello. I'm Ray. Welcome to KaiRayRayKai Production #77. Behind me, behind this closed door, is something so…so terrifying, if it were revealed to the public, thousands upon thousands of girls would flock Tyson's house to cry…if it were me. But cuz it's Kai, nobody cares. Thanks, Hilary, you can pass me the camera, I'll take over from here."

He takes the camera and focuses on Hilary, who looks concerned.

"What's wrong with Kai? I haven't seen him in…over a week. And I know for sure he didn't go with Tyson, Max, and Kenny to that 2-week convention in the States."

"He'll be fine. You can see for yourself. Come."

He opens the door behind him, which leads to the dojo. In the corner is a matteress and tangled up blankets, covering a bump underneath. They walk over to it.

Hilary asks, "Is that Kai?"

"It should be. If it isn't, then either Kai's transformed, or –"

"Shut up."

Kai looks up from his place in the covers, moans, and falls back down.

Kai mumbles,"Go away."

Ray to camera. "That's right. Kai. Is sick. (to Kai)"

"Go away, stupid fuckers." Kai orders in a scratchy, weird voice.

"You don't sound so good."

"No shit, I'm congested."

"That's a big word for you."

"I'm sick, it doesn't mean I became stupid."

Hilary bends down next to Kai on the floor.

She asks Kai, "Are you alright?"

"Oh yeah, peachy. I'm always sick. I always cough and sneeze and blow my nose every 5 minutes and sleep all day. I'm great."

"I see it doesn't change your sarcastic ways."

"Good. And don't…don't (sneezes on Hilary)(sniff) forget it." Kai blows his nose while Ray laughs.

Hilary cries,"Asshole. I don't wanna get sick! Do I look like a Kleenex to you?"

Kai looks at her thoughtfully."Some what, yes. (sniff) Oh, camera. I'm Kai. Follow me in my day of misery."

Ray asks,"How long have you been sick?"

"About two weeks."

Hilary says,"You should see a doctor."

Kai answers back,"You should see a doctor. For more severe reasons than mine."

"You'll always be an asshole, Kai."

"Not the (sneezes on her) first time I've heard that. (sneezes again)"

While Kai blows his nose, Ray looks around the room.

Then he asks, "How come you have so few tissues in here when you blow your nose every 5 minutes?"

Kai explains,"I throw them out every hour on the hour. Wanna see? What am I saying, you have to see."

He gets up and opens the closet in the dojo. On the floor of the closet is a ton of used Kleenex. It reaches Kai's hip.

"Isn't that crazy? (sniff)"

Hilary can't believe his stupidity."That's disgusting! No wander you're still sick after two weeks. You keep your germs in the room with you."

"You really think so? (closes door) I can't really think straight. (sits on matress)"

Ray asks,"What do you have?"

Kai smirks."A headache."

"I meant in illness."

"I think a fever. Or cold."

Hilary puts her hand on Kai's forehead.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, bitch? Don't touch me!"

"You're burning up. Does Tyson have a thremometre?"

Ray answers,"I dunno."

When Hilary leaves to check, Kai sneezes on Ray, twice.

Ray hollers,"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Kai answers,"I'm sick."

"But not cross-eyed! Sneeze away from me."

"That means I have to turn a whole 30 degrees. Go away. I'm tired."

Hilary comes back and tells Kai to put the thermometre in his mouth.

Kai wonders,"I can eat it?"

Hilary rolls her eyes."If you're up for eating an electronic device, which you shouldn't be."

"Then take your device and get out of my face."

"Put the damn thing in your mouth before, I force it down your throat!"

Ray mocks,"Hilary's taking charge."

Kai adds,"Hilary's taking advantage of my situation."

He puts it in his mouth and doesn't say a word. He looks away from the camera and at the floor. The device beeps.

Hilary says,"Okay, give it to me."

He looks at her and back at the floor, without removing the thermometer.

"Give it to me. (he shakes his head)(she pulls on it, but he bites on it) Give me the fucking thermometre!"

Ray fells a headache of his own coming."Dude, your choices are listen to her get angry, or give her the piece of crap and have her shut up."

He immediately lets go of the electronic device and smiles childishly.

Hilary says sarcastically, "Thank you so much, Ray. (reads thermometer) Oh my God! 102 Fahrenheit!"

Kai thinks."That's good, right? Girls always say I'm really hot."

"No! That's bad."

Ray asks,"Have you been taking any medicine?"

"Yeah, look."

He gets up slowly and leads them to the kitchen. He opens a cupboard and pulls out several bottles.

Kai explains with sniffing in between,"On Sunday and Tuesday I take this Dimetapp shit, Monday and Thursday I take this Tempra, which tastes really fruity, and on Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday I take this unidentified anti-biotic."

Ray and Hilary look at each other then back at Kai. 

Ray says."You incompetent bastard. You've been mixing medication?"

Kai grins."I like variety."

Hilary says,"It's dangerous, you fucking idiot!"

Kai spits,"Fuck you, Mom. I'm trying to get better."

"We're going to a doctor."

"I'm afraid of doctors."

Ray says,"Bullshit."

"It's true. They have knives and stuff."

"You're thinking – miraculously, I might add – of surgeons."

"I like surgeons, they're cool." He drinks from Dimetapp bottle.

Hilary realises what he's doing."You've been drinking from the bottles? Not even measuring how much you need for your age? You're stupider than I thought."

"You're the greatest, Hilary. Always with a compliment ready."

The camera stops and starts showing a waiting room. Kai has his box of Kleenex and various bottles with him. He taps on Hilary's shoulder as a woman passes by him.

Kai whispers, "I wonder what's wrong with her. It looks like som ething blew up in her stomach. Or she swallowed a basketball."

Hilary pinches his arm."She's pregnant, you inconsiderate bastard."

"I hope I never catch it."

Ray breaks out in hysterics, falls out of his chair, and rolls side to side.

"Is there a looney bin close by? Ray needs one. I was trying to be serious about not wanting to catch a disease and he –"

Hilary interupts her stupid friend. She knows he knows what it means to be pregnant."Being pregnant is not a disease. It's a beautiful and natural thing."

"Oh…in that case, I hope I do catch it."

Ray laughs harder.

Hilary tells him,"You don't catch it! And you can't, anyway, you're a guy."

Kai death glares her."You rascist bitch."

"How am I being rascist? I said you can't become pregnant, you're a male."

Ray stops laughing and focuses the camera on Kai.

"Asshole, she's pregnant. She's gonna have a baby."

"I knew that. I don't want it, anymore. Carry on, females of the world. (sneezes)"

Hilary hisses,"If you were standing up, I'd kick you in the crotch so hard –"

A nurse calls out,"Hiwatari?"

Kai looks at her, still sitting down."She's cute. (winks at the nurse)"

Ray pulls on his scarf like it's a leash, causing him to cough."It's our turn let's go."

They walk into the doctor's office, Ray hiding the camera, and taking it out in the office.

The doctor inside says,"Your name is Kai?"

"Last I checked, yes." Kai sits on the examination bed.

"A funny fellow, are you?"

"I had another word in mind, but funny will do."

"What was your word?"

"Sarcastic."

"Now, why would you be sarcastic with me?"

"Cuz my name is in front of your face and you're asking what my name is. Wake up."

Hilary orders,"Kai, stop it!"

Dr. gets between them."Settle down. Is this a documentary that you've brought a camera?"

Ray thinks."Umm…..yeah. (grins at Kai who grins back)"

"Alright, then. I'm going to start with some questions. What seems to be the problem?"

Kai starts,"Well, Hilary's a big problem. She keeps breathing."

She says,"Stop it! Tell him what's wrong!"

"I did."

"KAI!"

Dr. interupts."Does anything hurt?"

"My head."

"I see you have an entire box of Kleenex. I assume you have a runny nose."

Kai shakes his head slowly."You're just too smart for me, Doc."

Ray gets impatient."Get this over with, fucking jerk."

Dr. yells,"Hey! There's no need for swearing in a documentary!"

"Right. I also cough. I've been drinking these medicines, lately." Kai holds up the bottles while the doctor looks at them.

"I see you aren't a bright one. Mixing medication is dangerous."

"So I heard. Also, I hear voices and see dead, butchered animals. No biggie."

Ray looks at Kai meaningfully."You mean I'm not the only one?"

Kai returns his look."Same here!"

Dr. interupts again."Find a different doctor to explain your mental problems to. Right now tell me –"

Just then, Kai has a coughing fit. It lasts for a couple of minutes.

Kai sighs. "Ahhh…shit."

"You don't sound too good, son."

"I'm telling you, Doc, you're a genius. Too bad I'm not your son."

"Just an expression."

"I'm dying, aren't I?"

Hilary drops her head."Jesus Christ."

Ray 'answers',"Yes?"

Hilary looks at Ray until she understands that he was responding to her as if he was Jesus Christ."Shut up, Ray."

Dr. replies."No, you're not dying."

Kai hollers,"Stop lying!! (coughs)"

"Stop screaming."

The camera stops and starts showing the back of Hilary and Kai, who are arguing. They're walking toward Tyson's house.

Hilary tells Kai, "I can't believe you attacked him."

Kai argues,"I can't believe you didn't. He touched me, the perverted child molester." His voice is thicker and he speaks a little lower.

"He was checking your heart beat! He had no choice but to put his hand on you! (sneezes) And I think you're passing your cold on to me."

"You poor soul, my heart bleeds for you. You can borrow some of the pills he prescribed me."

"Borrow? Once I take it you can't have it back."

"You selfish slut."

Ray interupts."You would think growing up in Russia, you'd be immune to the common cold."

"Nobody is immune to the common cold. Besides, they had us kept away from the outside world, so we probably never came into contact with it and never built some sort of immunity."

Hilary nodds her head."That sounded really smart and logical."

"If it were true!" Kai laughs, but it turns into coughing.

Ray remembers."Aren't Tyson, Max, and Kenny coming back today?"

So does Kai. "I think so. It's been a while since I hurt Max. Good thing I gave him that brutal beating before he left. I sent him home to the States to his mommy with a shiner."

Hilary says,"Someday, someone's gonna brutally beat you, and then we'll see how you like it."

Kai's eyes grow wide."Dude, when did you become a fortuneteller?"

"Fuck off. And don't call me dude."

Ray mumbles,"And I thought Tyson and Hilary were bad."

Kai stops walking and faces the camera. "Hilary is a parasite. She feeds off her victim by royally pissing them off. Tyson, her primary source of pleasure, has left for a while, and she needs a substitute. I dunno why she chose me, but it was a bad move, cuz she'll never win."

Hilary growls,"I hope you choke on your pills, Kai."

"Fat chance. I happen to be competent." He clears his throat.

They arrive at Tyson's house to see the three remaining Bladebreakers entering the house.

Ray greets,"Hey guys! How was the convention?"

Max shrugs."Uneventful. The Chief could've thought of everything there in his sleep."

Tyson notices Kai walking slowly and sees the tired look on his face."You don't look so good, Kai."

Kai spits,"If you're trying to tell me I'm ugly, just say it, prick."

"Now I remember why I didn't want to come back."

Ray explains,"Kai's sick, guys. He'll be fine. Max, you still have your black eye!"

Max sighs,"I can tell, Ray. How long has he been sick?"

Hilary answers,"Since you left, I think."

Kai sees an oppurtunity to make Hilary look bad."Did it hurt, Hilary?"

"Did what hurt?"

"You said 'I think'. Did it hurt when you were thinking? Cuz I know it's not your thing, using your brain and all."

Tyson exclaims,"That's a good one, Kai!"

"I thought so. Wanna see what else is good?"

He kicks Max in the nuts, then punches his face.

Max squeals,"Mother-fucker! (falls to the ground, crying)"

Kai becomes proud of himself. "That felt good. (sneezes in Tyson's face)"

"Oh, gross! Real mature!"

"I know."

Ray speaks up."Dude, I thought you were sick. You just paralyzled Max for a good three hours."

"Yeah. It took a lot out of me. I wanna sleep, now."

Hilary adds,"You have to eat something and take your pills, first."

"And…when exactly did you become my nutritionist?" Kai waits for an answer.

"I'm trying to help you, stupid prick! Stop being so hostile!"

"Stop being so bossy."

"Argh! (leaves to go home)"

Tyson says,"You really need to calm down, Kai."

Kai answers back harshly."And you really need to mind your own business and stop being my advisor. Excuse me, I have pills I need to develop an addiction to."

He goes inside while Tyson laughs.

Ray says,"I really hope you're joking."

Kai wheezes, "Likewise."

Ray thinks about what that would mean."You hope I'm joking?"

"You really think I wish to develop an addiction to anti-biotics? Please, I deserve a bit more credit than that."

They get to the kitchen. Kai fills a glass of water and reads the instructions on the bottle of pills.

Kai mumbles the instructions."After meals…keep out of reach of children…may cause drowziness…I need two."

"What are you gonna eat?"

"Nothing."

"Idiot, eat something."

"Hey, make me, moron! (coughs) Never mind. I'll eat something."

The camera stops and starts showing Kai sitting at the table blowing into a bowl of soup. He stops and looks up at the camera, which is facing him. He starts laughing.

Kai manages between laughs and wheezing coughs, "Stop filming me as I eat! It's annoying."

"No. People have to see this." giggles Ray.

Kai glares at him and uses his spoon as a catapult to throw some soup at him and the camera. The broth is on the lens, so the picture is blurry.

Ray yells, "Fucking idiot!"

The picture changes instantly to Kai laughing/coughing in the middle of a hallway, bending over at the waist. Ray's heard giggling.

Ray says,"Show the camera, dude." He zooms closer on Kai.

"No. It's mine." Kai backs up, smiling.

"Just show us."

Kai sticks out his tongue at the camera and Ray zooms in on it.

"That's disgusting. It's all white."

Kai moves forward and licks the lens, then keeps it there.

Ray cries, "Asshole!"

The camera cuts to Ray.

Ray whispers, "Kai took his pills, and he's been asleep for two hours. He woke up 5 minutes ago, and you hafta see the aftermath."

He goes into the dojo to where Kai is sitting up, looking very pissed and tired.

"Kai, say hello. (Kai gives Ray the finger) That's right. Kai has lost his voice. But I got him a marker so he can write whatever he wants to say on the walls. Here ya go."

He hands Kai the black permanent marker and he gets up and writes 'Fucking doctor, doesn't know what the fuck he's doing'.

"I agree, but you only took it once. Give it a chance."

'I'm not one to give chances. When I do something, I try to do it right. (sneezes) I feel like shit.' Kai scribbles on the wall quickly.

Ray muses,"Only feel like it?"

Kai whips his Kleenex box at Ray.

"Calm down, you fucking animal."

Kai smiles and starts writing/drawing stupidities all over the dojo walls.

'Tyson loves men.' 'Max is a pussy.' 'Kenny isn't human and doesn't deserve to live.' 'Hilary is a slut.' 'Ray eats shit.'

Ray gets offended. "Fuck off. Give me that marker. (Kai writes no) Tyson is gonna be soo pissed at you."

Kai scribles, 'I'll just blame it on you.'

"Fucking retard. Write something about yourself. Besides 'I'm sick'."

'I can vomit at will.'

"Please don't. Hey, that's the only thing you haven't done. You cough, sneeze, lost your voice, but didn't hurl. Write something else."

Kai thinks, then smiles. 'Life's a bitch, then you marry one.'

Ray laughs, "Or maybe 'Life's a bitch, then you meet Hilary.'"

Kai draws middle fingers everywhere, along with faces, stick people killing each other, band aids, and several other random things, until Tyson, Max, and Kenny come in.

Tyson screams,"What the Hell?!"

Kai points at Ray, runs over and hands the marker to Ray, then goes back under the covers.

Max grumbles,"Now that was very convincing."

Kai looks up smiling, nods, then puts his head back down.

Kenny whines,"This team is so retarded, and all because of our captain."

Kai holds up his middle finger for all to see.

Tyson comments,"Hey, Kai, that's a very nice blender. It looks real."

Kai's middle finger becomes a thumbs up.

Max asks,"What's his problem?"

Ray explains,"He lost his voice, so he's writing everything."

Tyson comes back to reality."But why on the walls?! I don't love men!"

"Kai can vomit at will?" wonders Kenny,"And then I'm not human."

Ray to camera. "I'm Ray. Kai's still sick, but he'll live. Here, dude, write your farewell. (hands him the marker)"

Kai writes in his almost illegible writing, 'I'm Kai. Now leave me the fuck alone.' Then whips marker at Max's face.

"Fucking crap!" wails Max.

Kai blows his nose, looks at it strangely, and brings it to the camera lens.

Ray chuckles, "Aww, fuck. It's yellow mucus." Kai smudges it on the lens, so nothing can be seen but thick yellow mucus. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Camera stops.

-------- 

**_PLEASE READ!_**

'Kay, guys, that's the chapter you've been waiting for. I know it wasn't that funny, but the next two had my 'Laugh-o-Meter' crying from laughter. Thanks for your patience! All my exams are through, so I can go back to updating on a regular basis. Here are my results!: Math-86 World History-84.5 English-80 Economics-76 French-72 **I have a question for you guys** Would you be interested in a preview at the end of every chapter for the next chapter? It would include a few lines from our favorite guys and something like "What will happen? Will everyone come out alive? Will everyone keep their sanity, only to lose it some other time?" Kinda like that, so tell me what you think, and thanks again! Something else, does anyone watch Witch Hunter Robin??


	22. number 64

If at first you don't succeed, try try again. Either that, or you're just not good at it.  
**Note: I wanna thank everyone who reviewed. I got so much good feedback, so I felt it necessary to thank EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!**

For those who asked, Witch Hunter Robin is an anime show. It's really good, I recommend it to anyone who has it airing in their country!

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, Toys R Us, Chevy Silvarado, Barbie, or SWAT (Special Weapons And Tactics)

The picture focuses on a Toys R Us sign and slowly comes down to focus on Ray. Behind him, people are walking in and out of the Toys R Us.

"Greetings, how goes it?"

"It goes well."

"Good. I'm Ray, it's KaiRayRayKai Production 64, and we're paying a visit to Toys R Us, our favorite place."

"You didn't explain why."

"Big shit. You do it."

"Fine. (to camera) I'm Kai. Two videos ago, 62, Ray drove a car for the first time, and I almost got killed, not for the first time. We're looking for those toy jeeps that fit, like, two kids so Ray can get some practice without putting lives in danger. (to Ray)"

Ray groans,"You don't have to put it that way."

"Yes I do. It's the truth. Wanna tell them what happened after you burned that red light and I stopped the camera?"

"No."

"I didn't think so. Let's move."

They enter the store and start wandering around, looking for the miniature jeeps.

Ray mutters,"This place is a fucking maze. How many plush toys can there be?"

"As long as there's ideas for plushies they'll be making them and making money. Watch, in the future there'll be a penis plushie."

"That's disgusting."

"And possible."

"I doubt it. Here, buy a penis plushie for your 6 year-old boy or girl. Complete with testicles and pubic hair."

Kai answers matter-of-factly,"Yeah, why not? They eventually need to learn about –"

: Hey, you two! With the camera.

They turn to see a Toys R Us employee.

Kai answers, "Yes, sir."

"What do you think you're doing with that camera?"

Ray says,"We're getting a shot of everything you have."

"Oh, sorry, you must be the commercial guys. I was told you were coming next week."

"We came early. We got lots of calls."

"Not to sound rude," Kai cuts in,"but can we start this?"

"Of course. What do you have in mind? Beyblades are growing on the kids."

Ray smiles. "There's enough advertising for that, especially with freaking champion teams going on T.V. How about those jeeps kids could drive?"

"Okay, they're in the back."

He leads them to the jeeps.

Kai sounds a bit pushy. "Dude, 90? Isn't that a bit pricey? We can't advertise if your stuff is only for the rich."

"We're having a hard time selling them, so whatever we do sell we get a bit extra."

"Wake up, you're not selling cuz they're expensive."

Ray covers up. "Excuse my cameraman, he thinks he's getting fired, so he's kinda pissy."

"Well, the jeeps were your idea, so don't attack me. Any other ideas?"

"That was our only idea before walking in. We need time to think."

"Listen, this is my lunch hour, but you can call me on the intercom if you think of anything. I'm Jesse. (leaves)"

Kai turns to the toy jeeps."So, we have Chevy Silvarados and Barbie jeeps."

"Let's get one of each."

"That Barbie jeep is so mine."

Ray holds his hands up, as if surrendering. "I'm not complaining."

They drag the two jeeps to the cashier, pay for them, and bring them home. When they get home, Ray jumps onto the roof of his Porsche and sits on it.

Ray talks to it. "I don't want you to think that you're being replaced. I just feel I'm not worthy of you, yet, and I'm simply preparing myself. I still love you. (hugs roof)"

"That is the most pathetic shit I have ever heard in my fucking life. And better yet, it's coming from you."

Ray jumps down. "Just get the jeep out of the box."

"You can do it. Open the Chevy."

"When did you turn to the frilly pink girl side?"

"Hanging out with Hilary has bad side effects." Kai jokes.

"I can tell. Check out the Chevy. It's pretty cool, for something made of plastic."

"My Barbie jeep is really hot."

"Yeah, hot pink. If I had explosives, that shit would jump to number one on my list."

"Drive your jeep, asshole."

Ray gets in his jeep, awkwardly.

"This thing is so fucking small. My knees are touching my cheeks. That's not normal."

"That's cuz you have a fat ass, Ray. Lay off the junk food, stop smoking, and get a gym membership or something."

"Okay, retard, I don't smoke and my ass is not that fat."

"But you admit that it's fat."

"Maybe, but –"

"Stop bitching and drive the fucking thing!" Kai yells.

Ray 'turns on' the toy and starts moving…very slowly.

"See Ray? Your ass is slowing it down."

"Shut up before I run you over."

"Oh nooooo. I'm scared. I'm gonna get run over by something I can stop by placing my foot on. What the fuck will I ever do?" Kai whines.

"You're gonnna shut up, that's what." Kai starts walking beside him as the jeep moves...very slowly. "Why are you following me?"

"Two reasons. 1- To show you how slow you're going. 2- Because it requires adult supervision."

"You're so funny."

"Aren't I? (Ray stops) What's wrong?"

"Just wondering, you think we can tune these things and drag race with them?"

Kai looks at the jeep before answering. "I guess it's possible. Bring it back and we'll take a look."

Camera cuts to Tyson's backyard, where they put the jeep on two chairs, one behind each pair of wheels. Ray is lying on a skateboard, looking under the car. After a minute he pushes himself out and stands up.

Kai asks,"So can we do it?"

"I don't think so. It's pretty flat under there. Take a look."

Kai lies on the skateboard and rolls under the car and sees underneath. It really is flat, with some screws and a sticker with the company name and guarantee…and a number!

"Let's call the number. Get me the cordless."

Ray runs and gets Kai the cordless. He dials the number and rolls out from under the toy as rings. After selecting the language and department…

"Yes hi, I was wondering where the engines are on your Chevy Silvarados. My young cousin and I want to drag race…I don't care how unsafe it is, tell me where the engines are…Well, that's smart, you make jeeps without engines…Yes it is a real car, fuck off man. (hangs up) Don't make the jeeps with engines because they're not real cars, they work different, what kind of bullshit is that?"

Ray guesses, "Corporate bullshit. Fuck them, we'll leave the toys as they are. Race them like this. Is your Barbie shit better than my wannabe Chevy?"

"No."

"You're so gay, it was supposed to be a challenge where you try to prove yourself but I whop your ass."

"You have a big ass." Kai brings up irrelevancies to piss off Ray.

"We're not talking about my ass! I'm saying you were supposed to say something like you're on and we race!"

"We _could_ talk about your ass."

"Forget it, you're hopeless."

And to top off the cake, "Hey, wanna race?"

Ray glares at him."…you're such a prick. Let's go gas up these babies."

They get in their respective jeeps and starts driving slowly to the gas station. 45 min. later…

"Are we there, yet?"

Kai answers, "No."

"Are we there, yet?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"No."

"Are we there, yet?"

"I dunno, Ray, look around, use your judgement, and take into consideration that we're still driving! Now you tell me if we're there, yet!"

"I guess not."

"Excellent work. We're here."

Ray nearly shouts,"You just said no!"

"No, you said no. I said no when we weren't here, when the answer was really no."

"Whatever. Too many no's."

They drive up to the pumps, pick them up, and stop.

Ray asks, "Where's the thing-a-ma-bob?"

"If I knew what you were asking for I would answer." Kai teases.

"Where's the thing, you know, the…the thing!"

"With Bob?"

"Yeah, the thing with…hey you're making fun of me."

"Correct, for 2 yen. Your second question: what the fuck are you trying to ask me?"

"Where's the thing where you put the gas?"

"Oh that thing that doesn't have a Bob."

"Ha ha."

"I dunno. It's not anywhere on mine. Just put it in the trunk."

Ray screams, "We don't have one of those, either. This jeep is a fucking piece of crap!"

The gas guy (G.G.)comes out.

"Is everything okay? I heard yelling."

"My car doesn't have a trunk nor a gas-thingy!"

"Well, it's not a real car. It's a toy Chevy and a piece of shit Barbie item."

Kai grabs the guy's collar and pulls him toward his face, moving the camera aside to film them both.

Kai growls, "Don't you ever diss my car, got that, asshole?"

G.G. pushes Kai away. "Hey, watch it, tough guy."

"You wanna start something? Ray, hold the camera. (Ray takes it) You wanna take this outside?"

Ray and the gas guy look at each other. Ray rolls his eyes. Kai is only embarrassing himself.

"Dude, we are outside." says the G.G.

"Good, so I don't have to wait anymore. (punches gas guy)"

"You're so gonna regret messing with me."

Kai and the gas guy get into ascrap, sending and taking punches, throwing each other around, getting in and out of headlocks, and, on Kai's part, biting.

G.G shouts, "What the fuck! Are you an animal? Fight like a man, not a dog."

G.G.2 comes out. "Rob, I called the cops, they're coming! Finish him!"

Rob answers, "He's tougher than most pricks. The mother-fucker bit me!" He holds up his bleeding hand as proof.

Kai spits, "Damn straight, I'm tougher."

Ray orders, "Kai, use Plan KITTER."

Rob turns back to Kai. "So your name's Kai. What's Plan KITTER?"

Kai jams his knee into Rob's nuts and kicks them hard twice when Rob falls down and doubles over in pain.

Kai spits on him and explains, "Plan KITTER: Kick In Testies To End Reproduction. The ultimate acronym-weapon. Screw SWAT. All you need is KITTER to teach bastards like you a lesson and stop you from making more bastards."

"MOMMY!" Rob cries/screams.

G.G2 shouts, "Damn it, Rob, you're a fricking black belt! You're letting some street punk destroy you?"

Kai gets _really_ annoyed. Was nobody listening? "Your belt color doesn't matter, it's all about your fucking acronyms, what the Hell did I just finish saying!"

Ray asks, "So, where are the cops? (Kai takes camera)(to G.G.2)"

"I just said that to scare you losers."

Kai calls out, "Ray, the fuel gauges say full. We don't need gas right now. Let's leave."

They get in their toy jeeps and G.G.2 cracks up as they drive off.

"Hey, Ray, does yours have a radio?" Kai asks.

"No. Yours does? I got jipped. Turn it on."

Kai turns on the radio.

'Ridin along with Barbie,  
Goin to a party  
Gonna be with friends,  
Together till the end  
Wind hitting my face,  
Gonna quicken the pace  
Havin fun with Barbie,  
The best way to make a girl happy!' (AN: I dunno if that's the song, but if you want it,  
take it, even without asking me)

Ray and Kai memorize the words and sing them the rest of the way to Tyson's. When they get there, Kai turns off the radio and they stop the jeeps.

"Are we late for practice?"

Ray replies rather happily, "Very late."

"Damn, I'm gonna hafta hear Kenny, again. (mimicks Kenny's voice) You guys are always late. You need to practice to remain a champion. Tyson and Max are always on time, and Hilary's not even on the team and she comes on time. You're the team captain, Kai, you have set an example. (normal voice) Then I say I am setting an example because your so-called star player is always on time. And he says well he lives at our meeting place. And I say, well then you have no argument, seeing that we all live at the meeting place at the moment. And he says, so do you and Ray. And I say -"

"So we'll drive in and make an enterance and Kenny will be so busy trying to kill himself that he can't tell you off."

"Sounds like a plan, but my legs hurt. I have to stand up first."

Kai and Ray stand for a few minutes, stretching their limbs and climb back into their toy jeeps.

"Feel better?"

"Much. Wave hello to your car."

Ray waves. "I love you, Car, and I'll prove it to you, someday! (blows kisses toward it)"

They drive over the grass into the backyard where a Beybattle is about to begin. Seeing Kai and Ray in 6 year-old kids toy jeeps, driving around in random patterns, Max instantly starts laughing and falls to the ground, rolling around.

Kai mutters, "So you think this is funny, huh?"

He drives over to Max and runs his legs over. He lets out a small cry, but continues to laugh. Ray drives his Chevy into the small body of water in the backyard, him and the jeep together, and Max laughs harder. Tyson and the others join.

Kai informs, "Ray, you're incompetent. Max, you're stupid. (turns on radio) Feel Barbie's wrath!"

Max laughs harder while managing to say 'You guys are so stupid' over and over again in between laughs. Kai gets out of his car, pulls Max out from underneath it, and starts punching him, making him laugh a bit less, but more again when he sees Ray come out of the water, all wet, and stealing the Barbie jeep and managing to drive it into the house, where loud crashes are heard with loud Barbie-song singing by Ray.

"Ray, you idiot, that's my jeep!" Kai yells after him.

He lets go of Max and runs to find Ray inside. Just as he gets to the doorway, Ray reverses into Kai's legs, causing him to fall forward onto Ray and sliding off the hood of the jeep. Ray and Kai start laughing insanely with the others who witnessed Kai's trip onto and over Ray. The camera stops and continues showing Ray on his Porsche.

"I'll be ready for you someday."

"I never realized how disturbing it could be to see someone feel up a car." Kai moans.

"That's fucking wrong. Is it time?"

"Yeah. I pulled flowers from neighbors yards. (hands Ray flowers)"

"Cool, thanks."

They go to the body of water in the backyard where only the wheels of the Chevy are submerged. The rest can clearly be seen and touched without getting anyone wetand, say, pulled out of the water.

"I'm gonna miss it so much." Ray throws flowers in the water.

Kai adds,"It was a cool jeep. Shit for racing, but cool." He throws more flowers. "(to camera) I'm Kai. (to Ray)"

"I'm Ray, paying respects to my Chevy, lost at sea, never to be –"

Tyson's loud voice is heard screaming, "I told you to get that piece of crap out of the water!"

-

**_Okay guys...!  
_**It was really close, but the majority of you wanted the preview. I suggest those who did not want it don't read it at the end of every preceding chapter from now on. And let's start with this one:

It's Valentine's Day, and Kai gets an unexpected and somewhat expected visitor...

Kai: For the love of my love for the y-chromosome, Ray, get your faggot brother away from me!  
Ray: He's not a faggot, screw off!  
Kai: No? So then what is he?  
Ray: Uh...misguided, that's all.


	23. Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day! **NOTE:**There are some sentences writen in French, so the translations are in ((double brackets)). Some accents on letters are missing.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade.

The camera focuses on Kai sitting at the kitchen table with his head leaning in his hand and a daydreaming look on his face. Ray sits next to him.

"Kai, what are you thinking about?"

Kai answers softly, "Bacon."

After a few seconds of silence, the camera cuts to Ray standing next to an easle and Kai walking over to the opposite side. The easle has several papers on it and the first one is blank. They have a chop stick each and Kai's wearing Kenny's glasses on his head.

"I'm Ray Kon."

"I'm Kai Hiwatari."

"Today is Valentine's Day."

"Valentine's Day equals love and stuff."

"Stuff like poems related to love."

"Thus the most popular loveline (Kai removes blank sheet to show next one which has writing on it and reads and points with chop stick)'Love is blind.'"

Ray removes the sheet to show a picture of Cupid. "Love equals Cupid." and slaps his chop stick onto Cupid picture.

Kai continues,"Cupid equals tiny."

"Tiny equals (removes sheet to reveal bad drawing of Kenny) Kenny."

"Therefore (Kai removes sheet and points to writing on next one) Kenny is blind."

"When Kenny is blind, Kenny is usually tied up."

Kai removes sheet. "Thus, Kenny is blind and tied up."

"When Kenny is blind and tied up, Kenny is scared."

Kai removes another sheet. "Thus, Kenny is scared."

"When Kenny is scared he has good reason to be, becuz he is small."

"Therefore, Kenny is a frightened tiny child who is blind and tied up, with a reason to be afraid."

"Thus, we will let Kenny out of the cardboard box and chase him around, hence his reason for being afraid." Ray removes the sheet to the last one saying 'The End'.

"To top everything off: loves equals Cupid, Cupid equals stupid, Cupid equals Kenny, therefore Kenny equals stupid."

"Or does Kenny equal love?"

"Go through the procedure again, Ray, you'll find your answer."

"True. That was the Logic Minute, with your hosts Kai and Ray. I'm Ray."

"And I'm Kai, join us next time for another Logic Minute."

Kai goes to pick up the camera, turns it to Ray and follows him to the dojo. In the middle of the room is a cardboard box, and Ray pushes it over to force Kenny to roll out. Kenny's hands are tied behind him and is blindfolded. All he's wearing are white shorts.

Kenny screeches,"Where are you! Say something! This isn't funny!"

Ray closes the dojo door, so there isn't a way out.

"Guys? Are you there?"

Ray answers,"Oh you bet your sorry little midget ass we're here! And we have friends with us."

"Ken, let me introduce scissors, butcher's knife, chopping knife, blender blades…" when Kai has run out of ideas, " and I'll let you guess the rest when they hit and/or cut you. Oh, and Ray's fist and my fist. Oh, shards of glass, too."

"Nooo, leave me alone!" Kenny yells.

He runs in one direction and crashes into the wall, and falls on his ass.

Ray inquires,"And just where the fuck do you think you're going?"

"I have to find a way out of here so you won't kill me!"

He gets up and runs into another wall.

"Hey, Kai, pass me the skewers. I wanna make Kenny shish-ka-bobs." Ray teases.

"Sure. I'm assuming you'll need the butcher's knife as well."

"Yes actually."

Kenny squeels,"For the love of God!"

Kenny freaks out and starts running all over the place. Since he can't see and his hands are tied, he feels even more helpless and in danger. Plus, Ray and Kai wanna 'cut him up' and 'cook him'. As Kenny screams and runs and falls and bruises himself, Kai and Ray have to move out of his way and hold in laughter, and continue to threaten him. It comes to an end when Kenny falls one last time and starts crying. Ray looks at the camera and mouths the words 'Oh fuck'. Hilary and Max come in.

Hilary gasps,"What's going on here? Kenny! Why are you…blindfolded and crying? Kai!"

Kai argues,"It's always me! ALWAYS!"

"Is there a reason it shouldn't be?"

"Ray's here, too."

"So you're passing on the blame?"

"Noo, I'm simply sharing it with Ray."

Max unties Kenny and removes the blindfold.

"You're alright, Chief, calm down." Max soothes.

Kenny says between sobs, "Ray and…Kai were gonna…cut me up and…and cook me."

"I don't see how. They don't have anything sharp or dangerous with them."

Kenny looks around, then at Kai and Ray and realizes they don't really have knives or shards of glass with them…nor any skewers.

Max adds,"Plus, they aren't cannibals."

Ray spits,"Wanna bet?"

Kai breaks in."Speak for yourself, dude, you're the one who's from the savage man-eating clan. Plus, you're a Nazi."

"Not this again. And leave Nazism out of this."

Kenny can't believe he was taunted into thinking Ray and Kai were gonna kill him. Better yet, he can't believe they would actually do this to him.

Kenny whispers,"I must've done something wrong during the past few days."

Ray explains,"You didn't do anything wrong. It just seemed like fun. You know, cuz it's Valentine's Day and you reminded us of Cupid. All you're missing is arrows."

Hilary takes the glasses from Kai's head and gives them to Kenny.

Kai bellows,"What the fuck! I like those glasses, you stupid whore!"

She answers, "They aren't yours! Stop being a stupid retard!"

"But they looked good on me. They're really sexy, Chief, I like your taste in glasses."

"Leave me alone, you monster!" Kenny runs away.

"What a baby."

Max exclaims,"You just tortured him onto believing you were gonna kill him! I think he has a right and reason to be pissed off."

"Hey listen, Tate, when I want an explaination for why people should be mad, I'll consult a psychologist, so shut the fuck up!"

Kai shoves Max and starts punching him.

Ray reminds,"Kai, it's Valentine's Day! A day for love and stuff."

Kai drops Max. "Which is why he's kissing my fist."

The camera stops and starts again showing Kai sitting comfortably in an armchair near a phone.

"Hello. It's KaiRayRayKai Valentine's Day, so we're gonna make a couple of phone calls. First to France. Who's more romantic than the French?"

Ray answers casually,"Iguanas."

"…..shut up. So we're going (picks up phone) to call (dials numbers) Oliver. And we'll put him on speaker phone."

He hangs up and waits for Oliver to answer.

"Oui, allo?" ((Yes, hello))

"Allo, Oliver, c'est Kai." ((Hello, Oliver, it's Kai))

"Oh, hey Kai. What a surprise."

"Bonjour Oliver." ((Hello Oliver))

"Is that Ray? Hello Ray! How are you guys?"

Kai replies,"We're good. Listen, can you speak to us in French while we talk? I mean, it's Valentine's and all –"

"But, Kai, you don't understand me when I speak French. Nor does Ray."

"Yeah, I know, but I think we're improving and we should practice every now and then."

"Well, okay. What should I say?"

Ray suggests,"We'll start the conversation in English and then to French. So, how are you doing in Beyblading?"

"Très bien. J'acheté un nouveau anneau d'attaque, et c'est juste magnifique." Oliver answers.((Very good. I bought a new attack ring, and it's just magnificant))

Ray 'translates',"What do you mean you locked yourself in a closet? I wanted to know about your Beyblading skills, I didn't need to find out how incompetent you've become."

"Non, Ray, ce n'est pas ça que j'avais dis!"((No, Ray, that's not what I said!))

Kai does the same thing."You eat motor oil? That can't be good."

Oliver orders,"Arretez etre stupide, les gars!" ((Stop being stuid, guys!))

Kai gets mad." 'Kay, Ollie, I'm gonna tell you this in French so you understand, you fucking asshole. Tu es un cahier de pommes qui mange des portes plastiques et tu aimes des singes explosif." ((You are a notebook of apples who eats plastic doors and you like explosive monkeys.))

Oliver sighs, "Do you have any idea what you just told me?"

"No, but I was hoping it would be along the lines of 'We have reached the next level in Pacman.' It's a blast!"

"Mon dieu, es tu malade!"((My God, are you sick!))

Ray trails off. "Mmmmmm…marmalade…"

"Pas marmalade, malade! Are you sick!"((Not marmalade, malade –sick-))

"Not really. Oh wait, Oliver, I wanna say something. Tu as des particles de food…wedgé…betweené…tes dents." ((You have particles of food wedged between your teeth))

Oliver asks harshly,"What the Hell was that?"

Ray answers,"It's Frenglish, English and French put together. It's great, cuz even though it's two languages, nobody understands."

"Oh, j'ai compris. Vous n'améliorez pas de tout."((Oh I understood. You didn't improve at all))

Kai says,"I'm not sure what you said, but I'm pretty sure it had something to do about the wheather being bad in France. Or that you started smoking marijuana."

"Tabarnac!" ((Tabarnac!)) Oliver hangs up.

Kai wonders,"What does that mean?"

Ray figures,"Probably a fancy way for saying goodbye."

"It better be. So that's our French lesson for today. I think we did well, and it was fun speaking a romantic language on Valentine's Day…or at least it was until Oliver hung up on us. Let's call Afti."

Tyson calls from far, "Kai! Visitor!"

"Ah, for fuck's sake, can't it wait?"

"Not really."

Ray says,"Just hurry up."

They go to the enterance where everyone plus the visitor is.

Kai's heart sinks when he sees his visitor."You gotta be shiting me! Ryan, leave me the Hell alone!"

Ryan beams,"Happy Valentine's Day, Kai my love."

"Didn't you hear what I just said? Please tell me…" Kai trails off when he nocies something. "...are those flowers?"

"Yes, Kai, aren't they beautiful?"

"Please tell me they're for Hilary."

Hilary giggles,"You're so sweet, Kai."

"No, I just don't want to accept flowers from him."

Ray greets,"Hey Ryan. How are you?"

"I'm well, thank you, but Kai is crushing my heart."

Kai chirps,"Cool, I didn't even have to try."

"Kai, just come with me. We can be happy together. Just you and I, away from everyone else's opinions."

"You obviously didn't listen to my opinion. I am not gay. I have a girlfriend. Tyson, stop giggling before I break your face."

Tyson mumbles,"Sorry."

"I'll make you sorry. (to Ryan) Ryan, dude, I'm sorry, but me and you? It can never work."

"We can make it work, my love! Just take my hand!"

Ryan pulls Kai into a passionate hug and pushes him against a wall so Kai can't get away. Everyone's eyes go wide. They know, for Kai, this means war and bloodshed.

Kai screams,"For the love of the x-chromosome, Ray, get your faggot brother away from me!"

Ray defends,"He's not a faggot, screw off!"

"No? So then what is he?"

"Uh…misguided, that's all."

"I dunno what the fuck he is, he's making me and my ass very uncomfortable, so get him away!"

"Ryan, you should really leave Kai alone, before he kills you –"

Ryan exclaims,"I don't care! I will win his love or die trying!"

Kai smirks. "I see you've made your choice."

Kai throws himself against Ryan so they both go flying into the wall across from them, but only Ryan feels pain from the impact and he slides down the wall, so he's sitting on the floor in pain and has let go of Kai.

"I never felt so free in my life!"

Ray yells,"Dude, that's my brother! Gay or not, I care about him!"

"Oh…sorry I hurt him."

"You clearly don't understand. I care about him, so hurt him now so he learns and stops trying to 'win your love'."

"I'm glad he think alike, Ray."

Kai pulls Ryan up from his collar, punches him in the face, and kicks his knee hard, so he has a hard time standing.

Tyson orders,"Stop it! I won't have fighting in my house."

Kai agrees."You're right. To the dojo."

"It's still part of my house!"

"Fine, outside."

He drags Ryan to the backyard, drops him, and jumps and lands on Ryan's other knee.

"For the love of God! My knee, I think it's broken!"

Raysays,"Kai, I think it's enough."

"I completely disagree, but I will stop."

"Ray, my brother, you betrayed me!" Ryan screams everything since he is in pain.

Ray answers,"You just needed to learn, brother."

"What, you think this will make me stop seeing Kai? Little brother, you're so foolish!"

"Okay, I'm not that little."

Hilary yells,"Kai and Ray! Stop being pricks! It's your own brother, Ray!"

"Thanks for the reminder, genius, I almost forgot, becuz he just called me 'brother' twice in the last 10 seconds, and I called him 'brother'."

Kai grumbles,"I wish I had a brother. I would call him Scottie."

"What if he wasn't named Scott?"

"Then I would call him Scottie."

"…whatever. It's your brother."

Camera cuts to Ray dialing a number and putting it on speaker phone. He gets cozy in the armchair.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Judy, it's Ray."

"Oh hello, Ray. What has you calling?"

"You really have a thing with letters and love and teens. First Kai, now me."

"I really must keep track of what I write."

"Yes, you should, but that isn't why I'm calling. I want to discuss your letter. It says here you've gotten over Kai and I'm now your love."

"I suppose you have this letter in writing?" asks Judy.

"Of course."

Ray winks at the camera. He has no letter at the moment.

"Well, then I suppose it's true that I love you. You are a good-looking boy, Ray." she giggles.

Ray's eyes go wide with fear. "Oh, um, thank you." But Ray gets back on track. "And I must say, you're very pretty Judy. Your eyes just shine."

"How convenient that you call on Valentine's Day. Oh, and you're such a charmer Ray. I must say, not many people have dazzling eyes like yours."

Ray smiles and looks down. "You're too much, Judy. (blushes)"

"And not many grown men are as mature and honest as you are, at a tender age as yours." she continues.

"Well, what can I say, it comes naturally." It shows on his face that he isn't comfortable. He continues to look down.

"Ray, when do you suppose we'll be seeing each other, again? We've never had a one-on-one talk about ourselves…alone." Judy puts some emphasis on her last word.

Ray stares pitifully at the camera and swallows hard.

"Um, I dunno, but I look forward to our conversation. I apologize but I really have to go. I'll call again." he says quickly.

"Okay then, it's a shame. Bye Ray, take care."

"You too. (hangs up immediately) Oh my God, Judy was flirting with me. She actually believes she loves me."

Kai laughs."Dude, you have no idea how funny that was."

"For you, maybe, but for me, it was just plain creepy."

"And a total turn on." Kai cooes.

"Kai, come up with another cocky remark like that, my friend, and I will have you in bloody smears on the fucking walls and I will set your fucking remains on fire and attack Afti." he threatens.

Kai growls back,"Touch her, and I'll have you in bloody smears."

Ray goes back to a cheerful mood."Did you call her?"

Kai too."Oh I called her. (pause) You bet I called her. It was an…interesting…conversation."

"Dude, I didn't need a vivid image of your disgusting conversations. Keep it to yourself. I'm Ray. I'll be traumatized for a while."

Kai to camera. "I'm Kai, and I'll be teasing Ray for a loooong time. (to Ray) Oh wow, Ray, your eyes are just beautiful."

"Shut the fuck up, Hiwatari."

Kai moves towards Ray. "Ray, you're such a beautiful young man." Kai reaches out his hand to Ray.

"Get the fuck away from me! Kai, I'm serious!"

"OH RAY! RAY!"

Max pleads from far, "Guys, keep your love-making to yourselves, please."

Ray and Kai both become serious.

Kai growls,"He is so gonna get it."

Ray answers,"I'm way ahead of you."

Ray makes a move for the direction of Max's voice, but the camera stops.

-

(sigh) Poor guys. So, as for your preview, I can't give you one for the next chapter for 2 reasons: 1- I'm not sure which chapter I will be putting up, 2- If it's the one I had in mind originally, anything I put in the preview will give the chapter away. Sorry!


	24. number 97

Are you ready for this, ladies?

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade or the Three Musketeers.

The picture focuses on a closed door, and soft cussing can be heard from the outside.

Ray asks,"Are they there, Kai?"

Kai yells from inside, "NO! What is this bullshit!"

"So come out and we'll check somewhere else."

"Wait, I didn't check this closet. Aahhh!"

A loud wooden bang comes from inside the room, so it is understood that Kai bodychecked the closet door.

"I swear, he's a fucking animal. (to camera) I'm Ray, it's KaiRayRayKai Production #97. Kai is in the laundry room looking for something. (to closed door) Hurry up, Kai, I don't want to do this all day."

"If I don't find them, we will take all fucking day."

"So come out and check somewhere else."

Kai growls loudly and comes out of the laundry room. He's wearing his usual shirt, but no scarf, and more importantly no pants. So, he's standing there, pissed off, in boxers and a tank top.

Kai argues,"No, we are not making a film from this. My fucking pants are missing."

"You're so boring. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee –"

"Okay! Shut up! I'm Kai. This morning, I woke up, and my pants were missing. So, today, we're gonna find out…who THE FUCK was bright enough, whose brain was BURNT enough…TO STEAL MY PANTS! Tell me, who steals pants? I mean besides shoplifters and homeless people." Kai grabs the camera and shakes it around. "Whhhhoooo!"

Ray backs away from Kai. "Cool it, asshole. Screaming won't help."

"You sound so wise, oh mighty master."

"You better believe it."

Kai calms down."Dude, all kidding aside, who steals pants? Now, I have to walk around pantless in boxers until I find them." He sits cross-legged on floor and Ray lowers the camera to his level.

Ray answers,"Dude, all kidding aside, what do you care? You walk around Tyson's house in boxers 2-3 times a week and every Sunday."

"But I choose to do it. I decide to go pantless, but today I'm being forced to."

"What's the fucking difference! Either way, you're pantless and you look insane!"

"That's not the point. At least when I decide to go without pants, I know where they are, they don't go missing. And the next day, I'm wearing them again."

"…that's so true. What the fuck is the world coming to! Stealing a teenager's pants when he decides to wear them is a cruel, unusual and undeserving punishment!" Ray screams.

"Now you're talkin'."

"Kai?" someone says.

They turn to Hilary, staring at Kai on the floor.

Hilary rolls her eyes. "First off, you're supposed to do your business in a bathroom, and second, it should be done with your boxers off."

Kai stands up and strikes a superhero pose, with his fists on his sides and his chest high.

"Greetings, Hilary. I don't have any pants on. Someone stole them, and because of their great lack of a life, hid them from me. I believe I am looking at the culprit."

"You think I took your pants? Now that's precious."

Ray chuckles,"I don't think it was her. She complains when you perform your anti-pants rituals."

Kai loses hishero pose. "Probably wasn't, but she is a schizophrenic."

"That's ridiculous! If anything, I'll help you find your pants…That was probably the stupidest sentence I'll ever say in my life," she moans.

"I thought so, too. You want to help me? Fine, get the three Muske-retards together in the dojo."

Hilary takes a deep breath and screams, "Tyson, Max, Kenny! In the dojo, now!"

Ray says,"Okay, Kai could've done the same thing, genius."

"But he's lazy."

"I think he can still shout, no matter how lazy he is, or becomes."

"Open your eyes, it's Kai. Nobody is lazier than him, and nobody tries to be, becuz there is no limit to his laziness."

Kai sighs."This is the most demoralizing discussion about me I have ever heard. I'm right here, guys, I haven't gone anywhere."

Hilary teases,"Holy crap, he bothered to listen."

"You're so funny. How's about you save it for when I'm not around? (she gives him the finger) Oh now that hurt."

Ray says,"You didn't go anywhere, but your pants did."

Kai says with spite,"My pants went somewhere. How cute, personification."

"You're so sarcastic," Hilary whines.

"So you've noticed. We have idiots in the dojo we have to attend to."

They go to the dojo where the other three are waiting.

Tyson rolls his eyes."Kai, it's Sunday tomorrow. Wait until then to go around pantless."

Kai answers,"I would, but my pants have gone missing. And so I want to know which of you smart people took them. If you tell me now, your beating will be less brutal, but if I find out later, there will be no mercy."

Kenny says,"I thought there was never any mercy."

"You know, Ken, I hate making threats around you because you always find a way to ruin them."

Kenny shrugs. "Meh."

Max repeats,"You actually believe one of us took your pants? Dude, we see enough of you in boxers, why would we take them, therefore having you walk around without pants some more?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. Where are my pants? And why were they stolen?"

Tyson reassures him."I'm pretty sure nobody here stole your pants, Kai. We have better things to do."

"Yeah, like find a friggin hidding place for them."

Max points out,"Maybe Ray took them. It's always the one you least suspect."

"Of course! How stupid could I be?" Kai looks at Kenny."Kenny, don't answer. Ray, your brother must be somewhere here."

Ray thinks about it."I don't think so. If he stole your pants, he would be sure to be as close to you as possible and there would probably be a bonfire outside with your pants replacing wood."

Kenny says,"He brings up a good point. So it's not Ryan."

"That was the most disturbing step of any process of elimination ever conducted. Okay, maybe Max," guesses Kai.

Max asks,"Why me? What purpose would me stealing your pants serve?"

"Well, my clothes are a lot nicer than yours."

"You're saying I'm jealous? Of you?"

"Of the clothes I have. And me, yes."

"That's fucking ridiculous."

"You're not off the hook, yet. Why would Tyson take my pants?" Kai looks at Tyson intensely.

Tyson screams,"I can't believe what we're talking about! A pair of pants gone missing and the psycho owner of them accusing every possible person. And better yet, he often walks around the house without pants, and now that he has a kind-of-acceptable excuse for not wearing his pants, he's complaining!"

Hilary says,"That actually makes sense."

Kai's voice gets louder as he says,"What doesn't make sense is how you guys don't seem to understand that…MY PANTS ARE MISSING!"

Kenny argues,"We know that! You're used to no pants!"

"When I go pantless for a day, they don't disappear! I know where they are!"

Everyone looks at each other and mumbles how that does make a lot of sense.

Ray notices,"They're pretty good at playing stupid."

Kai retorts,"They don't even have to play."

"Ha ha. None of us took your pants, Kai, so look harder. Trace your steps or something," suggests Hilary.

"I took them off last night to sleep, when I woke up they were gone. What is there to trace!"

Tyson realizes,"We're wasting valuable practice time. We'll train, then search for the loser's pants."

They all go outside to their usual training place.

Max says,"Maybe Kai should sit this one out."

"Just because I'm in underwear, doesn't mean I can't blade. Chief, pin me against Blondie," orders Kai.

Kenny jumps."Good idea. Max vs. Kai. Get ready!"

Ray mutters,"This is gonna be sweet."

Max pleads,"Kenny, no, please!"

Kenny answers,"Yes Max. You have to learn how to fight aggressive opponents, like Kai. It's what training is for."

"Kai's not aggressive! He's vicious and a monster."

Kai says softly,"That's the nicest thing you ever said about me."

Max continues,"And he's stupid, Chief. I mean, he lost his pants!"

"He may be stupid, but he's our stupid best blader."

Tyson yells,"I'm your best blader! MEEE!"

Hilary growls,"Shut up, Tyson."

Ray chuckles,"So, Kai, so far you're lazy, vicious, a monster, and stupid. What's next?"

Kai answers,"Very impatient. Let me fight Tate already."

"Bladers, get ready!"

Max and Kai take their places on opposite sides of the dish.

Max moans,"I don't believe this. My opponent is fricking pantless. How am I supposed to concentrate?"

Kai replies,"Just keep your eyes on the dish and not at my misfortune."

"Misfortune, my ass."

"On your mark!" announces Kenny.

Ray adds,"Good luck, guys."

Kai and Max take their launching positions, and Tyson, Max, Kenny, and Ray crack up.

Max laughs,"Fuck, Kai, you look so stupid! Borrow someone's pants!"

"Are we gonna gawk at my underwear all day, or are we gonna fight?" inquires Kai.

Ray manages to say,"Dude, you're in that all powerful, all serious kind of state, ready to launch, but you're without pants! It's hard not to laugh!"

Kai spots something and his face drops."Hilary's not laughing. She's staring at me, but she isn't laughing."

Everyone, including the camera, turns to Hilary, who has a daydreamy look on her face and a smile, her head being held up in her hands.

Kai calls out,"Earth to SpaceWhore. Please come back to reality."

Hilary's answer is a long sigh.

Max smiles."I actually feel bad for Kai."

"You sure she's staring at you?" wonders Tyson.

Ray replies casually,"No, stupid, she's staring at the other guy standing right next to Kai who also isn't wearing pants. Don't you see him?"

"Actually, no…hey! Okay, I get it."

Kenny says,"Try moving, Kai. See if she follows you."

Kai takes a few steps to the side and Hilary's eyes follow him. He moves the other way and still she follows. He moves to the far corner of the backyard, and she turns her head to follow him.

Kai groans,"I think I'm gonna hurl. Someone follow her gaze, see exactly what she's interested in."

Max, Ray, and Tyson bend down to Hilary's level and trace her gaze back to Kai, and report back.

Ray. "Crotch area."

Max. "Between your belly button and knees."

And Tyson. "The bush behind you."

Kai chirps,"Very good, Tyson. You realize there's a bush behind me. Unfortunatly, BUSHES DON'T MOVE!"

Tyson pouts. "Sorry."

Kai orders,"Someone shove her. Before I strangle her."

Kenny pushes her lightly until she snaps out of it.

Hilary slowly comes back."Huh, wha? Who won the battle? Why is Kai down there?"

Kai answers,"To get away from you, CyberSlut. You haven't jumped me, yet. Incredible."

Hilary realizes they found out she was staring at him and blushes. She doesn't know what to say, but Kai has some idea.

"Must be the raging hormones, huh Hil?"

"Fuck you, Kai! Maybe if you were wearing pants, I wouldn't have stared!"

"Maybe if you weren't so horny –"

"Aaahhhhh! Shut up!" She runs to Ray, hugs him,and starts crying.

Ray points out,"She always runs to me when she has to cry about something. Like I'm her pesonal handkerchief."

Kai gets mean with Max."Why do you always have to make girls cry, Max? It's not very gentlemanly-like of you."

"What? I did nothing!"

"Fucking prick, get your ass over here!"

He grabs Max's collar and slaps him in the face.

"Stop it!" Max yells.

Kai punches him. "Or what? (punch) You're gonna fight back? (punch) It's about time you try, no? (punch)(pushes him to the ground) Asshole."

Ray says nicely and softly,"Fuck, Hilary, stop screaming and stop putting your fucking snot all over my clothes."

After another loud scream from her, the camera cuts to Kai walking to the front of the house.

Ray almost yells,"Retard, please go back inside. People are outside, right now."

Kai answers,"I don't give a shit. Whoever took my pants probably put them in the garbage."

"You're gonna go through the fucking trash! What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong? My pants are missing, Ray! I love those pants."

"Buy another pair. You have money."

"They don't make them, anymore."

"Okay, that tells me how out-of-date they are, and you should buy new pants."

"You're one to talk, Mr.Modern."

"Screw you."

They get to the trash bin. Kai whips the lid across the street, and starts going through the garbage.

Kai mutters,"It fucking smells."

"No shit, genius, it's garbage. Stuff rots in there."

Kai kicks the bin down and holds it upside down to make everything fall out. People on the street stare at the boy in underwear going through the garbage and the boy with the camera filming him.

Ray comments,"Dude, you look like a desparate, drunk hobo. Cut it out."

He still goes through the trash using his hands and sometimes feet.

"You look really smart, you know that?"

Kai suggests,"Instead of whining, help me."

"And go through garbage like a Hiwatari? I'll pass."

Kai stands up to face him. "So now you're calling my entire family garbage-pickers? Huh, punk!"

"You said it, not me."

"For your information, we made our fortune mass-producing plastic garbage cans."

"Really? That's amazing, I never knew."

Kai laughs. "No, not really. I made it up."

"You're such an idiot. Are your pants there?"

Kai's still laughing. "No. Let's go back inside and see if anyone found them."

"Stop laughing, it's not funny."

"It is, cuz you believed me. You said it was amazing."

"Yeah, okay, it's funny, now drop it."

"What a sore loser."

They go back inside to find Tyson and Max in the kitchen.

Ray asks,"Did you find them?"

"No. Only Kai could lose his pants," sighs Tyson.

Kai shruggs."What can I say? It's a talent."

Kenny and Hilary come in. She looks aways from Kai, still embarrassed from before.

Kenny counts on his fingers."We checked Tyson's room, the bathrooms, the dojo, and nothing."

Max does the same."We checked the laundry room, which needs a new closet door, the backyard, living room, and grandpa's room. Nothing. Nobody checked the kitchen?"

Ray smiles."The retard checked the garbage."

Tyson makes a face and says,"That's wrong."

Kai quickly answers,"Your face is wrong. It smelled better than you ever will."

Kenny says,"Let's check the kitchen."

They look in the cupboards and pantry and drawers. Tyson decided to be smart and checked inside the stove. And starts laughing.

"Kai! Your (laughs) your pants! (laughs)" Tyson moves from the stove laughing.

Kai pulls his pants from the inside the stove. He turns to Ray, angrily.

Kai shouts,"You put them in the stove! What the Hell? You couldn't find a better place?"

Ray reasons,"Dude, you would never think of the stove. I mean, come on, it took Tyson to look in the stove."

"True. Good job. (puts pants on) We should play again, sometime soon."

"Yeah, it was fun, but next time, it's my pants," adds Ray.

Kenny squeals,"For the love of God! You hid your own pants! As a game!"

"No. Ray hid them. I had to find them and somehow get you guys involved," Kai beams.

"WHY?"

Ray smiles."For fun. Nobody does tresure hunts, anymore."

"You hid Kai's pants to have a tresure hunt for fun? You guys plotted this together!"

Kai thinks about that."I wouldn't exactly say plotted, but –"

"You got together and said 'Hide my pants somewhere and make me search for them!'" Kenny interupts them.

Ray says calmly,"Kenny, do you realize you're the only one complaining?"

Hilary starts crying, again, and goes to hug Ray.

"Un-fucking-believeable! (to camera) I'm Ray, the human tissue. (to Kai)"

"I'm Kai, and my pants-hunt has come to an end. How long did it take?"

Ray thinks. "Nine hours, 48 minutes. That's some crazy shit."

Kenny snaps and starts screaming insanities and faints.

Ray focuses the camera on Kenny."I take it that's our cue to stop."

Kai laughs and says,"You guys are so lucky I haven't worn briefs since I was 8."

Ray says right away,"Too much information."

* * *

Great! So, your preview! All Hell has broke loose at Tyson's, and it's partially Kai and Ray's fault. 

Ray: HOLY PISS, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

Tyson: Aaahh! My sandwich is finished! For the love of God, why did it have to taste so good!

What the fuck happened? What is everyone afraid of? Will everyone really die as Ray predicts? And will Tyson shut the fuck up and get another sandwich? Stay tuned and watch out for my next update!

**murderous and hateful**: you wanna use my version of Kai and Ray? Fine, under one condition...you email me giving me the title of ur fic and ur author pen-name. l8r! and thanx for the review.


	25. number 42

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, Jurassic Park, the Discovery channel,or Inu Yasha

The first shot caught on camera is Ray running, with his back turned to the camera, through Tyson's house. The camera is shaking cuz the cameraman, Kai, is also running. Crashes, things breaking, and shouting can be heard in the background. Ray looks into rooms occasionally. Then he turns to the camera, genuine fear plastered on his face.

"Dude, there's no safe place to hide!"

"I've been telling you for ten fucking minutes to STOP running in circles and go to the fucking dojo."

Ray smiles. "You're a fucking genius. I'm Ray."

"I'll introduce myself later. Run now."

Ray gets on is hands and knees and starts to crawl slowly.

"What are you doing?"

"Staying low, so I don't get seen."

"Whatever."

They start heading to the dojo, Ray on all fours and Kai on his own two feet. The noise in the background continues.

"Kinda feels like I'm walking a dog, Ray."

"Fuck you."

A loud high-pitched scream rings through the house.

Ray hollers,"HOLY PISS, WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

Kai shoves Ray with his foot into the dojo and closes the door behind himself.

Kai to camera, also looking afraid. "I'm Kai, KaiRayRayKai Production #42. Today wasn't meant to be a Production, but it is. Something terrible has happened. (deep breath) Kenny has fucking lost it. Officially. He's snapped. He's cukoo! Insane! We've finally pushed him too far!" He starts laughing nervously/insanely.

"Kai, listen to me carefully. Calm down before I slap you in the face," Ray says softly and calmly.

To Ray and stops laughing. "Done….but I'm scared!"

"Dude, we're all scared. We have to be strong."

Kai pouts,"I hate when you go all Chinese on me."

"Wanna know a secret, Kai? I'm sort of Chinese."

"You don't see me going all Russian on you."

"And thank God, too! We'd all be dead. Anyway, this morning, we took Dizzi from Kenny, and we were playing monkey-in-the-middle, and let me tell you, Ken makes an excellent monkey. Besides that, we passed Dizzi around for a while, and Kenny, like, exploded on us, and went all crazy. You could tell he had a crazed look in his eyes even though we never see them."

"For real. So now we're hiding from a rampaging Kenny. I hope he doesn't find us."

"He better fucking not. Listen…is that Tyson and Max? Outside?"

"Kenny's screaming and breaking shit, Ray, so it's kinda hard to hear anything."

"Shut the fuck up and listen, smart-ass."

They stop talking and, sure enough, they hear Tyson and Max speaking quietly.

Max boasts,"When I find Ray and Kai, I am gonna have their asses for doing this to Kenny. And for putting us in the ultimate danger."

Tyson replies,"You're on your own there. They'll have both our asses before you can mention Kenny."

"Yeah, thanks for being supportive, Tyson. We need to find a good place to hide."

"Duh, the kitchen!"

"No, too dangerous, there's no door. And I think Kenny's there."

"I'm hungry! We have to go to the kitchen! Before I (pause) die!"

"Tyson, you're eating a sandwich right now. You stopped to bite it just now!"

"So?"

Ray slaps his forehead. "Tyson, you're so fucking burnt, you put firewood to shame."

Ray opens the dojo door and calls out to them.

"Tyson, Max, in here! Hurry!"

They make a run for the dojo and Ray slams the door shut.

Max sighs in relief,"Thanks Ray."

Tyson screams,"My sandwich! It's finished! Aahhh, for the love of God, why did it have to be so good! Now –"

Kai punches Tyson to shut him up.

Max adds,"And thank you, Kai."

"No problem, Maxy."

The Max in the picture gets bigger as Kai advances towards him…and punches him, too.

"What the fuck!"

"That's for thinking you could 'have my ass'."

Tyson laughs."See, Max, nothing about Kenny, not even 20 seconds in here, and we both got punched. You owe me food."

"No shit, Tyson, what else do you ever want?"

"Ketchup for the food, of course."

Ray questions,"Where's Hilary?"

Kai answers harshly,"Nobody cares, Ray."

"I'm trying to look like I care, so shut up. Where's the bitch?"

Max guesses, "Probably still out there. We have to get her."

"Whoa, Max…_we_ have to? Fuck that."

Kai mutters,"Shut up, I'll go find her. I stand a better chance against Ken than any of you."

"I love how you make us feel good about ourselves, captain."

"I agree, now shut it before I shove her up yours when I find her."

Kai leaves, taking the camera with him, to find Hilary. The banging has calmed down a bit, but Kenny's screaming continues. Kai observes the damage as he passes it by.

"Holy shit. What have you done, Chief? More importantly, why? Over a laptop? C'mon, be a man, suck it up."

Just then, Hilary comes running around a corner and stops in time to prevent a collision course with Kai.

Kai chirps,"Hey gorgeous."

Hilary glares at him."I know you don't mean that."

"Suit yourself. The rest of us are in the dojo, come. (gets scared again) Hil…don't…move."

"Kai, what's wrong?"

"Ken's…behind you. Stay quiet…turn 180 degrees around…slowly."

She turns a whole 180 degrees around and Kai moves slightly to his right to get a shot of Kenny, not too far away. He doesn't look any different, but he's barefoot and is snarling constantly and baring his teeth.

Hilary whispers to Kai,"What now?"

He answers, "When I say go…you offer yourself as a sign of apology –"

"Fuck you."

"Or we can run crazily when I say so."

"Better."

"You think so, huh?"

The Jurassic Park moment, where Kenny's the dinosaur, Kai's the brave heroic researcher, and Hilary's the lost case kid, lasts for a few more seconds, then…

"NOW!"

Hilary and Kai turn and sprint for the dojo, with Kenny hot on their tail, making angry animal-like noises and growls. Kai gets there first, opens the door, lets Hilary in, and closes the door behind him just before Kenny reaches there himself. Kenny and Kai play tug-of-war on the doorknobs for a while, but Kenny gives up and runs, screaming, to somewhere else in the house. Kai locks the door.

Max celebrates."Good work, Kai!"

Kai stares at him."…are you patronizing me?"

"No, I'm not."

"Good. (turns camera around room)(stops at Ray) Why is Ray hyperventilating?"

Ray is sitting on the floor, starring into nowhere, and breathing quickly and heavily.

Tyson says matter-of-factly,"I prefer the term 'hyper-hyperventilating,'"

"Like it makes a fucking difference, it's still bad! You decide to be smart in the stupidest of times," growls Kai.

"Now that's deep."

"Oh, fuck. Ray, stop it, now. I'm serious, man. (mutters to himself) I leave for 30 seconds and he starts hyperventilating."

Ray continues to hyperventilate.

"Remember what you said about having to be strong, even though we're all scared?"

Ray stops immediately, smiling. "That's right we have to be strong."

Hilary almost yells,"You stupid moron, you were faking the whole time!"

"Yes, and it was fun, cuz you all fell for it, except for fun-ruiner over there. (points at Kai)"

"Well, excuse me for being logical when your logic decides to go on vacation. (a beeping is heard)"

Tyson wonders,"What is that? It's quite…it reminds me of popcorn in the microwave. Poooooopcoooooorrrn."

The picture lowers to the floor.

Kai mutters,"Aw, fuck."

Ray asks,"What?"

"Battery's dying. I got a charger, though. Give me a commercial break, dude. (picture goes to Ray)"

"Okay, we got some problems, but we'll be back. For the record it's 10:30 am."

Camera stops. It starts again in the dojo with everyone sitting around. Kenny's screaming has calmed down.

Kai says,"I think it's good, now."

"Cool, so it's two hours later, and we're all scared shitless to leave the dojo. We all wanna kill Tyson for complaining about being hungry," explains Ray.

Kai begs to differ."I wanna kill him cuz I'm hungry and he's the fattest fuck here."

Hilary does too."I wanna kill him cuz he's using up our oxygen."

And Max. "I wanna kill him cuz he's stupid."

Tyson too! "I wanna kill him cuz….we're talking about killing me, aren't we?"

Ray sighs,"Yes, Tyson."

"Oh…then forget it."

"Yeah, so we all have different reasons for wanting to kill Tyson."

Kai blurts out,"Man, I'm bored! Why isn't there a TV in here?"

Tyson answers,"Cuz it's a dojo, not a place for you to hang out and watch TV."

"Well now, it is one. We're getting a fucking TV in here."

Ray says,"I'll say it again. You're a fucking genius. How are you gonna get a fucking TV in here with fucking Kenny the Killer out there!"

"We leave from that door (points), go outside, and go through a window leading to a room with a TV."

Tyson offers,"I have a small TV in my room."

"Perfect, you're coming with me. (gives camera to Ray)"

Tyson and Kai go out back and walk around the house to find Tyson's room's window. Ray follows them going around the corner but stops there to watch Kai push Tyson into the window and go in after. After a few minutes, Tyson comes out empty-handed, then Kai passes the TV through the window, hands it to Tyson, and comes out himself.

"Mission accomplished. (takes back camera)"

They go back to Max and Hilary, and Ray and Kai get to work setting up the TV. All of a sudden, Kai yells.

"Stupid, that goes in an outlet in the wall! Get away before I shove it up your ass!"

So Kai sets up the TV himself in no time and they begin flicking through channels.

Tyson points at the screen."Discovery channel! They have a shark special!"

Kai retorts quickly,"Yeah, I'll make a shark special out of you, how's that?"

Hilary realizes..."Oh, it's 1 o'clock, my show is on. Turn to –"

Ray breaks in."Wait, you mean the show with that girl with two lovers or something? And she's dying?"

"No, she isn't dying, and she has one lover, the other guy loves her but she used to love him but the other guy used to love another girl, who's now missing, and that same guy had a baby with another woman and…are you getting all this?"

All the guys in the room are starring at her with confused faces.

"I didn't even get to the good part."

Kai says with fake pity,"Oh that's a shame."

Ray's eyes light up."Oh, I get it!"

Hilary's too."Really!"

"Yeah yeah. It's one of those soaps where they have cool conversations like, 'If you didn't do it, and I sure as Hell didn't do it, and I fired the yard guy last week, and that fucking ape I call my neighbor killed my dog, and my twin sister kinda looks like me and has six fingers on one hand, and nothing really happened, and nobody cares, and I'm making real good money on this show doing the worst acting ever…then who did it'?"

Kai turns to Ray."You seemed to come up with that pretty easily, Ray."

"Yeah I know. I've been saving it for a while."

Hilary moans,"You fucking prick, Ray. Whatever, I'm taping it, anyway."

They change channel and some cartoon is on.

Kai asks,"What the fuck is this?"

Max answers,"It's Inu Yasha. This show is so cool. That guy's a half-demon and he goes around with her to find shards of a jewel."

"Whatever. Are we all good with this?"

Everyone nods and they start watching Inu Yasha. After a while…

Kai sees that..."Hey, Ray. This Inu Yasha guy? I'm convinced he's your evil, long-lost, twin brother."

Ray sighs, asks the question he knows he shouldn't, and gets ready for the answer he knows he doesn't want to hear."Why?"

Kai starts."Well, check it out. You both got yellow eyes, you both dress in old traditional Chinese clothes, though you were probably the white twin and him the red twin, you both have pointy ears, you both got fangs and claws –"

"I don't have claws."

"Whatever. He has 2 girls after him and one is dead, and God knows how many you have after you. And look, he has long white hair, and you have long black hair, opposite colors. His is loose and yours is tied, opposite styles. From what I understand he's a dog demon, and also from my understanding, you're from a demon tribe also, but a cat one. Again, you're opposites, but both half-human."

"Okay, that's enough."

Hilary sides with Kai."I see Kai's point. It's soo true."

Max adds,"Yeah, I see the resemblance."

Tyson wonders,"Kai, doesn't Inu Yasha have brown hair, and he's tiny? Him? (points at TV)"

"That's fucking Shippo!"Kai hits Tyson's head.

Ray mutters,"I'm surrounded by idiots."

Tyson says for the thousandth time,"I'm hungry."

Ray puts emphasis on,"No….fucking….shit."

"I can't take it anymore, I'm going out there to the kitchen!"

Kai. "Oh, okay."

Ray. "Have fun."

Max. "See you later, bud."

Hilary. "Bring me back something."

"Come on. Someone's gotta come with me."

Ray reminds him,"You're aware that we don't really care what happens to you, right?"

"Someone! Please!"

Kai gives in again."Yeah yeah, fine, I'm coming, if it'll make you shut up. What time is it?"

Max answers,"2 o'clock."

"Oi, it's gonna be a long day. If we're not back in ten minutes, don't come look for us, we're dead."

Hilary remarks,"Well that makes us feel good."

Kai smiles. "Don't it! Let's go."

Tyson and Kai peak out the door to search for Kenny first, then slowly walk out. They barely take 5 steps before Kenny jumps out of nowhere in front of them, roaring his high-pitched roar, and runs after them. They run back into the dojo and close the door. Kai turned and ran so fast he tripped running into the dojo and falls on the floor, the camera sliding away from him when he drops it. Instead of picking it up, he ignores everyone's talking and runs out of the dojo by the outside door. Nobody follows or bothers to see what's he's doing. He comes back a few minutes later with a phone, wires and all. Ray takes the camera.

Max inquires,"What are you doing, Kai?"

His answer is,"What time is it?"

"2:05."

Kai talks while setting up the phone. "Still 2 o'clock, six hour difference, it's…8 in the morning in Moscow. She's sleeping, but I don't give a fuck. (dials numbers)"

Ray asks,"Who are you calling?"

"I'm calling Afti. That mother-fucking shrimp is gonna kill us all. I'm saying goodbye."

Hilary whines,"Don't you have the tiniest hope we'll get out alive?"

"Not in the least."

Afti answers her phone, but whatever she says isn't heard by anyone but Kai.

"Mmmm, hello?"

"Hello? Afti?"

"Yup. Who is this?"

"It's me, Kai."

"That's impossible. KAI KNOWS I NEED MY SLEEP! HE KNOWS I LIKE SLEEP!"

"Good morning?"

"Yeah, I'll give you good fucking morning."

"Afti, I'm gonna die soon, and I wanna say goodbye and I love you."

"…come again?"

"Kenny's gone very insane, and he's gonna kill us."

"You mean that midget of a computer nerd? My strong, tall, dark Kai is afraid of someone he can crush with his gaze?"

Kai thinks about this. "Yeah…very true…I'M GONNA SEND THAT MIDGET ALL THE WAY TO NEXT THURSDAY!"

He puts down the phone and leaves the dojo, looking for Kenny.

Kai's voice is heard calling out,"Keeeenneeeth? Where are you, Kenneth? I'm gonna…fucking prick. Guys, he's already passed out."

They all come out slowly. Ray gives Kai the camera and portable phone. He focuses on Kenny passed out.

"Thanks Afti, I'll call later. (hangs up)(to camera) We're free at last. Ken's passed out. Just to make sure we're okay, I'm gonna tie him up. I'm Kai. (to Ray) You guys can all say your names."

"I'm Ray."

"I'm Hilary,"

"I'm Max."

And from the kitchen... "FOOD! Glorious food!"

* * *

**I regret to inform** you guys, but I think I'm going through a downward spiral in which my chapters become less funny. Your preview! Hilary's locked herself in a bathroom, thanks to Kai and his teasing. 

Hilary: Shut up and go away!

Kai: See, thing is, I'm not good at multi-tasking, so I can only do one of those.

Hilary: GO AWAY!

Kai: Alright, I can do that, see you later.

What is Kai's problem? And who is he bringing in for reinforcements?  
**I answered some questions...**

**Dranzen:** I have thought of doing the first Production, and I know exactly what they did, what it is. I just have to write it. Thanx for the review!

**Blu Mercenary: **I might put Daichi and/or Hiro in some Productions. Thing is, I hate Daichi and I dunno where to put them. Thanx for the review!

**Mystical Demon: **I try to update every 7-9 days, or once a week. Sometimes I have crazy weeks, so it's hard. Thanx for the review!

**Lil Tanuki Wolf: **Thanx for the review! You have an account on don't you!

**Kai's Asian Angel: **You wrote in a review what I hoped to never hear. Never stop writing this. I have to stop sometime! I can't do this forever, and it won't be long until I run dry. But I will keep it running for as long as I can. Thanx for the review!

**whitespirit04: **Why would you say it doesn't matter what you write in reviews? I happen to care very much about what readers have to say in reviews. Thanx for _your_ review!

**Chikoro: **You have to see me when I write these. I don't laugh once until I pass it through my Laugh-o-Meter and realize how funny it really is. It isn't hard to come up with this stuff. You just have to work on it. Some chapters take me days. Thanx for the review!


	26. number 109

**Remember the last one, where Kenny goes nuts?** Well, I thought of a part to go with it only after I finished writing it. So, if you're interested in reading it, give me your email address, and I'll send it to you as soon as possible.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade

The video starts with Kai putting his ear to a closed door. When he notices Ray with the camera, he smiles and puts his fingers to his lips, signaling him to be quiet.

"Hilary?" Kai knocks softly. "Are you there?"

Hilary screams from inside, "You know damn well I'm in here! Leave me alone!"

"I just wanna say sorry, dude."

"Don't call me dude! I'm mad at you."

"Well, no shit, that's why I wanna say sorry. I don't apologize to people to amuse myself when I'm bored, Hilary."

"Shut up and go away!"

"See, I'm not good at multi-tasking, so I can only do one of those."

"GO AWAY!"

"Alright, I can do that. See you soon."

Hilary protests,"No, go away and stay away!"

"Again with the multi-tasking, dude."

"Aaaah! Leave me alone!"

"Okay, see you later."

As Kai and Ray walk away, Hilary starts screaming things intended for Kai to hear, but her voice fades as they move further away from the room. Once they get to the family room, Kai throws himself on a couch.

Kai mutters,"What a bitch."

Ray chuckles and says,"You're a real pain in the ass sometimes."

"Yeah, without even trying. I'm Kai. Hilary's being a big bitchy baby and locked herself in the bathroom."

Ray to camera. "I'm Ray. It's KaiRayRayKai Production #109. (to Kai) Wanna tell us the reason she's in there?"

"No."

There is a three minute silence between them.

"It was more of an order," Ray says finally.

"Fuck you. I'll tell you if I feel like it."

"So I took the camera out for nothing. I'll end it here and put it away."

"I'm surrounded by bitchy babies! Listen up. Umm…this whole week, Hilary has been growing this hu-normous zit on her face, and it's grossing me out," Kai starts.

"And you teased her."

"Damn straight I teased her. That thing on her face is about to blow up anytime soon. It's all greeeeeeasyyy. (makes a disgusted face and shudders) Makes me wanna hurl."

"I think I would lock myself in a bathroom, too, if I were a girl with some prick always teasing me about a zit."

"That's cuz you're very feminine, Ray."

"Go fall in a sewer."

"Whatever. Thing is, I have reinforcements coming in today."

"Oh God, who's coming?" Ray whines.

"You'll see. Come, let's go wait outside."

They get up and start for the front door.

"Must be someone important, you're going to greet them outside."

Kai replies,"Or maybe I don't want Hilary to know."

"True, very true."

They get outside and sit on the sidewalk.

Ray asks again,"Who's coming?

Kai turns away from him and looks down the street. "Didn't we go through this already?"

"Kai! Never answer a question with another question, do you understand me!"

"It's not a question of understanding, Ray, it's a matter of actually caring."

"Fine. So, tell me more about Hilary's zit. Where is it exactly?"

Kai turns to face the camera. "It's on her left cheek. The beginning of the week, it was small and red, and now it's enormous and white and it reminds me of a volcano about to erupt. And the skin around it is all oily and greasy."

"Holy crap, man, you're such a girl, analyzing people's skin like that."

"At least I don't resemble a bathroom."

Ray rolls his eyes."Well that was completely random and irrelevant."

Kai explains,"She usually runs to cry to you, and now she ran to the bathroom. You're being replaced."

"Believe me, I'm not missing out on anything."

A cab stops in front of Tyson's house and Kai and Ray get up to greet…

Afti! "Hey boys!"

Kai beams,"Hey Afti. (hug and kisses) How are we?"

"Good, good. You don't say hello, Ray?"

Ray sighs. "No, Afti, I'm too busy scratching my ass. It's more important than greeting my friend's girlfriend. Give me time to get there! Fuck man, women have no patience."

"Kai, is Ray, like…you know…PMSing?" Afti asks/whispers.

Kai whispers,"I hope not."

Ray ignores this."Hello Afti! It's soooo good to see you! You did something with your hair, didn't you? You look just dazzling! (dripping with sarcasm)"

"Now that's better. (to camera) I'm Afti, I'm here to help out with a certain girl. (to Kai) Where's the Zit Queen?"

Ray asks Kai, "You called your girlfriend from Russia to deflate a zit that doesn't really affect you in any way?"

"It affects me in many ways."

Afti cuts in, saying,"Can we get my stuff? Great."

They get Afti's stuff and bring everything inside.

Kai asks,"So what's our plan of action?"

Afti explains,"We need chemicals."

Ray inquires,"Chemicals such as…?"

The words just roll off her tongue. "Salicylic acid, hydrochloric acid, sodium fluoride, tetrapotassium pyrophosphate, like that."

"….Kai, where do you find these people?" Ray asks.

"Judicial anger-management," Kai answers.

"Oh."

Afti pouts."Come on, guys, wake up. The last two mean toothpaste."

Kai says,"Hilary locked herself in the bathroom, so we can't get to that. We're not really using hydrochloric acid, are we?"

"No, I just like saying it. We have to get her out of the bathroom."

Ray laughs."Good luck. Kai traumatized her."

"Why is it always you!"

Kai answers innocently/casually,"Cuz nobody else does it."

"Go talk to her."

"Ray, go talk to her."

"Fuck that, man."

The camera cuts to Kai near the bathroom door again.

"Hilary, can you come out please? I wanna help you get that overgrown pile of puss out of your face."

Hilary yells,"THAT'S NOT HELPING!"

"Kai how stupid can you get?" Afti hisses to herself.

Ray says,"You'd be surprised."

"I didn't ask for a reply from the fucking peanut gallery."

"Good, cuz I'm from the fucking cashew gallery."

"Just shut up. Kai, be nice."

Kai almost screams,"I really am!"

Hilary asks,"Who are you talking to?"

"Hilary, it's me, Afti. You remember me?"

"Yeah, Aftongmoschloffendin, right?"

Kai and Ray start laughing.

"Yeah, that. You really should come out, honey."

"Kai called you here to help me! Oh my God! Now I'm really not leaving the bathroom! (sobs)"

Kai sighs. "Okay…she's not coming out for a while…so we'll wait. We'll be back."

The camera goes black for a few seconds and comes back to Kai and Afti facing the camera in the dojo.

Kai explains with a smile,"It's been three whole days, and Hilary's finally left the bathroom. (laughs) Three days! What the fuck is wrong with her?"

Afti hits his arm."Stop laughing, it's your fault."

"That is why I'm laughing, she stayed in that fucking bathroom for three days because of me!"

"Shut up. She's trying to hide from us, so we have to be quiet."

Ray to camera. "We have an actual plan. (to large poster taped on wall) This is a blueprint of the house. The lines are far from straight, but we understand it."

"You guys maybe."

"Just play along, 'k, Afti?"

Kai says,"I'm getting the feeling you guys don't like each other."

Afti groans,"And I thought Tyson was slow."

Ray says,"Whatever, shut up. (points to room on big poster) This is where Hilary's hiding and watching TV. We're in the dojo. We're gonna move out slowly, and attack her!"

Kai complains,"Attack, dude? I'll never hear the end of it, then."

"But she'll be thankful you –"

"Humiliated her on camera? Of course she'll love me for that!"

"I was going more for helping her, but whatever suits your fancy."

"Dude, that was so queer."

"I know." They both start laughing a bit.

Afti rolls her eyes."You're such guys, going off topic like that."

Ray 'congratulates' her."Goood jooooob."

"Can we go? Now? Good. We each have a walkie talkie and codenames. I'm Phoenix, Ray's Tiger, and Afti's…um…Afti's…" Kai struggles to find Afti a name, but Ray is different from Kai.

"Big Bitch."

Afti hollers,"FUCK YOU!"

She forces the camera into Ray's face, and he drops it to attend to his aching face.

"What an animal! I think my nose is bleeding," he mumbles between his fingers.

Kai gets between them."Afti, that was unnecessary. Ray, when you're feeling okay, I'm gonna kick your ass."

Ray, ignoring Kai, analyzes his hand. "Yeah, my nose is bleeding."

He picks up the camera and stops it. It starts with Ray directing the camera to himself. He has some dried blood around his nostrils. He speaks softly.

"Okay, Kai and the animal are somewhere else near Hilary. We each have a post to stay stationed at. I wanna show you our target."

Ray directs the camera to Hilary watching TV. He zooms in on her infested cheek. (AN- WT means walkie talkie)

"Awww, that's disgusting. I can't help but think it's gonna start bulging at any second and emit some toxic fumes, or tear open and reveal a puss demon. Oh, the horror….Watch me piss off Kai. (on WT) Phoenix to Tiger, come in Tiger."

Kai's fuzzed voice answers,"_Ray, I'm the fucking Phoenix, you're the Tiger_."

"But I wanna be Phoenix."

"_You can't, prick. How are things looking on your side of the room_?"

"Good. There's carpet on this side, too."

"_For fuck's sake, Ray_."

Afti's voice comes in."_God bless wall-to-wall carpeting, huh, Ray_?"

"Stay out of this. This is a man's conversation."

"_Right, becuz only a man can be impressed when he sees carpet on one side of a room with wall-to-wall carpeting that looks like the carpet on the other side of the room. I have the toothpaste_."

Kai orders,"_Okay, go back to your station_."

Ray goes back to trying to piss off Kai."How do things look on your side?"

"_Okay. I wanna destroy the TV for what it's showing_."

"My nose hurts."

"_Good, you deserve it_."

"Why? I never hurt her."

"_You called her Big Bitch, Ray_."

Ray mutters,"Of course," to himself, then on theWT, "So, Kai, I know this is off topic, but I found the condom you and that chick used a while before Afti came. I didn't know it meant that much to you."

"_What_?"

"_WHAT_?" comes Afti.

Ray says,"Oops, Afti heard."

"_I'm gonna have your ass, Hiwatari_." threatens Afti.

"_I don't know what he's talking about, Afti_" Kai argues.

"_Ray's an asshole, but he wouldn't make that up._"

"Thanks Afti." says Ray.

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP, RAY_!"

Kai insists,"_Afti, he's lying. C'mon_!"

"_I'll deal with this after._"

"Sorry Kai." Ray says off the WT, "Now Kai's pissed."

"_I will make you so fucking sorry. Later, though. Afti, move in. Now's a good a chance as any._" Kai orders.

Afti growls,"_Shut up_."

"_You're gonna hate me all day_?"

"_Until you're creamed_. (turns off WT)"

"Ooohh. Kai's in shit. Afti's coming in." (off WT)

Ray zooms out to get a full shot of the living room and Afti sits down next to Hilary. Their conversation is overheard by Kai and Ray.

"Hey Hilary." Afti starts.

Hilary answers,"Hi."

"How's everything?"

"Peachy, leave me alone."

"Aw, come on, ignore Kai. He's a selfish prick who thinks he's better than everyone becuz he can come up with insults and swear."

"Dude, she's really mad at you," Ray speaks into the WT.

Kai replies,"_No shit, genius_."

Hilary wonders,"Are you angry with him?"

"Quite. Besides that, you're gonna let a prick like that put you down?" Afti continues.

Kai threatens into the WT,"_Ray, I'm gonna kill you._"

"No, man, you're gonna stain the carpet."

"_I really don't give a fuck_."

Hilary states,"You must be really angry."

"Us girls have to stand up to pricks like Kai and Ray."

Ray asks Kai,"How did I become part of this? (WT)"

"_You decided to be stupid_."

Hilary whines,"Yeah, but they're, like, Super Pricks."

Afti urges,"All the more reason to kill them. It's just a pimple, they go away! After it's gone, you can go up to him and show him how retarded he was being."

Kai says to himself, "I wanna disappear, I wanna disappear, I wanna disappear, I wanna disappear…(goes on)"

Ray on WT. "Phoenix, when do we move in?"

"_When Afti gains Hilary's trust, fuckbag_."

"Dude, don't be mad at me."

"_Give me one fucking good reason_."

Ray thinks. "I love you."

"_Shut up_."

Hilary says,"Yeah, you're right."

Afti gets all happy."Whatta you say you drop the self-pity act, and we go out? Just us two girls!"

"Sure, sounds good. Where did such a nice person like you meet such a bastard like Kai?"

"Judicial anger-management."

"Oh."

"Just wait here, I'll get my bag and we can go."

"Sure. (Afti leaves)"

Kai says,"_Tiger, that's our cue._"

Ray complains,"I'm tired."

"_Just move your fat ass_."

"Moving."

They 'move in' from opposite ends. Ray's job is to grab and hold down Hilary while Kai pops her zit. Hilary evades Ray's attack and Kai was too slow.

Hilary screams,"What the fuck are you doing!"

Kai explains,"Helping you. I was gonna zap your zit."

Hilary starts sobbing and, yup, runs to hug Ray.

"Oh God, and I was part of it," mumbles Ray.

Kai makes a 'I can't believe it' face. Ray notices this and realizes…Hilary is right where they need her! Ray grabs her shoulders, turns her around to face Kai, and Kai attacks her face. Of course she starts screaming, but after a few painful seconds, she stops and turns to hug Ray and cry some more, even though he helped Kai humiliate her. Kai holds up his index finger and analyzes it, disgusted.

He asks, "Hilary, don't you wash your face?"

She wails and cries more.

Ray tells him,"Show me what you got."

He zooms in on Kai's finger, which has a blob of white puss and a bit of blood.

"That's nauseating. Go wash your finger," Ray orders, chuckling a bit.

"That's kinda funny, washing only one finger," says Kai.

"Well, both your hands touched her face, so go wash your hands."

"Fair enough."

The picture cuts to a closed door, soft mumbling heard from inside.

Ray starts."Kai and Afti are inside, discussing the 'condom I found' belonging to Kai. I wonder what will happen. Will she castrate him? Will he yell? Will I get the beating of a lifetime?"

Afti throws open the door, furious, and shoves the camera into Ray's face again. Ray drops it again.

"For the fucking love of God!" Ray hollers.

Kai storms out, also pissed, picks up the camera and puts it a mere inch from Ray's face.

Kai growls,"You made it up? What the fuck is wrong with you!"

Max comes in upon hearing a commotion.

"What's going on?"

Kai goes up to Max and swings the camera across his face. Max screams in pain.

"Take a hike, Tate. (Max runs like there's no tomorrow) I'm gonna kill you, Kon. (to camera) I'm Kai, Hilary's zit is gone, now Ray gets a beating. (to Afti)"

"Afti here, telling you Ray's a dead wannabe man."

"Harsh. (to Ray) Any last words?"

"I'm Ray…and I'm sorry!"

"Too late."

Video ends.

* * *

Kai and Ray's long-planned Jackass project goes wrong.

Ray: It wasn't even a real skateboard, Kai, we slapped on somewhat-round blocks of wood onto a somewhat-flat plank of wood.

What were they doing with a skateboard? And why weren't they using a real one?

**Alright, some Q & A…**  
**Dranzen:** Well, see, Kenny now has to take a Chill Pill whenever he is around Kai and Ray. He also has to sleep in a bit more. Thanx for the review!

**Mystical Demon: **With all due respect, I apologize if _my_ updating habits and _lifestyle_ piss _you_ off. Thanx for the review!

**Blu Mercenary: **Oh don't worry, they'll be going to the mall soon enough. Thanx for the review!

**kate4anime: **Someone else told me to never stop writing. I told them I would keep it running for as long as I can, and there is only so much I can do before people get bored. I have to stop sometime, unfortunately for you, I'm sure lol. And my state of mind has not been classified as genius or insanity yet, so please refrain from calling me a genius. Because after reading all that I've wrote, it's pretty possible I'm a nut-bar. Thanx for the review!

**blackartofchaos: **Are you saying if you nuc the world, most of the blame will be piled on to me because I'm your main source for amusement? Dude, find another scapegoat! lol Don't cry when it ends, fics come to an end everyday, and when this one does, it won't be any different. Thanx for the review.

**Kai Hiwatari1:** Yes, many people have said that they piss themselves laughing while reading my fic. Therefore, I strongly recommend that you go to the bathroom to relieve yourself before reading my updates. Thanx for the review!

**BlackPhoenix13: **Yeah, I know about those shows, but if I use anything from there, I'll look like I'm stealing ideas and anyone can just watch a show and mess it up to their taste. Thanx for the advice and review!

**Don't forget to tell me if you want part 2 of the last chapter!**


	27. number 38

All right! 500 licks! Rock on guys!  
**These people** didn't get a copy of Kenny loses it Part 2 cuz I didn't get their email address. If you are not an author, _please_ use the space provided by on the review window to write the email. **Blu Mercenary, Mystical Demon, MyStIc BlAcK PhOeNiX.**

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade or Jackass.

Kai and Ray are both on the roof, but right now the camera is focused on Ray in a helmet.

"Hey guy! What up? My name is Ray and we like to call this video KaiRayRayKai Production #38."

Kai to camera. "Howdy! My name's Kai. Today we're going for a Jackass theme. Right now, Ray's gonna ride off Tyson's roof, tied to a skateboard, and end up sitting in the chair at the bottom. (to Ray) Are you ready?"

"Got my helmet. I got a skateboard tied to my back. (turns around) My hands are tied behind my back. (turns back to Kai) I'm ready!"

Everyone else comes outside.

Hilary orders,"Get off the roof!"

Kai says,"Grreeeat, we got an audience. Put on a good show, Ray."

"Hell yeah!" Ray throws up his arms.

Max whines,"He's gonna kill himself! There's no chance he'll land sitting in that chair."

Kenny whimpers,"I can't watch."

Tyson admits,"This is kinda funny."

Hilary shouts,"Only you can find this funny!"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Ray lies down on his back/skateboard and Kai gives him a push with his foot. Ray starts to roll down the roof, but somewhat crooked.

Kai screams,"Ray, steer to the right. You're gonna miss it."

Ray screams back,"I can't!"

"Ray, steer!"

"Aaaaahh!"

Ray gets to the end of the roof and falls. The group at the bottom move out of his way and he lands awkwardly on the ground. He starts yelling insanely.

"HOLY FUCK! MY LEG! AAAH! (this goes on)"

Everyone gathers around Ray. Kai gets a bird's eye view of the commotion below.

Kai mumbles,"Oh shit. That doesn't look good, with all the screaming. And with Hilary yelling at me. And Kenny running inside to call for help. Tate! Catch the camera!"

Kai throws down the camera to Max, who catches it, and Kai jumps off the roof to see Ray.

"Dude, you ok?"

"NO! THE FUCKING PAIN, MAN! OOOWW!"

"Don't have a fucking cow, man."

Tyson informs, screaming,"We think his leg is broken, Kai!"

"Will you shut the fuck up? Listen to him. His leg is broken."

"And your calm about this becuz..?" Max gives back the camera.

"Becuz I don't like your face. Shut up before I break it. (to Ray) You're gonna be okay."

"AAAAAH!"

The picture cuts to Ray in a hospital bed with a cast on his right leg. He looks tired and groggy.

Kai greets him, unsure whether Ray wants company."Ray?"

"Mmmmm…hey Kai," Ray says in a tone a bit above a whisper.

"You look like shit."

Ray sighs. "Thank you, Kai. You always make my day brighter."

"I know. It's all about being a friend."

Ray complains,"You talk too much."

"That's the first time anyone's ever told me that."

"I'm honored, really."

"What's the deal with your leg?" Kai focuses on his cast and then back to Ray.

"Broken in three places."

"Shiiiit. Why didn't you steer?"

"I couldn't, Kai, it wasn't even a real skateboard. We slapped on somewhat-round blocks of wood onto a somewhat-flat plank of wood."

"Yes, Ray, I know that. It doesn't explain your not being able to steer."

Ray changes the subject. "Where's everyone else?"

"Where they should be."

"What?"

"I'm not supposed to be in here, yet."

An upset nurse barges in."Sir, you can't be in here!"

Camera cuts to Ray again in the hospital bed, still looking tired.

"Now I can be here," Kai states.

Ray says as loud and clear as he can,"You're an idiot."

Kai retorts,"By profession."

Ray rolls his eyes. "Check this out. (holds up small device) I can dope myself up whenever I feel like it! I should get hurt more often."

"You're the only person who can find a good side to getting hurt and landing in the hospital."

"Yeah, it feels great."

"I don't trust you alone with morphine."

"And I don't trust you, period. (weak smile) Don't worry. I'm using it wisely."

Kai ponders,"Ray wise. That's an oxymoron."

Ray gives him the middle finger. "Fuck you. Find a marker."

"Why?"

"I want you guys to sign my cast."

"Oh, okay. Later though. They're trying to get Tyson away from the candy machine."

"What a dumbass. I'm sorry, Kai."

"What for?" Kai is genuinely confused.

"For turning our long-planned Jackass themed Production into a watch-Ray-take-morphine-becuz-he-broke-his-leg movie."

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault you were born less bright and more fragile."

"You're unbelievable. (shakes head)"

Kai smiles. "Aren't I! We can make this funny, trust me."

"What did I just say about me trusting you?"

"You don't! But I'll change that."

"Oh my God, Kai's gonna do something, though he's the laziest person in the history of mankind."

"Aw, shut up, before I break your other leg. How does it feel to break a leg?"

"Extremely painful. The way a chalk stick feels when you snap it in half." Ray starts chuckling.

"I've never been a chalk stick, Ray, I dunno what that feels like."

"Aha ha."

Tyson and company come in to see Ray, and as they come in, Ray clicks on is morphine device. Kai sees his and starts laughing, making Ray smile.

Max asks,"What's so funny?"

Kai replies quickly,"Nothing! It's ok, Ray's still a comedian even when he's in pain."

"Well, that's no surprise," says Hilary."You two are always comedians, no matter what the situation is."

Tyson asks,"How are you, Ray?"

Ray yawns,"Alright, I've been better."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"Well, I'm feeling really tired, my leg is broken in three fucking places, the dude in the next bed is psychotic –"

"I didn't really mean tell me about it."

"Fine, don't listen to your friend in pain, your friend who stands by you, your friend who always listens to you when you go on and on about food, your –"

"Okay, okay, shut up, already."

Kenny asks,"When can you come home?"

"In a few hours."

Hilary beams,"Good to hear."

"Not really. I have to walk around on those stupid crutches."

Kai says,"Dude, crutches can have their advantages, too."

Ray looks at Kai. "…oh yeah. Heh heh. Hitting people and breaking things."

Tyson stammers,"Umm, I'm gonna ask you to not do that."

"Did I say that out loud? Oi. (clicks morphine)"

"Look, the Bladebreakers!"

Picture turns to door where two small girls stand gawking at the guys. Ray clicks his morphine again, making Kai chuckle. The girls go talking to Max and Tyson. Ray pulls on Kai's wrist.

Ray pleads,"Dude, get me out of here."

Kai answers,"Sure thing, how?"

Ray points. "Wheelchair."

Kai quickly helps Ray into the wheelchair and gets him out of the room without the girls seeing.

Ray sighs in relief."Thanks, man."

"No problem, I'll bring you around. Tell me about the psychotic guy in the bed next to yours."

Ray counts on his fingers."He thinks I'm his father, he had a conversation with a door, he drools all over his pillow, he threw his apple juice all over me!"

Kai grins."And here I thought you pissed yourself."

"Very funny. Then he starts yelling at me for yawning. I wanted to fucking give him a beating!"

"Poor you. Take the camera, it's hard pushing with one hand."

"Cool, I just hope I don't drop it. (takes camera) Holy shit, Kai turn around, now!" Ray orders.

Kai stops pushing instead."What's wrong?"

"Too late. The psychotic one found me."

Ray focuses on an old man coming towards him.

Kai says rather harshly,"He's, like, a thousand years old, he thinks you're his Pop?"

"Psychotic, I tell you."

The Psychotic One starts talking to Ray."Hello, Papa, how are you? I finished painting the fence, like you asked. What? No, Papa! It's blue, like you wanted! Papa, don't be mad! It's green, it's purple, not blue! Don't yell at me, Papa, I'll yell right back at ya! I'm telling everyone you're the one who killed Mama, you dirty worthless old bag! And I'll kill you and the animals, too. Papa, can you help me with my homework? I can't get my math right. Papa, I don't know how to tell you this, but I wanna be a girl. I don't like being a boy. (goes on)"

Kai gawks at him with wide eyes."What the fuck, man? Why is it always us who meet these fucking people?"

Ray moans,"Where's the fucking morphine when you need it?"

"You didn't say one fucking thing to him. He's still going at it! Fuck, old people talk a lot."

"Papa, I think the cow ate the cat, but the rooster killed the cow with the tractor, don't be mad, Papa," the Psychotic One goes on.

Ray growls dangerously,"I can't take this, anymore, not without morphine."

He struggled doing it, but Ray managed to bring his casted leg to one side and kick the old man, who slumps in a heap on the floor.

"That is so much better."

Kai stares at the old man."I'm…gonna get you out of here."

"Sounds good."

They do the turn of the floor and go back to his room, where the rest of the team is.

Hilary asks, "Where did you go?"

"I couldn't take those little girls, so I asked Kai to get me out," Ray explains.

Tyson exclaims,"You look so helpless in that wheelchair! You turned Kai into your slave! (laughs)"

Ray says happily,"Hey, Tyson, come here, I wanna tell you something. (Tyson comes) Closer. (he comes) Listen carefully….(he burps in his ear)"

"That's disgusting. (Ray kicks him with his casted leg) OWW! That hurts!" Tyson shouts.

"No shit. (does it again)"

"Stop it! (Ray kicks him again) RAY!"

The picture goes black and comes back showing Ray walking with his crutches at Tyson's house.

Ray says,"I finally got the hang of it."

Kai answers back,"Yeah, eight holes in the wall later."

"Shut up. Why can't you be happy for me?"

"Because you made eight fucking holes in the walls that **I **have to fix becuz you can't."

"Oh…haha. Well, it's been three days since I broke my leg. I'm far away from morphine, and it breaks my heart more than my leg is."

"You have an addiction for morphine or something?"

"I think so. I wonder how the psychotic one is doing."

"I thought you killed him."

"I wish I killed him. He's lived a full life, time for him to give it up, make room for someone else," Ray reasons.

"Then people call me cruel," groans Kai.

"I'm just being honest. He's fucking crazy, Kai."

Kai says,"No shit. He had to be crazy to choose you of all people to be his father."

"Are you saying I'd be a bad dad?"

"I'm saying, in a hospital full of people, he could have made a better choice."

Max comes in. "Ray, a letter came in the mail for you."

"That's great, burn it."

"Ray –"

Kai orders,"Burn the fucking letter, Max. (punches him) On second thought, give it to me. (takes letter) Now get out of here. (turns Max around and kicks his ass)(Max leaves)"

"That was funny." Ray chuckles. "Let me see that. (takes letter) It's from the White Tigers. News travels fast. (opens letter) /Dear Ray, Our elders sensed you did something stupid and broke your leg. We don't want to know what you did, but we send our best wishes, nonetheless, and hope you get well soon. Yours truly, Lee, Mariah, Kevin, and Gary. PS. Gary drew and sent you a picture./ Well that's nice."

"I see they think highly of you, Ray."

"Oh yeeaaaaah, definitely. (looks at picture and eyes grow wide) I fucking told Gary to stop coloring pictures."

"Show me." Kai rememebers the last time he saw one of Gary's pictures and gets excited.

Ray turns the picture to Kai and the camera, and Kai starts laughing like there's no tomorrow. Gary had drawn an orange rectangle, representing a tree, with a terrible replica of Ray in it. A few centimeters away from the tree and in the air is a leg with wings on it, signifying that Ray literally broke his leg. A closer look would show that the Ray in the tree is sad and is missing a leg.

Ray says calmly,"Breathe, Kai, breathe."

"I can't! It's hard! (laughs)"

After a while…

Ray asks harshly,"Are you finished?"

"Yeah, I guess." Kai takes a deep breath.

"Good. It is a funny picture."

"Funny? It's hilarious and stupid."

"Okay, well, I'm having this cast on my leg for a few more months, so I'll end it here. I'm Ray. Our Jackass film will be another time."

Kai to camera. "I'm Kai, still flipping over Gary's picture! (laughs)(to Ray)"

"Okay, you laughed, it isn't funny anymore! (sigh) I'm hungry."

Ray turns around on his crutches, a little too close to the wall. He brings his crutch out to much and makes another hole in the wall.

"Fuck."

"Fuck Ray!"

* * *

(sigh) Fuck you Ray. Okay, preview...Kai, Ray, and Tala go to speak with Voltaire in prison in Russia. 

Ray: So what do you do all day?  
Tala: Dude, isn't it obvious? Look at him. He sits on his ass and gets fatter.  
Voltaire: Tala, zip it.

Will Voltaire release his rage on our guys? Or will he fall into a depression?

**Alright, some Q & A…**

**Wind Archer:** You pronounce it like this: Af-tong-mo-shlo-fen-din. Have fun, and thanx for the review!

**VCemmy: **I think I answered the question of how I come up with this stuff a few times. My answer is kinda long, so if you really want it, email me. Thanx for the review!

**Rise From Thy Ashes:** There was a pain induced on Max! Kai swung the camera across his face. Dude, I would never leave him unharmed in a chapter. Thanx for the review!

**Althea Astera Renata: **I know what they do in the first Production. It's kind of lame, but it's an idea. I have to write it….Thanx for the review!

**grEMLin eVil: **I'm sure there's more for you to live for besides my fic. Thanx for the review!

**Sankikya: **Hey, cats have 9 lives right? By now I'd say Ray is down to 4. Thanx for the review!

**zayna:** You are the first person to ask me when this fic was going to end! I hope to keep it running a bit longer and I really do hope to put up more humor fics. But readers are really loving this one, so guess where all my energy is going to. Thanx for the review!

**Yokaigurl:** What the fuck do you want from me! How am I ignoring you? Tell me and I will find a way to give you the attention that you seem to be craving from me. Thanx for the review!

**Blu Mercenary: **Go you! Get that son of a bitch video! Dude, you reviewed the last chapter twice…why? You don't think I notice these things, huh? Thanx for the review!


	28. number 81

**Sorry** it took a while, guys. It's just...getting into college is more important than updating this fic, ya know?  
Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade or Romeo and Juliet.

Max is seen in the picture. He looks kind of mad as he moves side to side, almost synchronized with the camera.

"Ray, get out of the way! I'm trying to watch TV," Max orders.

"I know," says Ray,"but TV isn't good for you. You watch too much TV."

"I watch the one hour evening news! That's all!"

"An hour a day? Wow, Max, that is way too much."

"Ray, stop being stupid!"

Just then, a loud scream is heard as Kai charges Max from his left. Kai tackles Max and slams him against the floor. Then he starts punching Max repeatedly. When Kai is done, he stands up and spits on Max.

"You think you're so cool with your blonde hair? (Max slowly stands up) Oh how cute, determination."

He punches Max one last time. The picture cuts to a large house with snow everywhere. Kai's back is to the camera and is throwing rocks at a window. Tala shows up in the window and opens it. He spots Kai and Ray and greets them in Russian. Kai and Tala carry out a short conversation in Russian.

"I do have a doorbell, moron." Tala shakes his head slowly.

"Not anymore," answers Kai.

"You broke it?"

"To say the least."

"You're stupid. Oh, hold on. (leaves and gets a book, comes back)(in Russian) O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father –"

"Yes, Tala, you make a very hot Juliet, get your ass here!"

Tala, now laughing, closes the window. Kai turns to the camera. Now he speaks in English.

"He's coming."

"What was he reading?"

"Shakespeare. Yo, I'm Kai. Ray has his tiny black camera in his hair. Tala's coming down to meet us. We're going to go talk to a very special and crazy person."

As Kai is saying this, Tala is seen in the background, sneaking up behind Kai, with his finger over his lips, signaling for Ray not to say anything. When he gets close enough, he jumps Kai and wraps his legs around Kai's waist and his arms around his neck. So now, Tala is riding on Kai's back.

Kai shouts,"Mother fucker!"

Tala exclaims,"Mommy!"

"Fuck off!"

After trying to shake off Tala, Kai grabs Tala's legs to hold him in place and starts walking. Tala starts laughing. Ray follows them.

Tala says between laughs. "Stop! Put me down!"

"You think you're so smart. Now you're getting a ride, like a 5 year-old." Kai continues walking with Tala on his back.

"Stop! Where we going?"

"As planned, to the prison."

"Oh yeah. To see your precious grandfather."

"That's the one."

Ray smiles."You guys look so cute together, riding on one another's back."

"Yeah, Kai and I were meant for each other."

Kai growls,"Fuck…you."

The picture cuts to a big, official looking place. A small Kai is seen in the background speaking to a receptionist with his back to the camera. Tala is facing the camera.

"I'm Tala. Kai's down there trying to get us in so we can speak with Voltaire. He's been at it for a half hour…I don't think we're getting in."

Ray says reassuringly,"We'll get in. Kai knows what he's doing."

"Kai wouldn't know his ass from his face if they were labeled."

"(chuckles) Come on."

Kai comes to them. "We're in, hurry up. (walks off)"

Tala makes a surprised face to camera. "Wow, he did something right. Let's follow and not jinx it."

Tala and Ray follow Kai who's following a Russian authority through hallways and doors. They end up in a small gray room with a table and chairs. The Russian authority leaves and stands outside the door.

Ray asks,"Kai, why isn't he supervising?"

"I asked for a private conversation without guards."

"Great, you might be suicidal, but I'm not. Voltaire is gonna kill us." Tala says, not sounding very worried.

Kai reminds them,"Genius, the guard's outside. He won't hurt us. Take a seat."

They each take a seat on one side of the table. A few minutes later, Voltaire come in alone.

Kai says happily, "Hey there, you fucking low-life bastard!"

Voltaire yells,"Kai, how dare you use that language with your grandfather!"

"You're right, I'm sorry. Hey there, you fucking ass-wipe!"

"Kai!"

Tala says,"Really Kai, save your good ones for later."

Ray adds,"Yeah, don't use them all at once."

"You boys think you're clever, but you aren't." Voltaire sits.

"Now that's some deep shit." Tala nods his head.

Ray answers,"You pick it up when you're in it."

"Ohhhh."

Voltaire asks,"What do you want from me?"

Kai replies,"We just wanna put you down."

Ray asks,"So, Voltaire, have you been getting kinky with the other inmates?"

"Or are they saving you the trouble? They're getting kinky with you?" adds Tala.

"You're pathetic."

"Wow, if we're pathetic, you must be rotting scum infesting more scum."

"That's enough from you, Kai."

"I don't think so. Hey, get any beatings, yet?"

"Shut up."

"Sorry, dunno how."

Ray wonders,"So what do you do all day?"

Tala answers,"Dude, isn't it obvious? Look at him. He sits on his ass and gets fatter."

"Tala, zip it."

"You can't order me around, you're in fucking jail. It's the other way around. I order you."

"No it isn't."

"Just play along, it's fun."

"Please, I have more fun sewing pillow cases."

Ray says in a sweet motherly way,"Awww, he learned to sew, guys."

Kai smiles."Very touching indeed."

Voltaire growls,"I shouldn't have said that."

"Nah, you really shouldn't have."

"Tala, shut up."

"Why'd you do it, Voltaire?" asks Kai.

"Do what?"

"Harass Tala and I like you did."

"(sighs) I didn't harass you."

"You touched me and you know it!" Tala slams his fist on the table.

"(calmly) I didn't touch you. (looks at Ray) Nor did I you. Why are you even here?"

"I look good," chirps Ray.

"Oh God."

"Plus, I can come up with some really good insults. And you sicked that troll Bryan on me, with his "Blades of Wind.""

Voltaire grins. "Yes, it was a fine plan."

"Hey, fuckbag, it was a stupid plan. You landed in jail, idiot. You know, your plan would've worked if you hadn't chosen plastic tops as your weapon."

"Shut up, I know that now."

Kai breaks in."Let's speak money."

"What did you do! (worried)"

"I spent all your money on various breeds of dogs. But I paid eight times the amount they asked for. Besides, with over ten thousand dogs, I have to buy lots of food and air deodorant."

"…I don't believe you."

"Fine, I don't care. It's not like you're gonna need it anytime soon."

"I told you to use it for bail!"

Tala snorts."Like the world wants you out of here."

Ray teases,"What's wrong, Voltaire, are the inmates picking on you?"

Kai concludes,"So, my point is, I'm broke, you're broke, and it's all your fault. If you hadn't been so stupid, your plan would've worked, and I wouldn't have become addicted to dogs –"

Ray adds,"Or dog magazines."

"Oh! Actually, in Daily Pup –"

"Shut up! You aren't my grandson! You're too stupid!"

"You have no idea how much I wish that were true."

Ray wonders,"Hey Voltaire, has anyone ever told you how ugly you are?"

"Ray, shut up, please."

Tala agrees."No no, he's right. You are really ugly. Why didn't your mother kill you or anything?"

"Cuz his mother was the only one who loved him," Ray guesses.

"Ray, please. If she really loved him or cared for him, she would have killed him long ago, to protect him from being told repeatedly how ugly he is."

"I never saw it that way. Your mother was retarded."

"Leave my mother out of this!"

"Fine…but you're really ugly."

"Enough!"

"Like, who took a fucking baseball bat to your face when you were three?"

Tala says,"I think it runs in the family."

Kai turns to Tala and yells,"Excuse me?"

Tala smirks."Hey dude."

"I am not as ugly as this mother fucking asshole, here."

Voltaire growls,"Kai! How dare you!"

"Too bad you can't beat me, like you usually did."

Tala asks,"He beat you, too?"

"Dude, it's Voltaire Hiwatari. He beat anything that moved."

"I never beat you!"

"Right, and you're pretty."

"Stay out of this, Ray!"

"In case you forgot, you beat me indirectly, through Bryan."

"So go see Bryan, leave me alone."

"Nah, you're fun to screw around with."

"Leave me alone! All three of you!"

Tala teases,"What's wrong? Guys, I think we came at a bad time. It's Voltaire's nappy time."

Ray says, "Yeah, it must be. He looks all tired and he's getting crankier than usual."

Kai adds,"And he's getting uglier."

Voltaire shouts,"I don't take naps in prison!"

Ray sighs."What he means is he doesn't take naps with the rest of the nice psychopaths here."

Tala cooes,"Voltaire wanna go night-night?"

Ray cooes back,"No, Voltaire go bedy-bye. Kai, sing a lullaby."

Kai sings."Goodnight, little psychotic grandfather  
You were much better off getting killed by mother  
Voltaire, go to sleep  
When we try to kill you don't make a peep"

"ENOUGH!"

Voltaire gets up and goes around the table to the three on the other side. They all get up and back up, laughing softly.

Ray chuckles,"Kai, I meant a nice one."

"Fuck you, man, that's as nice a lullaby to Voltaire is gonna get. Which reminds me, how's the food here?"

"Arrgh!"

Voltaire charges Kai as fast as an old man can charge, and actually manages to grab his collar.

"Hey, let go you –"

Voltaire starts to choke Kai. Ray and Tala freak out and get angry. They rush to Kai's aid, trying to pull Voltaire's arms away, but the old man is stronger than both of them. Kai isn't looking too good, so Tala and Ray try to think fast…and it hits them at the same time. They rush to the table and grab a chair each and slam them on Voltaire's head and back. His grip on Kai loosens a little, and Kai launches a nice hard punch to Voltaire's face. The guard comes in now with 5 other guards and start beating the crap out of Voltaire. Ray and Tala go to Kai.

Tala asks frantically,"Kai, you okay!"

"Yeah, I'll live."

"There's something very very very wrong with your grandfather."

"I'm glad you took notice, Ray."

Then they watch on as the guards pummel Voltaire. When he isn't able to move, one of the guards gives Voltaire an injection. The three teens are led out of the building and into the snow. The camera turns and focuses on Tala and Kai looking hurt.

Ray asks,"Are you sure you're alright?"

"My throat kills."

Tala says,"Yeah, being choked will do that."

"Thank you, Dr. Smartass."

Ray interuppts."So, that's it I guess."

Tala agrees."Yeah, we spoke to him and one of us almost got killed."

Kai plays along with his stupid friend."Yeah, we're definitely over-achievers."

"That's the way to see it!"

"Tala, you're a real dumbass, you know that!"

"Yeah, I've been told."

"Well, start believing it. I'm Kai. Damn, I want something for my throat."

"I'm Tala."

Ray to camera. "I'm Ray, this was KaiRayRayKai Production #81. (to Kai and Tala throwing snowballs at a window) What are you doing?"

Tala explains,"Voltaire's in the window. We're pissing him off."

Kai says,"He finally spotted us. Smile and wave guys."

Ray, Kai, and Tala wave and shout greetings to Voltaire in the window. Voltaire gets up, faces the window, and starts pounding on the glass, shouting angry things they can't hear. Two guards show up in the window. One punches Voltaire and the other pulls him from the window. All three guys are laughing hard.

Kai sighs. "What a stupid fucker."

* * *

Umm...I dunno when I'll update next. I'm gonna be real moody these next two weeks. But if you want, u can email me. I check everyday, and Im fine with it. Im gonna try to get it up soon. But I just got over my interview for college and Im paranoid and its hard to write a humor fic in my state.

Kai and Ray have gone too far. They've been caught by the police before, but never for something like this. So now, they have to do some community service…. at an old folks' home!

Kai: Dude, I wanna get out of here soo bad.  
Ray: For real, the smell in here is reminding me of your grandfather.  
Kai: It's reminding me of a certain man-eating tribe member.  
Ray: Hilary?

**Some Question slash Answer:**

**Blu Mercenary: **There is a bar in the window where you review. It says 'Email address (optional).' PUT YOUR ADDRESS THERE OR DON'T GET PART 2! Thanx for the review! And your reviews don't have to shrink, don't worry about it.

**My secret angel:** I answered your question in the Hotline chap…but that would take a while. To Kai, Max is just the kind of person that doesn't deserve to go through life without getting a life threatening beating at least once. Thanx for the review!

**whitespirit04: **lol No the Demolition Boys aren't really dead. Thanx for the review!

**TheEmbassyDirector:** Production 1? I might put it as a final chapter. Thanx for the review!

**artemis347: **You know, you aren't the first person to tell me to publish my fic. But….who the fuck is gonna take it and actually publish it? I mean…look at it! It's not publishing material. Thanx for the review!

**Roy's war goddess riku: **Sorry it took a while for me to answer this question…you didn't get the last part of ch.17 (check) where Kai and Ray go to see Mr.Dickinson. Ray and Kai had been accusing Mr.D of being a child molester the whole time, so when Kai says 'If I go down, you won't go on top of me, will you?' and Ray answers 'Mr.Dickinson will', he means Mr.D will go on top of Kai when he's down…I hope you can fill in the rest. Thanx for all the reviews!


	29. Joy Ride

**This isn't a **real Production, it's how they end up doing a Production. It's not supposed to be that funny, but I tried to add some humor.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, Pepsi, and doesn't recommend you believe this is really how it works with the police.

The guys both sighed at the same time. It was a long, boring, uneventful day…except for Ray pushing Tyson down the stairs. Asking Ray now why he did it would make him answer 'He deserved it.' Now Ray and Kai lay down on their backs in the dojo a few feet apart from each other.

Ray moans, "I'm so fucking bored."

Kai replies, "Tell me about it."

" What are we gonna do?"

" I dunno."

This 4-line conversation had been repeated word for word a total of 50 times in the same hour.

" Hey, we can go for a drive."

" Yeah, anything right now."

Kai grabbed his keys and they got in his car. Ray new they were probably going to the high way. And to the highway Kai went. He took any chance he could to go faster than 40km/h. Kai smiled.

" We could go downtown, spray-paint some buildings."

" Sounds like a plan."

As they were heading downtown, another car pulled up near Kai's, and it started to irritate him.

" Kai, what the fuck, get away from that car."

" I'm not doing dick, they're too close to me."

" I see you steering towards them."

" Just slightly, so they back off."

" What if they're stupid like you and they also move towards us? Slightly?"

" Fuck you…huh, looks like they wanna race."

" Kai, no."

" Ray, shut up."

Kai sped up, along with the other car.

" Kai, we decided on a joy ride, not a drag race," Ray says, getting worried.

" Well, now I want a fucking drag race. Besides, this prick asked for it."

" Kai watch it!'

" Fuck!"

The cars had come into contact, with a small bang. Kai started to push his unknown opponent away from him, only to be pushed back himself. Cars passing by had to be careful and honked at them as they drove by.

" Kai, stop before we get killed! I'm serious!"

" Chill, I know what I'm doing."

" Me too, you're digging our graves!"

Kai yells, "Just shut up, Ray! Go in the back seat and fuck yourself or something."

Ray laughs. "That's actually kinda funny."

" I know. This asshole means business."

A few seconds later, both drivers lost control. Kai's opponent jerked forward and turned in Kai's path, making Kai crash into the other car's passenger door. Both cars come to a stop.

" You know what really pisses me off? My airbag didn't even work."

" We got more problems than that. Look."

The driver had come out of his car, and was heading for Kai's side. He looked like one of those tough guys, in a white tank top, black cargoes, black boots, sunglasses, a kerchief covering his head, well-built, and a tattoo of a cross wrapped in thorned vines. A similar looking guy comes from the back seat.

" Ray, you alright?"

" I'm fine, you?"

Kai grins. "Peachy, let's see how the fuckbag is. (gets out)"

" Oh God no. (gets out)"

The driver asks Kai harshly, "What the fuck is your problem, man?"

" Me? I don't have a problem. What the Hell is yours?"

" My problem is that I've got some punk-ass dickhead crashing into my car!"

" You think you're good with name-calling, huh? Listen good, you fucking good-for-nothing asswipe, maybe if you weren't busy sucking some passenger-dick - "

" Oh that's it, I had enough of you."

The passenger breaks in. "You got a big mouth, kid."

" Same to your friend, prick," answers Kai.

" Times like these, I wish I had the camera," Ray says to himself.

The driver throws a punch at Kai, who ducks and lurches forward to take him down. As he starts punching him, the passenger pulls Kai off, throws him on the ground, and kicks his ribs. Ray tackles the passenger and gives him a nice punch that will result into a black eye. The driver gets up and pulls a baseball bat from his trunk. Kai is still recovering from the kick, so he goes for him. As he raises the bat up, Ray grabs it from behind and hits him before he can hit Kai.

" Kai, get up, you need to get up!"

The passenger sneers, "Kai huh? What's your lovely name, asshole?"

" None of your business, pinprick."

" So you like games, huh? That's good –"

" EVERYONE FREEZE!"

The passenger and Ray turn to see the police and the driver already being put in the car.

Ray smirks. "You're fucked. (raises hands)"

Passenger raises hands. "We're all fucked. You crashed into my brother's car."

" We would've been fine if that was all. Your brother threw the first punch at my friend. You're at fault."

" But he missed. Your friend landed the first hit."

The cops handcuff them both, but they continue arguing.

Ray is getting mad. "Regardless, Kai had no intention of fighting! Hold on…Kai!"

He looks around and finds Kai, sitting up on the street holding his ribs in pain, with two cops next to him, trying to talk to him. Ray is put in the other cop car and the passenger is put in the same car as his brother. A few minutes later, Kai is standing, handcuffed, and put in the car with Ray. Both cars start heading for the station.

Ray asks, "How are you feeling?"

Kai groans, "Much like crap. I can't feel my ribs, they hurt so much."

" We'll get back at them."

Cop 1 says, "Something tells me plotting revenge in front of a couple of cops isn't smart."

" It's not revenge. It's giving people what they really want and/or need."

" Ray, shut up, that's not helping. Hey, copper, you think my ribs are broken?" Kai says.

Cop 2 answers, "Are you crying and flailing about and shouting like you're experiencing ten orgasms at once?"

" No."

" Then no."

The rest of the drive is quiet. They reach the station and are given one call each before interrogation. Kai calls Tyson's and Hilary answers.

" Hello?"

" Hey slut, it's me."

" I love hearing from you, Kai."

" I love hearing from me, too. Hil, you'll never guess where Ray and I are."

" Police station?"

" …..yeah, but which one?"

" What did you do now?"

" Nothing! I got kicked. You have to help me, or if not me, Ray."

" No way! Whatever you and Ray did to wind up at the cop station, you deserve to be punished for. (hangs up)"

" I'm gonna slaughter that bitch. Ray, it's your turn."

Ray calls a couples' hotline, 1-800-FIND-LUV

" Yeah, hello, I'd like to hear any messages I received, please. I'm Ray Kon, my password's Pepsi….none? That's impossible, check again….dammit. (hangs up)"

Ray goes back to sit next to Kai.

" What the fuck was that all about?"

" My hotline dating account, I didn't get any new messages."

" I make a useful call to get us out and you blow yours on something you could've done later?"

" I was curious to see if this hotline shit works."

Kai sighed and closed his eyes. They'd been arrested by the cops before, but it was for graffiti or disturbing the peace and other small things. Now they were on the verge of getting 'road rage' added to their records. _Just great _thought Kai. When he opened his eyes, he spotted the passenger glaring at him as he was being led to the interrogation. He let it pass and glared back. Then the driver followed his brother and he spits on Kai, who is instantly furious. Kai jumped up and landed two punches before he and the driver were separated. As they were being pulled away by officers, they yelled harsh insults to each other. Kai was handcuffed and seated near Ray.

Ray jokes, "Well aren't you a bright fuck?"

" Shut up."

After sitting still and silent for a half-hour, the guys are brought into the interrogation room.

The cop starts talking to Kai. "So, from what I understand, you were driving?"

" Yes I was."

" Then what?"

" Then some retard in an ugly car comes really close to mine. So I move closer to him so he would back off, but he comes closer and we both speed up. Our cars made contact, we lost control, he swerved in front of me, I hit his car. We all got out and start fighting."

" (to Ray) Is that what happened?"

" Without details, yes."

The cop reads some papers. "Kon Raymondo, and Hiwatari Kai…you sound familiar."

Ray hisses, "Damn that ugly name."

Kai replies, "From TV, probably."

" No, actually…and yes, but I hear your names often around here. A couple of shit disturbers, huh?"

Ray chirps, "Depends how you see it. To us, we're really bored and come up with creative things to pass the time. To others, we're shit disturbers."

" Well, I'm gonna treat you like shit disturbers. Says here, you aren't from here. China and Russia, I got. But you still have to follow our rules. You're lucky you aren't three years older. All you get is some community service."

" What now? Community service? That's a punishment?"

" Around here, yes."

Kai says, "What, we're selling lemonade and cookies?"

" You wish. You have a choice between helping the environment or working at a retirement home –"

Ray interrupts, saying, "The home."

Kai counters with, "Environment. I'm bad with old people."

Cop continues, "But because everyone chooses the environment cleaning, you're going to the home."

Kai spits, "Fuck…hey, what happened to my car?"

" It's been impounded."

" Double fuck."

" Follow me, my partner and I are driving you home."

They're brought out of the room and it's their turn to walk by their opponents. Kai kicks the driver's ankle hard, so he's too busy whining and nursing his ankle to fight Kai. The cops push Ray and Kai forward. In the car…

The cop says to Kai, "I have you in my head as a violent one."

Kai retorts, "I'm honored, I have you in mine as an alcoholic and your partner as a pussy."

There is some snickering, but afterward the ride is quiet. When Kai and Ray walk in, everyone is asleep.

In the morning…

Kai and Ray are woken up by Max and Tyson.

Tyson asks, "Guys, what happened last night? Hilary said you called from a cop station."

Ray replies, "Yeah, a buddy of mine works there and arrested us for fun."

" Oh okay. I'm hungry. (leaves)"

Max rolls his eyes. "Tyson may be stupid, but I'm not. Your car's missing, Kai."

" I know, it's been impounded."

After 20 minutes, everything is explained.

Max repeats, "Retirement home, huh? Good luck."

Ray lies and says, "Max, Kenny is trying to get your attention behind you."

When Max turns around, Kai trips him by thrusting his foot and making it hit Max's ankles. While Max is on the floor, Kai shoves the back of Max's head and forces his face into the floor. Max's blood drips into the floor from his nose.

Kai growls, "Fucking cocky smartass."

So, that's how Kai and Ray ended up having to do community service. The next chapter will have them at the actual home.

Question / Answer: 

**pheonix-maker: **I chose a college called Dawson. Your mom wants you to be quiet for the neighbors? What are you, a person or a tank laughing? Thanx for the review!

**Mystical Demon:** Well, with the guys in Russia, I had to find a place for Kai to give Max his daily pain, sorry if it seemed random. Sometimes I hate random. Thanx for the review!

**Luna-chan- A MaSk Of LiEs:** I've been thinking the same thing, cuz I have an idea of when I'd like to end it, and I've tried to do the math. If I go according to my plan, it's 17 at the most. Thanx for the review!

**Yokaigurl:** -sigh- I didn't lash out at you…kind of. Anyway, I chose a college called Dawson. Thanx for the review!

**BlackPhoenix13:** I can't say I'm happy that u didn't ask me, but I'm not pissed. U told me that u used it, and that was being honest. And u said in the beginning that u don't own it. I appreciate that. I give u permission to use KaiRayRayKai in that chapter. Thanx for reviewing and telling me!


	30. number 16 part 1

**The last one WAS NOT how the KaiRayRayKai Productions started.** On with the fic.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, or Jay-Z.

A week had passed since that road rage incident. Waking up that morning, Kai and Ray dreaded what was coming for them. An entire week at a retirement home. They decided that old people can sort of be fun, so they decided they would make a Production. Kai would have to wear his gray miniature camera in his hair.

Kai went to get the mail and went through it. He found one addressed to Ray and opened it. He finished reading it as Ray came in and went to find something to eat.

Ray grumbles, "Morning, Kai."

Kai pauses and says, "I think so."

" Ha ha."

" Ray, you got hate mail. (goes to Ray and gives letter)"

Ray looks at the open letter. "…..you read it."

" Yeah, that's how I know it's hate mail."

" But it's my letter."

" It's hate mail, hate brings misery, misery loves company, I'm giving you company. Stop bitching and read."

Ray sighs and reads. "Damn, Mariah's mad at me, again. She's breaking up with me…it's not fair."

" I read it, already, whine silently."

" What the Hell is your problem?"

" We're going to that fucking old folks' home. What, you're excited?"

Ray almost shouts, "No, but I'm not telling off the world for it. We'll just get this week over with, and that's it. I'm making a call. (leaves)"

As he leaves, Max and Tyson come in.

Max asks, "What's wrong with Ray? He looks pissed."

Kai marches to Max and punches him.

" It's none of your business," growls Kai.

" I'm just curious! (punched) Hey! (kicked) OW! Just tell me what's wrong with Ray!"

" Jesus Christ, Max, can't you mind your own business! Go suck an ass. (leaves)"

They got ready and took a bus there. Kai reached into his hair and turned on the camera.

The picture focuses on Ray, with the retirement home behind them. Some seniors can be seen sitting on the balcony and talking.

" Hey all. I'm Ray, Kai is filming with his tiny gray camera. This is KaiRayRayKai Production #16. Last week, Kai went a bit nuts on the road – "

Kai replies, "Fuck you, man."

" And we ended up here, where a week of community service awaits us…..Can anyone say joy?"

" Yeah yeah, let's get in and get it over with."

" For the record, Kai got his period today."

" Yeah, and it's heavy, go inside."

As they go inside the old people eye them. Kai groans, and walks ahead of Ray. Ray laughs and catches up. They go to the desk, and they are told to look for Shiori. They go off in search of dirty blond women with brown eyes, the description the receptionist gives them.

Kai hisses, "We have to go LOOK for her, they can't just CALL on the intercom."

Ray chuckles, "The seniors are probably afraid of the intercom."

" Must be. Hey, over there…but she looks like a teen…probably visiting someone."

A dirty blond girl comes up to guys. "Are you Ray and Kai?"

" Yeah. So you're Shiori? (she nods) Cool, I'm Ray, this is Kai."

" Kai, the idiot with the car. The cops told me all about you guys. You're here for a week, right?"

Kai retorts, "How should I know? I'm an idiot."

" That's right, I almost forgot. (Kai glares) So, if you will follow me, I'll introduce you to the seniors. (they follow her)"

Ray asks, "You don't seem much older than us. Why are you working here?"

" Since I lost my grandparents, I do a lot of work with seniors."

Kai sneers, "Or is it because you can't make friends your own age, so you hang around the lonely old people who will take anyone as their friend?"

" A fucking smartass, eh?"

" I see I hit a soft spot. Don't worry, I won't tell the old people you're a loser."

She says nothing, but continues to lead them through hallways. They enter a large room with several tables and chairs and seniors taking up all the seats. They all look at the teens when they enter. Shiori speaks in a loud voice.

" Hello friends! I hope you remember we have new people coming today! This is Ray and this is Kai! (everyone mumbles hello) Alright, so if you need something you can also call them! (to guys) Come with me."

She brings them to a large empty room with chairs lining the walls. On the left side is a table with a radio resting on it.

" It'll be time for their dancing session soon – "

Kai puts up a hand, as if stopping her. "Whoa! ….the geezers dance?"

" Yes, stupid, they dance. They're no Britney Spears, but they dance. It's to stay in shape."

" What, round is a shape, leave them the way they are."

Ray sighs, "Will you stop being a prick?"

Shiori orders, "Shut up, both of you. Listen, our CDs are near the radio, I'm gonna bring them in here. Please refrain from being idiots. (leaves)"

Kai answers, "Up yours, bitch," to the closed door. "Damn, a week of seeing old dudes dance…Ray I just called them dudes."

Ray smiles. "This Shiori chick is cute."

" Moving on so quickly Ray? You're not gonna eat ice cream and cry and watch bad Spanish soap operas?"

" After the way Mariah yelled at me on the phone, I don't think I'm gonna be crying anytime soon."

" Go for it, then. Keep her away from me."

" What, you're afraid of her?"

Kai was about to give Ray the finger when the seniors came in with Shiori.

" Take care of them, I have to prepare their P-I-L-L-S.'

Ray says, "I think they can spell, Shiori."

" This group doesn't speak English. (leaves)"

Kai gets a little pissy. "What a whore, she left us with people who…perfect."

He goes over to the radio, and puts in one of his CDs instead of the classical music ones near the radio. He sees that the seniors are already in partners, so he starts playing his Jay-Z CD.

Ray yells, "Are you fucking stupid? The guy swears in his sleep, she'll kill us!"

" They don't know what's going on. (puts volume up) Look, they like it."

Ray gives him blank look. "Covering your ears doesn't count as liking it."

Shiori rushes in and screams, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"

Kai yells over the music, "I'm playing good music. And they like it."

Shiori stops the radio. "I can hear it from down the hall, and it's inappropriate!"

" They don't understand anyway."

" They can't speak English, I didn't say they were stupid."

Ray gets between them. "Okay, chill. Kai's obviously not up for this, leave the dancing to me."

Shiori thinks about this and looks at Kai. "Are you a good consoler?"

Kai answers, "At times."

" Come, I have something for you. (puts classical) Ray, if anything happens, I'll kill you."

She brings Kai through a series of hallways, and brings him into one room in particular. In a chair is an old woman, staring out a window.

Shiori explains, "This is Heather, the oldest woman here. She doesn't get along with a lot of the people here, but she always talks about her grandson to me. I know you aren't him, but if you can just talk to her – "

Kai cuts in. "Yeah, I'll talk, maybe try to make her smile…or would that break her senior face?"

" You can't ever be nice, can you?"

" I'm very nice actually. I just need to be motivated."

Shiori sighs. "Come on. Heather, this is Kai. I thought that maybe you would like to talk to him. (Heather turns to look at Kai and nods) Kai, sit here. Don't lose your patience. (leaves)"

The camera focuses on Heather, an old woman in a light pink dress with her white hair in a bun.

" Hello, young man."

" Hello, ma'am."

" Shiori says your name is Kai. How are you, son?"

" I'm okay. Are you feeling all right? Do you need anything?"

" I'm fine. What's a handsome boy like you doing here?"

" I got in trouble with the law. Shiori tells me you talk a lot about your grandson."

" Ah, yes, Philip. I hope he grows to be as handsome as you."

As this conversation goes on, Shiori is listening from outside. Satisfied with what she hears, she goes to Ray in the dance hall. (off camera)

" How's it going, Ray?" she asks.

" Good, just this one person was pointing at the Jay-Z CD when you left, and was smiling and giving me the thumbs up. So I'm letting him listen to it with my walkman."

He points to the far corner where a senior is staring into space with headphones on his head, holding the walkman in both his hands in front of him.

" If it's not your friend being an idiot, it's you."

Ray decides not to make an ass out of himself later and asks, "Wouldn't you rather be with your boyfriend than here, little lady?" This way, if she answered anything doing with a boyfriend, he would know not to make a move.

" I don't have one. Guys don't like chicks who hang out with oldies." SCORE!

" Of course guys like kind, considerate, thoughtful, pretty chicks."

" ….are you trying to flirt with me?"

" I'm trying to succeed, too.'

Shiori laughs. "Good luck, then."

Ray winks at her. "I don't need it."

Kai comes in with a big stupid smile on his face. "Heather got mad at me 'cause I said Philip is a cock-sucking pussy, and I came here 'cause it's the only place I know how to get to."

" What the fuck is wrong with you! You were fine when I left you."

" Well, yeah, I knew you were still there, so I acted nice until you left. And no swearing in front of the non-English speakers, they aren't stupid, ya know."

" Shut up, go apologize to Heather."

" Me apologize to a mad senior? I think not, she'll probably throw her Dentures of Death at me."

Ray adds, "I heard those things bite hard."

" Stop it, both of you. If you don't take this seriously, I can tell the cops and we can get rid of you," she threatens.

Kai asks, "Is that a promise?"

Shiori looks at him, angrily, but says nothing and leaves.

" Why do you have to be a sleezbag?" says Ray.

" Because it's easy and fun and worth my time…..Oh, yeah, you're trying to pick her up. Sorry, man."

" Just don't interfere as much, okay? I was close. So, where do you think she went?"

" Maybe to see Heather. Man, you had to see her face when I dissed her grandson, I thought she was gonna die on me."

" And that seems like a funny thing to you?"

Shiori comes back before he can answer.

" Since I can't trust Kai alone anywhere, you both have to stick together all the time. I suppose that's what baby Kai wants? To be with his friend? Because if not he gets cranky and is mean to everyone else?" She coos her way, starting with calling Kai a baby.

Kai answers back, "Ha ha. Listen, sweetheart, my pet rock has a better sense of humor than you."

" And may I ask why you have a rock as a pet? Is it because you can't get a real animal because you molest them all and they're afraid – "

" No, stupid, it was called sarcasm, see I don't have a pet rock, but I said I did to get a point across. I guess when you hang around with only seniors it doesn't register."

" Will you shut up? You know what, drop dead! You're a stupid asshole without a life! Why the Hell does Ray stay with you!"

She leaves, on the verge of tears.

Ray speaks to Kai angrily now. "Nice going, stupid. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you today?"

Kai answers in Ray's tone, "Hey, genius, think about it. I'm doing you a favor. She's crying, you go soothe her and tell her how much of a stupid prick I am and make her feel better and get on her good side."

Ray calms down a little. "You didn't have to do it _that_ way!"

" It's the only way I know. So what are you waiting for?"

Ray rolls his eyes and leaves the dance hall to find Shiori. Meanwhile, Kai is left alone with the dancing seniors. The camera turns to the senior listening to Jay-Z and sees him making little dance moves. Kai goes in front of him and shows off some simple dance moves, which, like Kai wanted, the senior started imitating.

Kai mumbles, "That's right, follow the leader."

Seeing that the senior is also trying to keep up with Kai's speed, Kai goes faster and makes the dance moves more difficult. All of a sudden, the senior's eyes go wide and he slumps to his knees onto the floor bent over with his hand on his back and cursing in a language Kai doesn't understand.

" Ha, mission accomplished. Let's see how the love-birdies are."

He leaves the dance hall and turns into random halls and directions to find Ray and Shiori.

- - - - - - - -

Ha, what a joke, Kai dancing. Yeah, this is another 2-part chapter, but both parts will be put up instead of having them emailed. For next time…Ray and Kai start to get to know the seniors.

Ray: Hello peeps. Guess what?….It's Barbara's birthday today!

Ending chatter: 

**Wind Archer: **Well, Ray and Kai both have my sense of humor. I'm more like Kai, though, becuz I'm very quiet and on the loner side. Ray thinks too positive for my liking, but there are times where I can be like him. Thanx for the review!

**Blu Mercenary: **You AND your siblings read my stuff? That's amazing, and you all love it! I'm glad. It's remarks like yours that will make me regret ending the fic when I do. Thanx for the review! And hello to your brother and sisters!

**Bloody Shadows: **I like how you keep mentioning how paranoid I am. Thanx for the review!

**Black Wolf Jaganshi Lover:** I find I give too much attention to Kai. I know he's usually the fighter type, so maybe he got hurt doing his thing? lol Yeah, that's why I said not to think u can work the cops like that, they're tougher. Thanx for the review!

**Ice Dragon of the North: **The numbers were mixed up for fun, and becuz when this all started I didn't have any idea how it all started, like Production #1, I had no idea what it was. They know what number is next, they're done in order (1, 2, 3…) it's just me who mixes them up. Thanx for the review!

**Hazel-Beka:** Kai is old enough to drive in my fic. He has a car cuz he bought it…obviously lol, it's not Ray's Porsche if that's what was going through your mind. Thanx for the review!

**Yokaigurl: **I don't have a major, I'm going to college, not university. I'll get a major when I'm done college! Thanx for the review!


	31. number 16 part 2

**Why did some of you guys think it was my birthday? Haha, that's not till September.**

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade.

Kai had wandered around for a short time before he came to another room with another senior in it. It was an old bald man and he had company, what seemed to be his daughter and a granddaughter. He decided to go inside and stir some shit.

Kai says, "Hello, can I get anyone anything?"

" Who are you? Where's Shiori?" asks the woman.

" Shiori…went to attend to some stuff. I'm Edward, I'm a new volunteer here."

" You look like Kai from the Bladebreakers," the little girl chirps.

" My mom tells me that, too. What's your name, little girl?" Kai kneels down so he's eye level with the girl.

" Alexia."

" Alexia, do you know how old your grandpa is?"

" Sure do! He's 89!" she says proudly.

" Oh wow, 89, you know what that means right?"

" No, what does it mean?"

" It means that anytime now, it can be in 5 minutes or it can be tomorrow or maybe next week, he's gonna be walking around the home and all of a sudden he's gonna have a heart attack and he's gonna fall down the stairs because he had to go to the bathroom and nobody will hear him because they don't care. And nobody is going to care because he's an old worthless shit."

The woman gasps. "Excuse me, but I think was completely unnecessary and rude."

" So he's gonna die?" Alexia asks.

" Yes, Alexia, he's gonna die, and he's going to go to Hell because he's lived a very cruel life and he was a woman-beater." Kai stands up, seeing tears in Alexia's eyes.

" Get out of my father's room!" yells the mother.

" Okay, see ya later." Kai walks out and three seconds later, little Alexia can be heard crying. "Friggin' kids, they can't take the truth, so they start crying. They can't be mature and take things like a man."

He goes around some more, still looking for Ray and Shiori. He figures they're hiding somewhere so he can't find them and make fun of her, so he makes sure to look behind every corner and every door. His search comes to an end when he sees Ray walking towards him when he turns into a hall.

" Hey man, it's about time, I looked everywhere."

Ray coos, "Aww, am I that important?"

" No, I'm that afraid of old people. Where's Shiori?"

" She's getting meals ready, and trash talking you to herself."

" Awesome, I knew she was crazy, we just have to catch her talking to herself on tape and we can report her to the cops and they'll get her out of this place and you would have a better chance of hooking up with her."

" Why do your plans to help someone else always involve someone getting humiliated or hurt?"

" I find it works best that way."

Ray shakes his head. "Well, it's ok really, 'cause we hooked up without your help."

" Really? That's great, you deserve someone who isn't a pink-haired bitch."

" …I'll pretend I didn't just hear you diss my ex."

" Excellent. Dude, I'm so bored…what's there to do?"

" Well, I passed by something pretty interesting on the way back here, so follow me."

Ray leads the way to a hallway with wheelchairs lining the wall.

Kai says in a dry voice, "Yes, Ray, wheelchairs are interesting."

Ray answers excitedly, "You have no idea. Check this out."

He takes a chair and puts on knee on the seat, so the back of the wheelchair is pressing against his stomach. With the other foot, he pushes himself and rolls several feet away from Kai.

Ray turns to the camera and speaks in a louder voice. "With more power, we can work miracles!"

" Yeah, I see the potential in these things. Like pushing lazy people around."

" No, dude, think…Tony Hawk, or Johnny Knoxville."

" Ahh, that's a lot better, I see now. We'll be back, peeps."

Kai reaches into his hair and turns off the mini camera. When it comes back on, Ray's smiling laughing face is the focus.

" Okay, so…Kai and I have been working on this thing for about 20 minutes, and it's finally finished. We call it the Monster Chair. It's a bunch of wheel chairs put together, and yes, we had to break some. We used tape to stick the pieces together, which is great because you can't see it so it looks expertly done. We're gonna try it out now."

Ray turns around and walks the other way to the Monster Chair. The MC looks like a small raft in the shape of a square with the backs of the chairs around three of the edges, one side open to get on and off. Underneath it are several small wheels.

" What was our final wheel count, Ray?"

" I think like…64, 'cause we used 16 chairs, right? And 4 wheels per chair."

" So many chairs? Wow, these things are small."

They put their hands on the free edge of the MC and begin to push. Their pushing turns to running. Ray yells, "Now!" and both guys jump onto the MC. They crawl to the front of their creation and hold onto the edge as they soar down the hallway.

" Hey Kai?"

" Yeah?"

" Did you notice the flight of stairs down there?"

" Of course, that's why I chose this hall."

" …awesome."

They get to the top of the staircase and the MC tumbles down. Because the geniuses used simple tape to hold the pieces of wheelchair together, the whole thing falls apart and the guys fall down the stairs, screaming FUCK, along with the broken MC. Screaming and loud crashes echo throughout the entire home. The camera falls out of Kai's hair and slides away from him when he lands on the floor at the bottom of the steps. The picture focuses on a sideways view of Ray and Kai lying on the floor, groaning in pain, with the remainder of their creation around them. Ray is the first to slowly get up and he retrieves the mini camera, limping as he goes over to it.

" Kai, your camera lost its place in your hair."

" I don't really care, I can't feel my back…awww man…the pain."

" Yeah, my ass is gonna have a nice purple mark on it tomorrow morning. (places camera back in Kai's hair) Can you get up?"

" If he does, it's only to get an ass kicking from me!" Shiori's voice is heard declaring.

Kai moans, "Hey gorgeous, how's it going?"

" Don't give me that bullshit! What were you thinking? This isn't a playground. If you wanna act like a 3-year-old, then go home!"

" I can't, I have to stay here with you and look after seniors."

" This is not how you look after seniors! These wheelchairs aren't cheap!"

" You wanna bet? They fucking fell apart on the way down the stairs, and while constructing this, the pieces came apart easily. They're _very_ cheap."

" They weren't meant to be stuck together and rode down a staircase! –to Ray- And you aren't any better! Are you crazy?"

Ray replies, "I have reason to think so. "

" You guys are unbelievable. You're gonna clean this all up _and_ you now have to buy us new wheelchairs, equal to the amount you took apart and/or broke. And I don't wanna hear what you have to say about that, Kai, shut it."

" But it's not –"

" No, Kai, what's not fair is you coming here and doing whatever the Hell you want. Who do you think you are to come here and vandalize our property?"

" Are you always this uptight?"

" SHUT UP AND CLEAN THIS UP!" She leaves in a hurry.

" So how much do you think a wheelchair costs?" Ray helps Kai up.

" It doesn't matter, I'm not buying her any. She can get her own chairs on wheels. Right now, I'm freaking pissed that our Monster Chair only lasted for 5 minutes."

Ray chuckles. "You honestly thought it would last for a long time? Brighten up, man…Dude, we're gonna record every fucking day of this cruel and unusual punishment?"

" …I don't really want to. We'll tape maybe one more day."

" Alright, then. We're gonna stop it here, and finish this on a day that we assume will provide some excitement."

The camera stops again, and resumes with a closed door in the picture. It's quiet, but then some yelling and laughing is heard from the inside. The door opens and Ray comes out of it laughing and closing the door behind him.

" Did you tell her?" ask Kai.

" Damn right, I told her. It _is_ some pretty funny shit."

" You see how red her face gets when you insult Philip?"

" I haven't seen fucking ketchup that red. Heather needs to lighten up and realize that her precious grandson isn't coming to see her 'cause he's too busy with people worth his time. So, hey there, again. Today is our last day of hanging out here at the home, and guess what!"

" What?"

Ray exclaims, "It's Barbara's birthday today!"

Kai says just as excitedly, "Excellent news, but I don't really care!"

" Neither do I, but it's fun to pretend 'cause they think it's for real, then you can repeat in your head how stupid they are and laugh. So we're gonna go visit her, and tell her how great it is to be old and decaying, but not so awesome when Kai and I know you're old and decaying."

They make their way to the bingo hall, where a lot of seniors have gathered to celebrate Barbara's birthday. Barbara is still a lively woman for a 73-year-old. She sits at the head of a table in the center of the room. Ray and Kai go up to her and offer their best smiles before ruining her b-day bash.

Kai says, "Hey Barbara, happy birthday."

Ray adds, "Yeah, happy birthday."

" Oh you guys are so sweet. Thank you so much. Here, have some cake, there's plenty so don't be shy." Barbara goes for the knife.

Ray insists, "Oh no, that's okay, we made the cake ourselves, and we know what's in it."

She leaves the knife where it is. "You two are always messing around. Have some cake before I force it down your throats."

Kai says in a menacing voice, "Touch my throat, woman, and you won't live to be 73 years and a day old."

" Is that a threat, Kai?"

" No, ma'am, it's a promise."

" Good, because I don't like threats. They scare me."

" Among other things, I'm sure."

Ray says, "Today is our last day here, Barbara, did ya know that?"

" For real? That's a shame."

" Not really, 'cause I hated hanging out with you guys."

" Jokers, I tell ya."

" Barbara, with all due respect, this place is a fucking dump and whoever put you here doesn't love you."

" Well, I know it isn't perfect, but it's cozy and friendly."

Kai tells her, "It's all lies, ma'am. They lie to your face and expect you to smile but when you aren't looking they're saying shit about you, like how crazy you are, or how your senior smell is unbearable, how you're so short it's funny. How they don't know why you're still here, because you're gonna die anytime now."

" That was incredibly rude. I can take a joke, but this is outrageous. I demand an apology."

" Good luck getting one. My morals are on strike." Ray laughs at Kai's comment.

" Well, I better hear one now!"

Ray orders, "Zip it, lady. Eat your cake and try not to choke. The poison we put in the cake has to make its way to your stomach and not get stuck in your throat." Kai laughs at Ray's own mean words.

Barbara says with a shocked expression, "I cannot believe this! Shiori! Shiori!" She gets up, all distressed.

Kai groans, "Aw fuck, not her. Anyone but her. Get like…fucking, the dog. He never criticizes me."

Ray asks, "Does the fact that the dog is fucking blind have anything to do with it?"

" I've been considering that, but I don't think so. I think he feels I'm a nice guy, so –"

Shiori interrupts. "Don't kid yourself, Kai."

" Hey, gorgeous."

" Apologize."

" Bite me."

Ray says, "Can my girlfriend and friend not fight, please? It's the last day, for fuck's sake."

Shiori answers, "If he apologizes."

Kai retorts, "For speaking my mind? Or for speaking the truth? I need to know what right I'm giving up." Ray laughs at this.

" The best part is Ray is laughing at this. Stop laughing! It's not funny."

" Well…it kind of is, chick, if you think about it."

" Don't let me hear something like this again. I don't care if it's the last day, I can still tell the cops you caused more trouble than you did on the road and recommend more community service."

" For Christ's sake, go give a sponge bath to somebody." Shiori gives Kai the finger and leaves.

Ray tells him, "Just…chill, man, behave. Just a few more hours and we're done here."

" Whatever, man, I just want out of here, as soon as possible. We still have one more thing to pull off, and if she interferes, I'm gonna spazz."

" Don't spazz, man, that's a chick habit. You go to see Lukas, I'll see Nathalie."

They split up and go their separate ways. The picture's focus is a series of turns in the hallways. As this happens, Kai is talking about what he and Ray are doing.

" So, while Ray and I were here, we noticed that a senior here, Lukas, had a thing for Nathalie, some senior chick. And this isn't your typical old-man-being-nice-to-old-lady. Lukas is in need of sexual attention and he's found it in Nathalie. We wanna get them together before we leave."

He gets to Lukas and starts a nice conversation with him. After a while…

" So, you and Nathalie, Luke. You seem cute together. Go for it."

" What planet have you been on son? We've been together for four days now."

" …That's not what I heard…. -gasp- Ray!"

He runs in search of Ray, growling about making him look like an idiot. He rushes to Shiori's 'office' to walk in on her and Ray in the middle of what seems to be a heavy make-out session.

Kai screams, "YOU SLUT! GET AWAY FROM MY MAN!"

Shiori and Ray pull away from each other. Shiori wonders, "Your man…dude…"

Ray sighs and jokes, "Yeah, Kai's pretty jealous when he's being a moron."

Kai continues, saying. "I'm jealous when it comes to Ray. He's mah sexy beast."

Ray sighs, "Yes, Kai, I'm your sexy beast, go away now."

Kai laughs. "Sure, carry on."

The camera stops and starts up again showing Ray hosing down seniors from outside through an open window. After a long time of doing this, he throws down the hose and turns to the camera.

" If that doesn't rid them of their senior stench, nothing will. I'm Ray, saying later dudes."

Kai says to the mini camera, "I'm Kai…trying to figure out how to get my mother-fucking car back."

Video ends.

I'm so sorry for the long delay guys. Its fucking 1pm right now, and I'm too tired to even update…so no preview…ok I'll give you one word: soccer. Ending chatter: 

**CChibichick123:** I swear just as much as Kai and then some. So in other words, I swear more than he does. Thanx for the review!

**Yokaigurl: **I'm in Child Studies, with the hopes of becoming a teacher, and you aren't annoying. Thanx for the review!

**BloodyShadows-D.A: **Still think I'm paranoid? Meh, I wasn't accepted, so I don't have anything to obsess over…I guess it like me lol. Thanx for the review!

**Blu Mercenary: **Hey Joy's sis! I didn't know about shiori meaning white, thanks a lot. Yeah, I heard a lot of ppl saying they would be sad, but I'm feeling degraded with every passing chapter. I'm still going to update as long as I can and as long as you guys don't get tired of me. Thanx for the review!

**SweetRevenge666: **Hey, you guys are so cool! Your pals read my fic, too? Haha, awesome. Thanx for the reviews!

**chibiwolfgurl: **You got 7 friends interested in this? Wow, that's really cool. Get them to review, I wanna know what they think. Thanx for the review!

**Ice Dragon of the North:** He's an old dude, old dude's joints and backs always hurt. Thanx for the review!

**moo bears: **Okay, I'll get you a logic minute. Thanx for the review!


	32. number 59

**I got a chapter perfect for summer. Enjoy it, dudes!**

**It's been a whole year I've been an author! Thanks so much to everyone!**

**I got a homepage, guys! You can find it in my bio if you wanna see it.**

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade or McDonald's.

The picture focuses on Kai who has a sports bag hanging off one shoulder and a soccer ball under his other arm. He wears a whistle around his neck. Behind him are fields of green grass and small soccer nets can be seen in the distance, along with small kids.

" Ray, stop fucking around and –"

" It's on, shut up!"

" Nah, I'm gonna talk. Hey, I'm Kai. We're at this lovely park on a bright sunny summer day, looking for a group of incompetent shits."

Ray to camera. "I'm Ray, this is KaiRayRayKai Production #59. We decided to keep ourselves busy this summer by coaching a kids' soccer team. " (to Kai)

" I just can't find the little farts."

" That better not be their team name."

" It's the name I'm giving them."

" I'm not coaching a team called The Little Farts."

" You don't have a choice."

" Wanna bet?"

" Not really. You're well known for abandoning teams, so you would win."

" Not this again, fuck! Just find them!"

After roaming around for a few minutes, they finally find their team.

" Hey guys, how are you?"

" Good," answer all the kids

" I'm Ray, this is Kai."

A little girl chirps, "You're from the Bladebreakers!"

Kai retorts, "Thanks for reminding me, little girl, of something I'm not proud of."

After a small silence, Ray asks, "Where are your parents?

The same little girl says, "They all left and said they would come back at the end of practice."

" Awesome. So let's start with names."

Kai says, "Fuck that, I wanna see if they can actually play soccer."

A boy orders, "Hey, mister, watch your language!"

" I'm not going to watch my language, you little shit, so suck it up."

" I'm telling my dad."

" You know what, kid, we don't _have_ to have you on the team. If you don't like it, you can get lost. The choice is yours."

" …I wanna stay."

Ray says, "That's what I thought. What's your name?"

" Zack."

" Zack, go to your position on the field."

" I play defense."

" We're gonna have problems with this kid. I said GO on the FIELD, not TELL ME your goddamn position, now GO!"

Zack goes to his position as defense on the field, crosses his arms and puts on a long face.

Kai snarls, "I don't like this kid's attitude."

Kai walks up to Zack, crosses his own arms, and starts talking to him. Since he's too far away from the camera, nothing he says can be heard. It shows on Zack's face he doesn't like what he's hearing from Kai. Zack's face becomes bitter at one point and he kicks Kai's knee. Ray laughs as Kai holds his injured knee.

Ray sighs. "It's gonna be an awesome summer."

Another boy asks, "Why did you bring a camera?"

" For moments like this one."

Kai shoves Zack to the ground and sits on his back. Zack hollers in protest, so Kai takes the whistle from around his neck and puts it in Zack's mouth, causing him to half-choke.

" How mature. Kai! I'm putting you on a low-stupidity diet!"

" Ha….ha." Kai gets off Zack. "Up, bitch. (Zack gets up) Did we learn anything?"

Zack says, "You're sensitive and delicate, so I shouldn't kick you."

Kai hits Zack's shoulders with his open palms. When Zack lands on his back, Kai holds him down with a strong hand on Zack's chest. He holds his other hand up in a fist, causing Zack to close his eyes and turn his head away, but Kai doesn't punch him.

" WHAT DID WE LEARN!"

" To show respect, to show respect!"

" Good stuff. Up, bitch."

Kai goes over to Ray when Zack gets up.

Ray says, "You're a real moron…but an excellent coach."

" Why, thank you, I thought so, too. Everyone to their positions, let's go!"

The rest of the players go to their respective positions without a fuss, but of course there are excess defensemen, forwards, and midfielders.

Ray decides, "Ok, defense with me, forwards with Kai, mids half each."

They split the team in half and go on opposite sides of the field. Since Ray has the camera, only his instructions are heard.

" You guys are defense, you have to be fast and aggressive. Same for the mids, when the opposing team comes toward you, I want you to be angry."

"Angry about what?" asks a girl.

"About anything and everything. That you failed a test at school, that you paid so much to play soccer this year, that your mom is banging your uncle, whatever man."

" Banging? Like knocking on a door?"

" …yeah, kinda. Also, you guys are really skimpy. You need muscle. EAT GODDAMMIT EAT! You're little kids, ask for a fricking McDonald's happy meal every now and then. EAT MEAT. I'm also encouraging you to take steroids if that's what you need."

A blond boy asks, "Where can we get them?"

" That's my concern, dude. Another piece of advice, guys? FUCK water. From now on, I wanna see either vodka or gin in those water bottles, cuz there's nothing that can stop a team of drunk kids, and there's nothing that will scare your opponents more than vomit being spat at them."

That same boy asks, "Won't we get in trouble?"

" You worry too much, you stupid pansy."

"My aunt growing pansies! They're pretty!"

" …yeah, which is why you're being promoted to pussy."

" I have two pussycats at home! Meeeeoow!"

" Yeah, shut up, just pass the ball around."

Ray drops a ball for them to pass around and goes to meet Kai in the middle of the field. Kai's half of the team already has a ball to kick around.

Ray mumbles, "I swear, this one kid over there is gonna end up so gay."

" Blame it on TV and parents, man. You gave them the pep talk about gin and vodka?" says Kai.

" Done and done. You notice how skinny these kids are?"

" YES. I told them to pull tantrums and cry in front of their parents until they get a trip to McDonald's."

" Damn right, it's the only way to go…Aw fuck, hold on."

The picture goes from Kai to the grass, then only their voices are heard.

" Fucking battery's low," moans Ray.

" Why do I feel the need to blame you for that?"

" Because you think you're a bloody god who can do no wrong."

" And because you were supposed to recharge it yesterday."

" You know what? I don't really feel like hearing this."

The picture of the grass goes black, and comes back to Kai at a pot on the stove. Kai turns to look at the camera.

" It's working?"

" Yes, it is."

" Cool, so, today is our first game, and I'm making my special energy food for the little bastards. It's my own recipe that I like to call MAC-PAM."

Ray to camera. "When Kai makes up his own recipes, you know you're gonna be sick. (to Kai)"

" Do you have any good thoughts about me?"

" None that come to mind right now, but I'm sure I have one or two."

" Really? That's good.'

" Dude, your recipes are disastrous and moronic."

" You have to think outside the box, Ray."

" No, Kai, you're just disgusting."

Kai gives Ray the middle finger and goes back to his pot on the stove.

" I think it's ready."

" Wonderful."

Kai places a colander in the sink and dumps the contents of the pot into it. He rinses what remains in the colander with cold water and dumps it into a bowl. Ray zooms in to show the macaroni in the bowl and zooms out to show Kai adding butter, milk and cheese powder and mixing it all to make macaroni and cheese. Then he takes out several cups of caramel pudding and adds it to the mac and cheese. After mixing that, he opens three cans of mackerel and puts it into the bowl and mixes it, including the oil.

" Gross, Kai, that's just nasty, stop it."

" Dude, I didn't put the feta cheese, yet."

" You're putting cheese on top of cheese. Very smart."

" There is no such thing as too much cheese." Kai says as he adds the feta. He then puts it in into the fridge. "It's gonna chill for 3 hours, and in 3 hours and a half, we leave for the game."

Ray turns the camera to himself to show his disgusted face.

" What!'

Ray turns back to Kai and almost shouts, "You expect them to eat that?"

" They better, unless they want an assload of laps to do."

After a few seconds, the camera cuts to a close-up of Kai forcing Max's face to a tree. He pulls on Max's hair to bring his head back and slams it against the tree. Max holds his throbbing face.

" What did we learn, Tate?" Kai growls.

Max sobs and answers, "You aren't poisoning your team."

" Excellent." Ray zooms out as Kai comes toward him. "You fucking believe this guy?"

" You'd think he learned to shut up by now."

Ray turns the camera to the team sitting on the grass, staring strangely at their small bowls of Kai's concoction.

Kai orders, "Eat it, you little fucks. Zack, especially you, you little bitch," as he goes around squeezing ketchup onto their MAC-PAM.

Zack complains, "I don't want it. I'm full."

" Then go over to a tree, take a shit, and make room for it."

" Kai, leave them alone, we have to talk to the ref."

They go to the ref who's with the opposing coach.

" I'm Russell, the referee for this game. You will be playing against Chris. (everyone shakes hands) This is to cover rules and to see who goes first."

Ray whines, "I wanna go first."

" We're flipping a coin, sir."

" Fuck the coin, I'm going first."

The ref flips his coin. (Ray: Prick) "You're going first."

" Told ya so."

Kai says, "You know the rules, Chris?"

Chris boasts, "Yup, for 35 years."

" Excellent, no need going over them. Hey, what are our team names?"

The ref looks at his papers. "This match is between the Bulldogs and the Hounds."

Ray replies, "Are we coaching a team of kids or breeding dogs, here?"

" Go to your teams and get prepared," Russell says, annoyed.

The coaches go to their respective teams. Kai yells at his team for not eating his energy food, and sends them on the field.

Ray wonders, "Hey, Kai? MAC-PAM, what's it stand for?"

Kai smiles. "Mac And Cheese – Pudding And Mackerel."

" Christ, that's wrong."

" Technically, it's wrong cuz I couldn't fit in the F for feta."

The game starts and Kai starts giving out orders.

" Plan JAB! (to camera softly) Jump And Bite."

The kids jump on nearby players and bite their faces and shoulders. Russell tries to stop them, but can't. Not even blowing his whistle works.

" Plan TAP, guys! (to camera) Tackle And Paralyze."

His team gets off their opponents and start tackling n random directions. The parents are freaking out and the remaining Bladebreakers are hiding their faces. The referee gets upset and starts yelling.

Ray growls angrily, "This fucking asswipe of a ref is getting on my nerves."

" Plan CAR! (to camera) Charge At Ref, baby, yeah!"

The entire team, even the benched kids, charge Russell and send him falling to the ground. After much commotion, the parents get hold of their kids and drive off, Ray and Kai yelling in protest. The camera cuts to Kai putting a small replica of his former team's jersey on Koji.

" There you go, my only loyal player. So, Ray and I don't have a team anymore."

" All we have is your nasty shit-in-a-bowl."

" Did you try it? It's awesome."

" …no, I'd rather not, thanks. (to camera) I'm Ray…(to Kai) We need something else to pass the summer, man."

" We can be lifeguards at a pool. I'm Kai, see y'all later."

$ & $ & $ & $ &

So there ya go guys. School is out for me, and I hope that means more time for writing.

**I have no fucking idea what your next chapter is! O.O''…. I'm screwed…..**

Ending chatter: 

**Rise From Thy Ashes:** Nice to hear from you again. All these ideas come from my head. The third chapter? Pfft. C'mon, man, you can do better than that I know it! I also wouldn't have started this if I only had 3 ideas lol. Thanx for the review!

**booboaba: **Koji? Oh he's around…Kai just doesn't bring him all over the place. Thanx for the review!

**Dr. Insanity17: **You're no critic, and your sister isn't stupid. So now I know that shiroi is Japanese for white…awesome. –gives thumbs up- Thanx for the review!

**Yokaigurl:** NO way am I a ref. lol I play any position but forward, I even play goalie, but I'm mainly a crazy defense…really aggressive and fast when motivated. What did your pal do to the teachers at school? And that's not cool, man, let him read! Thanx for the review!

**BloodyShadows-D.A:** Yeah, something is eating at me, and I dunno what. You're the only honest person! Thanx for the review!

**TatisHiwatari: **Yeah, Ray and Shiori are still going out, and I'm going to be mentioning them in a few chapters, the way I do with Kai and Afti. Thanx for the review!

**SweetRevenge666:** It's definitely hard trying to update with college on my mind, but I got into college now, and I'm done with high school, and with the summer off I'm hoping for more time to write. Thanx for the review!


	33. number 60

**Due to popular demand, the chapter ensuing this message was written. **

**Damn I sound smart.**

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade or Speedo.

The entire picture is baby blue. The moving light patterns on the floor and wall to the left give away that the camera and filmier, Kai, are underwater. A few feet in front of the camera, Ray is waving and swimming closer to the camera, looking very stupid in his snorkels. He then wraps his ponytail around his neck twice and pulls it up, pretending to choke himself underwater. Bubbles rise in front of the camera and Kai jumps to the surface to cough and laugh. The picture cuts to Ray out of the water, next to a pool. Water drips from his bangs and swimming trunks.

"Hey guys. Ray here, at this lovely pool, before anyone else with Kai."

Kai say to the camera, "That's me, Kai, filming KaiRayRayKai Production #60," and turns back to Ray.

Ray explains, "After we lost our soccer team, we took Kai's cocky lifeguard comment into consideration. So we took a crash course on pool safety and first aid stuff, and we came to open the pool…and go in it."

"We were the first ones here, so we decided to be idiots, and Ray decided to put his ponytail to good use and choked himself."

"Well, I tried to, but my love for you stopped me."

"Oh you're so cute."

"Plus, we wanted to see if the camera works underwater."

Kai chirps, "Which it does."

Ray gives the thumbs up. "Good stuff. Now we wait for people to show up."

The picture goes black for a few seconds and comes back to a close-up of Ray's extremely serious face, his eyes hidden behind black shades. They can't be seen, but people are heard splashing and letting out small cries in the water.

Ray growls, "We seem to have a small problem."

"Shoot."

"I want to solve this through a Logic Minute."

Kai sighs. "Go ahead." He can tell its either going to take a while or be really stupid, and most probably both.

Ray begins. "It's summer. Summer is a time for having fun and enjoying yourself."

"It is, indeed," Kai answers in a flat tone.

"Therefore, you're having a good time. When you're having a good time, you don't want anyone or anything to ruin it."

"No, you don't."

"So you avoid anything that would ruin your good time. If your good time is ruined, you get upset. As far as I know, people aren't fond of getting upset."

"Damn right, they aren't."

"People aren't perfect, either. They can try all they want to prevent their fun from being ruined, but they can't stop other people from doing so."

"Okay."

"Okay. So…when someone else ruins your fun, you get mad and try to get rid of them."

"Yes."

"Therefore…"

Kai waits for the answer that isn't coming. " …therefore…"

" Therefore, to avoid having to get upset about someone or something ruining your fun, you just don't have fun at all! What the fuck are all these people doing here? They're all here to swim in the water to have fun, fun that can potentially be ruined. Ruined by him!"

Ray steps to the side and points at a large man sitting in a lawn chair.

" …I don't see the problem, he has _nothing_ to do with this."

Ray hisses, "He's in a goddamn Speedo!"

Kai zooms in on this particular man and his Speedo is barely noticed under his large belly.

Ray goes on about this man. "I mean, dude…he's big, hairy, old, he looks all sweaty and oily from here…butt ugly…big."

"Leave him alone."

"No, Kai, the whole point of my Logic Minute was to prove to you that he shouldn't be here, becuz he's ruining everyone's good time."

"I thought it was to prove you shouldn't have fun in the first place. Explain your new point to me, now."

"He's a fucking eyesore, man! Screw this, I don't have to explain myself to you."

Ray marches over to the Speedo clad fat man with Kai trying to keep up.

Ray asks, "Excuse me, sir, do you mind if I take a moment of your time?"

The man opens his eyes and replies, "Sure, what seems to be the trouble?"

"You, sir, are the trouble."

"I beg you pardon?"

"I'm going to be blunt with you, sir. Your Speedo put with your largeness is creating a problem for me and everyone else here. I'm going to ask you to leave, right now."

"No, I will not leave. This is a public pool, and I have every right to be here." He stands up so he isn't looking up at Ray anymore.

Ray is unfazed by his action, and argues, "It's a public pool, not a free country. We have rules, and the top rule is no fat men in Speedos."

"I don't see the logic behind your reasoning, I'm afraid."

"Do not make me get logical with you, sir. (Kai snorts) Shut up, Kai." Ray's glare has no effect on Kai through his black shades.

Kai says, "Sorry. Excuse my friend, sir. His doctor took him off his medication two days ago and he's feeling cranky and bitchy. Leave him alone, Ray."

Before Ray can get upset or defend himself, Kai stops filming. It comes back to Kai holding the camera to himself.

"I just dared Ray to go into the chicks' changing room and take any necessary measures to stay in there for 5 whole minutes. It doesn't seem like a long time, but it is if you think about it. And if he can't make 5 minutes on the first go, he has to come back in half an hour and make it 10 minutes. The time will double every time he doesn't complete it." He turns back to Ray, who is all in smiles. "You ready?"

"Yeah, let's do this."

An uproar of high-pitched screams comes from the girls' changing room two seconds after Ray walks in. Kai keeps the camera focused on the entrance to the changing room.

Ray's voice is heard pleading, "Fuckdammit, ladies, you mind keeping it down! I actually prefer my ears in their current functioning state."

A female voice shouts, "Get out of here, pervert. The guys' room is on the other side, moron."

Ray explains, "Chill, miss. I'm a lifeguard here, and I'm looking for a little boy who's gone missing."

Kai groans, "That's rich."

The same woman retorts, "So go look in the men's room, not here, if it's a missing _boy._"

"Uhh…did I mention he's a gender confused individual?" says Ray.

Kai shakes the camera left to right. "Ray, you're so stupid…30 seconds down."

The woman says in a voice clearing displaying her anger, "We haven't seen any little boys in here."

Ray chirps, "I'm just going to have a look around."

"GET OUT!"

"I'm a mature adult, miss, why can't you be one?"

"I AM being one. HEY, my friend is changing there!" Another girly scream is heard.

"I'm sorry, miss, but I have to check everywhere."

Kai chuckles. "Not bad, Ray, but the changing room is only so big. What happens once you've checked everywhere?…a minute down, four to go."

Ray calls out, "Dennis, are you here? I guess you can't blame the little guy for confusing the name Dennis, with Denise. (loud female scream) Sorry, miss. Just looking for a wayward boy."

"If we see him, we'll tell you, sir." The woman is clearly on the brink of exploding in Ray's face.

"Please, call me Ray. DENNIS! Get your tight ass over here now, you fucking cock-sucker!"

Kai gasps. "I don't fucking believe you, Ray."

"That was uncalled for! What the Hell is wrong with you? What if he is here and he heard that?" she yells at Ray.

"Then he would come out and defend himself like the man he should be, and I can leave you ladies alone."

"You are truly a disturbed person, you know that?"

"I wish my psychiatrist would realize that and leave me alone."

"Aaarrgh! LEAVE!"

"Do you realize you're the only one complaining about my being here?"

Kai notes, "Brilliant, one thing leads to another, so he keeps finding reasons to stay there. Two minutes down, three to go."

Ray's voice becomes sweet when he says, "Hey, you're a very pretty girl, what's your name?"

Kai says, "Wait till I phone Shiori tonight."

Ray carries on his charade for the full 5 minutes, talking to the upset woman about everything they came across. His flirting led to her already having a boyfriend which led to his disappointment which made him wonder of the gender confused Dennis had a boyfriend and so on. It also resulted in Ray getting hit multiple times.

Ray laughs, "I should call my lawyer."

"Oh yeah, that'll definitely work."

The picture cuts to a slanted bird's eye view of a little girl having trouble keeping her head above the water. She flails her arms about and splashes water around her. After a short while, Kai's cold casual voice is heard.

"Can you like…stop moving your arms around so much? You're splashing my legs and that's bothering me."

The girl continues to struggle in the water.

Kai continues. "You realize you're in the deep side of the pool, right? You don't look older than…7 years year. You think you're hot stuff, huh? In your little pink bikini, in the deep end, putting you head in and out of the water. Well, guess what, sweetheart, you're making a loser out of yourself. You look ridiculous."

Kai sits on the cement and puts his feet in the water.

"Nice day to come to the pool, huh? Sunny, no clouds, hot…it's perfect."

The girl seems to get frustrated with Kai not helping her. She tries to yell at him, but she can't keep her head above the water long water.

"You appear to be in distress. You ever hear the expression 'a damsel in distress'? You having trouble swimming reminds me of it, cuz you're a girl, or a damsel, and you're in distress…sort of. But you brought this on yourself, thinking you could come here in the deep end alone. You women are all the same. Just becuz you had trouble gaining power and rights and such bullshit, you wanna do everything by yourself to prove yourselves. You're all predictable."

Kai notices the girl's splashes aren't as often nor as strong as when he first joined her. He guesses she's getting tired, and decides it's time to pull her out of the water. He reaches out and grabs her arm and pulls her toward him. He lifts her up and seats her next to him. She inhales precious oxygen.

"You feeling better now?"

"I hate you! I was drowning and you didn't even help me!"

"What, you think you're important? You're ok, aren't you? Be happy I helped you."

"Mommy! He's being an asshole!" She runs to her mom.

Kai mutters, "Fucking –" and makes a move in the girl's direction.

The picture cuts to Ray laying down in a lawn chair and laughing.

"And then what?"

Kai says, "She tells her mom, and I'm like 'It's standard pool procedure. First talk to the person in need to make sure they're really in trouble, and then calm them down if they're really in need by making small talk. Then when they're calm enough, you save them.'"

Ray holds his gut as he bends over and laughs harder.

"You're so stupid! (laughs)"

After filming Ray laughing for a short time, Kai turns off the camera. The focus is a closed door when Kai turns it back on.

Kai says in a quiet voice, "Ray is in that room right now. He's testing the water sample he got to check the level of chlorine in the pool. I have to wait out here so he doesn't fuck up and do something stupid and –"

Just then, Ray throws the door open and yells, "Get the fuck out of the water!" He runs to the closest edge of the pool, yelling the same sentence over and over again, and jumps into the water.

Kai sighs, "Like I said, he can't fuck up and do something stupid."

Ray screams, "You're all gonna melt! Too much chlorine! Get out, now!" while splashing around.

Everyone gets scared and gets out of the pool.

"Noooo! Now I'M melting!" Ray stops splashing and lowers himself into the water slowly, until only his hand is seen sticking out of the water.

Kai mutters, "He's so embarrassing. Ray, get out, now!"

Ray rises out of the water. "Yeah, ok, fine. (gets out) Nobody goes back until I give the okay."

Kai goes into the testing room with Ray.

Ray snorts and says, "Fucking losers, they believed me."

"Just wanted a break from doing nothing, eh?" He should have known.

"Yeah, doing nothing can be hard at times."

"So, what were you doing in here for so long?"

"Pfft. Eating lunch, trying to pronounce the names of some chemicals, I burped a few times."

"Fascinating. (to camera) We have to stay here for 6 more hours. You pretty much have an idea of how busy we are. I'm Kai. (to Ray)"

"I'm Ray, stay cool, come visit us here at the pool sometime. (bites sandwich)"

"Eat your own lunch, assbreath!"

------------

So there we go, another summer Production. For next time…Things are gonna be a little bit…_different._

Kai and Ray are both seen from behind, sitting on the couch, playing video games.

Kai: Fuck, how do you get those stupid combos?

Ray: It's my neko genes, they make me smarter than you.

Kai: Your neko pride is gonna get you a Russian beating someday.

But guys…if they're both in the picture…who's filming!


	34. TysonMax Takeover

**Sorry for** the delay…fucking monitor…  
Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, Dumb and Dumber, or James Bond.

The video starts with Tyson in the picture, giving the camera a smug grin. He crosses his arms and gives his greeting.

"Hello, everyone! How's it going? Good, I hope. I'm Tyson, the Beyblade world champion. You can call me Ty, if you want; it's my nickname. Filming me, here, is my good buddy Max."

Max says to the camera, "Hey, I'm Max! Good to finally be in a real home video for once." And he turns back to Tyson.

"We're using Kai and Ray's camera, today. They don't know, so don't tell them, ok? Cool! Hey Max, we should give this video a name, like Ray and Kai do."

"Go ahead, sounds good to me."

"Yeah, something cool, like…oh! Like the TysonMax Takeover!"

"That's so cool! Yeah, I like it."

"HA! This tape is gonna be great. A thousand times better than any KaiRay Production."

"You mean KaiRayRayKai.," Max corrects.

Tyson waves a hand in front of his face. "Pffft, whatever, Max, it's not like I care."

Max chuckles. "I guess you're right. So, what exactly is gonna happen?"

"Well, we're gonna, like…ummm…have fun and stuff. We're gonna prove to everyone that we can be just as bad as Kai and Ray."

"…you mean… they're 'bad boys' in your opinion? I see them as stupid."

Tyson covers up his seemingly stupid comment. "Well, you know what I mean. The way they screw things up and don't care, or their pranks."

"Oh, like that. Ok, so what are we screwing up?"

"Maxy, Maxy, Maxy, there are a million things to mess up around here. We just have to look for them. Follow me!"

He spins around and heads to the kitchen. Once inside, Max turns the camera slowly to take in everything. The fridge on the left, the table in the center, the back door behind that, and the sink, stove, and cupboards and drawers to the right.

"Excellent, something's cooking! (goes to stove) Alright! It's…ummmmmm…."

Max guesses, "Soup?"

"Yes! Soup! See Max? Our first mess up of the day!"

"Forgetting the word 'soup'?"

"Nooo Maxyyy. We mess up the soup."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Tyson puts on his 'tough guy' attitude. "And why not? You afraid we're gonna get in trouble? Huh? HUH!"

Max looks steadily at Tyson. "Tyson, if it's good, chances are you'll end up eating it."

"Big deal. It'll be funny seeing whoever's making this get mad. So, what to put, what to put…"

He looks around the stove and in cupboards to find an ingredient he could add to ruin the soup.

"Hey, I can help! What kind of ingredient are you looking for?"

"It has to be something _nasty_."

Max starts going through the fridge. "Ketchup?"

"Nah."

"Mustard? Relish? Syrup? Oh man, mayonnaise!"

"I FOUND IT!"

Max turns to Tyson holding up a small white cylindrical container, proudly.

"…please don't tell me that's salt."

"Oh it's definitely salt, Maxirino."

"You mean, salt, as in, an ingredient used it 90 per cent of the recipes I can think of? Or salt as in…some Russian drug I've never heard of that Kai smuggled in?"

"Since I didn't understand the second one, I'm gonna say the first one. Salt ruins everything when used in large…large…things…yeah." He seemed to be forgetting a lot of his words lately.

"Large amounts."

"I knew that. Step back, Max, for I shall now destroy this soup."

Tyson passes in front of the camera to get to the stove and starts pouring salt into the soup bowl.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

WE ARE SO BAD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Max shakes his head. "Dammit, Tyson, you're a moron."

"I'M JUST WARMING UP!"

"If putting salt in soup is considered warming up, then the worst thing you can do today is unmake a bed."

"Have a little faith, dude. Let's see what Dumb and Dumber are up to."

They find Ray and Kai sitting on the floor in the living room playing video games. Not wanting them to know they're using their camera, Max and Tyson hide behind a door. Max peeks around the door to get a shot of Kai and Ray.

Kai grunts and says, "Dammit, will you at least give me a chance to get up?"

Ray replies, "I'm your opponent, not a teacher who gives you chances. Can't you put up a fight?"

"How can you get a good fight if I'm always on the ground?"

"It makes it easier for me," Ray chuckles.

"Moron…How the fuck do you keep getting those combos?"

"It's my neko genes. They make me smarter than you."

"Your neko pride is gonna get you a Russian beating some day."

Ray laughs and sighs. "I bet."

Tyson whispers to Max as they leave the living room. "See Max? That's what we're missing in our video. Humor! Comedy!"

"You mean insults and stupid comments."

"No, Maxy, humor. We have to make it funny, make some jokes here and there."

"In case you weren't listening to their conversation, Tyson, it consisted of sarcasm, insults, and dumbass comments."

"But that's funny!"

"It's stupid. Besides, Ray and Kai have their own brand of humor, a trademark."

"Puh-leez, Max. Anyone can have a sense of humor like theirs. It's so easy. All you have to do is think fast. Good thing _I'm_ here for that."

"…you of all people are a fast thinker? Dream on."

"Of course, Max, how do you think I became a world champ?"

"I dunno, it's beyond me. How do you think Ray, Kai, and I became world champs? Kenny, too." Max waits, but Tyson doesn't answer. "Exactly. Anyway, I wouldn't want to imitate their sense of humor. It's so stupid."

"But you laugh."

"Yes, I laugh, but their idea of funny is making fun of people, ruining their day and/or lives, screwing things up, pranks; you know. Oh, and beating up people…namely me."

"We need that in our video! We'll find something outside for sure."

Max groans, but follows Tyson outside anyway. They walk down the street looking for people to bother.

Max complains, "I dunno how those two do it. I feel so dumb walking around with a camera."

"I don't think they care. We have to be like that, too!" Tyson urges.

"No, we really don't."

"Oh yes we do, Maxy-pie." Max's eyes go wide when he hears his new nickname. "Oh look! Our target!"

Max zooms in on what Tyson is pointing at. "A little girl?"

"I'm gonna make her cry so much; to the point where all of Earth's water problems are solved."

"Tyson, no, she's so young."

"So what? It's gonna be fun. If you aren't gonna come, then gimme the camera."

"No problem." Max hands over the camera. "I'm not gonna be a prick. I'll wait for you here."

"Fine, chicken. Hey, kid!"

Tyson goes up to his 'target' across the street. She's about half his height. She wears a white T-shirt with a pink skirt. She wears her orange hair in two pigtails on the sides of her head, and stares at Tyson with her large brown eyes.

Tyson wonders aloud, "Hey, how come you're all blurry in the picture?…hmm…Oh yeah, I just have to focus, hang on."

Tyson finally adjusts the camera so the kiddo isn't a colorful messy blob anymore.

"Much better."

"Who are you?" asks the little girl.

"Don't you know me? I'm Tyson, the beyblade world champion."

"Oh. I don't like beyblading. It's boring."

"Hey, you watch whom you say that to!"

"I can say it to whoever I want. I'm not supposed to talk to strangers, so go away."

"So you think you're tough, huh?"

"I just want you to go away. You're bothering me."

"And what makes you think I'm gonna listen to you? You're gonna throw a doll at me or something? You don't stand a chance against me." Tyson tries to deepen his voice while he speaks to her.

Max mutters to himself, "Please don't tell me he's threatening to beat up a 7 year-old."

Tyson continues, saying, "What, are you gonna cry now? Like a baby?"

The girl just stares at him and answers, "Umm…no, I'm not gonna cry. You're not scary. Just totally stupid."

Tyson grabs the girl's collar. "Don't you call me stupid, you…you booger face, or else I'll have to –"

"Or you'll have to what, jackass?" says a new voice.

Tyson turns around without letting go of the girl and focuses on a very angry and built man.

The orange-haired girl exclaims, "Daddy!"

Tyson stutters, "Da…D…Daddy?"

"Let go of my daughter, asshole, before I send you six feet under." He cracks his knuckles, to put emphasis on his threat.

Tyson lets go of her. "So she's you daughter, huh? She's um…very cute!"

"Chelsea, wait in Daddy's car." The girl, now known as Chelsea, obeys her dad, and hops into his car, a few meters away. "Who the Hell do you think you are, putting your hands on my girl!" He beings to advance on Tyson.

Tyson manages to squeak, "Sorry?"

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" He punches Tyson. "What the fuck are you doing with a camera! You beat up little girls and tape it for kicks? You're sick!" He punches him again.

Tyson runs a few steps back and yells, "No that's not it!"

"I'm rather enjoying this." Max sits on the sidewalk and watches.

Max watches on as Chelsea's father steps closer to Tyson. Out of fear, he runs away. As he runs, he turns back, with the camera, to see where his pursuer is. Unfortunately for Tyson, the man keeps running and gains on him. Due to not watching where he was running, Tyson trips and falls, and the camera turns off as soon as it hits the ground. The next time the camera is turned on, Tyson is seen holding an icepack to his jaw and has a black eye in the making.

"How do Kai and Ray get away with this stuff?" Tyson asks, his voice giving off hints of pain.

Max answers matter-of-factly, "They don't threaten to pummel children."

"Whatever. So, yeah, I got a beating from that angry dad. And to makes matters worse, I kinda ruined the camera when I dropped it. I don't even know if it's filming me now."

"It should be. The little recording light is blinking."

"Oh it blinks? Lemme see!"

Tyson comes around beside Max to see the light blink.

"Hahahahahaha! Look at it go! On and off, on and off, on and off! Hahahaha!"

Max rolls his eyes. "For Christ's sake, Tyson."

Tyson goes back in front of the camera. "Anyway, the hard part is keeping this a secret from Kai and Ray. We're in my room, now, but we have to come out to put the camera back where we found it…You know, this is turning out to be an awesome video!"

"Tell me you're joking."

"No Maxy-poo! It's true! Better than any Kray –"

"KaiRayRayKai," says Max, cringing at yet another nickname.

"Yeah, better than one of those. We need one more prank!"

"We didn't even do one."

"You forgot the soup, already?"

"Oh, of course. How can I forget adding salt to soup?" Max wonders, sarcastically.

"Yeah, really. Anyway, let's go."

They leave Tyson's room, quietly, and head to the living room again. Kai and Ray are still there playing their video games. Ray's smirk says that Kai is still having a tough time. Kai's angry eyes and grinding teeth add to his distressed appearance. All of a sudden, Kai jumps up and throws his controller on the floor.

Kai screams, "What the fuck!"

Ray orders, "Sit down, you sore loser."

"Why do I keep losing to someone who comes from a town that's trapped in the fricking Tang dynasty!"

"Because you're a complete moron when it comes to video games."

Kai tries to reason with him. "Ray…we've played 8 different games today. We've played everything, from mortal combat, to racing, to fucking James Bond. Why am I losing every one?"

"Because you're incompetent with a controller in your hands. Stop acting like such a pansy, grow up, and play."

"Oh, so I'm a pansy?"

Ray stands up so he's an inch below Kai's eye-level. "Yeah, that's what I said. What, you're going deaf, too? Fuck, this keeps getting better."

"Listen, you neko freak, if it's a fight you're looking for, you're picking it with the wrong person."

"Oh, I'm so afraid. The big angry Russian is gonna hurt me. Please, mister, don't do it."

Tyson whispers to Max, "You ever see them fight? Like, with their fists and not verbally?"

Max answers, "Two or three times. They're insane." His face takes on trance-like features, as he remembers a fistfight involving Kai and Ray.

"Any blood?"

"Definitely."

Kai and Ray just stare at each other, their faces two inches apart and their fists ready for use. Ray's pupils shrink to narrow slits, while Kai delivers his best glare. Just then, Kenny walks in from the other side and stops to see what Kai and Ray are doing. Recognizing their angry faces, he becomes too afraid to move. Tyson gets excited, and calls out to Kenny.

"Hey Kenny-boy! I haven't seen you all morning. How are ya?"

Kenny, Kai, and Ray's attention is pulled to Tyson and Max in the doorway. Along with their attention, Ray and Kai's anger is shifted to Max and Tyson.

Ray growls his question. "Why do you have our camera, Max?"

Max turns to Tyson. "Tyson, you're so stupid."

Kai raises his voice when he says, "He asked you a question, Tate."

Kenny, not wanting to stay and witness what happens next, says, "Bye." and leaves in a hurry.

Tyson tries to think of an explanation that wouldn't result in a beating. "…heh heh…we…errr…"

Ray urges, "Go on, Tyson. Tell me you used it."

"…yeah, we used it."

Kai makes his next sentence crystal clear. "You're fucking dead, both of you. And don't whine about already getting a beating."

Tyson asks in genuine wonder, "How'd you know?"

"I know a black eye anywhere."

"Wow, you're so smart."

"Don't give me that crap, Tyson."

Ray asks in a voice that sounds like worry and anger mixed together, "Why does it look damaged?"

Max answers, "…because it is."

Ray pulls the camera away from Max and analyzes it. He places it on the TV set and looks into the lens.

"Now, to rid ourselves of our anger, Kai and I will savagely beat the shit out of the fuckers who fucked with our camera."

Max tilts his head to the right, to look around Kai and at the camera. "That's the end of our TysonMax Takeover."

Kai chirps, "Oh, so you gave it a name, too? You're so fucking dead, Tate. And just wait till I watch it."

The video's ending is a lovely clip of Max and Tyson getting a crazy beating from Kai and Ray. When they're done, Ray goes to get the camera and turns it off.

**&$&$**

Yeah, sorry it's not of good quality in the humor department. I mean…it's Tyson and Max, they aren't funny. For the next chapter…_Kai_ and _Ray_ discover a site familiar to all of us.

Kai: What's yaoi?  
Ray: I dunno. There's so many. Check one of them out…

**Ending chatter:  
Echo in the Dark:** Your review was one of a kind, I must say. If you're looking for a fiction with a point, don't read mine. I read your profile, and if my assumptions are right, this fiction isn't your kind of fiction, anyway. You're more into the angst category. Although, I do wonder why this fiction is in your favorites list. Thanx for the review!


	35. number 73

**You will now find out why I don't write yaoi.**

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 **does not own** Beyblade,

konfizkate91 **does own** element1255, and the various exerts found in this chapter. Any similarity to any other fiction is pure coincidence. It was hard enough writing these exerts, so I don't want to hear/read any complaining that I plagiarized them.

The film begins with a profile of Kai sitting at a computer. Whatever he's doing or looking at has his full and undivided attention.

"Online poker?" comes Ray's voice.

"Hell yes, it's so cool." Kai turns to the camera. "Dude, not everyone needs to know I gamble online, turn that shit off."

When the picture comes back, it's Kai sitting at the computer again, but from the other side.

"Turn that shit off, Ray," Kai orders without facing the camera.

"We have to show them that site," Ray whines.

"Oh yes. That one. The one with all the lovely stories. They're so cute." He continues to look at the screen.

Ray chuckles, "Yes, the one with the stories."

"Well fuck you. Losing money online strikes me as more important than story time." He suddenly jumps up. "That fucking loser! Asshole Internet!"

Kai kicks the tower on the floor and panics when the monitor goes black.

"You're so stupid, Kai." Ray crawls under the desk with the camera to investigate whatever damage Kai might have inflicted. Kai sits back in his chair and brings it back in front of the computer, trapping Ray in the little space under the desk.

"Hey Ray, since you're down there, you mind giving me a blowjob?"

"Oh I got your blowjob, right here." Ray thrusts the camera straight into Kai's nuts. Kai jumps up from his seat and doubles over.

"What the Hell is wrong with you?"

"Hey, I fixed the computer! I am sooo cool."

The picture cuts to Kai facing the camera in his seat in front of the computer.

"Sup, guys, I'm Kai. It's KaiRayRayKai Production #73. We were looking around the net, and we found this interesting little site. It's got a long name, so Ray and I call it fanfiction for short. Basically, people from all over the world write stories involving cartoons, or real life people. And we found a category for world Beyblading teams and we've been looking around ever since."

Ray turns the camera to himself. "But then Kai found the online poker site."

"Will you shut up?" Ray turns the camera back to Kai. "Okay, let's find something to share. Oh, and you can leave what they call reviews. It's where you can leave comments and opinions about their story. I haven't left any, yet, but I plan on writing a few. So here's how it works. I click Real Life, then Sports, then Beyblading. Now we check out the summaries and genres."

"Kai is a quick learner."

"Shut up…what the Hell is yaoi?"

"I dunno, it's everywhere. Almost every second story has the word yaoi in the summary. Check one of them out…dude, that one has our names with yaoi, read it."

Kai moves the cursor, chooses the yaoi story Ray pointed out, and begins to read out loud.

_Kai climbed over Ray, and stared into his large yellow orbs. Even in the dark, he looked like a god. His jet-black hair framed his delicate features, and the moonlight gave his eyes an eerie glow._

_He sensed Ray was feeling uneasy, but he had come this far and was not about to let this amazing chance slip. He slowly let himself lie down on Ray, dipped his head low, and breathed 'Shhh' into his ear. Kai placed a soft kiss near Ray's ear, made his way across his cheek, and finally arrived at his lips. He felt Ray's body tense up when he slipped his tongue into his mouth, though it lasted for a short time. Ray started responding to the Russian's kisses, and slid his own tongue into Kai's mouth. Feeling Kai's strong body against his own sent a shiver throughout his entire body._

_Ray nearly jumped when he felt a bulging against his groin. Realizing immediately what it was, he deepened the kiss by pulling the back of Kai's head forward with one hand. He placed his other hand on Kai's lower back, pulled him closer, sneaked his hand into Kai's pants, and took hold of his hardness. He could feel Kai's manhood pulse in his grip -_

"Okay fuck this, I'm not reading this shit anymore. That's disgusting! What the Hell are you doing with your hand in my pants?"

Ray nearly shouts in his defense, "Oh yeah, right, because I have control over that. What the fuck are you doing climbing over me, fuckbag?"

"I DON'T KNOW! AAAHHHH!" Kai runs out of the room in 'disgust'.

Ray takes Kai's seat in the chair and begins typing his review:

I dunno what the fuck your problem is, but this bullshit has got to stop. If this is the sort of crap you fantasize about, the sort of crap that goes through your mind, then you have serious issues. I recommend coming to see my friend and myself so we can settle said issues through the most painful method imaginable. Not everybody needs to know what you do in your spare time with your own gay partner, so please, keep it to yourself.

Ray & Kai.

As soon as he sends the review, Kai comes back in. "So, what do you think yaoi is?"

"I think it has to do with…you know, gay couples."

"Ray, be honest with me. What would make people think we're gay?"

"Dude, it's so obvious, you can't resist me. I'm just too hot for you. You're everywhere I go, you're always sweet-talking me, you're in my room often -"

"Yes, yes, I get it, it's my fault. Next fiction."

Just then, Max comes in holding the cordless phone. He hands it to Ray, and says, "It's your brother."

Ray nods and tries to take the phone, but Kai, from his seat, kicks Max's knee, causing him to drop the phone. "OW! Kai, what's your problem?"

"Oh, duh, I dunno, let's see, uh, maybe, RYAN!…actually no, that's wrong. My problem is your freckly face. It bothers me to no end. I just wanna rip it off and stuff it in a big bowl and throw the bowl into a volcano, where it shall never be seen again."

Max rolls his eyes, picks up the phone, hands it to Ray, and gets kicked on more time by Kai before leaving the room.

Ray begins talking once Max limps out of the room. "Hey Ryan, how's it going?…That's good. Yeah, I'm fine thanks…Yes, Kai too…I'm not up to much, just checking out this site with Kai. It's pretty cool, people write stories and we found some involving world Beyblading teams….You what?…That's great, dude, what's your pen name?…Cool, I'll check it out, and yes, I'll be sure to review you. Good to hear from you, see ya!"

"How's _Ryan_ doing?" Kai sneers after Ray hangs up.

"He's doing fine. He just called to say hello. Oh, he told me he has an author account on this site. I wanna check him out. Type 'element1255' into the search engine."

Kai growls, but does the search anyway. "Here, element1255. He's got four fictions." Kai clicks on his name and starts reading the biography. "Hello readers, I am element1255. I am a 19 year-old Chinese guy whose brother is the famous blader Ray. I hope to put up stories that blah blah blah …scroll scroll scroll…Here, his stories."

Ray rolls his eyes. "It wouldn't hurt to read my brother's biography."

"You're his brother, Ray. You _know_ his biography. As his target in his game of Stalker, I have no interest in his life-story. Let's…holy shit. Ray, read his summaries."

Ray scans over the summaries of Ryan's stories quickly and smirks. "How cute, they're all about you and him. Read the short one." Seeing Kai's hesitation to read any story containing him and Ryan together as a couple, he takes the mouse himself and clicks on the title. Instead of reading out loud, he focuses the camera on the writing on the page.

_"I love you, Kai."_

_They had finally carried out their plans, having been so long in the making. They were away from everyone's harsh words and cruel criticism, away from their close-minded glares._

"_You mean everything to me, Ryan."_

_They were alone with each other. It was all they ever wanted. They had nothing to be afraid of, anymore. They had found their niche, and they were going to be together until the end of time._

"_Do you promise to never leave me?"_

_They had each other to themselves, now._

"_Of course I promise."_

_They had broken free._

"Your brother is really something else, Ray."

"Oh wow, you read it? Amazing, and here I thought you would be too disgusted to even glance at the page."

"Any story starting with _I love you Kai_ has my attention. Click that fucking review button, before I have to make him cry on the phone." He pulls the mouse away from Ray and clicks on the review button himself. He begins typing:

You fucking faggot, you got so desperate as to write your sick little fantasy out? I swear to God, Ryan, if you write another story like this, I will kill you. Find someone else to obsess over, and leave me the fuck alone.

- Kai.

"Fuckdammit, Kai, gimme the keyboard."

Heh, hey there, brother. This was…interesting, to say the least. You're very expressive. Try putting those talents toward writing love stories between men and women, huh? Don't mind Kai, he's umm…having trouble setting the time on Tyson's new microwave, so he's kinda pissy.

- Ray

"Real smooth, Ray. Now he's gonna wanna come over and help me set the time on the non-existent microwave in Tyson's kitchen. Hell, he'll probably perform some hands-on training."

"Ha, you only wish."

"TAKE THAT BACK!" The camera goes black before Kai and take some sort of 'disciplinary action' on Ray. When it comes back, the focus is a scrolling page on the monitor. Kai's voice is heard speaking.

"So, Ray's like…you know, taking care of the injuries I gave him for being so damn cocky. I'm trying to look for a story that would really piss him off. Something like…him and Tyson, or maybe Lee. Haha, or maybe Ian, that ugly little shit, I wonder how he's doing. And…woooooww, I found the perfect story to tick off Ray. It's him and…drumroll…Judy! That's fucking hilarious."

"Me and Judy!" The camera twirls around to Ray's horrified face. "You're kidding, right? Tell me you're joking!"

"No can do, bud. Check out this summary. _Ray is in love with Judy, his teammate's mom. He knows he can never have her, but what if opportunity shows up?_ That's so awesome. It is SO worth checking out."

"It is SO worth hitting you right now."

"Shaddap and listen to this, it's so awesome and disgusting."

_Why did he have to be left alone with her? Wasn't the torture he went through when he was miles away from her enough? Now he sat a desk width away from the blond beauty he knew he could never have for himself._

_"Ray, did you hear my question?" _

'_How could I not hear? Your voice is as irresistible as your beauty.' This he knew, of course, he could never say to her face. "Yes, Judy, sorry. I suppose I got distracted. And, no, traveling with the team has never brought on any stress. Maybe for Kai, but not me."_

_"Excellent." She scribbled down some notes in her elegant handwriting. How her letters came out looking so neat and angelic, Ray could only guess."_

"Which is kinda funny if you think about it, Ray, 'cause of when you forged her writing last Christmas."

"Are you done reading that crap?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna fast-forward to the good part…ah here we go."

_Why did he have to look so nervous? Why did it have to be so obvious? She came around the desk and bent down so she was slightly below Ray's eye level._

_"You seem to be bothered by something Ray. The reason your team came to see me today was to discuss what has been on your mind and to discuss anything that has been bothering you, or putting you in some state of distress. Please, talk to me, Ray."_

_"You wouldn't understand, Judy. It's my own business, and I'm dealing with it my way."_

_"Try me. I've been your age, I know what it's like."_

_Did she say, 'Try me'? Fine then, have it your way…or rather, I'm gonna have it my way._

_Ray got up roughly, and pulled Judy with him. He forced her to lie down on her desk, pulled her legs to either side of him, leaned in, and kissed her. In a frenzy, she tried to scream and push the teen off of her. Her elbow hit something hard on her desk. Feeling it, she recognized it as her stapler. She picked it up and hurled it at her closed office door. Almost immediately, a trio of Judy's colleagues entered her office, gasped at the sight, and rushed to her aid. After prying the aggressive teen away from Judy, they scolded him, and Judy hid her face in shame by stumbling to her office window and looking out of it._

_"You can't really be mad at me." Ray had a steady gaze on his restrainers, and a grin that agitated them. "She told me to try her."_

Kai turns to Ray's disgusted face and starts laughing. "Congrats, Ray, you got the hot babe in the end."

Ray marches up to Kai and starts hitting him, punching his arms and shoulders and chest and sometimes his head. Small cries of pain escape Kai's mouth. He eventually falls backwards in his chair, causing the camera to slide a few feet away from him. Now we see a sideways view of Ray sitting on Kai's stomach and continuing to hit him. Since neither guy can reach for it, either because they can't or because they're too busy, this goes on for quite a bit of time. Curses are yelled, insults are exchanges, hits are sent and received. When Ray finally feels he's had enough, he gets off if Kai and leaves him there to breath heavily and whine.

"…sucker…that didn't even hurt…that much…my fucking shoulder, man." Kai rolls onto his stomach and crawls like an injured soldier to the camera and turns it off. It comes back to Kai, with a slight bruise on his cheek, sitting with his back to the monitor.

"So, Ray's gotten over his bitch-fit, but I haven't gotten over mine. I'm still angry with that fag, Ryan. So, I decided to take action. If you turn your attention to the screen…"

Kai whirls around and faces the screen. Ray brings the camera closer to the screen as well. While focusing the camera on the screen, Ray says, "Kai got himself an author account, and he feels he's being a big man this way, 'cause he's getting Ryan back by playing his game. As you can all tell, the online poker has fried his brain."

"Fuck that. Anyway, I'm writing this really cool fiction, called 'Ryan Shall Die.' It's about a lonely little idiot named Ryan, and he always finds a way to get killed. Actually, no, it's more like, he always gets killed because some divine being that actually likes me realizes how useless he is, and kills him. Ahem, it goes like this."

_It was raining hard, and stupid Ryan was standing outside with the biggest iron rod you fuckers can imagine. Lightening lit up the sky, cos that's what lightening does, it's light, so it lights up the sky. AND IT STRUCK THE ROD! And Ryan was burnt to a motherfucking crisp! Then, out of nowhere, this huge 18-wheeler truck was coming at freaking 200 miles an hour, and crashed into Ryan, breaking him into 86 pieces. Then, some moronic French poodle came along and started eating the Ryan pieces as if it were puppy kibble. When the dumb mutt realized what it was eating, it threw up like crazy._

"Okay, Kai, that's enough. You may find this funny or whatever, but it's my brother."

"Dude, I didn't even get to the good part yet, where pirates come and - "

"KAI!"

"Fine, fine, I won't read you the rest. So that's our…exploration of this story site. Hopefully I get some good reviews for this. After all, I did use up a good fifteen minutes of my life typing it. I'm Kai, or if you're looking for me on this lovely site, I go by the name Die-Ryan-Die."

Ray turns the camera to himself. "I'm Ray, and fucking terrified. I'm gonna have nightmares for like…a fucking year. Kai, you better not put that shit up."

"Why not? I think people are gonna like it. Let's make a bet. If I get - "

"I'm not making a bet on that trash."

"Don't call my writing trash, you piece of shit." Kai gets up and makes a menacing move for Ray, who chuckles and turns off the camera.

$&$&

There you go, the chapter that took forever to get up. As most of you have, I've started school, so I'm gonna do the best I can.  
As a lot of you know, I can no longer answer reviews, cos then KRRK-P would be deleted for the…third…yeah, third time. So, thank you everyone for reviewing, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Next chapter, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE! Afti will meet Shiori who will meet Hilary, who will be kept company by Kai and Ray.

Kai: Talk about fucking PMS man.


	36. number 102

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed!  
And sorry guys, but the Afti meets Shiori chapter will have to wait. **

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 **does not own** Beyblade, MTV, Linkin Park, Linkin Park's _In The End_, Converse, Alexisonfire, or Billy Talent.

konfizkate91 **does own **In The End: The Remix, and Dark Secrets in the Dark: The Life of an Emo.

Ray is the focus of the picture when the video starts. He's trying to put together a drum set, moving drums and cymbals around and tripping over drumsticks he's left on the floor. When he feels satisfied, he moves closer to the camera.

"That damn drum set, why does it have to have so many parts?"

Kai answers, "Because drummers are usually smarter than you, so they can handle many parts. You're stupid, it's incredible you were able to avoid breaking your face while putting it together." Ray rolls his eyes, but Kai continues. "Besides, that's a beginner's set and you're complaining about parts."

"Yes, Kai, I get it. You're jealous because I won the coin flip to see who would get the drum set."

"I'm not jealous, I'm crazy mad! That drum set should be mine!"

"You got the guitar, shut the fuck up. Yo, what's up, I'm Ray. This is KaiRayRayKai Production #102. You can all see the drum set behind me. We were watching this erotic music video on MTV, and it occurred to us that…if people such as the ones we saw on TV could make it in the music industry, then so can we. So, Kai and I got some instruments. You all witnessed my clumsy assembly of that drum set. We also got a bass over there." Ray goes over to the side of the room and picks up the bass to display it. "I find it's really sexy. And over here…" Ray moves to the other side of the room. "We have three guitars. Three, because a) they're awesome, and b) when we smash the first one, we're gonna need a back-up, and then a back-up for the back-up."

"A back-up for the back-up. Nothing says 'rejection' like being a back-up for a back-up. Kinda like substituting for the substitute teacher." Kai turns the camera around to himself. "Hey, I'm Kai, watching Ray fumble around helplessly, trying to assemble the simplest drum set I will probably ever see." He turns the camera back to Ray, who is once again playing around with the drums.

"Hey, fuck you. Go figure out who's gonna be our bassist."

"I will. I'll play both guitar and bass at the same time. Check this out."

Kai grabs one of the guitars and the bass and takes a seat in a chair. He places the bass on the floor and the guitar in his lap, and removes his shoes and socks. He starts playing guitar with his one free hand and plays the bass with his toes.

Ray takes the bass away from Kai's feet. "That's disgusting. God knows where those feet have been."

"Yeah, so do I, and it ain't pretty. Up Max's ass and back again."

"Exactly what I meant. So, then, we needed a band name, and came up with the best possible name. We are called…Fucking Great. So whenever we go up on stage, we can say 'Hey guys, we are Fucking Great.' It's gonna be…well, fucking great." Ray chuckles, picks up a pair of drumsticks from the floor, and sits at his drums.

"Show us your stuff, Ray. Show me what you have to offer Fucking Great. If you don't have anything, then I'll rip your arm off and beat you with it to a bloody pulp," says Kai. Ray then whips a drumstick at Kai's head. After Kai yelps in surprise and pain, Ray throws another one straight at the camera. The picture goes black as soon as the stick hits it.

When the picture comes back, Ray is sitting comfortably on a sofa with some papers in his hands.

Kai's voice is heard instead of Ray's. "Ray and I each came up with a song. He's gonna go first, because we're saving the best for last."

Ray chirps, "It's cute how you think so highly of yourself. Anyway, my song, yo. It's a new version of Linkin Park's song In The End I changed some lyrics around and made it cool."

"You saying it's not cool now?"

"That's right. On with my awesome song. It's called In The End: The Remix."

"How original."

"Shut up, assbreath. It's not one hundred percent complete, so I'm gonna stop a bit near the end." Ray starts reading/rapping his song.

_One thing, I'll tell you now  
When people are hungry, they wanna chow down  
Keep that in mind, This thing doesn't rhyme  
So I can save some time  
We all know  
Time is a prick of a thing  
It slaps your face as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
The clock ticks in your face  
It's so retarded  
Hear the rumbling below?  
Damn, it means I really gotta eat  
Trying not to whine, 'Cause all I can munch on  
Is a salad to  
Watch the pounds go  
Strict dietary regimens, even though I tried, always fell apart  
What fat meant to me, will eventually, be a memory, of a time  
When I was-_

"Whoa!" Kai exclaims. "I'm gonna stop you there. You turned In The End…into a song about eating?"

"No, I turned In The End into a weight-loss success story," corrects Ray.

"You are _such_ a moron. You actually spent time on that? Dammit, that's pathetic. I don't think I wanna talk to you for the rest of the day, for fear of losing IQ points."

"I'm not contagious, if that makes you feel any better."

"It doesn't, actually. Wow, a lot of people would really hate you right about now. So, apart from that, there's my song, which is not a remix. I wanted to write a song about something that's been on my mind, something I thought should be explored and that I should express my thoughts on."

"And that topic happens to be…?"

"Emos."

"…emos. As in, emotional punks." Ray nods his head slowly.

"Yeah, them, with the hair in front of their face because they think it blinds them from the evil of the world."

Ray chuckles. "So you wrote a song about emos. Is it called the Emo Song?"

"No, I'm more original than that. It's called Dark Secrets in the Dark: The Life of an Emo."

"A song title, Kai, not a summary. Let's hear it."

"I'll read the first verse and the chorus," says Kai.

Kai reads his song out loud, with the camera focused on Ray.

_You know who I am  
You've seen me before  
You all stare and point  
And think "What the fuck?"  
With my pink Converse  
Bleach blond and black hair  
Rejected by you  
Rejected by all  
The punks don't want me  
Rockers would kill me  
If they got the chance  
I'm labeled 'emo'  
I'm labeled 'poser'  
I'm labeled 'freak'_

_I sit alone, alone, alone  
In the darkness of my room, alooone  
My head is filling up with thoughts (they make me feel ALONE)  
Full of pain, suffering...tears in my room, alone  
Listening to my Alexisonfire  
Pulling hair over my eyes  
Crying myself to sleep every night  
Keeping inside of me dark secrets and lies_

Ray stares at the camera blankly for a long time. Kai starts to laugh at his expression, but Ray doesn't change at all. Kai asks, "What's wrong?"

Ray answers, "I'm fighting a mental battle right now. My sanity wants to escape, because it can't take any more stupidity, but for obvious reasons, I want it to stay. And then, there's the impact of your…'song'." Ray makes finger quotation marks when he says 'song'.

"Ahahahaha, am I too talented for you?"

"Oh no, not at all. It's actually the complete opposite. You're too terrible at writing songs. It makes me wonder if your diary entries are as traumatizing." After a pause and some soft laughing from Kai, Ray asks hesitantly, "There's another verse, isn't there?"

"Indeed there is. Check it out."

_Misunderstood, yes  
That's my middle name  
Just leave me alone  
It's what I deserve  
Let me cut my wrists  
It's my emo life  
To sit in corners  
To hold my knees tight  
To cry and cry and  
Cry and cry and cry  
About my girlfriend  
Leaving me again_

Kai continues, "And then the chorus is repeated, but instead of Alexisonfire, I mention Billy Talent."

"…wow, that is some horrible shit."

"Fuck you, at least it's creative and something fresh, not some screwed up version of an already existing song."

"Creative? Pfffff, whatever you say, yo."

"And I'm not making my way onto a band's Must-Kill List."

"Linkin Park is not going to kill me. So, let's have a practice, shall we?" Ray gets up and practically skips over to his drum set.

"Yeah, a ten minute practice, then we play in front of Tyson and company." Kai puts the camera on the table so that it focuses on Ray behind his drums. Kai picks up one of the guitars and slumps into the beanbag chair beside the drum set, which is also in the camera's view, so we have both guys in the picture.

Ray starts to play around with the high hat on his left. "So what kind of sound are we going for? Something people can move to, something heavy that stones you in ten seconds, what?"

Kai is tuning the guitar as he talks. "I wanna go for an original sound, something that can be automatically recognized as Fucking Great. You have any ideas?"

Still playing with the high hat, Ray answers, "I just want an original sound that can be automatically recognized as Fucking Great." He finally leaves it alone and looks at Kai, who's staring at Ray with a look that says 'When do I start choking him?'.

Kai holds his stare for a short time, then shakes his head. "You have such a way with words, Ray, it's sexy. I'm thrilled just thinking about the lyrics you'll come up with."

"Yeah, so am I. I wanna get to the music writing part."

"A lot of music we're gonna write if you're always screwing around with your parts." Just as Kai says that, Ray moves the snare drum aside and starts repositioning the bass drum, pushing it back and forth and side to side. Kai yells, "Leave it alone!"

"It has to be perfect!"

"What do you care? You don't know how to play, anyway. It doesn't matter how it's set up."

"Exactly. I know I can't play, so I want it to at least look good."

"Oh yeah, 'cause that's really important. Leave that shit alone, it's fine the way it is."

"Let me try it out."

Ray finishes arranging his parts for the thousandth time, and sits down again. He starts inventing a drum solo on the spot, which Kai is less than pleased to be listening to. While Ray is in the middle of smashing his cymbals, Kai's expression is one of pain, anguish, and anger. He stands up and swings the guitar into the bass drum. Ray stops playing immediately and jumps away just in time to dodge another hit from Kai's guitar. Before you know it, Kai's on a drum bashing rampage, bringing the guitar over his head and bringing it down hard on different parts of the drum set. Ray just watches in horror as his drum set acquires a new dent every 4 seconds.

Once Kai feels he's had enough, he drops the guitar on the floor and takes a deep breath. "I've never felt better." With a calm look on his face, he walks away.

Ray picks up the camera and looks into it. "Due to…band member retardation, I'm not sure whether or not we will be playing for the others." He then turns it off.

When it's turned back on, Ray is dialing a phone number. He puts it on speaker and sits in the chair beside the table on which the phone rests. He looks at the camera with a sly grin as the phone rings. Then someone answers. "Hello?"

"Hey Mr.D, it's me, Ray. How are you?"

"I'm well, Ray, thank you. And yourself?" Mr. Dickinson's voice comes through the speaker.

"I'm super, thanks. Listen, sir, Kai and I are starting a band, and we were hoping you would be able to help us get started. Say by, like, giving us money."

"Ray, I think you and Kai making a band is a great idea, but I don't think I can help you. I can only aid you in your Beyblading careers."

"In case you've been living under a rock, sir, our Beyblading careers are…pretty much non-existent. The only losers who still play are Tyson, Max, and Kenny, and they are going _nowhere_."

"Ray! You watch yourself!"

"Oh I'm watching myself, and I look _damn_ fine." Ray smiles at the camera.

"I believe you're getting off track, Ray," Mr.D says dryly.

"Oh yeah, right, sorry about that. Anyway, money, lots of it, now."

"I don't appreciate this sort of behavior, young man."

"You never appreciate anything I do."

"Raymond, your attitude is unacceptable!"

"So is your face, but you never hear me announcing it to the world."

"Ray, you - "

"Hey, Stanley, you have a fetish with my name or something? You must've said it like five thousand times during our conversation, which I might remind you, was not long at all. Look, you're a nice guy and all, sir, but -"

"Argh! You drive me insane!"

Ray opens his mouth to answer back, but Mr. Dickinson hangs up. "Ok, you are my witness, Kai. He forfeited because he knew I was too much for him. I was too smart and too quick for him."

"Oh yeah, totally. You deal so well with him. Now I know why we always make you call him when we need a favor from him."

"Yeah, Mr. D and I, we're homies. We get each other. We're almost like brothers. He's like the brother of mine that was never into you."

"You shut the fuck up. Yo, call him back, I wanna do something. Just wait a minute" Kai puts the camera down and leaves. He comes back dragging an amplifier with him. He makes one last trip to get a guitar. "Ok call."

Ray dials Mr. Dickinson again. "Ray, if this is you, I don't wanna hear it."

"Hey Mr. D, it's me Ray. You're actually lucky it's me calling. Imagine if it was someone high in the BBA ladder? Shit, that greeting would have been the end of you."

"What do you want now?"

"Well, since I wasn't convincing enough, Kai decided to give it a shot."

Kai gets closer to the speaker. "Hey, sir, what's happening? I'm gonna let you in on some of the talent you could be helping out. I'm gonna play a little guitar for you."

"Kai, you don't play guitar," is Mr. D's answer.

"I can do anything I think I can. Now check this out." Kai plugs the guitar into his amp, and starts 'playing'. The noise is so intolerable, even Ray covers his ears. Mr. Dickinson's voice protesting can barely be heard over the racket.

Kai continues for a few minutes, then stops. "I was going for a mix of John Petrucci and Brad Delson."

Ray says. "Dude, those two are really different."

"That's why I'm mixing them."

As the two guys laugh, the rest of the gang comes in.

Tyson demands, "What the Hell is going on? And why is there a smashed up drum set!"

Ray answers, "We're making a band. Once Stanley starts sponsoring us and giving us money, we'll be on top of every single chart but pop and country."

Hilary growls, "So what the Hell was that noise before?"

"That was me playing guitar," Kai chirps. "How did you like it?"

Max dares to answer. "Kai, I have never heard anything so terrible in my life. I would rather listen to nails scratching a chalkboard for 8 years on end than listen to one minute of your so-called music."

"You know what, Max, you just don't know when to shut up." He brings the guitar over his head and brings it down hard against the floor, and Hilary shrieks. He repeats this three more times, until the body breaks off the neck. He takes the neck of his broken instrument, grabs Max, and wraps the strings hanging off the top of his 'weapon' around Max's neck, choking him.

Kai yells, "Enjoy this while you can, Max, this is the closest you'll ever get to a G-string!"

Through the phone, Mr. D orders, "Kai, stop this at once!…oh my, I need to retire."

Ray replies, "You should have said that exact sentence about 30 years ago, sir."

Stanley sighs and says, "I give up. I'm giving up all hope on you and Kai."

"Your mistake isn't giving up, sir. Your mistake was trying in the first place."

He sighs one more time and says, "I agree, Ray." And then he hangs up.

Ray turns to Kai, who's still choking Max. "Kai, that's enough, leave him alone."

Kai shoves Max away from him harshly. "That's what you get for insulting the way I express myself."

Max wheezes, "If that's how you express yourself, then all you're expressing is your stupidity."

"I'm expressing my anger, dickweed."

"Kai! You have absolutely nothing to be angry about! That's your problem!"

"You're going down, smartass." He leaves the camera with Ray and attacks Max viciously. The rest of the gang tries to get Kai off of Max, but to no avail.

Ray turns the camera to himself. "So, as for our band, we're gonna have to work on getting along with fans and the general public. And then…on…you know, learning how to play our respective instruments. Until then, behave yourselves. I'm Ray." He turns the camera back to the mess of violence a few meters from him. "If I didn't know better, I would say they were having an orgy." With those last words, Ray turns the camera off.

$&$&

Phew! Done, dammit. Hope you liked it. As for the next chapter, I'm not going to make any promises, but I will say that a second Halloween Production is possible. See ya!

Guys, my sister has a forum of her own up, and she needs members! Check out my profile for the link. 


	37. number 99

**EVERYONE….I have an announcement to make…I managed to install Limewire on my computer. I rock, and you don't. **

**Disclaimer:** konfizkate91 does not own Limewire, Beyblade, or E.T.

Kai laughing while on the phone is how the video starts. He's sitting behind a desk in what looks like an office.

"Sir, when I really care about what you have to say about me, I'll call you back, okay? Perfect, goodbye." Kai hangs up the phone and looks at the camera. "Howdy guys."

Ray's voice is heard laughing softly, then asking, "What did he have to say about you?"

"Bah, you know, the usual. I'm rude and unpleasant and I have a foul mouth and a bad attitude. Sup guys, the name's Kai. Ray's got his itty-bitty camera in his hair, 'cause if we're caught with a camera in here, someone about six times my size is gonna bust our ass. We've been working in this telemarketing thing for about a week, and it's pretty cool. We get to talk to different people and hear how disrespectful we are."

Ray adds, "Which is kinda stupid. I mean, shit, if someone is treating you like dirt, you don't whine and cry about it; you treat them like dirt right back. Wake the Hell up."

"You don't get it, treating people like dirt, apparently, isn't acceptable. It can't happen. So when it does, people flip."

"Pfff, fuck that. What does it take to come up with an insult here, a good comeback there."

"Anyway, it's one in the afternoon, and we've been making phone calls since nine o'clock this morning. We haven't made a single sale. Everyone is either really stupid, or we're really bad salesmen."

"Guess which one we're deciding on." Ray laughs.

Kai smiles and says, "We noticed that our actual products weren't selling well, so we've made up some stuff to tell our customers. Because we need money, and we aren't making any. This is KaiRayRayKai Production #99, Ray's gonna make a call now. Go ahead, man."

Ray takes a seat at his desk and picks up the phone. He dials a number from a paper in front of him and puts the phone on speaker. Before anyone picks up, he says, "These phones are awesome, they have this…kinda function, it can mute my end when I laugh or something. I just press this, and the person on the other end can't hear me. It helps a lot, believe me."

The phone rings and a man answers, "Hello?"

Ray says, "Good afternoon, sir, my name is Hugo, I'm from the Save the Dinosaurs Foundation. I'd like to know if you can make a donation." He presses the mute button right away so him and Kai can laugh.

Over their laughter, the man's answer can barely be heard. "The what? Dinosaurs? Can you, umm, explain what your foundations does?"

Ray turns off the mute and chirps, "Certainly. Basically, you give us your money, or all the dinosaurs in the world die. The SDF will use your donation to keep the dinosaurs in a safe place to keep them away from poachers and/or their natural predators."

"Uh huh…I don't think so. Try someone else."

"Sir, if you don't care about the dinosaurs, then who will?"

"You _are_ aware that the dinosaurs are already dead, right?"

"For your information, sir, just last year the Save the Dinosaurs Foundation saved over one thousand five hundred Edmontosaurus, about seven hundred – "

"I've never heard of an Edmonsaurus."

"Edmontosaurus, sir. It's a thirteen-meter long, forty-two foot high, duckbilled, plant-eater. If you visit our site, you can actually view all of them, and adopt one. By doing that, you are promising to send 75 of your monthly salary to us to care for the dinosaur of your choice."

"This the most ridiculous scam for money I've ever heard."

"Ridiculous?...I would say original."

"I don't know who you think you're gonna fool, but you're a moron to even think this up. All the dinosaurs are dead, and any three-year old will tell you that."

"THAT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU WAITED TOO LONG TO MAKE A DONATION! CONSIDER YOURSELF GUILTY OF LETTING ANOTHER SPECIES DIE!" As soon as he hangs up the phone, him and Kai start laughing again.

Kai manages to say, "Dinosaurs, Ray? It couldn't be, like, save the country singers?"

"No, no, man, 'cause nobody wants them to be saved. It's the dinosaurs we care about. Your turn."

Ray focuses the camera on Kai behind his desk. He dials the number and greets the woman who picks up. "Good afternoon, ma'am, how are you?"

She answers in a warm voice, "I'm very good, yourself?"

"I'm good, thank you. My name is Jared. I just wanted to ensure that your vote goes to God in the next religious leader election. He promises to give you a peaceful place to rest after you've passed away as long as you chill at his house with him once a week, and he promises to - "

"Whoa! Wait a second here. What are you talking about, boy?"

"The religious leader elections of course. The world needs a new one, and there are two candidates."

The woman sighs and asks, "Who's the other one?" with a very disinterested voice.

Kai answers, "E.T."

"….E.T.?…you mean, the alien who wanted to phone home?" As the woman is saying this, the guys are laughing with the phone on mute.

Kai stops laughing and says, "Yes, that's the one. He promises everyone a cell phone and/or free telephone service so everyone can call home. But I'm calling you, ma'am, to make sure your vote is going to God."

"This is ridiculous, don't call my house anymore."

"Vote God!" She hangs up as soon as Kai says his goodbye. "What a hag, fuck."

"She's probably going to vote for that creepy reptile who desperately needs a fricking walkie-talkie."

"Bitch…ahem, during our time here, we made a good friend, and since this is our lunch hour, and the end of his, we're gonna pay him a visit."

The guys leave their office and walk down the hall and knock on a door. Before anyone inside can call out to them, they enter the room. Behind a desk is a middle-aged man in a suit. He looks up at Kai and Ray and immediately says, "Hiwatari, get the Hell outta here."

Kai answers, "Hey, boss, sup yo? Just wanted to see how you're doing, wanted to see if you wanted anything. Coffee, cake, marijuana?"

"I'm fine, get lost and sell something."

"You seem to be in a good mood, which is perfect, because I wanted to ask you for a raise."

Their boss looks at them with a blank look. "Neither of you have sold a single product. Give me three good reasons why you deserve a raise."

Ray offers a reason. "We come in every single day."

The boss turns his attention to Ray, and replies, "You come in a half hour later everyday. You come in at nine o'clock on Monday when you start at eight thirty, you come in at nine thirty on Tuesday, ten o'clock on Wednesday, etcetera. Then you start over again on Monday."

"I said we're here everyday, I said nothing about being on time. Now you're just bringing up irrelevancies."

"At least we're consistent," chuckles Kai.

"You don't deserve a raise if you can't even arrive to work on time, smart-ass." Their boss rolls his eyes. "Get out of my face and be productive."

Kai says, "There's another reason why I should get a raise. Instead of listening to your orders, I push the issue of getting a raise. I'm determined and persistent."

"What you are is stubborn and stupid," is the boss' comeback. "Leave my office _now_."

Ray smiles and says, "We're bored just making phone calls. We wanna go door-to-door."

"There is _no_ way in _Hell_ I'm letting you go door-to-door. You're staying on the phones until I…fire you or something."

Kai asks, "Who's doing door-to-door now?"

"Right now, nobody, and you're not going, either. Why are you asking me to go door-to-door anyway? If I were any of you two, I would do anything I can to keep people from knowing how much of an idiot I am, not looking for opportunities to put it on display."

"You're calling us idiots now? I'm telling the union."

"Hiwatari, you aren't unionized."

"WHAT? You gotta be shitting me. What the fuck kinda business is this if the workers aren't unionized?"

"An easy one for me to manage. Now get lost."

The camera is focused on Kai's profile for as long as Kai looks at his boss. He then turns around and leaves the office. The guys walk slowly in the opposite direction of their office.

Ray says, "Well that went well," in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Kai sneers, "Shut up, Ray." Then says, "…you realize we don't really need his permission to go door-to-door, right? It's just a formality to make it official."

"I know," chirps Ray. "Which is why we're going to the storage room."

They open the door at the end of the hall when they get there. Inside are piles of boxes with labels on them to indicate what's inside. Ray follows a few steps behind Kai toward the middle of the room. Kai turns to Ray and asks with a grin, "The knives?"

"I don't think we'd want it any other way," is Ray's answer. The guys prepare a briefcase each and leave the building. After arguing with Ray for the driver's seat, Kai drives to a quiet neighborhood. While walking down the street, Kai speaks to the camera.

"As you probably picked up from our conversation with our boss, he thinks Ray and I are totally incompetent. We're lucky to even be on the phones. But there are only so many bullshit products you can think of before you get bored." He laughs and says, "Ray actually said 'Please, buy our shit' in a really posh tone. At that point you go outside and sell products to actual people. We're gonna try to sell these here knives now." He gives a maniac smile with wide eyes and says, "Let's go."

They walk up to a door and take out a knife each from their briefcase before they ring. They both hold their knife with the blade pointed toward the door. When the woman living there opens the door, she gives out a loud high-pitched shout, yells, "OH MY GOD!" and screams one more time before slamming the door shut.

Ray pouts, "I didn't even get to say hello."

"Moving on."

Ray and Kai go to five more houses and get the same reaction every time. "This is fucking ridiculous," Ray complains. "It's like they've never seen a knife before."

Kai adds, "Or like no one's ever held a knife toward them before. Screw this shit, let's go home."

They walk back to the car and drive to Tyson's house. Again, they hold the blade toward the door when they knock on it. Hilary answers the door and just stares at them with a bland look. After a few seconds and a heavy sigh, Hilary says, "What are you doing?"

Kai whispers to Ray, "Christ, she didn't scream like a retard."

Ray whispers back, "I'm telling you, she's either the child of Satan or really, really dense."

"Guys, I'm right here. I hear your _discreet _comments," says Hilary.

Ray replies, "Oh, good, as long as they're discreet."

"Why are you pointing knives at me?"

"Because we were hoping it would be Kenny answering the door and not you."

"I wanted Max."

"And Kai wanted Max to answer the door. Now that I think of it, I wouldn't mind if Tyson answered."

"Why do you even have those knives with you!" She puts her hands on her hips and puts on an angry face.

Ray answers, "We got to go door-to-door today, and we chose to sell the knives instead of the vacuum cleaners. Knives have more character. Would you like for us to demonstrate their abilities?"

"I know what a knife does, Ray, I just don't want any pointed at my face." At that point Max and Tyson come to either side of her to see what's keeping her in the doorway for so long.

Max is the first to react. "You two have reached a whole new level of crazy. Put the knives down."

"Giving orders already, Maxy?" Kai takes a menacing step toward Max. "Those are some neat words coming from a pansy like yourself. If I wouldn't get arrested for it, I'd give you a nice scar across your ugly face." Right then, Tyson and Max close the door and leave Kai and Ray outside. "Oh, you're so cute, both of you." Kai stabs the door with the knife he's holding and a girly scream is heard from inside.

Hilary's voice is heard from the other side of the door saying, "For the record, that was not me. That was Tyson."

"Shut up!" is Tyson's answer.

"I never believed it was Hilary. Even _she_ has a deeper scream than Tyson." Kai pulls his knife out of the door. "You witnessed the knife's strength for yourself. We guarantee that for eight years, the knife will never get dull, and if it does, we will replace it without an extra charge."

Ray continues the sales pitch. "We promise that the knife's performance each time will be just as excellent as the first time you used it. Therefore, we promise that for eight years, it will be strong enough to cut through Tyson's front door."

"You're gonna fix that!" yells Tyson.

Ray answers, "No, Tyson, we aren't gonna fix that. The way we never fixed your dojo, your closet door, the closet door in the bathroom, the sink in the kitchen, the sink in the bathroom, the sink in the second bathroom, your grandpa's wall, your microwave, your living room floor - "

"What did you do to my living room floor?"

"Oh you haven't seen that one yet? I'm not gonna spoil the surprise, I'll let you discover it for yourself."

After a pause…"HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HOLE GET THERE?….And what's it filled with? That's nasty."

"I like to call it tar." Kai opens the door and enters, followed by Ray. He hurries up behind Max and jumps on him, almost as if wanting a piggyback ride. Max falls to his knees, unable to hold up Kai's weight. "You're a fucking weak cock-monkey, you know that?" He hits the back of Max's head, causing him to lean forward, and gets off him. He throws the knife toward the floor, making it cut into the floor and stand upright.

Kai looks straight at the camera with a disappointed look. "I'm through with this shit. No more selling products…however, you have something going there with that Save the Dinosaurs Foundation."

Ray laughs softly and says, "Ya think?"

"Yes I do…lemme try something." He goes over to the phone and dials a number. "Hello sir, it's Kai from a few doors over. Can I speak to your son Benny, please?" Kai waits for the boy to get on the phone and says, "Hey Benny, how are you? It's Kai…That's good to hear. How old are you? Oh wow, seven, you're a big boy. I wanted to know something, Benny. If I told you there was a way to save the dinosaurs, would you help me?…Atta boy. This is what you have to do. You have to find your mom's purse, Benny. Find it, and look for all the cards you can find…Okay, I'll be waiting."

"What are you making that kid doing?" asks Ray.

"Kids would so fall for saving the dinosaurs. This way, we get their parents credit card numbers."

"Ahahahahaha, that's so wrong on so many levels."

"Yeah, well so are a lot of other things. Anyway, I gotta bounce. I'm Kai, and I'll see y'all later."

Ray gets the camera out of his hair and looks into it. "Be sure to be with us next Production. It'll be our one hundredth video, and we're having a barbecue." Ray winks at the camera and the video is over.

$&$&

I DID IT! I bet you're all so amazingly proud of me. ¬¬ Okay, I feel really bad that you guys had to wait so long for an update, so I'm gonna say it now, that there are gonna be long breaks between each chapter. If you have a complaint, come over to my school and arrange some crazy-ass deal with them that would allow me to have a lot of free time to myself, while also having time to do my homework and assignments.

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed. It's very much appreciated.**


	38. number 80

**I'm soooo sorry.** First school was taking up my time, and when summer came along I got super lazy…and I enjoyed it.

Sorry if this chapter sucks.

**Disclaimer: **konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, or any artwork by Jackson Pollock.

The picture focuses on Ray opening what seems to be a can of paint. He's in the living room, and everything in it has either been moved out of the room or to the middle of it. He takes a brush, dips it in the can, and smears a raunchy looking shade of yellowish brown on the wall. He turns to the camera and says, "That's so gross."

From behind the camera, Kai answers, "That's so perfect. I can't wait to see what the whole living room will look like once it's all painted and dry. And with the new furniture."

"I'm sure everyone will love it. Ahoy everyone, I'm Ray, staring in KaiRayRayKai Production #80. We're doing a little renovating on Tyson's house. We've been planning it for some time, slowly buying everything we needed and hiding it in clever places. Now that everyone is out for the day, we get a chance to do everything we wanna do."

Kai turns the camera to himself. "You all know me as Kai. Right now, we have this marvelous yellowish brown color, kinda like dried up rotten mustard, or bug guts, whatever it reminds you of, that's gonna replace the salmon-ish color that's here now." He turns back to Ray, who continues to paint the wall with a brush. "Yo Ray, we got those rollers for a reason. Use them."

"You get more of a hand-done feeling when you do it with a brush."

"You also get a I'm-wasting-my-time-when-I-don't-have-much-to-begin-with feeling. Pick up the roller."

"Yeah, yeah fine. Before I do that, I'll show you guys the plans." He continues to speak as he walks, with his back turned to the camera, occasionally taking a glance over his shoulder. "What we did was got a bunch of posters and drew out the room and wrote notes on it. There's one in every room. What you just saw was the living room. Right now I'm gonna show you the dojo plans."

They get to the room in question. The swords that are normally on the wall are missing. Ray walks over to the poster stuck up on the wall. Drawn on it is a rectangle with DOJO written in the middle. All around the rectangle are notes on the color chosen for the room, furniture, and whatever else they might have thought of.

"Why did you write the notes in Chinese, Ray?"

"So you wouldn't change them like you did when I wrote the kitchen plans."

"I couldn't give a shit whether you wrote them in your own twisted made-up childhood language, I can always scribble them out and write new ones."

"But now you can't read them, so you don't know if you have to change them or not."

"I can read them. It says 'Ray is a fatass loser who –' "

"Aw man, you're not even close." Kai sighs. "So here it says we're painting this room a lovely shade of pink with little cartoons of sumo wrestlers and band-aids around the room. And the swords will be tied together to make a chandelier."

"Oh wow, you got it right. I should reward you…make you lunch or something."

" Remembering the last time you made me lunch, I'm gonna have to say no."

"What's wrong? Can't handle a little diarrhea?"

"Soooo anyway…we'll get back to you after we finish painting all the rooms."

Ray turns around and the camera is turned off. As promised, the camera comes back on when the rooms are done. A paint-covered Ray stands in the living room where the guys started.

"I can't stand being in this room. It makes me wanna vomit, yo. This yellow or brown or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, is the nastiest shit I have ever come across, and I have come across a lot of nasty shit." Ray counts on his fingers as he names some of the gross things he remembers. " Tyson's face, Tyson's room, Tyson's house, Tyson's voice, Tyson's birth certificate, Tyson's friends –"

Ray and Kai exchange a short glance at the mention of the last nasty item on Ray's list.

"Well, I don't consider myself his friend," Kai says in his defense. "I'm merely an acquaintance and a house guest."

"I'm glad we're on the same page. So, you've all seen this room, this nauseating shade of crap." Ray makes his way out of that room and Kai follows him. "I'll show you the other ones. The dojo, over here, as planned, is pink with these stupid sumo bitches. Check out this chandelier."

Ray points up and Kai brings the camera up to get a shot of it. The hilts of the swords are at the top in a circle. Then the blades curve downward to meet at the bottom, making something that looks like an acorn.

"We should bring it to some sort of auction, or an antique dealer."

"I don't think we'll get shit all for that, Kai. Maybe some pills and recommendations to several therapists, but no money."

"You have to destroy all my dreams, don't you."

"It's my profession."

"Yeah, a professional beating is what you need."

"So in Tyson's room…I forgot what we did….I think the fumes from the paint are getting to me."

"You're not supposed to get high on them."

"I can't really help it, now can I. We have like twenty cans of paint open. Did we do the animal thingy in his room?"

"Yes we did. You probably can't remember where his room is either, so I'll lead you there."

"I'm glad I have you to lead me around a strange house. You're my best friend. I'd be very lost without you. We should make our friendship stronger and make out. Whaddaya say, buddy?" Ray closes his eyes and puckers up to the camera. Kai just looks at him…then turns around to go to Tyson's room.

"Since Ryan Jr. is too fucking high and stupid to do anything but make an ass of himself at the moment, I'll go alone to Tyson's room…Here we are." He brings the camera in a slow circle as he describes it. "We have a baby blue color with hybrid creatures all around. That right there is a mix between a giraffe and a whale; a whale's fins and tail on a giraffe's body, and moose antlers, now that I look at it. Ehehehehehehe that's a great touch. Uhhh…I don't think I even wanna _know_ what this thing is…I'm shitting my pants just looking at it. It looks like a giant grasshopper trying to rape a monkey. And like you all noticed, we didn't bother taking any of Tyson's stuff out, so there's paint everywhere. It's on his bed, his pillow, his floor…in his drawers, I dunno how that happened, and in his closet. The paint came to life, I tell you, it just started jumping all over the place.

Ray comes into the room with a big smile on his face. "Hey man."

"Hey loser, welcome back. You done pretending to be high?"

Ray shrugs. "For the moment, I guess. You done in this room? Great, I wanna do the bathroom. We did like a Jackson Pollock thing. We took all the remaining paint and threw it everywhere."

When they get to the bathroom, we see that Ray was right when he said 'everywhere.' It's on the walls, the toilet, the sink, the mirror, on the cabinet, in the shower, on the ceiling and floor, and anywhere else you can think of.

Kai sniffs and says, "This has got to be my favorite room."

"My favorite one is Grandpa's outer space room." Once in said room, nothing can be seen but black.

Ray's voice is heard explaining. "This room is…pretty much all black. We wanted to make Grandpa feel at home, in outer space, with all his other strange alien friends. To be honest with you, any person his age with his attitude and personality cannot be human."

"That was your reasoning? Wow, mine was to have a dark room to develop pictures."

"Kai, you're not fooling anyone. Photography is too sophisticated a hobby for you to take up. I don't think I can even _picture_ you standing in front of a church or something with a camera without giggling like a schoolgirl."

"Well fuck you, too, Mr. Schoolgirl. Let's get out and do the furniture."

They both turn around at the same time and ram into each other. After some body part rubbing and moaning and trying to glare at each other in total darkness, they get out of the room and turn off the camera.

It comes back to Ray standing near a pile of rocks, in the disgusting yellow-ish brown room, and both Ray and Kai's voices can be heard chuckling.

"So Ray, please, tell us what this atrocity is."

"This, my friend, is no atrocity. This is the new furniture, as you can see. We got these rocks, and we've placed them nicely to replicate a sofa. We were going for a caveman look."

"I doubt they knew the possibility of comfort with rocks."

"That's because they were too preoccupied killing stuff with them."

Kai laughs and goes to take a seat on the rock-sofa. His ass barely touches it and it begins to cave in and eventually collapse, half covering Kai with rocks. Both guys explode with laughter, and a few ow's from Kai.

Between laughs and gasps of air, Ray says, "Oh yeah, nothing more than five pounds should go on that."

"Then it's perfect for Hilary. She's a fucking toothpick. The girl needs to eat."

"Dude, she's not that small."

"I will bet you _anything_, Ray, that if that anorexic bitch took a seat on this couch, nothing would budge."

"Deal, yo." They shake hands. "To the kitchen." With a smile, Ray goes to the kitchen with Kai close behind. The room is practically empty, except for a few items.

"We did something similar for the kitchen. Over here, in the middle, we got a table made of rocks, and these small piles to serve as chairs. Once again, you can't be too heavy to sit on them, or else you're gonna get attacked by rocks…or stones…you'll get stoned, that's the point."

"Beautiful play on words, Schoolgirl."

"Shaddap, fuckwad. Oh, oh! Check this out! I totally love this. When I move out or whatever, get my own place, I so want one of these. We got rid of the stove, and we dug a hole in its place. In this hole is an assload of coal, and we got the grill from our neighbor's barbecue, and put it over the hole. So we now have a kind of indoor barbecue."

Kai brings the camera over to where the stove used to be. The hole taking its place is almost the same size as a stove, but since the grill came from a barbecue, it's too small to cover the entire hole. The grill hangs about two feet above the floor over the hole from four curly phone cords, which are held to the ceiling with duct tape.

"This is the cooking method of the next century. Bouncy grills over an open fire. We should make hot dogs on this for everyone before they get back, Ray."

"But before that, we have to make the extension."

"The extension of the…?"

"Of the living room…the solarium we wanna do? Who's sniffing the paint, now, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I remember. So, let's go outside." On their way outside, Kai explains the extension they plan to make to the living room. "It's a nice house and all, but it's missing a solarium. I still have no clue as to what a solarium is, but I like saying that word. From what we gather, you…kinda like make a hole somewhere in a wall and add a hallway or something. So, we got this trashed up van and brought it home."

They get to the mentioned old van, and Ray continues to speak. "What we're gonna do is break down a part of the wall in the living room, and we already broke off the back door or trunk door, whatever, of the van, so we're gonna park the van close to the opening in the wall, with the open back end connected to the damaged wall. Then we seal everything with an orgy of duct tape."

"The Canadian way."

"Yes, the Canadian way. Duct tape for everything. Stupid loud-mouth kid? Duct tape. Controlling girlfriend or boyfriend? Duct tape. Badly cooked meat at a restaurant? Duct tape. No air in space? Duct tape."

"To break down a part of the wall, Ray and I have a chainsaw each, and hammers. Hopefully, these work, otherwise we just have to live with a damage wall. Or Tyson's grand-daddy makes us repair it. Let's get to the destroying then."

"This entire house is made out of wood, anyway, so it shouldn't be too difficult."

They go back inside and Kai sets the camera on the rock sofa and makes it face the wall they plan on demolishing. He gives the camera a crazed look and says, "This wall is going down."

With the hammers, they pound an outline of the opening they wanna make. Once done, they each pick up a chainsaw and rev them up. Starting from opposite sides, they cut along the outline and knock down a portion of the wall. Proud of themselves, they give each other a high five. They leave the camera's field of vision and come back a minute later with a beer each. They sit on the floor and chitchat for a bit, while drinking their beer. After their break, Ray takes the camera and follows Kai outside to the van. Kai gets into the rundown vehicle, turns on the engine, and maneuvers it carefully to get the open rear end of the van to touch the hole in the wall. Ray cheers when Kai's completed his task, and Kai jumps out of the van smiling.

"Beautifully done, Kai."

"Thanks, and I did it after a beer."

"Pfff, one beer never does anything to anyone. This is gonna look great when it's done."

"I can't say much for the yard, man."

Looking at the yard, they wince and chuckle, despite the work they see coming for them.

"Meh," Ray shrugs his shoulders. "It was worth it. So about the duct tape."

"Duuuuuct taaaape, duuuuuuuct taaaaaaape. Oh how I love thee." Kai continues singing his duct tape song and snapping his fingers as he goes inside to get the duct tape needed to attach the van to the wall. "You're all gray and beautiful, I love how you're so dutiful. I dream about you at night. Oh, how the Canadians recognize your might."

"You're such a sad individual."

Kai smiles and says. "Aren't I? Hey, I can just imagine how that would sound with some guitar and drums and everything."

"Sad, sad man." Ray picks up his roll of tape and heads back outside to start taping. Kai follows suit. Ray places the camera on the ground and starts taping with Kai. In the end, they end up using eight large rolls of duct tape.

"That should keep the house and solarium warm and protected from…stuff, like…wind and animals. Like squirrels and birds and…I dunno, raccoons. I love the word solarium. It's so sexy. So-LAH-ri-um. So-laaaaah-rium."

"Please, no songs about solariums. Kai, you still wanna glue those feathers?"

"FEEEEAAAAAAATHERRRRRRRRS!"

"KAI! NO MORE SONGS!"

"You're boring. Let's glue some feathers. I also wanna crack those windows. You know, take a rock and knock on the windows lightly so they crack."

"Sounds wonderful. You glue the feathers, and I'll crack the windows."

They go inside and get started on their respectful tasks. Kai takes the camera with him into the dojo. "I love that sword-chandelier. It's almost as sexy as the word solarium." Out of a closet in the dojo, he pulls out a glue gun and a huge bag of colorful feathers. He brings them over to one side of the room, sets the camera down on the floor, and starts gluing the feathers to the wall once the glue is hot enough. The sound of Ray knocking on the windows with a rock can be heard. At one point, shattering glass is heard.

"That stupid mofo. RAY, I said _crack_ the windows, not break them! Open your fucking ears!"

"Yeah, come over here and say it, so I can crack your fucking face!"

Kai shakes his head and mumbles, "Incompetent moron, can't do anything right to save his life. Go back to kindergarten, start with cutting paper." Kai looks at the wall, a quarter of it plastered with colorful feathers. "Nice, very very nice. I should go into home décor."

Just then, four unanimous gasps are heard, and Kai turns his head around to see Kenny, Max, Hilary, and Tyson with their jaws dropped and their eyes wide…minus Kenny's.

"I got that gasp in stereo, guys. Welcome back." Kai keeps the camera on the floor but turns it 180 degrees around to get the expressions of the four who just entered. All of them are carrying bags of groceries, and they all drop them on the floor.

"Oh damn, Ray and I didn't think out food storage…we don't have a fridge." He scratches his head. "Now what?"

All four of them scream, "KAAAAAAAAAAAI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"Whoa, speaking of stereo…" He twirls his pinky finger in his ear.

Hilary is the first to start questioning. "What do you think you're doing! This is _not_ your house, you have NO right to start painting it and messing around with it and…gluing feathers? Kai, why are you gluing feathers to the wall! And what do you mean we don't have a fridge? What's wrong with the one we have? Where is it? What did you do to it? Oh, mister, you're in trouble, you better get it back or else you're in some deep shit! What else did you do to this place? It better not be anything this stupid, but knowing you and your other half, this is probably just the tip of the iceberg. I dunno what's wrong with your heads, it's like you just don't listen or understand anything. You're in your own little world! You think everything is a joke and you can just take whatever you want and screw it up and warp it to mark it as yours, WELL YOU CAN'T! Especially when it's someone else's house…"

Although the other three guys know Hilary is right, they can't help but give Kai an apologetic look. Once you get Hilary started, there was no stopping her. In the middle of her rant, Ray walks in and Kai remembers the bet he made with him.

"Hey Hilary, come here, Ray and I have to see something." He takes her by the wrist and drags her to the living room, followed by the others and Ray with the camera. Once in the disgusting room, she pulls another fit, but Kai manages to get her to sit on the rock sofa that he and Ray had to remake. Once seated, she continues telling him off, and nothing happens to the rocks.

"What did I tell you, Ray? The rocks stay in place. The couch is perfect for her and only her."

"Oh my dear Lord…Hilary, how much do you weigh?" Ray asks in astonishment.

"What does that have to do with anything! Look at this room, it's disgusting, and why are there rocks in here and -" She takes in a loud breath. "What did you do to the wall!"

Everyone's attention is brought to the wall. Ray says, "Isn't it great?"

Hilary and the others are speechless. Right then, the rocks cave in and Hilary lets out a small cry as the rocks fall on her legs. Tyson runs over to help her while Ray and Kai laugh.

"Oh damn! It's a tie! Ahahahahahaha!" Kai bends over at the waist, laughing.

"She was too heavy for it after all!" Ray tries his best to focus on Tyson helping Hilary out of the mess, but Max steps right in front of the camera.

"What the Hell were you guys thinking? Are you forgetting that you're living here too? Tyson and his grandfather are nice enough and tolerant enough to let you stay, and this is what you do in return?"

Kai says, "Actually, we were gonna make hot dogs on the new stove for you guys, but we never got around to it."

Kenny questions, "New stove?" He goes into the kitchen and shrieks when he sees the horror inside.

Max gives an angry look to the camera. "I don't even have to see what you guys did to know that it's absolutely ridiculous."

Kai sneers with, "Hey, you don't like how we decorated, do it yourself."

"I never had a problem with the house to begin with!"

"So you're telling me that I made it a Hellhole? You're gonna get it, punk." He gets a rock from the pile Hilary just finished getting out of and runs after Max with it.

Ray looks at the camera and says, "Well, that's all for today. I hope Tyson and Grand-dawg like their rooms."

"You did something to my room? NO!" Tyson dashes to his room with Hilary close behind.

"…so as I was saying, Tyson's room…he seems really excited to see what I did. I just know he's gonna love it. I'm just gonna chill in the solarium. Ah, the glorious solarium. Maybe Kai should write a song about it after all. I'm Ray, I'm done with this video. Now to find Kai."

Max runs into the living room, trips and falls. Kai comes in right after, missing the rock he had taken before. He gets on top of Max and starts hitting him and shouting insults at him.

"Yeah, that's all that was missing from this vid. Now it's perfect. See y'all next time."

$&$&

**In loving memory of Jennifer Remigio.**

Though short-lived, you touched the hearts of everyone around you.

God needed an angel, and you answered His call.

May you rest in peace.


	39. number 19

**A glance back at your childhood for ya…well at least for me.  
Disclaimer:** konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, or Mortal Kombat.

An angry Kai is the focus of the picture and only Ray's chuckling voice is heard.

"Kai, c'mon," Ray urges. "It'll be sooo funny!"

"There's nothing funny about any of this. Put that camera away." Kai makes a move to get the camera away from Ray, but he dodges and runs into another room and locks it. Kai begins pounding on the door and yells from the other side. "Ray, get your fat ass out of there! Don't make me come in there and get you myself, you stupid fuckbag. I'm gonna rip your face off, chew it up, and spit it back out."

"Funny how you resort to cannibalism whenever you're mad."

"RAY! Get out! Now!" Kai continues to bang viciously on the door.

Ray laughs and turns the camera to his smiling face. "Hello everyone, I hope you're doing well. My name is Ray, and I like to call this tape KaiRayRayKai Production #19. However, Kai isn't willing to be part in this, so maybe I'll make it a Ray Production."

"You better not be talking to the camera, you punk."

"Kai, I'd rather talk to the camera than to empty air."

"Stop it!" Kai kicks the door this time, creating a louder sound than before.

"Easy there, cowboy. Anyway, about ten minutes ago, I heard some sounds coming from

This very room…" Ray takes a look around it, realizing for the first time where he really is. "…from Tyson's room, and I recognized them as Kai's voice. At first I though he was moaning, 'cause he might have been touching himself."

A frustrated growl comes from the other side of the door. "One more word out of you, smartass, and I'll tear you apart."

Ignoring Kai's threat, Ray goes on. "Turns out he was talking to himself, or so I thought. It appears that Kai has an imaginary friend. He never grew up from the lonely five-year old he used to be."

"I promise you, Ray, that if you stop right there, you will be saved from my angry wrath," Kai pleads with him.

"Hmm no, that's fine. Is that the imaginary friend talking? I feel he's a nice guy. What's his name, Kai? Does he have one? Of course he does, you mentioned it out loud before, when you thought nobody was listening to you…Why were you in Tyson's room, anyway?"

"Check out his drawers."

Ray goes over to Tyson's drawers and opens them too find them full of dead frogs and worms, along with Tyson's clothes. "Tasty."

"Yes, it truly is, now get out of there."

"With you ready to slaughter me? I think not, my fleshy friend." Kai sighs. "I'll wait a little longer."

"Well, it's out, now, you said it…no point hurting you now."

"That makes no sense. Wouldn't you hurt me after I've said it instead of before?"

"No no, it makes more sense to hurt you before you say it. You see, I'll hurt you when you have the intent to say it out loud, so that you never think of doing it again. After you've said it…there's really no point, because you'll never say it again."

"Just knowing that you think about these things is…umm…strange."

"Get out of his room."

Ray sighs and opens the door, only to be greeted by Kai's fist. The camera hits the floor and turns off. When it comes back, Kai is sitting cross-legged on the porch outside.

"Kay, so, Kai socked me good. My eye is pretty much black now. The lesson here is never to trust Kai when he says he isn't going to harm you." Kai gives a small smile to the camera. "So now he's gonna tell us all about his imaginary friend."

Kai takes in a deep breath and starts. "Life at the abbey was never easy. Making friends was even harder, and staying sane was a miracle. My method to do so was to create a friend that I could talk to when I was down, someone who would listen to me when I needed to vent some anger and frustration and pain. So I created Oscar."

"Oscar being your friend's name?"

"That would be correct. And he never really left me. He's been a really cool thing to have around for a long time."

"You realize that you now have real people to tell your frustrations to."

"Yeah, but they're always like _'Oh you big baby, shut up'_, or _'Violence isn't going to make you feel any better.' _Hey, I say…whoever says violence never solved anything, never tried it themselves."

"You're so deep and philosophical…it's a real turn on." Kai gives Ray a slightly grossed out face. "So yeah, Kai is going to introduce us to Oscar and we'll watch the friends interact throughout the day."

"First off, my imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems."

"Hmm…I see." Ray nods the camera up and down slowly. "_I_ have mental problems…"

"You should get it checked out."

"Yes, yes, I totally agree."

"So, about Oscar…he looks like a smarter version of Max, I guess. He's blond, doesn't have those stupid freckles, dresses like a normal person, isn't a smartass."

"Ah alright, so what kind of stuff do you do with him?"

"Dude, we do so much. We love playing pitch and catch, check it out." Kai jumps up, runs into the house, and comes back out with a tennis ball. "Oscar, some pitch and catch, dude, let's go."

He takes his place in the backyard and waits a few seconds. Ray guesses he's waiting for Oscar to get ready. Kai winds up and throws the ball. As Ray expected, the ball falls to the ground on the other side. "He's not much of an athlete, is he, Kai?"

"Well, he's not perfect. C'mon buddy, you can do better than that." Kai gets the ball, goes back to his place, and throws the ball again. And once again, the ball falls to the ground."

"Kai, stop it." Ray starts to chuckle. "You know nobody is going to throw the ball back to you. If you really wanna play, you can just tell me, I can catch." Ray's chuckling becomes hard laughter. How could Kai think his imaginary friend could catch a ball?

"You shut your face, you dunno what you're talking about. Oscar, you can't catch anything if the sun is in your eyes, stand near the wall." Kai turns so he's facing the wall of the house. He throws the ball…and the ball comes back to him! "Ha, see Ray?"

Ray lets out a heavy sigh. "Kai, you're throwing the ball against the wall. It's rebounding back to you."

"Are you stupid? Oscar is catching it and throwing it back to me. He gets it before it hits the wall. He's very fast."

Ray moves closer to Kai and exaggerates his voice. _"Kai…when you throw a tennis ball against a wall…it rebounds off the wall…and comes back to you. Oscar is not catching dick. Don't make me change your name to Shit-for-brains."_

Kai looks at Ray, and speaks to him in the same tone. _"Ray…there's something stuck between your teeth…let me get it out for you…open wide."_ He launches another punch at Ray, and catches the camera before Ray can drop it, and turns it off.

When the camera is turned back on, Kai is setting up the game counsel. He sits on the couch and takes the first player controller in his hands, while the second controller rests in the seat beside him.

"Oscar and I play video games every now and then. We love fighting games, like Mortal Kombat," Kai explains as he chooses his player. "This one here is one I got last week."

"You mean the one I kicked your ass at a thousand times already."

"Ray, any stupidity you say can and will be ignored."

"It's a fact! You can check the records on –"

"Are you listening to me?… Oscar, why do you always take an eternity to choose a player? Lemme do it for you." He picks up the controller beside him, chooses one of the weakest players, and sets it back down. "There. Now…this battlefield…and we start."

"Kai, there is nobody using that controller. You're gonna win these fights," Ray says with some amusement in his voice. "You expect Oscar to pick up the controller and use it? Come on."

"You keep talking, Ray. I'm not listening, and Oscar thinks you're full of shit."

"Tell Oscar he's the definition of shit." Kai lets that remark slide and starts the fight. "Ooh, now I know why you like playing with Oscar. Because you can't beat me, so you figure if you give the controller to…well, nobody, you stand a better chance at winning. Very clever."

"You underestimate Oscar's abilities, Ray, he's very good at this game."

"The only thing he's good at is taking my seat on the couch. Fuck, your made-up friend is _sitting_ there, and I can't _sit on him, _so _I _have to _stand_ –"

"Shut your trap! Damn, if you feel talkative, find Tyson, Max, anyone who actually cares…oh wow, I've never seen this combo before."

"Kai, you've never seen a single combo from your end _ever_. You never last long enough against me, nor the computer, to get one." Ray focuses on the TV. We see Kai's character powering up, and the other character just standing there with low energy.

"What did I say about speaking?" Kai unleashes his attack and finishes off Oscar's player. "C'mon, Oscar, you usually put up a good fight."

"KAI! THERE IS NOBODY THERE! OSCAR IS _IMAGINARY_! Do you know what that means? It means he's not real, he's only in your head. So keep him in your head!"

"Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy, you're one step away from being choked with this controller wire."

"Oh, so you're stupid, but I'm gonna get choked for it. I see. Why don't you just talk about it with Oscar, so you can feel better."

"That's it." Kai yanks on the controller, pulling it out of the counsel, and runs after Ray with it. Ray laughs as he makes turns around the house. Eventually, Ray collides with Max and both boys crash to the floor. Kai gets to them, sets the camera on a table, and ties them both up with the controller wire. Ray laughs harder, but Max is a bit worried.

"Um, Kai…what are you doing?"

"I'm tying you up, and Ray, too, and…I dunno, I don't plan these things out. But I'm probably gonna leave you here. And probably give Ray something to shut him up."

Through some laughs, Ray says, "Kai, you realize this is all because I insulted your make believe friend?"

"Yes, Ray, I know it's because you've been a big asshole to my imaginary friend." Ray laughs harder, and Max gives Kai a strange look.

"Your imaginary friend?…So, Ray made fun of your imaginary friend, and you…never mind that, you have an imaginary friend? Grow up, Kai."

Kai looks at Max straight in the eye. "My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems." Ray laughs again, remembering that Kai had told him the same thing a while ago.

"I think you and your imaginary friend have mental problems." At this, Kai slaps Max in the face, and leaves, making Ray laugh some more.

"What a loser! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, please, don't make fun of my pretend friend! You'll hurt my feelings and I'll have to talk to myself. Ahahahahaha!"

Max sighs and asks, "Do you think he's gonna come back and untie us?"

"I have no clue, Maxy. Only Kai knows…and maybe Oscar."

"…it has a name? Oh fuck." After he says this, Kai comes back in, with his arm around Oscar's invisible shoulders.

"I believe you have something to tell Oscar, Ray."

"…you're shitting me, right? Do you honestly think I'm going to apologize to air? At least, maybe, if you drew a picture of him or something, I would have something to apologize to, but…no Kai. I'm not saying sorry for making fun of nothing."

Hearing this exchange, Max begins to chuckle. Kai looks at Max and says, "Problem, Blondie? You find something funny?"

"Uuuhh…no, nothing at all. Ray, you should apologize to Oscar."

"You can't play stupid when you really are, Max. I know you're laughing at me. This time, I'm not gonna waste my energy on you. You've just made yourself another enemy, and his name is Oscar. Attack him, Oscar!" Kai points a finger at Max as he announces Oscar's attack.

Max and Ray look at each other, Max with a look of confusion and Ray with an apologetic look. Max figures he knows what's best for him right now, so he plays along with Kai.

"Ooh…ouch…ou ou, that one hurt…please, Oscar, cut it out…oh damn, that kills…oowwiiiiieee…stooop it, you're killing me…" While whining in a flat tone of voice, he moves his head from side to side and jerks his body in different directions.

"HAHAHAHAHA! That's what you get for being a total dick, Max!" Kai continues to taunt Max as he pretends to get a beating from Oscar. Ray laughs softly to himself, trying not to let Kai hear him. "That's enough, Oscar, leave him." Max stops his charade, and makes it seem as though he's in great pain. He groans and hangs his head low. "It seems Oscar went easy on you. You're not bleeding. But you yelled enough and he got you from quite a few angles, so I'm satisfied."

"Oooooohhh…you mean he could have done worse?"

"Pffff, of course. He can go as far as eating your raw leg for supper, and tying your liver, kidneys, prostate, and heart to your intestine with string and hanging it up to have as a wind chime."

"…he's very gory."

Ray nods his head in approval. "That's really cool. I want an organ wind chime. Who to cut up?" He tries to feel Max despite their position. "You don't seem healthy enough, Max. Gain a bit of weight and I might consider you."

Max gives him a blank look and answers, "Sure, Ray, whatever you say."

"Excellent. So, Kai, how about letting us loose? Max got his beating, I'm not apologizing…you've accomplished everything you possibly can." Now is Max's turn to laugh to himself.

Kai sighs and gives in. He unties Max and Ray, and Max leaves as quickly as he can. He suddenly remembers the video game. "Oh shit, the counsel's still on." He rushes to it, while Ray grabs the camera and follows. Kai takes his seat after plugging his controller back in. He starts round two against Oscar's player.

"I want a real fight this time, pal. You gave the last one away."

Ray just watches, bored out of his skull…until he realizes which player Kai chose for Oscar. He waits anxiously for Kai's reaction instead of telling him anything. When Oscar's player gets to the last ten percent of its energy, it morphs into a large griffin and defeats Kai's player in one blow. Kai just stares at the screen with wide eyes.

"…aw fuck. Why me?"

Ray smiles and says, "Good luck, Kai. You're facing that griffin next round."

"No! Not that thing! It scares the shit out of me. Damn, I totally forgot about that character's ability."

"You really suck. You're fighting against nobody and you still lose."

"Oscar's playing! 'Kay, last round." The third and final round begins, and Kai is against the griffin, like Ray said. The griffin defeats Kai before he gets the chance to even throw a punch. "Stupid game." Kai gets the game out of the counsel, puts it in its case, and goes outside with it. He throws the game up onto the roof of Tyson's house. "To the moon with that fucker game."

Ray shakes his head. "How many things have you thrown up there? Fifty, sixty…everything from food to clothes to CD's to video games to cutlery to the good china to –"

"That's not the point. The point is Oscar beat me, fair and square, and I threw it up there so no-one will ever have to face Oscar, because he will destroy them."

"Whatever you say Kai."

"Oscar and I also play poker."

"Now that I really don't wanna see."

"He's a Hell of a gambler."

"I'm sure he is." He looks into the camera lens. "I'm Ray, convinced Kai is a complete lunatic. If anyone out there has an imaginary friend of their own, please, come over and have them keep Oscar company. If it's a girl, they can get married and have a bunch of imaginary children. Everyone loves those, 'cause they're quiet and you don't hear them, you don't have to feed them or wash them –"

"Listen prick." Kai is heard advancing on Ray, but he turns off the camera before he can do anything.


	40. number 78

**Let's see who still follows this shit.**

**Disclaimer: **konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, the character Red Beard, or Pokémon.

The movie begins with Ray focused in the center, from the shoulders up, with a serious and determined look. He is in Tyson's backyard and the back of the house can be seen behind him. It's raining hard and water is dripping down his hair and face. Kai begins narrating from behind the camera and slowly walks around Ray.

"After living peacefully in the mountains for thousands of years, his clan was threatened by the horrible, bloodthirsty group whose name they could never pronounce. His entire village burned to the ground, his friends taken prisoner, his family killed, his cattle roasted and eaten, he must now seek revenge." Just then, lightening strikes, giving the story a good effect. "He must take up the sword, and push himself beyond his limits to fight the enemy." As usual, thunder followed the lightening right after, which makes Ray shriek and run inside the house. "The only problem is, he is no smarter than this bottle of shampoo." He holds a pink bottle of shampoo in front of the camera as Hilary runs outside with an umbrella.

"Give me back my shampoo, Kai! What the Hell are you doing outside in this weather?"

"I'm washing my hair, of course. What else would I do outside in the rain with a bottle of shampoo and Ray?"

"What _were_ you doing with Ray?"

"We were experimenting." Kai nods with the camera.

"…Tyson has a bathroom with a shower where you can…experiment." Kai takes the umbrella from her and starts walking them back to the house. "Holding the umbrella for me? What a gentleman."

"Oh fuck yeah." He then burps and scratches his crotch, which Hilary rolls her eyes at. "Anyway, instead of using their water, we can use this free water from the sky, and the shampoo that gets washed into the grass with mark our shower-spot."

"Whatever. The power's out, we can use your help."

"What?" Kai drops the umbrella and shampoo, leaving Hilary in the rain, and charges into the house. "MAX! Where are you!" He walks through the dojo, dripping water everywhere he goes, and searches the house for Max. He reaches the kitchen where all the guys are and goes around the table to Max.

"What is it, Kai?"

Kai grabs Max's collar with one hand and pulls his up from his chair. He focuses the image on Max's face. "What did you do to the power, you cunt!?"

"What? I did nothing! It just –"

"Lies!" Kai drops him and punches him. "You better have the power back in half an hour, Tate."

"It's because of the storm! I can't do anything about it! Instead of being like that, you can help us light candles."

"Ask Hilary, she collects those scented ones."

"I'm not gonna waste my scented candles on a storm, Kai," says Hilary, who walks in drying her hair with a towel.

"You don't use them on anything else."

"Okay, enough guys." Kenny stands up. "I just looked up the weather report on Dizzy - "

"Unless you mean skirt by weather report, I don't wanna hear it."

Kenny sighs and finishes his sentence. " - and the storm won't be over for a few hours. We're just going to have to stay calm and keep busy. Any suggestions?"

Tyson jumps up and exclaims, "Let's watch a movie!"

"We don't have power, Tyson." Ray slaps him upside the head.

"We don't need power to watch a movie! I've got the DVD's and we've got a DVD player and a television. It's all good."

"The TV and DVD player need power, idiot."

"Blasphemy!" Tyson runs off, and his footsteps are heard going in the direction of the living room. After a few seconds, he yells, "Noooo!" He runs back to the kitchen weeping that the television doesn't work, and as they try to explain why, Kai and Ray sneak out into the hallway.

"You screamed like a little girl," Kai teases.

"I told you I'm afraid of thunder. Anyway, I go by the name of Ray, and this is KaiRayRayKai Production number 78s. We were shooting a samurai movie thingy outside, but now we don't have the power inside the house to do it. We really needed Tyson's house to do it, 'cause it's all traditional and stuff."

Kai turns the camera to himself, his trademark blue face paint streaking down his face. "I'm the guy who bleeds blue." He turns the camera back to Ray, who says nothing. He takes the hint and says to the camera, "I'm Kai," and goes back to Ray.

"That's better. So now we're gonna have to make do with the blackout." They return to the kitchen to find Tyson sitting at the table with his head in his arms and crying.

Max pretends to feel sorry for Tyson and says, "Yes, Tyson, I know it's not fair, but that's just the way it works."

"Now it's going to get cold," sniffs Tyson.

Kai turns to Hilary and says, "So you called me in to provide body heat? Let me tell you something, princess, Tyson is fatter than I am, so he can provide more heat than I ever will." Hilary just rolls her eyes and Kai continues. "And you can just pretend Kenny is one of those big pillows and squeeze the crap out of him."

"Yeah, whatever you say, Kai."

"Oh I know," chirps Kenny. "Now is a great time to go over your Beyblade stats and see where you can improve. I'll start with you, Kai."

"Why do you always have to start with me?"

"Because you're the captain and you practice the least, so I enjoy telling you how lazy you are and how your skills are slipping."

"My skills are _not_ slipping. Your mind is slipping. I'm still better than Tyson."

"If Tyson is your only goal, then you're in for a lot of trouble, because he actually practices and is improving enormously."

"Did you know ginourmous is going to become a real word, soon?"

Everyone looks at Ray with a blank look. "I just thought it would be cool to know."

"Chief, think about it. You want me to practice pulling a strip of plastic through a block of plastic to make a pyramid of plastic spin in a dome of plastic and hit another pyramid of plastic. It's a total waste of time. I'd rather talk Tyson into eating the pieces of plastic."

Tyson thinks about what Kai just said. "You said it was really hard licorice."

"I say a lot of things."

"Kai, pass me Dranzer. I'm trying to design a new weight disk for it."

"How about I design a new type of punch for your face."

"Just give me your pyramid of plastic." Kai gives in and hands over his beyblade. "When was the last time you did some drills?"

"When we were in Antarctica."

"We were never in Antarctica."

"That settles it, then. I'd like my blade back, please."

"No way! Kai, you have to practice or else you lose any skill you possess! You're the - "

Kai continues his speech. "Captain. I'm the captain and I have to set an example for the rest of my team. If I don't practice and improve, how can I expect my team to do it? Ken, I've been beating that blond kid over there for two years or something, trying to set an example for my team, but nobody has followed it. If they won't follow that example, how can I expect them to follow the practice example?"

Ray chuckles while everyone else stares at Kai with wide eyes. Kenny is just surprised to learn that Kai _has_ been paying attention to his speeches. "Hey I got an idea. We can try to summon the dead with one of those ouija board things."

"We don't have a ouija board, Ray," reminds Hilary.

"Maybe not, but we can make one." He runs out and returns with a bag and empties it onto the table. "I have these letter magnets. We can stick them onto the fridge and use that."

"That's ridiculous," says Max. "The whole point about the ouija board is that the board has some magical connection to the world of the dead. The fridge has…no….ehehe…the fridge doesn't…have any…ahahahahahaha! I can't say it!" Max continues laughing.

"Say it, Max. The fridge has no magical connection to the world of the dead."

Max laughs even harder now that the entire thought has been voiced. Everyone else laughs a bit, but they don't find it as funny as Max does. Ray puts up the letter magnets on the fridge as they all wait for Max to finish laughing.

"We'll use a fork as the pointer." He gets a fork out of the drawer and returns to the fridge. Kai positions himself in a way that he can get the fridge along with everyone else in the picture. "Okay, who wants to send a message first?"

"I think they have to be in alphabetical order, Ray, not the way they are on a keyboard."

"Kenny, I will _pay_ you to shut up. It won't be much, but I'd still be paying you. So, please, no interruptions. Hey, do you wanna contact your dead cat?"

Kenny gets a little teary-eyed at the memory. "Muffins? We can contact Muffins?"

"Of course. We just have to get clear reception."

Tyson asks, "Don't we need the power for this?"

"No, we don't. Now, ahem…Oh, great dark underworld, do you hear my call? We have many questions that only you can answer." Ray shakes the fork a little bit and turns it in circles and spells the word 'yes'. "Excellent. Oh, great dark underworld, I ask for the spirit of Kenny's lost pet, Muffins." Again, he shakes the fork and spells a word. As he points at the letters, Hilary and Tyson say them out loud.

"M…E….O…W…Meow."

"Oh Muffins! You're here with us!" cries Kenny. "Tell me, did you live a happy life with me?"

"Muffins, cat-spirit from the underworld, did you live a happy live while with Kenny?" Ray starts moving the fork again while Tyson and Hilary announce the letters.

"J…R…T…V…S…E…" They stop saying the letters even though Ray continues pointing at them.

Kenny tilts his head. "I don't get it."

Ray explains, "He was a cat, Chief. He never really learned how to say anything past meow."

"Well, he would purr whenever he was happy."

"Do those letters sound like Muffins purring?"

"Absolutely not. It was like a - "

"Then he wasn't happy. Thank you, Muffins, lost spirit-cat. Rest in peace. Great dark underworld, I ask you to stay connected to us. Who else wants to contact someone?"

Max says, "I can't think of anyone."

"Oh! Oh!" Tyson waves his hand in the air excitedly. "Can we contact the power and ask it to come back?"

"I don't think the power went to the world of the dead, seeing that it was never alive, but if it humors you, then we'll give it a try. Great dark underworld, I ask you to present us with the spirit of Tyson's house's power, who left us about fifteen minutes ago. Do you hear me, Tyson's house's power?"

Ray makes his hand go crazy, running the fork over the letters in strange patterns and even knocks out a few letters. Ray pleads the underground to stay connected to him while he makes minor repairs and starts speaking again. "Tyson's house's power, we ask that you come back to us and keep us from going mad from boredom, and to keep Max from getting killed by Kai because he has gone mad from boredom. Will you answer our call?"

Again, his thrashes his hand around and knocks half the letters off the fridge. Tyson's jaw drops and he stutters, "Whoa…tha-that's some angry…p-power. M-Maybe we shouldn't have b-bb-bothered it."

Ray picks up the letters and says, "You _think_?" He puts them back and says, "Okay, one more person. I'll choose. I say we contact Red Beard, the most ferocious pirate to ever sail the seas."

Max moans, "You're going to contact a story character. How fascinating."

"I'll say. Oh, great dark underworld, I ask for one final favor. Connect us with the spirit of Red Beard, the bravest pirate to ever live."

Just then, Grandpa comes in, with a groggy expression and goes over to the sink to get some water.

Ray gasps and says, "Oh my GOD, it…it's Red Beard! His actual spirit has come to visit us from the underworld." He gets down on his knees and bows. "We aren't worthy!"

Grandpa just raises an eyebrow at Ray and drinks his water.

Tyson points at his grandfather and says, "That's not Red Beard, Ray, that's my grandfather! And he's not dead!"

"He'd be just as useful dead as he is alive, so he qualifies."

Grandpa just shrugs his shoulders and leaves the kitchen. "You see what I mean?"

"This is stupid! Stop talking to the dead." Tyson folds his arms and pouts.

Kai suggests, "Why don't we try to contact Dizzy?"

"She isn't dead!" says Kenny.

"After living in your laptop for three years and having to listen to your squeaky voice all day long and actually having to rest on your lap for hours on end, I doubt she's still alive."

Kenny whimpers and hugs Dizzy.

Kai sighs. "Damn, what I wouldn't give for a little Charmander-bitch right about now."

Hilary repeats, "Charmander-bitch?"

"Yeah, a Charmander-bitch. Because, you know, it's fire and all, so it could provide some light, or boil water, maybe cook a bit, it can wash our clothes, it'll be cute company, and we can kick it around and beat it and whip it for shits and giggles."

"Shits and giggles?"

"Yes, Hilary, for fun. Are you going to repeat everything I say?"

"You would kick around a Pokémon for fun? And use it as your slave? You're a terrible person."

"I am not. I beat all the Pokémon games I ever played, so that makes me an awesome trainer. It also means I know what I'm talking about when I say I want a Charmander-bitch."

Hilary thinks about it and says, "I like Jigglypuff."

Ray and Kai both answer, "Yeah, you would."

She ignores them and goes on. "It's so cuddly and cute and bouncy, and it's pink! Ooh, those huge eyes…it's, like, the perfect Pokémon."

"Uh, no, not if you wanna make it your bitch. You need something with powers."

"Oh, how about a Zapdos! So it can power my house!"

"Tyson, I wouldn't trust you with a Caterpie."

Tyson sulks and pulls out of the conversation.

"Fuck, look at us. We're so bored we resorted to talking about what Pokémon we would make our bitch."

"I don't want to make Jigglypuff my - "

"I said…we're talking about our dream Pokémon-bitch. End of story."

"We only started talking about Pokémon-bitches because you're immature enough to have played the games," Ray points out.

"It doesn't make me immature! Why does everyone think Pokémon is immature!"

"Because it su - "

"Finish that thought, Max, and I'll scratch your fucking face off."

Before anyone can defend Max, lightening strikes and Kai quickly brings the camera to Ray to record him scream when the thunder sounds.

"Kai, no, turn it AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" He cowers under the table while everyone laughs and clears their ears.

"Oh snap, that was priceless. I wish we had more rainy days like this." Kai bends down to catch Ray with his eyes shut right and his arms covering his head. "Hey Ray, there's a spider about an inch away."

Ray yelps and jumps up, hitting his head on the table. "OWW!" He gets up from under the table and rubs his head. " That was a low blow."

"And you expected better from me?"

Max gets between them. "Alright, alright, calm down. The lack of power is getting to you and it's getting late. We're all better off sleeping off the rest of the storm."

"Ouu, what if I used Dragoon to get rid of the storm?"

"Yeah, I like that idea. Send Dragoon out in a crazy storm so it can get blown away and shipped off to God knows where. Your ideas keeping getting more brilliant." Ray holds out his launcher. "Here, you can use my launcher."

"Fine, it's not a good idea. I'm going to sleep."

They hear Grandpa's voice come from somewhere in the house. "Y'all better go to sleep, before I whip ya to kingdom come."

Kai says to Tyson, "You know, we can all sue him if he keeps making threats to us like that. Now I couldn't care less if he beats the shit out of you, but I've caught so many of his threats on tape to have him hanged."

"Why would you do that after letting you stay in our house for so long?"

"Because I'm a dick. See you all in the morning." He shuts the camera and they all head to the dojo to get some sleep.

"Kai?"

"Hm?"

"Heh, I didn't think you were asleep. I'm not tired enough."

"Same here. And I keep thinking about that Charmander-bitch."

"Get over it."

"No, Ray, it's too perfect to 'get over'." Kai even puts in the finger quotations. "I keep thinking about making Kenny the Charmander-bitch. Like, get him orange pajamas and the tail would be the leg of a pajama held up with those metal clothes hangers that we can shape. Then we just put one of those torch things on the tip and light it."

"Well, Tyson's got some orange paint left over from that house we painted for charity."

Kai gets up to his feet. "Yeah, fucking public appearances we have to do. Getting on my nerves." He picks up the camera and fiddles with it as he walks toward Tyson's room. Ray follows close behind. Ray enters the room first and starts pulling out some clothes to paint orange while Kai films. He turns to the camera and starts explaining.

"Since Kai's obsessing over a Charmander-bitch, we're gonna get him one. Kenny is small enough, and now that I think about it, his voice is perfect."

"Ehehe, nice."

"So I found some clothes we're gonna paint orange." He points to his selection on the bed. "This extra pair of pants will be cut in half and will serve as the tail. I took some of those bendable metal clothes hangers to shape the tail." He picks up the items and they head to the kitchen. "Tyson has those garden things that you stick in the ground and light on fire to keep bugs away, so that's gonna go on the tip of the tail."

Kai pulls the bucket of orange paint from underneath the sink and they start pouring it onto the clothes and spreading it. They hang it from the fan to let it dry and get to work on the tail. They cut the pants along the crotch line, shape the hangers into spirals, and paint the pant leg. Ray didn't want to be outside when the thunder might sound, so Kai ran outside to get the garden decoration they mentioned. They cut off the part they need and super-glue it to the tip of the tail. They wait about an hour for the paint on the clothes to dry then staple the tail to the pants.

"Holy crap, it's perfect." Kai films it from all possible angles. "Definitely worth getting wet over."

"Oh shut your face. Now we have to get Kenny into it." They sneak back into the dojo and slip the suit onto Kenny. Ray speaks to the camera one last time. "Now in the morning, we light it on fire." The picture goes black.

Kenny screeching at eight in the morning wakes everyone up. Kai grabs the camera and turns it on right away. "Kai, what is this! I smell of paint! Why do I have a tail?!"

"Too many questions, Ken." Kai nods, and Ray grabs Kenny from behind. Kai grabs the matches he left under his pillow and lights the tip of the tail. "I finally have my Charmander-bitch!"

"YOU DID THIS TO HAVE A CHARMANDER-BITCH! I'M ON FIRE, KAI! AAAHH!" Kenny runs outside, but trips on the stairs. Kai follows him to tape all he can of his Poké-bitch. The rest of the gang run outside and want to help him, but they burst out laughing instead. Kai and Ray had truly outdone themselves. Luckily, tripping on the stairs didn't light Kenny entire on fire, so he stands up and continues yelling at Kai and Ray, and eventually, the rest of his friends.

Kai orders, "Hey Kenny, say Char-Charmander a few times. And make it cute."

"Char-Charmander? CHAR-CHARMANDER! YOU WANT ME TO SAY CHAR-CHARMANDER!? I AM ON FIRE!"

"Ray, you were right. His voice is perfect." Everyone else laughs harder as they realize Kenny's voice makes him a perfect Charmander. Kenny gives up trying to get help and jumps into the pond a few meters away.

"No! Charmander dies if his flame ever goes out!" Kai falls to his knees and sniffs. "Oh well…" He says to the camera, "Never again will I have such a perfect Charmander-bitch. I'm Kai, telling you to take it easy."

Kai then turns it to Ray. "I'm Ray…If only we could talk Kenny into spending a whole day like that."

"That would be divine."

Tyson yells, "The power's back! Let's watch a movie!"

- -- - -- - -- - -- -

I don't see the word 'complete' under my story, so I'll have some more chapters.

Thanks to everyone who read the chapter. It means a lot to me.


	41. Routine

Wooooow, why didn't I think of this before!?

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade.

Max woke up that morning and dragged his feet to the kitchen, expecting to see the morning regulars sitting at the table. Once he arrived there, he pushed his blond bangs out of his face and gave a small smile to the people he predicted had woken up before him.

Looking over at the sink, he calculated that Tyson was already on his third plate of breakfast. Kenny was scanning the newspaper for anything interesting, and Hilary was waiting for him to be finished so she could get the comics page. In the meantime, she was analyzing a page in a fashion magazine featuring lip gloss. He went over to the fridge to see what options Tyson left for him breakfast.

Indeed, it was safe to say that it was just a routine morning.

Yet again, everything always seemed routine until Ray and Kai were added to the mix. The moment that happened everything went to shit.

So he tried eating his cereal quickly to avoid having his face pushed into it. Unfortunately, he couldn't finish before the other two woke up and entered the kitchen. He immediately stiffened the upper half of his body to prepare for a sudden blow to his neck.

Ten seconds later, he was amazed to realize his face hadn't made contact with the bottom of his bowl, yet. He looked up to see just what they were up to. Ray was standing by the toaster waiting for his toast to pop up, while Kai was on the phone trying to make a long distance call to his girlfriend in Russia, which was probably the only routine thing about Kai and Ray waking up.

"Say hi to Afti for me, Kai."

"Hm?" Kai turned around to see who spoke. "Guess I forgot to mention she couldn't give a damn about you, Max, but I'll pass on the message."

"He's just trying to be nice, Kai."

"Tyson, I hate when you feel the need to make your voice heard. Honestly, I pray to God every day and night that someone punches you in the throat and breaks your vocal chords." He then leaned on the wall and put on a more pleasant tone for his girlfriend. Everyone was glad for it, too, because they all knew he could have gone on about the things he wished would happen to Tyson.

Max sighed and went back to his cereal just as Grandpa came in holding some mail. "Hey, homeslices! Groovy morning we got today, haha! I gots some important lookin' letter for you Bladebreakers from the head honchos at the BBA."

Tyson jumped up from his seat and exclaimed, "Really? From the BBA? That's sooo cool! I wonder what it says!" He hurried over to his grandfather and nearly tore the letter from his hands. Grandpa just shook his head at his grandson's excitement and left the team to their letter.

"Tyson, you have syrup on your hands from breakfast," nagged Hilary. "Give it to Kenny."

Max couldn't help but chuckle. "Come on, Hilary, he's just excited, but I have a feeling it's just-"

"AH-HEEEM!" Everyone looked over at a glaring Kai. "If you'd all be so fucking kind, please stop screaming."

"Kai, go change your pad or something," muttered Ray from the counter, not bothering to redirect his attention from his task of buttering his toast. "And what is she, like, six hours behind? It's four in the morning, leave her alone."

"This is the time she tells me to call her at."

"She needs a fucking life, then."

It was enough to make Kai roll his eyes and let out an annoyed grunt. He bid a quick farewell to the girl on the phone and hung up. "What's that letter?" He snatched it from Tyson and opened it, ignoring his protests.

Ray turned around to face everyone with a slice of toast in his mouth. "Ah leffr? Fum foo?"

After reading it quickly, Kai said, "The BBA is organizing another tournament and we're invited to participate."

"AWESOME!" shouted Tyson. "I've been wondering when they'd plan another tournament! This is so great!"

As Tyson continued to scream about how amazing this trip was going to be, Max looked at Kai's face and got an unsettling feeling. "Something wrong, Kai?"

"Yeah, this moron is bouncing off the walls about a tournament we're not taking part in."

Everyone stopped what they were doing to gasp and look at the captain. "Y-You can't be s-serious, Kai," stuttered Kenny. "Why w-wouldn't we-"

"Why would we participate?"

"Because we were invited!" whined Tyson.

"Invitations can be refused, Tyson."

"But we're the defending champions!"

"So? I'm the top prick in this house and I don't see you guys inviting me to showcase my talents." Everyone offered their groans and sighs in turn to his remark. "The same way I don't ask Hilary to show me her alpha bitch skills, although she does it, anyway." With that, Kai smacked the back of Max's head.

The blond blader turned around to face him. "Why'd you hit _me_?!"

"If you weren't such a whiney brat she wouldn't be such a bitch." Kai made it a point not to look at Hilary when she let out a growl. "And because I'm not a woman-beater."

"Okay, this is besides the point," said Max. "Why should we refuse this invitation? I mean, we're a good, balanced team, and we've had lots of success in the past. I don't see why you should have any worries."

"Oh I'm not worried," said Kai calmly. "I just don't see the need to defend our title. True enough, I devote most of my time nowadays to making your lives difficult and I've made it my mission to give you all heart attacks before the age of twenty-five, but I do keep tabs on the Beyblade world, and I know for a fact that there aren't any teams that pose a threat to us. Even with the new parts they keep designing, no one comes close to matching our power."

"So why not enter the tournament and show them we still deserve to be called champions?" said Ray, now finding it easier to speak without food in his mouth. "If we don't enter, we're sure to be dethroned. Someone else will take the title, and if we complain about it nobody is going to care because we refused to compete."

"Are you honestly going to complain if another team is crowned Beyblade champs, Ray? When was the last time you picked up your launcher?"

"Yesterday."

"Oh…But will you _care_ if you're no longer a professional at making plastic toys spin?"

"When you put it that way, no, I don't care, but this is something we worked hard for as a team, and it would be a shame if we willingly let the title go just because-" He made quotation marks with his fingers. "There isn't a need to defend our title because there aren't any teams who come close to us. It's a selfish reason."

Kai looked around at his teammates. "So you all want to take part in it?" They all nodded, taking his question as a sliver of hope. "Hilary, you don't count. Stop nodding."

"Hmph, I do count! I'm a Bladebreakers fan."

"You're a groupie who isn't getting any."

"AAGH! I'm not trying to get in anyone's-"

"Yeah yeah, I've heard this before." Kai looked down at the letter again. "You realize we're going to have to participate in the qualifying rounds here in Japan, and then travel to three countries."

That only seemed to get everyone more excited. Some of their fondest memories were from their travels to other countries while competing in tournaments. "Oh Kai, you can't say no now!" said Tyson. "Don't tell me you don't like visiting other countries! You're the one who's always telling us to hurry up at airports."

"Because you're a bunch of immature idiots. If I didn't tell you what to do from one minute to the next, you'd probably find yourselves involved in some drug scheme and arrested by international police."

"They aren't that clever, Kai," said Kenny, who was already busy looking up information about the upcoming tournament.

"It doesn't take a clever person to say 'Hey look, powdered candy, lemme get some.'"

Ray stood up from his seat at the table. "Okay, let's vote. All for participating in the tournament?" Four hands went up in the air. "You're outnumbered."

"I'm the captain, I count for ten people."

"How hard are you going to make this? You know we stand a good chance at winning this thing!"

"We probably _will_ win this thing. I just don't feel like travelling for four months to prove it!"

Max couldn't stand to see two of his friends and teammates argue over something like this, although these two in particular bickered over stupid things most of the time anyway. He was about to leave when Kai slammed a fist on the table.

"FINE! WE'LL PARTICIPATE!"

This was followed by silence… and then cheering. Tyson used each of his arms to grab Max and Kenny, while Hilary and Ray exchanged high fives as she congratulated him for convincing Kai. It was never an easy task.

Kai grumbled as he explained the sheets that came with the invitation. Each teammate was to fill out an information form. Once they finished filling out their forms, Kai revised them and sealed them in an envelope. "Max, you're coming with me to the mailbox."

"Huh?" Weird, he never wanted to spend more than a minute in the same room as Max. "Why me?"

"Because I don't like you. Finish your cereal and put your shoes on," ordered Kai as he marched out of the kitchen,

"_Hm… I thought he'd rather go alone…"_thought Max. Staring at his cereal wondering why Kai would want to run an errand with him –_him_!- made Max too distracted to notice Kai standing behind him, readying a strong shove to his head. In a quick fluid motion, Kai placed one hand on Max's head, the other on his neck, and forced him downward, making milk splash all over the table and making Hilary throw her hands up to her mouth with a gasp.

"Didn't think I'd do it when you were expecting it, did you?" chuckled Kai.

Max just groaned and accepted the towel Tyson offered him. "Sorry I couldn't warn you in time, Maxy. Think of it this way, you'll smell like a baby now, hehe."

Walking to the mailbox would take about ten minutes. Walking to the mailbox with Kai would make it feel like an hour, and things felt really awkward when Kai wasn't talking to him on the way. And he smelled of milk.

"You smell like a five-month old baby."

"Gee, I wonder who I have to thank for that."

"Don't get cute with me, Max. Anyway, there's a real reason I asked you to come with me." Oh? This was surprising. "I have a good idea of who we're going to be facing during the tournament. As our defensive player, you're gonna be a key component and there will be matches that will be entirely your responsibility to win. Not to put any pressure on you or anything." Pfff, of course not. "I just wanted to make sure you're mentally prepared, and to tell you to get prepared if you're not."

"Wow, you just wanted to take the time to talk to me one-on-one? I really appreciate that, Kai! This is why you're a captain, huh? 'Cause you know how to talk to your teammates and you know how to lead."

"I'm going to make the rounds of the entire team. Don't think I'm giving you special treatment. Everyone is going to get a speech."

"Oh…well…who's going to give you a speech?"

"That's none of your business. When we get back, you should go see Kenny to see what updates can be done to Draciel. I want you to see him first because the defensive style is the one that's evolved the most."

"You can count on me, Kai, don't worry!"

"Ugh, whatever. Quiet down before I push you into traffic." Typical Kai; always putting on a mean front right after a somewhat touching moment.

When they got back, they found Ray on the roof with a hammer in hand.

"Hey Ray, are you done? Did I give you enough time?" asked Kai. Enough time? For what?

Ray looked down to see that Kai and Max had returned. "Oh, yeah, I just finished nailing the last thing down." He carefully stepped down the ladder and turned his direction to Max. "Have fun, Maxy-boy," he said, handing him the hammer.

"Huh? What… Why do I…What did you do on the roof, Ray?"

"Walk up and check it out."

Max gulped and walked up the ladder. "WHAT THE HELL!" All over the roof, Ray had spread out all of Max's clothes and nailed them down. "Aw come _on_, guys! That's not funny!" Then he remembered Kai's question to Ray about giving him enough time. "This was planned! You didn't really want to pep talk me!"

"Yes I did. I also came up with a brilliant plan to mentally buff you up. Enjoy! Don't forget to see Kenny!"

Kai and Ray laughed and walked into the house before Max could scold them again. Suddenly, he was not looking forward to this trip. As he pulled out the first nail from a shirt, he came to the realization that it was going to be a non-routine tournament with Kai and Ray's routine antics… which were never routine.

$#$#

So there you have it, my first chapter in nearly three years. Sorry, I had a baby and took the time to care for it.  
As you can probably guess, this will be followed up by a few chapters.  
So no bitching about when I'll be updating. It's annoying, really.

~ k91


	42. Qualifinator

I just realized how messy my computer area is, and it's making me wonder if it has any effect on my writing, or lack thereof. For example, does a messy environment somehow discourage me from writing? Well, not discourage, but sort of make me lose the will to write something? Does an area of scattered papers and books and markers and CDs and pens and more books and newspapers, somehow scatter my ideas and distract me from whatever writing project I initially want to complete? This should be further investigated.

But why would I investigate this when I can't even stay focused on writing an 8-page chapter?

Therefore, I'm doing to do the easy and logical thing. Blame the Internet. And MSN.

You have both been very bad influences.

And should be ashamed.

See, now my mess has me ranting about it instead of letting me write the chapter. My mess is a brainwashing attention whore.

And I've just added a can of iced coffee to it.

None of this has to do with the chapter, but since I mentioned MSN, it has to be included in my disclaimer.

What a bunch of bee-ess.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, MSN, Disney,

The cameraman is sitting at one end of a long table and has the camera directed toward the other end, getting everyone sitting at the table in the picture. The closest person is Ray, followed by Max, then Kenny, and Tyson all the way at the end. Standing in front of them is a long line of fans waiting their turn for an autograph from the Bladebreakers.

"I hate this part of the job so much," mutters Kai from behind the camera. "All these people, hundreds of them, wasting their time in a line just to get a scribble on a piece of paper for them to wave around to the friends who couldn't make it. Then, sometimes, they ask for a picture, so they can remember all four seconds they spent standing in front of us, and the hour and a half they waited in line to have those four seconds. Hey, how're you doing?" Kai looks up at a fan, then down at the picture she's given him to sign.

"I'm okay. Can you make it out to…Oh my gosh! Am I going to be in a movie?" she asks, pointing at the camera and completely forgetting she had wanted to give him her name.

"Yeah, you're gonna be in a movie, but don't expect super-stardom or fame, or anything like that."

"Ehehehehe, you're so funny!" she giggles with a twirl of her hair.

"Yeah, well, I try." He hands back the signed picture. "Thanks for coming by."

She sighs and says, "He said…thanks!" before walking away from the table.

"And then when they see you, it's like one of those Disney dreams-can-come-true moments." He looks at Ray who starts chuckling. "You know, half the time I sign Tyson's name instead of mine. Just to see if they're paying attention."

"Really?" says Ray. "I thought that was just me."

"So you're telling me there are some people with Max's autograph, Kenny's, and three of Tyson's."

"That seems to be the case," Ray mutters as he signs another picture.

"Why do we do this?" asks Kai, as he signs the picture Ray just had.

"So that the fans remember what we look like, and so that they continue to like us."

"Why would I sit here for seven hours just so they can remember my face and like me? Isn't that the purpose advertisement was invented to serve?"

"This is a more human approach." Ray leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. "It's also how we show that we care."

"But I _don't_ care, Ray."

"Our sponsors have decided you care."

"To Hell with the spon- Mr. Dickinson, hi! Ray and I were just discussing how these signings bring us closer to the fans."

The picture focuses on Mr. Dickinson walking towards the table. "I know for a fact that you strongly dislike these autograph signings, Kai. Remember that letter you wrote me a year ago expressing such feelings?"

"That was last year."

"So your feelings have changed? That's such a delight to hear."

"No, I still feel the same way, but that was last year? Feels like I wrote it a month ago."

"The truth is, Kai, after the third letter I received from you, I gave my secretary specific instructions to discard any mail with your name on it without having to inform me of its arrival. So for all I know, similar letters have made their way to my office and have never been read."

"Ah, that settles my confusion. You do realize this makes you the worst sponsor a team could ask for."

"Nonsense-"

"I mean, you're ignoring letters from the captain…the _captain_."

"It's that not I disrespect you-"

"Is it my handwriting? I know it's horrible. I can start typing them if you want."

Mr. Dickinson lets out a sigh and says, "I'm so glad I requested a bottle of scotch in my hotel room."

Kai jumps up and throws his free fist in the air, catching everyone's attention. "WAAAAHOOOOOOO! I drove Mr. D to alcoholism!"

As Ray jumps up to give Kai a high-five, Mr. D looks around and blushes in humiliation. Deciding it's best not to stick around and make himself a target for more abuse, he quickly walks away from the table. In doing so, he gives Hilary an opportunity to make an appearance.

"What the Hell was that?! Have you _totally_ lost your mind? You made him look like a fool in front of all these fans! Actually, scratch that, you made _yourself_ look like a huge fool!"

"I don't remember making you my public relations agent, Hilary. And even if I cared enough to get one, I certainly would not choose you."

Ray adds, "Can you tell me who made you think you had some business being around us today? So I can personally lock them in an underground cellar, never to be let free? _You're_ making us look like fools by lecturing us."

Some of the fans waiting in line hoot at Ray's comment, making the three of them aware that they have an audience.

"Just stop being so stupid!" shrieks Hilary. "Sign your stupid autographs and stop causing trouble!" With that, she storms off to calm down outside.

"Why do you guys have to be like that?" The camera is then focused on Max. "He just wanted to see how we were doing, and you embarrassed him. Then Hilary-"

"Max, do _not_ defend Hilary. She just wants attention and tries to make herself be seen with us as much as possible to get it. She has absolutely no business accompanying us everywhere we go," says Kai. "Now mind your own business. Don't make me come over there. You know damn well I can embarrass you, too."

A fan shouts out, "OH MY GOD! The Bladebreakers are having a fight! They're gonna split up!"

Other fans start to follow suit. "You can't! You're my heroes!"

"My little brother looks up to you!"

"I flew all the way from the States, waited for two hours just to meet you guys, and you're breaking up?!"

"Pfff, glad _someone_ realizes how stupid this is," says Kai.

Tyson gets up in a hurry and says, "Nononono guys! This is just uh…how we talk to each other when we're under pressure! Yeah, we try to make each other laugh and stuff. We're not breaking up. You're gonna see plenty of us on this tournament!" To the Bladebreakers' relief, the fans cheer and calm down.

"Aww, and here I thought we could have gotten out of this tournament thing."

"Would it be so bad if we did something other than sit around Tyson's house all day?" asks Ray. "I'm glad we're doing this."

"Shut up and keep signing Tyson's name."

That brings an end to the first part of the video. The next time the camera is turned on, Kai is seen sitting at a table with a newspaper in his hands and a smug grin on his face. "Check this out," he says, as he holds the paper toward the camera. Ray reads the heading out loud.

"_BBA Chairman Dickinson Turned to Alcohol?_ I can't believe it spread that fast."

"Read the beginning."

"_As fans waited to meet the Bladebreakers at a meet and greet, they witnessed a visit from sponsor and BBA chairman Stanley Dickinson gone wrong. It was revealed through a conversation with Bladebreaker captain Kai Hiwatari that he had requested a bottle of spirits in his hotel room; a revelation which sparked a reaction in Hiwatari._ Dude that is messed up."

Kai puts down the paper and looks into the camera. "Messed up sounds about right. Anyway, I'm Kai. Neither of us were able to introduce ourselves properly the day we started filming this because…we were extremely busy."

"Yeah, causing a riot is hard work."

"Pfff, not for the talented like myself." Ray snorts. "Shut up. So yeah, a few months ago, this team of whiney bitches convinced me to register us for yet another international tournament. At this point in time, we've just arrived at the qualification finals here in Japan. We're staying in a hotel, because it's believed that it's less distracting than staying at home."

"Don't you find it's true?"

"Ray, I couldn't care less where I stayed during a tournament. As long as Tyson is far away from me." Kai extends his arms in front of him. "Far, far, faaar away from me." He squeezes his eyes, ducks his head, and moves his arms around. "Awaaaaaaaay from meeeeeeeeeee."

"Okay, circus freak, I get it. Far away from you."

Kai then drops from his chair and curls up into a ball on the floor. Ray just keeps the camera steady on him as he pretends to shiver and whispers, "He mustn't be near me. Ever. Not only during tournaments. He just can't ever be near me. He has to-"

"Yeah yeah, stay away, gotchya. Get up."

He slowly picks himself off the floor and sits back in his chair. "Okay, that was enough regression for a day. So, we'll call this video…Qualifi-nator."

"Qualifi-nator…why?"

"Because the next time we turn on the camera, we'll be qualifinating."

"…qualifying."

"Tomato, tomahto, Ray." He gets up and starts walking. "Potato, potahto."

"You're not making sense-"

"Radish, radikio."

Ray just sighs and turns off the camera. A stadium filled with cheering people is where we find the Bladebreakers in the final scene of the video. In the center of the floor is a large beydish without any obstacles in it. The camera is focused on Kai's back as he's looking up into the stands.

"Why are you looking at the crowd?" asks Ray.

"Can't I look up at people?" retorts Kai. "Honestly, Ray, the questions you ask sometimes-"

"You never care about who you might find in the stands."

"Well this time I do." He turns to see the people standing behind him. "Ugh, this is impossible."

"What did you do?" asks Ray dryly.

Kai sighs and answers, "I gave some kids posters to hold up and I'm looking for them, but I can't find them."

Kenny overhears their conversation and steps into the picture. "That's not very characteristic of you."

"Minding your own business isn't characteristic of you, either, it seems."

"Is that them?" Kenny points to the large screen over their heads.

"Yeah! Those are the posters!" exclaims Kai. The three of them look around until they find the kids high up in the stands. "Shit, I should have asked where they were sitting, first. No one is gonna see them from up there."

"Not that it matters," says Kenny. "The posters only talk about you."

"Because I'm the only one worth screaming about. Get your head out of that laptop and back to Earth. I promise the women are just as hot."

"Ugh," mutters Kenny as he retreats to the bench. "Someone remind me again why he's our captain."

"Because I'm the only one with a big enough heart to beat you guys when you need it."

Tyson rolls his eyes. "Hmph, and we thought you did it 'cause you're heartless and power-hungry."

"You obviously don't understand that I beat out of love."

"I don't hear you denying the power-hungry part," says Max.

"Oh fuck no. I'm fucking power-tripping right now. You know I do everytime we travel. And none of you can bitch about it, 'cause you all wanted this."

"We wanted to compete! We didn't want -"

"Max, you know exactly what's coming to you. You know it, Tyson knows it, Ray knows it, Kenny knows it, and that bitch Hilary, who thankfully isn't sitting with us right now, knows it. So please, don't say another word unless I talk to you first."

Everyone sighs, knowing it's no use in arguing with Kai when he's in this state. The stadium suddenly becomes dark and the MC starts the event by introducing the two finalists. After his short speech, the lights come back on and the Bladebreakers huddle.

"Alright ladies," says Kai. "Time to trade in your skirts and heels for trousers and work boots. Kenny, what's our line-up?"

"Max will go first. This team doesn't have a chance against Draciel. We'll be up a match before you can say 'Let it-'"

"Yeah yeah, let it rip, whatever. New rule, guys, if I catch you saying 'Let it rip', ripping will take place. Let your imaginations take it from there. Max, get up there."

Max quickly makes his way to the large bowl and gets ready to launch. On the count of three both bladers launch their blades, Max being careful not to yell the recently made forbidden phrase, and focus all their concentration on the match. In a few minutes the match is over and Max is the victor. He takes in the applause as he walks back to the bench.

"Maxy, you were great!" yells Tyson as he runs to congratulate him.

"You were perfect! You're definitely going into the line-up next match," says Kenny.

"Hahaha, thanks Chief!" He enjoys it while he can, because he knows he won't get the same kind of praise from Kai and Ray.

"Your launching stance is horrible," says Ray, shaking his head. "Could you have looked any more like a cookie-pitching girl scout?"

"Consider yourself out of next match's line-up. You gave him too much time to figure out your strategy. Please, save them the trouble next time and draw them a map. Or write them a detailed description of your every move." Kai stands up and asks, "Who's next?"

He keeps an eye on the large screen above them as it displays Tyson walking up to represent the Bladebreakers. Once they're out of the picture, Kai delivers a sharp smack to the back of Max's head.

"OW! What was that for! I won you the first round!"

Kai only shrugs and calmly says, "You knew what was coming. I even told you that you knew what was coming. You should have known what was coming."

The blond just glares and plants himself on the bench.

After Tyson's victory, Ray hands the camera over to Kai to empty his hands for the third and final round. After a few minutes Ray wins his match, meaning the Bladebreakers have won all three rounds of the final match. The MC announces their advancement to the next round of the tournament, resulting in the crowd shouting in fanatic celebration.

Ray makes his way back to the bench covering his ears and yelling into the camera lens. Although he can't be heard, we can read his lips saying "I'm Ray" which he pairs up with a small hand wave. Then he joins the rest of his teammates in the center of the stadium while Kai turns off the camera.

$#$#

So you've read it.  
Now you've gotta review it.

In your face, mess.

~ k91


End file.
